Doki Doki: Snowfall
by HarrowedWriter
Summary: A young man awakens in the middle of the road. Stripped of his memories and living in a once-fictional world now brought to life, he will be forced to adapt. People that call him friend ring no bells to him, and he struggles to grasp for what happened to him while dealing with the drama in his newly found club. A/T: Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship.
1. Cupcakes and Tea

_A/N: Welcome to Doki Doki: Snowfall! Before we begin, I will state the usual: I do not own Doki Doki Literature Club, it is the property of Team Salvato and Dan Salvato._

 _Also, This chapter contains sensitive material that some readers may find disturbing, please use discretion while reading this. And remember, you're not alone in the world._

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 _White. Eternal, never ending. It persisted for a fraction of a second and for an eternity. It began to move, pulling and pushing, the detached soul a plaything in its hands, before the forces that be pushed it down again. Molding the laws of reality to its will to means unknown, it guided the soul to its new life…_

Gasping for air, I found myself outside, catching myself from tripping over what seemed to be myself, and extending my arms out for balance, I righted myself. Where was I? And… For that matter…

 _Who_ was I?

I took in a sharp inhale of breath that pierced right into my lungs as my wide, dark eyes shot around my surroundings. People my age, all wearing matching uniforms and with only minor differences between males and females, walking in relatively the same direction. Older, taller individuals in suits waiting at the same bus stops, or walking past somewhere else. To my right, beyond a fence, was large amounts of grassland, only broken up by a forest.

As I looked, I ran a hand through my hair, slowly.

As my eyes settled forward, the grip tightened.

"My name…" I found myself muttering. My voice surprised me by being hushed, and almost harsh in its panic. "What is my name?" I whispered. The grip grew tighter.

 _'What the hell is my name?!'_

Before I could tear my hair out, my head turned to the sound of a voice calling a name. It sounded familiar… The name and the voice.

"Heeyyy! Aleexx!" She was clearly talking to me, as her eyes were trained directly at me, she was waving her arms around like a maniac and calling my name, drawing attention from other students. Before I could even respond, I felt a voice in my head. I wasn't sure if it was my own, or if it was something else entirely.

' _...Sayori.'_

My eyes glazed over slightly. I saw a near-ghostly figure of a brown haired boy, about my age, standing impatiently, looking directly at Sayori. He didn't look happy to see her, and before she approached, he turned to face me… Only to be dispersed. My concentration coming back as Sayori obliviously ran through the specter and began panting heavily, her hands were on her knees.

"Haah… Aahh! I overslept again!" Suddenly, she shot upright and pointed at me, "But I caught you this time!"

I don't know who this girl is, but something struck me almost immediately: She was very cute. From her brightly colored hair, the hair bow, her bright eyes and lively demeanor. It made me very nervous… I felt like I couldn't speak! Not just because of her… But because I was still internally in shock, I hadn't even begun to piece together what was going on…

"Alex? Hellooo? You in there?" The girl reached up and lightly rapped at my head.

I blinked a few times and waved her hand away, "S-Sorry, uh… Sayori. Y-Yeah. You caught me."

The girl furrowed her brow while pursing her lips, "Are you okay, Alex? You look kind of pale. Don't tell me you're sick! You shouldn't be going to school if you are."

Apart of me screamed to say 'Yeah, I'm sick, I'll go home.' But the rational part of me felt like if I was going to piece together what happened to me, I needed to talk to this girl. And go to school.

"N-No, I'm… Not sick. Just, had a late night, you know?" I laughed a very obviously fake laugh, I could tell it wasn't fooling the girl in front of me. But I began to walk in the direction of the other students anyways, and she followed close behind.

"Well, if you're sure… But you really need to stop staying up so late, Alex! Watching all that Anime, staying up late, not being in any clubs, you're bound to become a NEET if you keep up like this!" She jabbed at my side with one of her fingers, causing me to jump a bit.

She giggled at me, "See? You're totally spacing out! This is just more reason for you to join a club! You did say you were going to, you know? You promised!"

"I.. Did?" I ask, looking at her. "When did I say that?"

And for that matter, what kind of clubs did this school even have? It's not like I had any memories of anything to go on.

But...a part of me felt like I should know something about this. Even if it's not coming to the forefront of my mind.

"Awh, come on! Don't act like you forgot!" Sayori exclaimed once again, keeping me from musing about the school, "Can't you do it for me? You know I'm worried about you!"

I wanted to tell her no - I didn't really want to look at any clubs right now. Especially considering I only just remembered my name a few minutes ago. How was I supposed to know what kind of clubs I would like? But before I could respond negatively, I looked at Sayori again.

She was pouting at me, her arms crossed, and my retort died in my throat.

"...Fine. I'll look at some clubs, okay?" I couldn't say no to this girl when she was acting like this. And something told me, she was only looking out for my well-being. Where was the harm in looking, if it made her happy? Maybe after school she would be in a good enough mood for me to probe her about why she seemed so familiar to me… I could learn more about what she thought my relationship to her was.

Maybe I would remember something?

"Yaay! You're the best, Alex!" She pumped her fist in the air, and before I knew it, we were walking into the school grounds, and as we approached the main building.

"I gotta get to class, but I'll talk to you later, okay?" Sayori spoke, already walking away and waving in my direction.

"Sayori, wait! I-"

But she was already gone, and I stopped, I guess I should get to class, huh?

Wait…

Where were my classes?

And for that matter, which classes did I have in the first place?

...Shit.

Well, standing around like an idiot probably wouldn't do me much good in this predicament, so I began to head inside. Sayori seemed fine with leaving me to walk into this main building here. So my class must be inside here, right?

' _...Maybe I should just go to the main office and get my schedule?'_ That seemed like a sane plan. They might question why I was asking for my schedule in what seemed to be early spring, but I could just lie and say my parents wanted it…

My parents…

Why did the thought of my parents make me sad? Did I have parents? If not, how do I even have the money to go to school? I suppose these are all questions I'll need to answer in time. But for now, my legs began to carry me towards what I assumed would be the main office. I just selected what looked to be the place where some students were sitting around inside as I looked through the window. A couple just looked tired, one of them looked like they would rather be anywhere else right now than sitting in that chair.

Behind something that looked like a mixture between a counter and a desk, there was an older woman, clearly a member of the administration. She seemed busy with another student, so I stood behind them, I couldn't help but listen in, after all, it was only natural.

"...Kana. You need to stay out of trouble, okay? This is your third violation this term. I don't need to tell you that four is suspension. And five is expulsion, right?" The girl seemed impatient.

I couldn't see her face, but her hair was scruffy and black, it went down just enough to cover her neck, her backpack had a spiked-collar hanging off of it, as some kind of decoration. It struck me as odd, this girl was definitely not one to blend in, was she?

"Yeah, I get it! Come on, you have to admit it was funny though, Mrs. Satai." The girl who was apparently named Kana responded.

The old woman scrunched her nose, "That may be, but regardless of how funny it was to replace all of the Principal's portraits with… Crude drawings, it's still against the rules. I can't protect you next time this happens, Kana!"

The girl huffed, taking something the woman held out, "Fine fine. I get it." She turned around, and I was met face to face with her.

The girl just looked at me, before smirking and walking past, "I'll stay out of trouble." As she left, I couldn't tell if she was talking to me or her.

It felt slightly ominous.

Maybe she was just trying to psyche me out? She could of just noticed I was kind of confused and out of it and taken advantage of that. However, before I could keep thinking about it, the old woman cleared her throat, grabbing my attention.

"May I help you, young man?"

I blinked a bit, before nodding.

"Y-yes, I need a copy of my schedule please." This caused Mrs. Satai to quirk an eyebrow.

"So late in the year, why?"

I responded with my prepared excuse.

"A family member wanted to see it, and I lost my old one after the year started." I wasn't sure if I had one parent, two, or none. I didn't want to say 'my parents' and get hit by 'What parents?' Or something. I don't know why I was so worried about that possibility. It was just a small niggling feeling in the back of my mind.

' _I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. So long as I had money…'_ Back in reality, the school worker seemed to buy it.

"Well alright, name?"

I cleared my throat, I guess I should have expected this question."Alex."

She hummed, "Right, I remember you now. That's all I needed."

' _Thank god.'_ I thought to myself.

I only knew my first name because of Sayori, it felt weirdly out of place, now that I think about it. So…Foreign, compared to all the names I've heard here. Oh well, I guess there was no changing it now. The worker printed out the paper and handed it to me, along with a note, "This'll make sure the teacher doesn't question you being late. Now run along."

I didn't need to be told twice, I left the room while looking at the schedule…

Some time later, my final bell rang, and as everyone filed out of the class and it slowly emptied out, I sighed in relief. It was difficult trying to follow anything in the classes I had. I strangely seemed to vaguely remember the lessons I needed to at least not arouse worry or suspicion, but I was more focused on my problem all throughout the day. I didn't seem to have any friends, aside from Sayori, but I hadn't seen her since this morning, and I'm not even one-hundred percent on her being my friend…

Not because she isn't nice, or anything. But because I can't remember anything prior to today. She does strike a chord with me - I remember that I _should_ remember things about her. But I don't.

' _I guess having one friend, however unsure I am of her, is better than having no friends. Especially since my memory seems to be in pieces… I wonder where I should go from here.'_

Then, I remembered Sayori's earlier words.

"Clubs…"I mutter to myself, staring down at my desk.

' _Sayori wanted me to look at clubs, right? But… What clubs?'_ What did I even like? It seemed like a more personal question than it was. I was more questioning if I had any hobbies before this… Accident? That I had.

' _Sayori said I watched a lot of Anime. Maybe I should try the Anime club?'_

Before I could continue that train of thought, a voice snapped me out of my mind and back into reality.

"Hellooo?" It was Sayori. She must of walked into the room while I was thinking.

"Sayori? What are you doing here?" I asked, curious, and slightly miffed at being dragged out of my thoughts so abruptly. But I guess it wasn't her fault, was it?

"I thought I'd catch you coming out of class but I saw you sitting there spacing out, so I came in!" She let off a small giggle and smiled at me.

"Honestly, you're even worse than me sometimes! I'm impressed!"

I didn't know for sure if she had a club herself, but given how avid she was about me joining one, I had to assume so.

"Don't you have a club to go too? You shouldn't wait for me if you're going to be late to your own club."

Sayori pulled at her collar, she looked nervous about something. That couldn't be good for me. "Well, I thought you could use a little encouragement, so I thought, you know…" She cleared her throat, and I had to speak before she could continue.

"Know what?"

My hand was propping up my head, chin buried in my palm as I looked up at the girl.

"Well, that you'd come to my club!"

Blinking, my brow furrowed.

I felt like I barely knew this girl yet even with the feeling that I should trust her, I didn't feel I should accept her offer without a fight.

"Er… Sayori. I don't even know what your club is. How could I go to your club if I don't know what it is?"

A look of genuine shock crossed Sayori's face, she looked like I'd just stolen her lunch money or something."C-Come on Alex! Don't joke like that. You know I'm the Vice President of the Literature Club! You _are_ joking, right?" She looked worried, like she was thinking of all the things that could of happened to make me forget her club,

I decided to try and play it off, "A-Ahah, yeah, of course I was joking! How could I forget?"

The look disappeared off her face, to my relief, but the relief vanished when she said, "So, you'll come to my club, right?"

I had to stand my ground here, I felt it in my bones!

I didn't want to be too mean, though, "Sayori… I'm sorry but I don't think I have any interest in Literature." Sayori pouted, why did I have a feeling she could tell I was weak to that?

"C'mon, please? You owe me for scaring me like that a minute ago!"

I had to be defiant! It almost felt like a challenge.

"Why do you care so much? You already know I'm gonna look at some clubs! So why does it matter if I check out your club and not the Anime club?"

Sayori looked to the side, "Well.." She bridged her fingers, pressing them together as she had her head turned towards the window.

Admittedly, it was a little cute, and I felt heat on my face as she did this.

"...I sort of promised the club I'd bring a new member today… And Natsuki made cupcakes and everything." She smiled, at this point I could tell she was putting on her cutest smile on purpose.

I scoffed, my blustering was hopefully keeping the attention off my blush.

I didn't want this girl getting the wrong idea!

"It's not a good idea to make promises you can't keep, you know?" I had a sneaking feeling she had planned this all out… But I couldn't confirm for certain. She seemed innocent enough.

The next move she made surprised me, however, she reached down and grabbed my arm with her hands.

Please, please, pleeassee? It'll be fun!"

Blinking, wide eyed, I pulled my arm away, "A-Alright… Fine! I'll stop by for a cupcake and to look around."

Sayori grinned, "Yaay! Come on, let's go!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me along. She was surprisingly strong for a girl her size. I barely had time to grab my bag before I was pulled along, towards a flight of stairs.

"Careful! I might fall!"

Sayori didn't seem too keen on listening.

Admittedly, it freaked me out, moving this quickly. What was this sense of morbid dread? It started in my chest and moved to enrapture my body, once we were up the stairs.

"Gimme a sec, Sayori!"

She seemed to listen, this time, letting go and looking at me, first confused, then concerned.

"A-Alex, you're all pale! Are you scared or something? The Literature Club is not that bad!"

Leaning on a wall, I said, "Just… Gimme a second, please?" I took a few breaths, closing my eyes. The deep pit of dread slowly receded, and I stood completely upright again. "Alright, let's go."

Sayori grabbed my hand again. This time she was much more gentle, and seemed intent on just lightly dragging me. I guess she could tell something was wrong. "Your hand is all clammy, Alex… If this isn't better by tomorrow I'm making you go to the nurse! Or the doctor! I don't think I've ever seen you this way before."

' _Or at all…?'_ I questioned in morbid amusement.

Beyond that, I had to admit that her hand on mine made me feel…

Comfortable.

Now that she wasn't dragging me at a breakneck pace, I could relax. I didn't feel terribly flustered by her pulling me along like this… But maybe that was because I was more focused on figuring out where that sudden sense of impending dread came from. As we got closer to the door, I had a strange feeling…

...A feeling like I had just sold my soul for a cupcake.

As we closed the gap on the Club room, Sayori seemed to switch gears back to being excited. If she was still thinking about my little episode, it wasn't showing as she practically skipped the final few feet to the door, before swinging it open wide like she owned the place.

"The new club member is here!" She calls as she lets go of my hand and bounds inside, I follow in, already embarrassed by her sudden shouting.

"Sayori I'm not-" My words died in my throat as I fully entered the room and was greeted by an interesting sight.

The first person other than Sayori that I laid my eyes on was a lavender haired girl with windows that matched the curtains, she smiled softly at me.

"Welcome to the literature club, Sayori's always said nice things about you."

' _Like what?'_ I had to wonder. It embarrassed me that she apparently talked about me to the point that this girl knew who I was.

Before I could question it, another girl appeared from somewhere further back in the class. The first thing I noticed about her was just how short and small she looked, granted, even Yuri wasn't as tall as me, and I was what I assume to be a normal height, but she took it a step further. "Seriously? You brought a _boy?_ Way to kill the atmosphere!"

Well, that was rather rude. Before I could comment on it, the final girl, who had previously been turned around quickly shuffling about some papers, turned around, her eyes were closed in a smile at first.

As she turned around, it almost felt like time slowed, even before she opened her mouth. I saw... Something.

In the place of this brunette was a red-headed girl, with freckles on her face. She was looking at the ground, blushing, in one of her hands, a bag containing something I couldn't make out. The girl looked at me, and went to speak. But when she did, the illusion vanished, and the other girl was back.

"Aah! A-" As she opened her eyes, her words got caught in her throat, almost like she was choking on air for a moment, the look in her eyes went from warm greeting, to complete shock, like she had just witnessed a bomb going off, then her face went through a few more emotions, I could hardly tell what all of them were. Happiness? Sadness? Disbelief?

She seemed to be snapped out of it when Sayori said, "Monika! Not you too! Are you feeling okay?" Sayori lightly shook the girl, whose name was apparently Monika, with her hand on her arm.

"Huh- Oh, yes! Sorry. Welcome to the Literature Club, Alex!" She smiled at me. It was a confusing smile, I was never really good at reading emotions, but while she looked happy to see me, I felt a bit of a chill run down my spine with that smile. Like she was looking right into my soul with those eyes of hers.

"Monika, you know Alex?" Sayori asked, looking at her curiously.

' _Yeah… She knows me?'_ As I looked at all the girls, I felt increasingly unfocused, and my eyes glazed over once again.

The girls were blurred, but my mind was filled with names.

' _...Yuri, Natsuki… Monika.'_ I saw the specter, it lingered, looking at the girls, before walking through them and vanishing, my ears barely tuned in to hear what Monika said.

"Yes, Sayori… We had class last year. And we talked plenty in the classroom."

Why did I feel like her words had some hidden meaning behind them? My mind struggled to piece it together, but I couldn't get a handle on what it was meant to mean. At least, not yet.

"Wow! I'm glad you're such good friends! I wish you'd told me earlier, Monika! Alex could of been one of our founding members!"

I told myself that I would need to talk to Monika later. She clearly knew something I didn't, and in the situation I'm in, I clearly needed all the help I could get, and now that I think about it, with the way she reacted to me walking in the room, I might as well of been some dead man come back to life walking around like he was never dead in the first place.

And who was that girl that I saw in her place? It was only a few moments, but... I felt like I knew her. And I also felt like that red head was looking right at me before Monika spoke.

Then, before I could think anymore about how to approach that situation, a voice rudely snapped me out of my thoughts and brought me back to reality, once again.

"What are you looking at? If you have something to say, say it!" It was… Natsuki. I think that was her name, right?

At least, that's what the voice in my head told me.

' _...Wow, that sounded terrible. Better not bring it up to anyone.'_

"S-sorry." I apologized, a bit flustered to realize I had been staring without even realizing it.

Yuri responded in a softly chiding tone, "Natsuki…" To which Natsuki only let out a 'Hmph' and looked away.

Natsuki looked markedly smaller in both frame and height than the other girls. I could tell she was in high school, at least, maybe she just got in? The paper on my schedule said I was a second year, so she could be a first year, right? Then again. She could just be a _very_ late bloomer.

I saw Sayori sidle up to me, she whispered,"You can just ignore her when she gets moody." before stepping away, "Anyways, that's Natsuki, always full of energy!"

Then, she made a grand gesture to the slightly taller girl, "And that's Yuri, the smartest in the club!"

Yuri blushed and looked away, "D-Don't say things like that." Yuri looked like she could pass for a third or fourth year, despite her stature still being on the short side compared to me, she seemed fully… Developed.

' _Wow, good going Alex. You barely know these girls and you're already thinking about that kinda stuff.'_ I pushed my train of thought somewhere else and spoke up.

"W-Well… It's nice to meet the two of you." That didn't come out like I had wanted it to. The anxiety in my chest made me think I must be terrible at meeting new people.

Why was I just now discovering these things out?

"And you already know Monika, based on what she said!" Sayori seemed to take charge of moving the conversation forward, Monika only nodding in response to what she said, and I did too, even though I hadn't the slightest who this woman was supposed to be.

Monika's green eyes bored into me, it made me uncomfortable, beyond that, her hair was almost unnaturally long and yet simultaneously well kept. The smile she had on her face was welcoming, but something seemed off about it, like she was either trying to hide something. Monika put her hands behind her back and gave me another smile, I will admit, it made, it sent a wave of nervousness through me.

"Good to have you here, Alex!"

I could only clear my throat after she spoke her piece.

"Th-, uh.. Thank you, Monika." I chastised myself for not being more articulate. This was a literature club after all, it should be important to present myself right, shouldn't it? Well. First impressions were a bit beyond me at this point, I suppose.

"Well, come on, take a seat, Alex! We made room so you could sit next to me or Monika!" As she said that, everyone moved. They all took seats, and I was about to go sit next to Sayori, since I was still rather nervous about this, and even though I personally felt like I barely knew anyone in this room, Sayori seemed the most comfortable to sit next to.

But before I could, Monika cleared her throat, playing it off like she had a cough, but she was looking at me. Her eyes aimed at me, then down to the seat next to her. Not wanting to agitate this girl anymore than she already seemed to be, I took a seat next to her.

Sayori didn't seem to mind, as she promptly stood back up and spoke,"Oh, I'll go get the cupcakes!" But before she could, Natsuki responded.

"Hey! I made them, I'll get them!"

Sayori bridged her fingers together and said, "Sorry! I got a little too excited."

Before sitting back down, as Natsuki got up and went to get her cupcakes. Yuri stood up, her gaze swept across the three of us.

"Then, how about I make some tea as well?" Then she was off to the same corner of the room, both girls on their way to retrieve their goodies. I was glancing around the room, mostly in the direction of the windows, trying to imagine myself as anywhere else but this hotbed of embarrassment and nearly overwhelming discomfort, but before I could focus on that, I felt a pair of eyes on me and…I also felt a strange heat.

The heat, at least, was coming from me. But why did I feel so hot all of a sudden? And no, not that kind of hot, more like, embarrassment again. I turned to the source and saw Monika, looking at me.

The look in her eyes was one that was simultaneously hard to place and very uncomfortable to be the subject of.

It wasn't one of malice. Quite the opposite, in fact, she was almost making moon eyes at me, but she quickly averted her gaze, and I'm not sure if it was because of me, or because Natsuki and Yuri returned, Sayori having been paying attention to Natsuki, who was walking up with pomp in her step.

As Natsuki unveiled the cupcakes, we all collectively expressed our surprise. Sayori was the most vocal out of all of us.

"Wooaahh! Soo cuuteee!"

The Cupcakes were intricately designed, each one had a little cat face on it. With pink icing and additional frosting used to make the whiskers and eyes. It was overall very cute, almost being too much for me.

But I didn't have to comment on it just yet, as Monika said, "Wow, Natsuki! I never knew you were so good at baking!" Clearly pleasantly surprised by them, or at least she seemed that way.

My instincts still told me not to trust her completely.

Then again… Maybe I was just being paranoid?

"Ehehe, yeah! Well.. Just hurry up and take one!" Natsuki said, grinning rather widely as she finished speaking, as she finally sat down. Sayori, Monika, and I all took one.

Sayori was the quickest to bite into it, exclaiming, "Ish delicishous!" With a mouth full of cupcake, getting icing all over her face.

Shaking my head at her antics, I looked around and spotted a box of tissues sitting on a nearby adjacent desk. I grabbed it and put it in the center of the table. Sayori still didn't get the hint, so I just focused on looking at the cupcake, calculating just where I would bite into it… I felt another pair of eyes on me, and glanced towards the direction they were coming from.

Natsuki was looking at me, a look of concern on her face. She must be wondering how I feel about the cupcake. I slowly took a bite, and all at once, a burst of sweetness, sugar, and flavor overcame my mouth. My eyes widened a little bit as the sensations registered.

"Wow, Natsuki! This is really good! Thank you!" I was momentarily able to forget my situation thanks to this Cupcake. Natsuki then crossed her arms and blushed.

"Why are you thanking me? It's not like I…" Why did I feel a sense of Deja Vu? "...Made them for you, or anything."

"I mean, didn't you? Sayori said you were making them for the new cl-"

"Well, maybe! But not _for_ you, you know? Dummy!"

Blowing some air out my nose, I figured I should probably be offended by her insult, but I really couldn't bring myself to be. "Alright, relax."

I glanced to Monika, to see if she was also enjoying her cupcake. I noticed something strange as I did.

Monika had a single bite out of the cupcake, and she was staring at it, wide eyed and mouth slightly ajar, like she was shocked by the taste. Now, I probably wouldn't of said anything normally, after all for all I knew she was just spacing out, but the look on her face was making me feel a bit off. I nudged her, and she jumped, clearly startled.

"Monika, you alright?"

"Y-Yeah! I'm fine, Alex." Then she smiled at me, "Thank you for worrying."

I felt a bit red in the ears, but waved it off and went back to eating, while Yuri began setting out teacups and pouring tea, I had to ask.

"You keep a whole tea-set in here? Isn't that against the rules?"

Yuri spoke up, saying, "Don't worry, the teacher gave us permission. Besides, doesn't a cup of tea help you enjoy a good book?"

"Ehm… Maybe?" And so the anxiety returned, I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want to appear stupid in front of all these girls.

Monika came to my rescue, giggling before saying, "Don't let yourself get intimidated. Yuri is just trying to impress you."

Yuri looked at her, a blush on her face, "E-Eh?! That's not…" Yuri seemed a bit insulted by the jab, and she looked away. "I-I meant what I said."

Deciding to give her a break, I responded, "Relax, I know." I suppose I wasn't the only one anxious about meeting new people? That made me feel a bit better. "Well. I'm not entirely sure if tea and reading is my thing, but tea is good. Especially with sweets."

Yuri sighed in relief, before sitting down and getting her own cupcake. I was already reaching for my second one when Monika asked me a question I was dreading.

"Sooo, what made you decide to join the Literature Club?"

I swallowed, masking it by taking a sip of tea. Something told me I shouldn't spill my guts about anything to Monika, especially not in public. How would it sound if I said I 'woke up' standing waiting for school, then got dragged here by Sayori because I forgot if I had any hobbies besides Anime?

"W-Well. I'm always trying to broaden my horizons. Sayori recommended I look at this club, I figured it wouldn't hurt..." It was weak, and I probably didn't sound very convincing, but Monika either bought it or didn't want to press me anymore.

"Well, as President of the Literature Club, I'm more than happy to help you realize new interests!"

It felt nice that she was so welcoming, but that ominous feeling in my head, almost like the dread I felt in the hallway, continued to numb any warm sensation I felt towards her. I would need to work on ignoring it.

After all, it wasn't fair to push someone away just because of a bad feeling, right?

 _'And trying to push her away from being my friend wouldn't exactly make me any friends in life either… And it'd just make me feel like a jerk.'_

In what seemed to be becoming a running theme with me, a voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"So, Alex, what kind of books do you like to read?" It was Yuri who spoke to me this time.

That question caught me off guard, and it probably would have even if I wasn't spacing out.

"A-Ah, well… Eh…" Sayori said I liked Anime right? I don't remember if I've read any real books at great length before, but Anime had Manga right? Manga was literature… Right? "Er… Well, Manga…" I saw Natsuki perk her head up slightly when she heard that. It looked like she wanted to say something to be, but restrained herself. Maybe she didn't like Manga?

"Not much of a reader I guess…" Yuri trails off, her disappointed look made me feel a little bad. Did the other girls not read that much? Wasn't this a Literature club?

"Well… Nothing stopping me from picking up more books, right?" I don't know why I said that, I guess I felt a little guilty for making Yuri disappointed like that. Even if I really didn't need to. "What kind of books do you like to read, anyways, Yuri?" Asking that question seemed like it would help us move on from me saying that, and thankfully it seemed to work.

"Well. My favorites are novels that build deep and complex fantasy worlds… The level of detail and craftsmanship is amazing." Yuri closed her eyes as she said that, almost like she was imagining one of the worlds she was talking about. Then she opened her eyes and continued, "But you know, I like a lot of things. Stories with deep psychological elements immerse me as well." Sighing dreamily, she looked out towards the window, "Isn't it amazing how a writer can take advantage of your own lack of imagination to throw you for a loop? Or to take you to a place far away?"

...I had to admit, I was impressed. She seemed really interested in Literature. If it wasn't for her shy disposition, I could almost imagine her being the one to make a club like this, instead of Monika.

"Anyways, I've been reading a lot of horror lately."

I thought about saying something, and grasped for a way to let her know I was paying attention, "Ah… That's interesting, I've never read one before."

Yuri looked like she wanted to reply, but Monika spoke up first, "Wow, really, Yuri? I wouldn't have expected that. Coming from someone as gentle as you…"

"I guess I can't fault you for thinking that. But if a book makes me think or takes me to another world, I really can't put it down. Surreal horror is often very successful at changing the way you look at the world, even for a brief moment."

Natsuki speaks up finally, "Ugh… I hate horror!" Her words didn't hold any venom in them, I suppose she just was the kind to be easily scared? I took this opportunity in changing who I was looking at to look at Sayori.

She had a big smile on her face, like she was happy to just be here. I had to envy her for that, at least she has a place like that right now, unlike me.

' _Then again, could this place become like that for me, too?'_

"Oh, why's that?" Yuri asks Natsuki after a brief moment, Natsuki looked at me, then back to Yuri.

"Eh.. Cause… Nevermind, it's not important."

I kind of wanted to encourage her to go on, at least it would make me feel less alone in not really knowing anything about Horror, but I didn't feel like I was ready to speak so freely to her, or any of them.

Luckily, Monika filled the gap, "That's right, you usually like to write about cute things, don't you Natsuki?"

Natsuki gave a start, her eyes widened a bit, "W-What gave you that idea?!"

Monika smiled slightly, "You left a piece of scrap paper at the club last meeting." She raised it, it was folded neatly, despite clearly being a torn piece of paper, "It looked like you were working on a poem called-"

Natsuki interrupted, "Don't say it out loud!" Then she reached out, "And give that back!"

Monika laughed, and handed it back, "Fine, fine~!" Speaking in an almost sing-song manner that I could almost interpret as her teasing Natsuki.

Almost.

Sayori took this opportunity to get out of her chair and walk over to Natsuki, giggling as she did,"Ehehehe, Your cupcakes, your poems! Everything you do is just as cute as you are~" Sayori gave Natsuki a hug from the back, grinning as she did. Natsuki seemed flustered at being called cute.

"I-I'm not cute!" She exclaims, before Sayori let go and went back to her seat, smiling to herself, I took the opportunity to jump in and seem a bit less awkward as a prospective club member.

"Natsuki, you write poems?" That seemed to help her get her mind off being called cute.

"Eh? Well, sometimes, I guess. Why do you care?" She crossed her arms, clearly defensive about this topic.

"Well, I think that's impressive. You should share them sometime."

This seemed to confirm to herself that she was guarded for a reason.

"No!" She exclaims, before lowering her voice a bit, "You wouldn't.. Ehm… Like them…"

I cleared my throat, "Not very confident at writing yet, I guess?" At that time, Yuri entered the conversation, having just run out of tea in her cup.

"I understand how Natsuki feels. Sharing that level of writing takes so much confidence, and trust in the other person. You need to be willing to lay bare how you feel to your readers, putting your deepest emotions out for judgment."

Monika decided to join at this point, "Do you have a lot of writing experience, Yuri? Maybe you could share some of your poems to help Natsuki feel confident enough to share hers."

Yuri blushed and looked down, focusing on pouring her next cup of tea.

"I guess Yuri isn't into that idea either." I note. Sayori took this time to speak up.

"Awwh, I wanted to read everyone's poems…" She sounded disappointed, but I couldn't blame Yuri or Natsuki for being shy. I would be too.

' _Sharing that kind of thing would be super embarrassing, especially since I barely know these girls…'_

Silence ruled, as I finished my second cupcake, and Monika spoke up, snapping her fingers to emphasize her words.

"Okay, everyone! I have an idea, how about we all go home tonight and write a poem of our own! Then, tomorrow, we can all share our poems together, so nobody has to feel embarrassed and everyone is even!"

Natsuki only pulled at her collar and struggled to think of something to say.

Yuri shut her eyes and looked like she really wished she wasn't sitting there.

Sayori was the one to break the silence that time, "Yeaah! Let's do it!"

Monika clapped her hands, "Plus, we have Alex now, as a new member, we should help him feel comfortable with being here. Poems would be the perfect way for us to bond!"

I had to speak, "W-Wait… I- There's just one problem."

Monika blinked, and said, "Oh? What's that?"

I decided to lay it bare.

"I-I never said I'd join this club! Sayori seems happy here and everything sure, b-but I haven't even checked out the Anime cl-club, or… Or…"

My words died in my throat. All of them looked saddened.

"A-Alex…" Sayori spoke softly, almost at a whisper with that damned pouting of hers to back it up.

Monika looked down, dejectedly, like I'd just shot her puppy, and said, "B-But…"

Yuri started slowly playing with her hair, looking off to the side, "S-Sorry… I thought…"

Natsuki harrumphed and looked away.

' _D-Damn it… These girls… All look so sad. I can't think clearly against this…'_ I sighed, saying, "Alright then. I've decided." Then, I said the words that I felt would play a part in the rest of my life, good or bad.

"I'll join the Literature club!"

All the girls looked up almost simultaneously, Monika smiled widely, and Sayori broke into a huge grin and jumped out of her chair, knocking it over as she ran over and almost knocked me out of my own chair by hugging me, causing me to stand as she jumped up and down.

"Yess! Alex, I'm so happpyy~!"

I blushed heavily, red quickly rushing up my face.

H-Hey, not so rough…"

Sayori kept her hug but stopped jumping. Yuri smiled, bringing a hand to her chest.

"I'm so relieved…"

Natsuki took the chance and said, "If you'd just come here, eaten two of my cupcakes, then left, I'd of been really pissed!"

Monika looked the most relieved of them all. Except for maybe Sayori.

"In that case, welcome to the Literature Club, Alex!"

Sayori let go, still smiling at me. It made my heart seize up a bit, and I had to look away from her. Her looking so happy because of me was too much to bare.

"Okay, everyone!" Monika exclaims, "That's all for today. Let's meet back tomorrow with our poems!" And with that, Yuri began to clean up her tea set, and Natsuki took the now empty cupcake tray and walked over to the corner with it.

Sayori spoke to me, "A-Alex, would you mind walking home with me? We haven't done it in awhile so…" I really couldn't handle this girl when she was behaving like this, but I suppose I _had_ already planned to try and learn more about myself by talking to her… And she would know where my house is, without me having to ask.

"Sure, Sayori. Lets go." I threw my bag onto my shoulder.

Monika spoke, suddenly, "Alex, wait!"

I stopped, so did Sayori, and I looked. Her eyes seemed to be… Glistening?

Was she about to cry?

"N-Nevermind. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Tomorrow." Whatever problem she had, I didn't think I could handle it today. So, me and Sayori took our leave.

When we were decently down the hall, Sayori said, "S-So, how do you know Monika? She seemed to really like you! Like, alloottt~." Sayori seemed to be trying to play it off as nothing, as she had her usual smile on, but for the first time, I felt a bit of worry behind her voice.

"E-Eh, I'm sure its nothing like that. She's just a friend from last year, is all." I felt bad for lying, but what else was I supposed to say? And how was I to know that I was lying at all? I could be telling the truth and just not remembering. Sayori seemed to buy it, which somehow made me feel worse, and sighed in relief.

"Oh, okay then!" Then, we fully exited the building and kept walking.

I took the chance to ask Sayori the first question I had on my mind. "So, we've been friends a long time now huh?" I guess it was a normal enough question, friends reminisced like that right?

I mean. I guess I wouldn't know, but it seemed natural. Sayori smiled, nodded a few times excitedly.

"Yep! Since we were five now. Don't you remember how we met?"

' _Remember, huh…'_ That was the kind of question I was terrified I'd be asked. I guess I brought it upon myself.

"Uhh.. Something about a teddy bear?" I took a shot in the dark aandd…

"Huh? No, did you really forget?"

The shot went wide.

"S-Sorry, I guess its been awhile, yeah? There's been a lot on my mind as well." I couldn't tell if she was hurt or not, but she smiled anyways.

"That's fine! It just means I can tell you and we can both remember together!" Thus, Sayori began to relay the story…

 _It was a cloudy day, a little girl with light pink hair, bordering on blonde, played alone at the playground, her parents out of sight. She had a toy giraffe with her, which she was running around with, laughing and having the time of her life, even if she was alone. Suddenly, she tripped, scraping her knee on a loose rock in the otherwise safe sand and landing face first, the giraffe dropping a few feet away from her. She began to cry, clutching her knee, which was bleeding lightly, the rock stuck on it. Suddenly, a dog came by, regarding the girl with little interest, before grabbing the giraffe and trying to walk away._

 _"_ _H-Hey! S-Stop! Bad Doggie! Leave Mr. Giraffe ALONE!" She cried louder._

 _A boy, who had been playing a ways away from her, on the same playground, saw the situation and took a deep breath, before running after the dog, "Hey! Leave that giraffe alone!" And violently pulling the dog's tail. The dog, surprised by this, yelped. Releasing the giraffe and running off in a random direction. The boy, now with the giraffe, walked over to the little girl and looked at her leg, while also holding the Giraffe, which had its long neck torn, so it was hanging off to the side._

 _"Oh gosh… That looks bad."_

 _The girl, seeing the giraffe, began to cry harder._ _"D-Don't cry!" He says, going to pick the rock off her leg and pat her shoulder, "A-Are your parents around?"_

 _The girl shook her head, and he said, "W-Well, my mom has a sewing kit, and first aid! We can get you and your Giraffe fixed!"_

 _The girl, sniffling, said, "O-Okay…" She went to stand, and the boy helped her. He looked at the sky and saw the dark clouds coming._

 _"_ _Those look bad… Come on, let's hurry. My house is right here!"_

 _So, they walked back to his house, hiding away from the rainclouds._

I blinked when the story was finished, "How could I forget that? Thank you for reminding me Sayori." I was genuinely wondering about how something like that skipped my mind. It seemed important, since I met my apparent lifelong friend right?

Then again… I couldn't even remember my own last name, I had it on this paper in my pocket instead.

I couldn't remember my mother's face, or anything about my life before I 'woke up.'

I should see a doctor… Because it was starting to weight on me more and more.

Sayori smiled at me, even while I was lost in thought, saying, "Don't worry! We all have our bad days, right?" Her smile was so warm and welcoming, I felt my worries of my predicament disappear, even if just for a minute. "Besides! I know you're my best friend, and you know you're mine, so the little details are okay to forget sometimes!" As she said this, she stopped in front of a house. I guess this was mine? "But, really, Alex…" I looked at her, the smile that had made my troubles disappear for that second was gone, in its place was a look of concern, "...Feel better, okay? I don't want to imagine what would happen if you got super sick… I'd come over and help! But I can only do so much… So if you feel bad, _pleassee_ go to a doctor, okay?" She smiled softly, and I couldn't resist her request.

"Okay, Sayori. If I feel bad, I'll go to a doctor. I promise."

She held out her pinky, and I couldn't help but lightly roll my eyes at the childishness. Still, a small smile played on my face as she kept it where it was. So I extended my pinky and met hers. With that, a sweet smile crossed her face, before she skipped off, her house was right next door, so I caught myself staring at her as she went towards it.

Shaking my head, I thought to myself,' _Now isn't the time to get feelings for someone, Alex. You need to figure this out.'_ Then, I found the door locked. Searching through my pocket, I found a key. Unlocking the door, I stepped inside.

"I'm home!" I called, and waited.

Nothing.

I frowned, did I not have parents? I would need to look around my house and find out more about my own life. But I didn't feel like doing that just yet.

I began to walk forward

I felt hungry, but ignored the kitchen.

I was tired, but I didn't want to lay down.

My legs carried me upstairs, to the room I assumed was mine, since the other rooms seemed sparse when I looked in them. Only one bed in the house. I guess that was evidence enough. But how did I pay for all this? Before I could begin to think about that, as I shut the door, the numbness caused me to slump against the door, sliding down slowly. A heavy sense of sadness, starting at my heart and spreading like tendrils throughout my body took hold. My eyes welled over with tears, and I began to cry.

' _Why… Why is this happening? What happened to me? Why can't I remember anything? Who am I? Who am I?'_ I shouted to the posters on my wall, "WHO. AM. I?!" My voice breaking with desperation, my face started to gain tear stains that acted like cracks across my pale skin.

I dropped my head into my hands, my legs remained up against my chest, and I continued to cry.

I couldn't tell you if I had a good reason to cry, for sure, or if this was all apart of my mind playing tricks on me. I should be stronger than this, but I'm not. The sense of overwhelming despair over not even knowing _who my parents were,_ let alone who my friends were, or what I liked to eat, or watch, or read, or play… It was a crushing pressure on my chest, as if a boulder was being slowly pressed against it. It was hard to breathe, and I was lost in my world of despair for I forget how long. Eventually, however, my sobbing died down, as a sudden feeling of exhaustion overtook me, and I fell asleep right there against the door.

Little did I know my dreams offered even less respite than my house.

 _It was daytime, I couldn't determine the day. All I knew was that she hadn't been seen since she left the club yesterday. I knocked heavily on her front door, calling, "Sayori?"_

 _Yet I didn't get a response._

 _I pushed my way into her house - I had a feeling that she wouldn't mind if I did this, even if she claimed I hadn't come over in awhile. I walked up to where I felt her room was, the second floor, and started knocking. "S-Sayori? Wake up, we have to go to the festival…" Not receiving a response, I bit my lip. Sweat rolled down my face, why did I feel so nervous? Steeling my resolve, I told myself that if I didn't wake her up she'd be mad at me because she missed the festival. The festival was going to be fun, right? Even if she felt kind of bad. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I opened them._

 _Then, I gently opened the door…_

 _The sight that I was met with horrified me, Sayori, in her brightly cheerful room, was hanging from a heavy rope tied to the top of her ceiling fan. My eyes widened, and in my shock, I felt bile rise to my throat, I almost puked, but something prevented me from doing so. I fell to my knees as I stared._

 _"_ _S-Sayori… N-No…Please, god, no! NO!" I slammed my hand on the floor, hurting myself in the process, I looked at her again._

 _Blood lined her fingertips, her body was lifeless, all the color in it drained out._

 _Hey eyes, pale, also lifeless…_

 _"WHY?!" I screamed, smashing my hand on the floor again. Despite her floor being carpeted, I kept smashing my hand on it. My shouts were lost even on my ears._

 _I failed her._

 _I failed her!_

 _I failed h-_

I was shocked awake by my doorbell ringing, I reached up and wiped my face, I had been crying in my sleep. ' _W-What the hell was that? Why did it feel so real?'_ I was shaking, but the doorbell rang again.

I had to get up to answer it.

Looking at my bedside clock, it was 1 AM. Who would come over this early? Standing up, I almost fell over. My legs fell asleep… I hadn't even changed out of my school uniform yet. I opened my door and walked downstairs, trying to fix my hair to at least look a bit presentable. But I knew I probably looked horrible, even with my short-lived efforts.

"Who on earth…" I muttered, my voice was hoarse. I opened my door, looking forward, yet, I had to look down at who had arrived.

"Monika?"


	2. Facing Reality

A/N: This took a lot longer to get out than I thought! But the reason for that was because I kind of underestimated how long this portion of the originally planned chapter was going to be, after a certain point I realized it wouldn't be right to keep them as the same chapter. So what was going to be one massive chapter two has been split into chapters two and three. I hope you enjoy! Reviews are always welcome.

* * *

"Can I come in?" The brunette asked, as I was getting a good look at her attire. She was wearing a light jacket, despite the weather being lukewarm at the coldest. Her hood was up, hiding her long hair, I would almost of been able to mistake her for someone else if it wasn't for her bright green eyes, staring out at me. Beyond the jacket, I could see the hint of a T-shirt, and she was wearing jeans. It made me a little uncomfortable to see her in this outfit, but I suppose that was because some part of me never expected to see her in anything but her school uniform. And the outfit she was wearing seemed a lot more…

Casual. Than I was expecting it to be for something she wore outside of school.

' _Then again, real life doesn't have a dress code.'_ I mused. My thought process was broken by the girl clearing her throat. She was looking up at me, a smirk lined her face, combined with her hands being in her jacket, she looked remarkably smug.

"I'd be a bit more okay with you admiring me if I was inside."

Blood rushed to my face, her smirk grew wider. I stepped to the side, and she walked in, her legs weren't as long as Yuri's, and it was hard to look at them in her jeans, but she certainly had a unique gait as she walked. As she came in, she looked around, before reaching up and pulling her hood down. As she was taking in the sights, I went to close the door, feeling rather glad that my house was relatively clean.

No sooner than the door closed and I turned to address Monika was she upon me. She practically leaped at me, grabbing my vest in her two hands and pressing me against the wall behind me. I was shocked, to say the least. I was still disoriented from my nightmare, and my mind still wasn't entirely in one piece. Otherwise, I like to think I'd of been able to push her off.

"It's really you, Alex." Her voice was breathy, and just above a whisper, "You're really here. I've dreamed about this for so long, and you're here."

Her hands moved up and rested on my cheeks as she put herself against my body. This… What was I supposed to do here? This was far too intense for me! And what was she talking about? Finally here? Waiting so long? This wasn't how I planned to see my night go.

I went to speak, to object to this breach of my personal space, but she put a finger over my mouth.

"Y-you've been crying, my dear… But it's okay! It's okay, I'm here. I can keep you safe now." Tears were welling up in her emerald eyes, making them seem to shine.

"Tell me… Tell me you love me, please… _Please."_ Desperation was bleeding into her voice.

I had to stop this before it went any further.

Most guys in my position would probably be jumping for joy - But given my situation beyond this, and Monika clearly either confusing me for someone else or remembering something I don't, I needed to get her to scale it back from 100 to 0, or 20 at the very least.

"Monika. P-Please, U-Uhm... " I needed to diffuse this situation without making Monika break down anymore than she already seemed to be. Alarm bells were going off in my head and I knew that my next words to her would need to be very carefully chosen. Yes, if I said something wrong, she might never want to talk to me again, or do something worse, or-

"I don't remember you!" Welp. So much for that.

Nice going, me.

"I don't remember anything!" I realized at this point I needed to spill my guts to her, otherwise something bad might happen. "I-I just gained consciousness yesterday! And I don't remember anything about my life before that! Sayori says I've been her friend since childhood! A-And I kind of remember things like that, but at the same time I-I don't even remember my last name or-"

Before I could continue running out of breath, Monika started to cry, tears streaming down her face as she buried her face in my chest.

At least she wasn't mad at me, right?

' _Yeah, good going Alex. That's what you should be worried about right now. You're doing a good job here, really.'_

"I-I knew something had to be wrong." Monika said through her sobbing. It was all I could do to gently pat her on the shoulder. I wasn't sure hugging would do much good here. "When you came into the Literature Club, you didn't recognize me, a-and you kept spacing out. I might n-not of known what you looked like before but I knew it was you anyways! B-Because it wasn't the other one!"

"Other one?" I muttered, I realized Monika might be able to help me at least try to understand my predicament more. Even if she doesn't hold the answer to what happened to me in the first place.

"Y-You really don't remember, do you?" She mutters, seeming to come to the realization that I wasn't lying to her. "O-Of course… I spend what seems like an eternity waiting for my love, and he doesn't even remember me…"

Her crying only got heavier, I felt my vest getting wet from her tears as she refused to look up at me.

I felt heartbroken that she was like this… Even if I didn't know why.

...There had to be something I could do, right?

"M-Monka…" I muttered, patting her on her back lightly to try and get her to calm down, I just needed to get her to calm down enough so I could try and talk to her normally. "H-How abo…"

My words died in my throat as she looked up at me. Her eyes were reddened by tears, her face stained with them. Far from the composed and somewhat smug girl she was a few minutes ago. She looked absolutely shattered. I could only imagine what kind of pain she was going through right now, even compared to my own. I might not remember much, but she clearly remembers _too much_ of something.

I had to be strong.

Not just for my sake, but for her as well. I might not know her that well, but she didn't deserve to feel the pain that she was feeling.

"How about… We have some tea. And try to get on the same page? I might not know anything that's going on, but I can still help you, can't I?"

"I always knew you were this nice… There was no way you weren't going to be."

"R-Right…"

Monika may as well be speaking in another language for how well I was able to comprehend her.

Regardless, she let go of my vest, still sniffling, "D-Do you mind if I go wash up?" She did look messy. Worse than I did, in fact.

Granted, her break down was a lot more recent than mine.

"No problem… I uh…" I almost forgot where my bathroom was for a minute - But I had found it earlier when I was looking through the rooms, thankfully. "Go up the stairs, first door on your right." Following that, Monika smiled at me then went up the stairs and out of sight.

I was alone now.

I guess I should make the tea I said I would…

' _...Wait, How do you make tea?'_ Despite how heart rending the past fifteen minutes were, I found myself bringing up my hand and smacking my forehead. "Great." I patted my pockets, did I ever have a…

Success! I produced my smartphone as I went to the kitchen and looked around. My stomach let out a deep rumble, and I was suddenly glad Monika wasn't around to hear it. I was so torn up earlier that I didn't even think to eat anything. Despite my hunger, I refrained from going to get any food. I would eat when Monika left.

If she left.

I hope she didn't plan on staying overnight. I didn't know her that well, and I only had one bed. Besides, what would Sayori think if she saw me and Monika walking out of the same house?

I had to wonder why I cared so much about what Sayori thought, but the ideas swimming in my mind made me push it away. I couldn't get invested in anyone right now. Not when I was dealing with this…. This mess.

I found a tutorial on making tea, and found the tea I wanted to make. Oolong. I don't know why I did, but I felt like I would like this tea. Regardless, I walked myself through the steps. It was a lot simpler than I thought it was going to be. I guess that was something playing in my favor, since, if I did once know how to make tea, or any drink or food for that matter, I would of forgotten due to my… Accident?

Yes, I'll call it an accident. It seemed appropriate.

Once I had the tea ready in a pot, and found two suitable mugs, I took it all over to my coffee table. There were two couches parallel to each other, and with the table in the middle. It was perfect for this. A coffee table for tea.

Kind of ironic, when I thought about it.

' _...Wow, that was so unfunny I weirdly feel a bit better than I did before.'_ I smiled a little bit. I guess one of the things I enjoyed was terrible jokes? I wonder if any of the other club members did as well. Maybe once I was more comfortable around them I'd crack a joke at that caliber and see how they all react.

That is, of course, if I make it through tonight and feel like going to school tomorrow.

I sat down and decided to start looking through my phone. I don't know why I didn't think to look at it yesterday. I was bound to have pictures on here, right? So, I leaned back and started poking through my gallery. I just had to hope that me prior to the accident had some kind of collection of old photos or something stored away on their phone. Or on social media.

I found a few breadcrumbs on my phone, in my camera roll. Pictures of me and Sayori, dating as far back as a couple years ago, and as recently as a week ago. Most of them were us just hanging out - Random pictures I decided to take, I guess? Some of them were pretty funny. For example, I came across a photo I took of Sayori attempting to eat a three-stack hamburger, it was clearly bigger than her mouth…

Shaking my head as a crude joke entered my head, I scrunch my nose, ' _Nice, Alex. Real mature.'_ The important part about this was that there was photographic evidence that I didn't just pop into existence yesterday. Something happened to me that I don't know about.

It honestly scared me. Something happened to me that completely wiped the slate clean, and I couldn't even begin to properly process whatever could have caused that to happen. What if it happens again? What if it's some kind of mental disorder, or disease? What if it happens while I'm doing something important? Or-

"Alex?" I looked up from my phone. I was spacing out again and Monika had approached the other couch while I was lost in thought. "Are you okay?" She asked. She looked better than she did before - I could still see traces of red in her eyes, but she seemed better off now. I was glad for that - She likely didn't deserve to feel the way she did.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine." I put my phone down next to me on the couch and said, "Well, go ahead and sit down. We both clearly have a lot to talk about." I sounded a lot more composed than I was on the inside. I just hoped Monika would help me at least get on the road to straightening this mess out. Although something told me she wouldn't have all the answers I needed.

Even then, I guess I needed to start somewhere.

Monika sat down, taking up her cup of tea. Thankfully it wasn't scalding hot, so I didn't need to worry about her burning her tongue or something. She sipped on it and said, "It's good. It's funny that you have this kind of tea… Yuri likes this tea." She stared into her cup, clearly thinking about something, what that was, I didn't know.

"That's… Good, I suppose." Man, this conversation was going to go nowhere if I didn't just cut straight to the point. "Monika… You were talking like you'd known me for ages earlier, and yesterday you looked like you'd seen a ghost when I walked into the room. I want to know why." It was direct, but I needed to ask.

"I-I really shouldn't, you'll think I'm crazy. But… Given your situation, you might actually be the perfect person to talk to about this." Monika took a nervous sip from her cup.

This was far from the confident club president persona she put on at school. I suppose I should have expected as much. Those feelings I got around her weren't for nothing, I guess.

"So this world… This world was fake." She started, staring directly at me. I could tell she believed what she was saying with her heart and soul. "The pedestrians and other… Unimportant characters were just cutouts. Black silhouettes on fabricated backgrounds. The other girls might as well of just been walking, talking scripts. Repeating the same actions over and over again. They weren't _real._ Nothing was real… Not even the Main Character. The only person who was real was me."

"Main character?"

"Yes. This whole world was a video game. It was supposed to be a cheesy romance game. Complete with archetypical girls for the main character to pursue. Three of them. I wasn't included."

She started to tear up, and sipped on her drink, I assumed to calm herself down a bit. "The Main Character himself was as dense as a pile of bricks and as smart as one. I guess it was made so people could more easily relate to him… But I saw what he really was." Venom laced those final words, like she was accusing this 'main character' of being a criminal of some kind.

"He was a puppet on strings of code. Designed to be a vehicle for you to see into our world. See what they wanted you to see. But I saw everything. Even you."

"M-Me?"

"Yes, my dear! You."

She smiled a little bit, but only for a brief moment, before she went back to looking at her mug. I wanted to tell her not to call me 'her dear' or anything like that, but I didn't want to ruin her train of thought.

"Well. Maybe saying I _saw_ you was a bit of an exaggeration. I couldn't exactly see you. But I felt you. I knew you were there. And you were _real._ You were the only other real thing in the world, besides me. And… I did horrible things to try and get to you. To make you mine."

She seemed to be steeling herself to finish the story. This was already hard to believe. What else did she have to say?

"I… I can't go into details. It's just too painful. Just know that the girls were put through hell just because I wanted you. Then I ended the world. It was just one classroom, me, and you. I… I can't blame you for what you did afterwards anymore. You tried to save the girls from me. But it didn't work… The weight of what I knew was too much for Sayori. I thought I ended the world properly after that."

"But…?"

"But I didn't. It kept repeating. Over and over. The same scenario… The main character would come, go after one of the girls, and I would go off again… Looking back on it, I was on a script just as much as they were. I thought that it was just my own personal hell, for doing what I did. But then… One day. Everything changed."

She drained the last of her cup, I went to grab the teapot and pour her a new cup. She smiled, before returning to her story.

"I was prepared for this to be just another cycle of the same thing that had been going on for… I don't know how long. But… I noticed something wrong, as I stood in the club room waiting for the main character. The girls were actually _in the room._ Doing things. That may not sound strange, but they usually just sort of… Appeared, when you walked in. But there they were. And the other students weren't just shadows anymore. They were real! Real people! Like you!"

She laughed a bit, it seemed to make her happy to think about this.

"The girls were real too! I could only hope… I was worried when Sayori opened the door that it would just be a more 'real' version of the puppet. But then you walked in… I knew the second I laid my eyes on you that you were the love of my life, the one I'd been so desperate to see and hold…"

The way she talked in such a loving way about me made me blush, and look away. I knew I didn't love Monika. It sounded harsh - But it was more because I barely knew her. I barely knew anyone! And all of this information was so… Overwhelming.

"Did you know I actually tasted food for the first time today?"

That caught me off guard, I could only wait for her to continue.

"And this tea, too! Its real! The drinks and food I had before were all just… Nothing. As soon as I tried to eat it, it just vanished once it entered my mouth. I didn't taste anything… I could only pretend like I did. Even if I didn't need to eat. I still tried to, because it made it easier to imagine I was as real as you were."

As if to emphasize her point, she took a long drink from the cup, before letting off a sigh of contentment.

"And Natsuki's cupcakes… Those were delicious! The girls would always claim they were delicious… But to me they were tasteless. I just had to play along so I didn't look weird, or risk breaking the script. But when I bit into one today I… I couldn't believe it. It was perfect! Sweet, fluffy… Delicious."

The talk of Natsuki's cupcakes must of triggered some sort of reaction in me, because my stomach started rumbling. I had to blush once again as Monika giggled in amusement.

"Hungry? My story is finished… I could make you something."

Well. That was a lot to process, and now she seemed ready to move on. But I had questions, and I wasn't going to let hunger stop me from asking them.

"So.. You're saying this world was fake? But now its real? And that not only was I _not_ here when it wasn't real. You're saying that I 'played' this game, and that you fell in love with me because I was real? And you did horrible things to the girls to get to me, and you regret it now, especially since suddenly, through something you can't explain, the world has come to life?"

Loving someone over something as singular as 'being real' seemed like a very flimsy reason to love someone. I have a hard time believing she loved me as much as she loved the idea of me. And of course I overall had trouble believing her story in the first place… It was just hard for my mind to grasp.

"Yes to all of that." She responds after a minute of silence, slowly sipping her drink.

Something told me Monika couldn't help me understand why when I looked at her I saw an… Afterimage? Of someone that seemed strikingly familiar to me. But maybe she could answer a couple other questions of mine before I was officially too overloaded to want to talk about this stuff anymore.

"Do you have any idea of why I've been seeing… Ghosts? Of a brown haired boy, doing things every so often that seem in relation to what I'm doing? And for that matter, if this world is fake, how come I have pictures of me from before yesterday? If this world was fake, why would I have anything like that?"

Monika bridged her fingers together and leaned forward in a way that seemed familiar to me for some reason, but she wasn't looking at me, she was staring at her cup, still on the table. "If I had to guess, those 'ghosts' of yours are the remnants of the old main character. I don't know for sure, and beyond that, I can't say if you need to do anything about them in the first place... Sorry!"

She leaned back up and looked directly at me.

"And as for the photos… I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't. Maybe this world was actually created further back then I think, and we only regained consciousness around this time? Maybe they were filled into your phone to throw you off, or to simply make you completely fill in the holes left by the old Main Character. But if someone was doing this on purpose… I'm afraid they're beyond my comprehension."

Well that was no help. The ghost theory was an interesting one… It made me worry about my own place in this world. Did I even belong here? Did I steal the place of someone who deserved to be here more than me? Or, if the photos are to be believed, was I actually here the entire time, and I'm just going crazy?

I looked at Monika, she was drinking down her cup, seeming to of wanted to let me take the time, and by the time I finished with my thoughts, she looked like she had finished it. I went to get her another cup, but she shook her head and smiled.

"I'm fine now, Alex."

Well. Something told me she wasn't going to be in a minute.

"Look… Monika." I really wasn't looking forward to doing this. But I had to. "I… I don't know about any of what you saying being real. You have to understand that, while I agree that me waking up with no memories does open up a lot of possibilities. It could be equally possible that I simply have amnesia, and that I should go see a doctor about it."

I took a sip of my own drink, only now finishing my first cup.

"And… You say you love me. Monika, I- First of all. Considering I've been having to relearn everything from my name to how I even pay for this house, and who my friends are… I don't think I'm in a position to say I love anyone right now."

Her face was starting to fall. But I wasn't done yet.

"A-and…"

I found it hard to continue with how sad she looked. Her eyes were starting to glisten again, and she held a deep frown on her face.

"And… Even if I consider that all you say might be true… Loving someone just because they were real while knowing nothing else about them is very faulty… And now, if everything did just recently become real, it's incredibly unhealthy… W-What if we're nothing alike? I'm sure you spent ages imagining what I would be like… B-But I can almost assure you that I could never hold a candle to whatever you've envisioned in your mind. I-I'm sorry, Monika... "

She was crying now, thankfully not as hard as she was before. It looked like she had been dreading potentially hearing something like this. "Y-You're just as considerate and gentle-hearted as I thought you'd be…" Her voice was hushed, like she was trying to contain herself.

"I… I guess I understand. I-It was silly of me…" Sniffling, she wiped her nose with her jacket's sleeve. "It was silly of me to think that I could just… Come over, tell you I loved you… And expected everything to work out. I was just… So excited to see you."

I felt terrible for saying what I did, but it needed to be done. I had to stay rational, even in the face of adversity like this.

"O-Okay… I… I'll prove myself." Her voice gained a new resolve, I blinked, curious.

"Prove yourself?"

"Yes." She stands up, "I'll make you realize you love me just as much as I love you."

It seemed she'd made up her mind.

Something told me I wasn't going to be able to talk her out of this. Even if I told her I was particularly uncomfortable with the idea of her striving for my affection when I barely knew anything about her.

I sighed, looked down, then stood up. "Well… It's getting late. Later than normal. You should probably get home." Besides that, I needed time to think.

Monika nodded, almost seeming to of forgotten she didn't live here for a minute. "Y-you're right." It seemed she still wasn't completely okay. But I expected that much.

"Come on, I'll see you out." I went over to the door and opened it, standing beside it. Monika approached me, instead of going straight out of the door.

"I meant what I said, Alex. You'll see that I'm your love…" She placed her hand on my chest as she said that.

The look she gave me made me feel flustered and uncomfortable at the same time. Like she was imagining everything from our first kiss to our marriage. I'm sure any other guy would kill to be in my situation right now, but I wasn't any other guy.

"G-Goodnight Monika." I finally managed out. She pulled away, smiling at me, before heading out the door.

I watched her leave. It gave me time to think. What had I gotten myself into? I don't think I like Monika like that. And what will happen if I get a girlfriend? If she can't make me love her? I'm not some asshole Anime protagonist who would want to date multiple girls. If I get a girlfriend, I want to dedicate myself to whoever she ends up being, one hundred percent, and I would rather not have Monika trying to screw things up on the side if she didn't take it well.

Maybe I was overthinking it

But then again, maybe not. It was hard to tell.

Once she was completely out of sight, I shut the door and sighed. I checked the time on my wall clock. 3 AM.

Great.

I sighed and figured I might as well go get a shower, write my poem, and sleep. Then pray to whatever god I could think of that I would wake up on time for school. I wouldn't want my second 'conscious' day of school to be tainted by me waking up an hour late or something and needing to either rush out the door or skip school.

No, I couldn't skip. Something told me Sayori would be really upset if I missed the Literature Club. Or worse, Monika would think I ducked out because of our talk.

I showered, the water felt nice and relaxing against my skin. I didn't realize I was as tense as I was until the hot water began to work on me, and I relaxed. Yet, as I stood under the water, I started to think about everything that had happened over the past twelve or so hours, and what might happen when I wake up.

I guess I'll need to accept that I don't know what happened to me, and that I'll never know for sure if Monika was right, or if she's just a bit off her rocker. I'll just need to try and find clues, maybe I can at least piece together what happened to me.

I'll need to see a doctor as well, to make sure i'm not dying of cancer or something. I read memory loss can come as a result of brain damage, and I don't want to take any chances there, it would be rather anticlimactic if I died in my sleep before I could even figure out any of this. I also didn't want to die. I guess that was an important part of it as well.

...Which means I'll also need to locate the exact means in which I'm paying for this house, my food, and everything. I got the feeling that regardless of where this money was coming from, I'd probably need, or at least want, to get a job. Financial stability would be important, and the sooner I began planning, the better.

Finally, there were more immediate concerns, like my school work and the club. Despite everything that's happened to me, and how anytime I try to reach for what my hobbies or interests are in my head, I want to scream at the top of my lungs… Or perhaps, because of that, I couldn't let my school work fall behind, and I didn't want to let anyone in the club that wasn't Monika know about my issues. Especially Sayori. She seemed like she'd be the one most worried if I came to her and laid bare that I remembered absolutely nothing about my life before yesterday.

Probably because, as far as she remembers and as far as I might as well assume, I've known her since childhood. She would be just as affected by this as I am. Well. Maybe not entirely, but close enough.

By the time I finished my train of thought, and laid out the plan in my head neatly enough, I was clean. I turned off the shower, dried off, and put on the clothes I found. A black T-shirt, boxers, and a pair of black shorts that seemed comfy enough to sleep in. It was at this moment that I looked into a mirror for the first time in my current living memory.

It was different than looking at a picture, and I wasn't going to lie, the pictures I did take were mostly centered on Sayori. So the angles I got on myself weren't that great. I guess past me didn't think I'd be trying to look at them to get a better sense of self.

As for other mirrors in bathrooms and the like, I'd been avoiding looking into them because I didn't think I was mentally prepared to just… Look at myself. It sounds silly, but apart of me felt that I should avoid it while having an identity crisis.

But now was different. And I looked over myself.

I wasn't in particularly amazing shape. I wasn't fat or completely out of shape, not by a long shot. If I had to guess I was probably in the ballpark of about 160 pounds. I couldn't begin to tell you if that was average for my height or anything like that. I guess I was just glad that when my memory was blanked, I didn't forget the very basic knowledge I needed to live, like weight measurements.

Or how to breath, for that matter.

I looked over the rest of myself. My hair was black. I guess there were less interesting colors it could be, like brown, but I didn't think it was much of an eye-catcher either. Maybe I'd dye it to something more interesting in the future. Like red. Of course there wasn't really anything wrong with the color, so maybe I would just leave it as is.

The actual length of my hair was… Alright. It went down to just above my eyebrows, if it got any longer I knew I would need to cut it. All in all, my hair was a rather shaggy mess. I didn't care to style it too much. Then again, maybe it was just like that right now because I had woken up and tried to straighten it with my hands before opening the door.

Grey eyes. What was the name for that… Hazel? I think at least. I like to believe it complimented my hair color at least, but I knew deep down it probably wouldn't exactly draw any attention from anyone I might be trying to impress in the future.

' _And just who would that be?'_ I mused to myself, while staring into my own eyes as best I could. ' _I don't think I should be worried about getting a girlfriend anytime soon. It's not like I'm attractive enough for one anyways. And what other hooks do I have? My fantastic, totally amazing ability to suddenly forget everything about my life?'_

With that thought done, I took one last look at myself in the mirror. "Yep… That's me, alright." I muttered under my breath as I took one last glance over myself. Pale skin, grey eyes, shaggy black hair, roughly 5'10'' to 5'11'' in height. About as uninteresting as you could get, I think.

Well. Maybe not entirely.

Sighing, I left the bathroom, breathing in the less heavy air of the hallway, before walking into my room and shutting the door gently behind me. Even though nobody else lived in this house, I still didn't think it necessary to be overly loud.

Thankfully, this time, I didn't break down against the door.

Instead, I went over to my desk and sat there. After some searching, I found a pen and paper. Now to write a poem at almost 4 AM, with only roughly three hours left before I need to go to school!

…..

…

Why did I get the feeling this was supposed to be easier than it was?

I ended up staring at the paper for who knows how long, before i put my pen to paper and began to write. Something was better than nothing, right?

"Wayward

I stare at the stream as it flows past

I could tell they had direction

They all moved too fast

For this movement of theirs to lack direction

I sat and watched them flow.

Did they know?

Could they know?

If the path to perfection lay that way

I sat and watched the whole day

And when they had all gone away

I got off the ground

And set a new objective.

A final directive,

I looked at the stream

And set my course

For its source."

I set my pen down and looked at the time. 5 AM.

Fantastic.

Monika better feel bad when I show up at the club tomorrow exhausted.

With the poem finished, I got up and went to lay down. The poem was… Well, bad, in my mind. I wasn't a writing expert or anything. But I guess it was good enough for a warm up. My day completely finished, I slipped under the covers.

I was more exhausted than I realized I was. Almost as soon as I shut my eyes, I entered into a, thankfully dreamless, sleep…


	3. A Rough Day

I woke up to a face looking down at me.

As soon as I registered the fact that there was a person my room, I sat up as quickly as I could, "Woah! Who's there!" The person in question stepped back, giggling. My eyes focused, and I registered Sayori. How did she get in my-

Oh. I forgot to lock the door. Smart, Alex.

"Sayori?! What are you doing in my room? And my house? Shouldn't you be at school?" I was still groggy, and probably didn't sound as shocked or worried as I really was, my voice was still recovering from sleepiness. So were my eyes.

"Weeelll, when I got up and left my house, I noticed you weren't waiting for me! I tried calling you but you didn't pick up, so I guessed you were still asleep. Looks like I was right!" She grinned at me, putting her arms behind her as she did so. She looked rather proud of herself, and particularly cheerful today.

"Isn't it a bit early to be in such a good mood?" I muttered, rubbing my eyes, before looking at the clock.

8 AM.

I practically leapt out of bed, glad I decided to wear shorts before going to bed last night, "8 AM?! Sayori! Didn't school start an hour ago?" I looked at her, disbelief in my eyes. Was she just this late getting up as well?

Or did she decide to be late because of me…?

"Yep!" She exclaimed, giggling. "Now you're not going to be late on your own!" Her smile remained, she seemed positively giddy today for some reason.

"Sayori. Are you sure you didn't just do this because you saw an opportunity to stay out of school for another hour?"

"E-Eh? Wh-What makes you think that?" She bridged her fingers together, like she always seemed to do when she was nervous, her smile changed from one of joy to one of what I could only register as apprehensiveness.

Aha.

"I knew it. Anything to avoid class, huh?" I supposed I couldn't be too mad at her. After all, I probably would do the same thing if the opportunity presented itself. Well, minus walking into Sayori's room while she slept. That part seemed to take things a bit too far.

"I-I don't… Oh, okay. Fine! But I hate math!" She crossed her arms and pouted at me, and the chastisement I was preparing to give her died in my throat.

God. Damn. Her.

Maybe it's because of my blank memory that I'm not prepared against it. But she seemed to know that all she had to do was pout to get away with anything I would otherwise readily chastise her for. I needed to learn a way to defend against it.

"Besides! I made us breakfast!" She stopped pouting and unfolded her arms as she said this. Maybe she knew she'd won.

"Breakfast? When we're this late?"

"We're already late! We might as well eat something and not feel cranky later. It's not like we'll get punished for showing up a bit later than we already are! At least, not if we have a good excuse."

Why did I feel like she had planned all this out so intricately as to maximize the amount of time she didn't have to be in class? Well, whether or not that was the case, I remembered that I hadn't eaten since… Well... Since I had Natsuki's cupcake yesterday.

"...Fine, but I'm getting dressed first! So, shoo! Unless you want to see me in my underwear."

Once Sayori had fled the room and shut the door, I sighed heavily. I was very _very_ tired. It almost felt like sleeping did me more harm than good. Now that Sayori wasn't in the room to keep my focus, I felt a heavy temptation to get back into bed. But I couldn't do that to her - Besides. I was still hungry.

After throwing on my school clothes and doing the rest of my morning routine, I stepped downstairs and threw my gaze across the kitchen. Sayori wasn't in there. So where…?

"Hey, Alex? Did you have tea with someone last night?"

Shit.

I forgot to clean up the teapot and mugs.

I needed to lie. I didn't want to - But if I told Sayori, 'Oh! You know, Monika came over in the dead of night to confess her undying love for me, no big deal!' Or something along those lines, I don't think that she'd believe me. And if she did believe me, I didn't want to risk getting badgered about it in any way, since it was nothing like what she'd probably assume it was.

And for one reason or another, the idea of Sayori thinking I was dating Monika, or any girl for that matter, when I wasn't, was close to the bottom of my 'Things I want to happen in this lifetime' list.

"Alex?"

Was I spacing out again? Wow. That was making this better for me.

"Oh, uh. I just had a friend over for a little bit, they were in the neighborhood and wanted to drop by for a little while."

"Oh! Okay!" She smiled and walked back to the kitchen, pep evident in every step she took.

Well that was a lot easier than I was making it out to be.

I wasn't even really lying, either. As far as I concerned Monika was a friend. Maybe not my _best_ friend. Or my _dearest_ friend. Or a _close_ friend. But, after everything we talked about last night. I felt that much could be said about her.

I felt I owed her that, at least.

"Alleexx! Come on! I know you're sleepy, but we gotta eat~!" Sayori called from the kitchen, and I was caught realizing I had been standing there staring at nothing for a good couple minutes.

' _...I've gotta work on that. What if that happens while I'm waiting for a bus or something?'_ Shaking my head at the silly thought, I walked downstairs. Sayori was waiting for me, sitting impatiently at the table. I made my way over and sat down across from her, where she had set my plate. I looked at the food. It was presentable, to say the least. Then again, it was just eggs and toast!

"Wait, did you use my eggs and bread for this?"

"A little bit! But it's not like I could bring them over from my house just to cook!"

"...Alright, I guess you got me there."

Her house was only a few feet away, but she made me breakfast and I didn't feel that complaining was a very grateful thing to be doing to her. Instead, I focused on eating. I knew if I didn't take all that of what this food was worth into my body I would probably fall asleep in class. I'd need to get a soft drink out of one of the vending machines on school grounds around lunch time as well. That should keep me awake.

No sooner than the second my fork hit the plate, Sayori descended upon her own food like a ravenous wolf. She ate faster than I did! And I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon! And that was just a cupcake, to top it off! It both impressed and worried me. What if she wasn't eating like she needed to as well?

"Sayori, don't eat so fast! You'll choke and then we _really_ won't be able to go to school today."

Sayori stopped with her mouth open, she was able to take a massive bite out of an egg sandwich she just put together, "But we're late! If we don't finish eating fast, we'll be _even more late_!" As if that was all she needed to say to affirm her point, she took that massive bite out of the sandwich, and I suddenly understood why she thought she could take on that burger from the picture.

"Oh, _now_ you care about being late?"

"Eheheh… Well you're late with me! So it's not as embarrassing."

"An unrelated male and female student walking in at the same time, requesting late slips at the same time. Yeah, that's not going to add fuel to any rumor mills."

"W-Weelll, that's not necessarily a bad thing is it?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"Nevermind!"

I feel like I should reply to that. Was she flirting with me? I had to assume so, otherwise that statement was extremely out of left field. I should of followed up on this knowledge, but I just took another bite out of my eggs. I was too tired and too hungry still to get into anything like this. Especially considering I still felt like I had only met Sayori yesterday.

It was flattering, though. And it felt a bit more welcome than Monika pushing me against the wall. Then again… I guess if Sayori did that, and said all the stuff about me being her 'love' that Monika did, I would feel just as predisposed to deflecting her advances as I was to Monika's.

Nodding as I finished my food, I thought to myself, ' _Yeah. And I guess if Monika really believes everything she told me, I can't really hold her actions against her. I just hope she doesn't try anything crazy.'_ Not that I had any reason to believe that she would, if she really regretted whatever she thinks she did before. Sayori broke me from my train of thought by speaking up.

"Weeelll? Was it good?"

"Yeah, I would say so. Thank you, Sayori."

"Ehehe~! Well, don't get used to it! I'm not really that good of a cook beyond making this. But you know that already! Remember when I almost burned my house down?"

I was about to simply just lie, but as I went to open my mouth, the scene of her attempting to cook and nearly setting her house on fire ran through my mind:

" _S-Sayori! What's with all this smoke?"_

" _FIIREEE! FIRE! Alex! Help me put it out!"_

" _What were you even doing?!"_

" _Trying to make an omlette!"_

Blinking, and shaking my head a few times, I said, "Yes, as a matter of fact. If you ever decide to cook here again, just make sure you stick with something simple. A bowl of cereal, maybe?" I kept my tone light-hearted as I said that, grabbed my plate, and walked to put it in the sink. The memory suddenly flooding into my mind made me wonder if I really did have Amnesia, and I just needed to wait for all my memories to come back.

But, on the other hand, Monika might think that these memories are just being deposited into me as necessary, the only Main Character's memories being slotted into me as I needed them. But if that was the case, why did I forget Sayori's name yesterday? And my own? Monika's beliefs raised more questions than answers, while my own theory that I just suffered serious Amnesia seems to hold a lot more water.

And was a lot simpler for me to believe, which was good.

"Don't worry about washing your plate. I'll just clean it when I get home this afternoon."

"Okay!"

Sayori deposited her empty plate into the sink and grabbed my hand again, pulling me along, causing me to let off an indignant, "Heeyy! Careful!" As we left my house. I made sure I locked the door as it was closing behind me, at least. Sayori maintained a relatively brisk pace as we moved, I was just glad she wasn't running. I could barely keep up with her!

"Why are you moving so fast? We're already late, it's not like it matters if we add an extra few minutes onto it."

"Yeaahhh… You might be right! But I also wanna hurry so that we can get there just as the bell rings for the next class!"

"You really don't like math, huh."

"You know I don't! It's boring!"

"Well. I can't say you're wrong. It still doesn't mean you should go to such lengths to avoid it."

"Maaayybee not. But! Too late now! Ehehe~"

I sighed. Nothing put this girl down, did it?

As I thought about that, I suddenly remembered my dream. It had almost slipped my mind with everything that had happened since then, and I had to use all my willpower to avoid asking Sayori about it right now.

For one, I was way too tired to properly articulate any sort of subtle questioning I might want to subject her to. For two, it _was_ just a dream, no matter how real it felt. And _three_ asking her questions about stuff like this just as we were getting to school would just put both of us off for the entire day, and I didn't want to be more distracted than we already were.

Sayori let go of my hand as we arrived on campus, even though we're still heading in the same direction, to the office. I guess she did it for my sake, because I expressed how I already felt worried about what kind of rumors this school could crank out. But I did have to admit, I kind of missed the feeling of her pulling me along.

No sooner did we enter the office did Mrs. Satai, the old woman from yesterday say, "Alex and Sayori. Late, late, late!" Wagging her finger at the two of us, "You couple of crazies better not be up to anything juvenile!" She looked like she was about to say something even more accusatory to Sayori, so I waved my hand casually.

"Sorry, Mrs. Satai. I had some late homework, and Sayori offered to help me finish it before school started, and… Well, it took longer than we thought."

She looked positively shocked at this. "Well! Mr. Suzuki, I expect this kind of behavior from Sayori, but not from you! This is your first tardy this year! Try not to get dragged into her antics this frequently." She set down two late passes and we both took them.

My last name felt weird to hear. Almost like it didn't belong. _Alex Suzuki_ sounded strange. Then again, what did I know about strange? I've never seen a picture of my parents, that I remember at least. Maybe my mom was an expat from some other country? I decided that, after I got home I'd go looking for photo albums of some kind. Maybe I had some pictures of them? Oh well. I looked at Sayori for a moment as I was taking my pass...

Despite me taking the bullet for Sayori, she looked incredibly sad for almost a fraction of a second as she took the paper, before smiling at me and saying, "Well I'll see you at the Literature Club, Alex!"

"Y-Yeah, you too Sayori." I'd need to ask her about that later. I didn't want her thinking she was a burden or something.

With that, we parted ways when we left the office and headed off to our second period classes. I hoped Sayori was more ready to endure the day than I was, with my three hours of sleep.

* * *

The school day went about as well as I imagined it would. I almost fell asleep several times in several different classes. I had to use a mixture of sheer force of will and enough caffeine from sodas I bought from the vending machine to kill a child to keep me afloat the entire day. I barely managed to pretend I was paying attention, and I was very lucky to manage to slip by without getting called on at all today. I'm sure I'd of sputtered out some nonsense and made a complete fool of myself in front of everyone.

When the final bell rung, I sighed a massive sigh of relief I'd been holding in basically all day. Finally, the worst was over. Now I could go to the Literature Club and see if I couldn't maybe take a nap without getting kicked in the shin or something.

Getting up, I walked out of the classroom, my bag a bit heavier today than it was yesterday. That was just because I'd been given some homework, though, and also decided to check out some books from the library. It was a literature club after all, and it's not like I hated books or anything. I figured it'd be a good effort to try and fit in a bit more there.

I probably wouldn't actually get to show my choices to any of them today. I wasn't sure if I liked any of these books, I just sort of grabbed them on a whim. If they turned out to be terrible or otherwise embarrassing I'd feel silly for trying to show it to them. It seemed to me it'd be the fastest way to either get kicked out of the club or at least ostracize myself from the only real human interaction I had readily available.

My thoughts turned to my homework. I had to keep my mind occupied or I risked falling asleep in the middle of my walk to the club. I didn't know if I was going to be able to do all of it on my own in this state. At least two of the pages were due tomorrow and the rest were due next week but took a lot longer to do.

' _...Maybe I'll ask Sayori for help? Then again she doesn't seem to get it much either. Yuri, maybe? Or Monika.'_ Something told me Natsuki would just be annoyed if I broached the idea of her helping me with Homework. Sayori I knew would accept if I asked, so would Monika. But I kind of wanted to avoid giving Monika a chance to flirt with me. I didn't hate her, but it was still something I wanted to avoid until I was in a more solid state of mind. It's also why I didn't bring up anything to Sayori when I thought she was flirting with me.

It just really, really wasn't worth the trouble right now.

I decided that I'd see if Yuri knew anything about at least the math homework. She seemed like she'd be the least annoyed at the question. But not right away - I'd ask her after I tried to take a nap for at least a few minutes to refresh myself.

Finally, I reached the Club Room.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a minute before opening them, and the door.

"Good afternoon, Alex!" Monika was the first person I saw. Back in her school uniform, naturally. "Glad to see you're back!" She smiled at me warmly. She did seem genuinely happy I was here, but apart of me feels like it was more because she was worried she'd scared me off than it was about me having the desire to return to the Club.

"Well, I might not be completely invested in the club yet, but that's no reason for me to bail on you guys. Besides, I don't really go back on promises." I found it was actually easier for me to act like I was being casual when I was exhausted than it would be if I was fully aware of my surroundings, and what I should be thinking.

"Well I'm happy about that!" Monika says, putting a hand on her hip, "We haven't started sharing poems yet, so feel free to do whatever you want while you wait. You did write a poem, right?" She sounded more worried than anything, like I'd forgotten to or something.

"Yeah. I might of had some distractions last night, but I got it done."

"Good, I look forward to seeing it!"

With that, Monika turned back to shuffling papers, and I took a look around the clubroom to get an idea of what the girls were doing right now.

Monika was, as I saw before, shuffling around papers, occasionally writing on some of them. To me it just looked like she was appearing busy to look busy, but for all I knew there was a reason for her to be doing this that I just wasn't aware of. Sayori approached Monika just a few seconds after I stopped talking to her. She smiled and waved at me, and I waved back, managing a small smile for her. With that done, she began to talk to Monika.

Yuri was nose deep in a book. I doubt she even noticed I came in - Which was fine. She seemed like the kind of person to get really invested in her books, pulled into whatever world the author had created for her. Natsuki, I couldn't see, but based on the noises coming from the closet, I had to assume she was getting something out of there. What exactly that was, I couldn't be sure.

I could have approached one of them, but I was far too exhausted from a mixture of lack of sleep and today's activities to do so. Instead, I walked over to a randomly selected desk, sat down, and produced a book. I didn't even look at the cover before promptly using it to elevate my arms a tiny bit, and make a resting spot for my head. Then, I laid my head down and was promptly out like a light in a couple seconds flat.

A new dream was there to welcome me.

 _I rubbed my hands together to make myself warmer, and walked a bit faster to increase the heat to my body. Snow was falling all around me, but it wasn't overwhelming. At least not for the distance I was walking._

 _The winter weather subdued all the color and vibrancy of the world around me, leaving nothing but what appeared to be gray husks in their place. The people who walked past me ignored me, and I ignored them._

 _They were just as faceless to me, as I was to them._

 _I walked with purpose in my stride. Today was the day we agreed to meet together, me and my friends. To hang out at the mall before Christmas came around, to enjoy ourselves, away from our family._

 _It may seem strange to use Christmas break as a time to avoid your relatives, but my friends were more family to me than some of my actual blood relatives._

 _The girl that greeted me brought a smile to my face. She was waving eagerly to me. Red-haired, freckle faced, pale skin and glasses that hid cyan-blue eyes. "Hey, Alex!" Her voice echoed in my head, like she wasn't actually talking._

 _I responded anyways, "Hey. Ready to go?"_

" _Yeah! Come on!" She grabbed my hand. I'm not sure if it was the mittens or the feeling of her hand in mine that helped me warm up. Regardless, she pulled me along, destination and purpose clear._

 _I wished I could of been so certain of where I was headed as she was._

" _The others are already there! I waited for you, you know!"_

" _Sorry, you could of gone the rest of the way on your own if you wanted-" I spoke a name, but I could not hear it. As if the word was snatched out of my vocal chords before it could leave my mouth._

 _She didn't seem to notice. "Like I would ever leave you behind. Please, Alex! Have faith in me."_

 _We turned into the parking lot of the large mall, its bright lights and paint making a futile attempt to stand out against the grayness that owned the world. People poured in and out of the building, going about their daily lives._

 _I couldn't see in the windows. All there was, was a bright white light. Yet she walked towards it with resolve. I wanted to pull away and tell her we shouldn't go in there, but I couldn't summon the words from my throat._

 _As she pulled me along inside the building, everything went white._

 _I could not feel her._

 _I could not see her._

 _I could not tell if I was alive or dead._

' _It will be okay.'_

 _A voice echoed around me. Coming from everywhere and nowhere._

' _In time, you will know the truth.'_

 _It was a females voice, soft and gentle, but beyond that, I could not recognize it._

" _C-Can you tell me who that was…?"_

" _No… Not yet."_

" _...Now. It's time to wake up…"_

" _Wake up…"_

" _Wake-"_

"UP!" I suddenly jolted upright in my seat, "WHA- HUH?" I looked around.

My eyes were blurry.

I thought for a second I saw the faint outline of the mysterious red headed girl that had been pulling me along before, but as soon as she spoke, the illusion was broken.

"Alex! This isn't the Sleep Club!" It was Sayori. She looked kind of upset, but I guess that was to be expected. "How long did that friend of yours keep you awake for?" She asks, crossing her arms.

Sayori. Chastising me.

I got the feeling this was a novel experience and I should try to avoid it happening again.

"Well…Eh…"

"Don't give him such a hard time, Sayori!" Monika came to my rescue, surprisingly. Maybe she felt bad about keeping me awake last night?

Well. That sounded worse than I meant it to.

"If he's as tired as he looks, I'm amazed he was able to come to school today, let alone not just go home after it let out."

Sayori hummed, "Weeelll, I guess you're right Monika! He did look rather out of it this morning when I woke him up."

Oh boy.

I looked at Monika. Her face went through several emotions, none of which I could place properly. It seemed she had to restrain herself from saying something that would potentially draw attention to herself, or start a fight. Then, she gained a coy smile on her face, putting a hand on her hip.

"Ahaha~" A coy laugh, "My oh my, I didn't realize you two were that close! Alex, it must be nice to have such a loving girlfriend~" Her smile was playful and mischievous, she knew what she was doing.

Sayori and I had similar responses. Both of our faces went red, our eyes widened. Sayori, however, was the first one to try and start to deny it, "H-Huh? Wawa- I- Uhh-!"

It bought me just enough time to regain my composure and strike decisively.

"It's really not like that Monika." I said calmly, and still rather tiredly, even after this sudden assault on us that she launched. "Sayori noticed I wasn't outside waiting for her or answering my phone, so she came inside and found me asleep, she didn't want me to miss school so she woke me up."

I decided to leave out the part where she made me breakfast. Not because I was ungrateful or anything, but because that would just give Monika more ammunition to tease us with. I'm not sure why she was teasing us, when just yesterday night she was proclaiming that she loved me.

Then again, she did say she was going to 'earn my love' so maybe she was trying to avoid acting jealous or out of the ordinary? So that I wouldn't hate her?

That seemed to be the case, at least.

Sayori picked up where I left off, nodding, "Yeah! That's it! I was just being a good friend, and neighbor!" Now that she had regained her balance, she was able to stand as firm by what I said as I was. Which I found admirable, if I was her I'd of probably taken longer to recover completely.

"Well, alright, but li-"

"MONIKA!" Natsuki's voice suddenly called from the closet, "COME HERE… PLEASE!" I couldn't tell if she needed help with something or was angry at Monika. That was just Natsuki, I guess.

Monika smiled at Sayori and I then walked off to talk to Natsuki.

Now free of Monika's teasing, I looked at Sayori. Now was the time to retort to her chastising me earlier, "You know you're one to talk about sleeping." Sayori mentioned 'Oversleeping again' yesterday, I had to assume it was routine with her. "You oversleep way more than I do! Hell, I don't think I've slept as much this _year_ as you have!" I wasn't actually mad at her, this was just revenge.

"Wha- That's mean!" It seems Sayori was caught off guard by my sudden ambush. She turned and looked at me, but before she could continue speaking, I interrupted.

"And, I mean, look at yourself! It's written all over you that you sleep too much. Honestly! If you ever wanted to attract a guy, you'd need to do better than that."

"Now that's _extra_ mean!" Sayori looked all over herself, "And what do you mean written all over me?" She looked almost like she was actually checking for the word 'overslept' written somewhere on her.

"I'll show you." I then stood up, went around the desk I had been sleeping on, and stood in front of her, "Your hair isn't even combed properly." I ran my fingers through her hair in an effort to straighten it, "You really need to take better care of it! I don't want to imagine what would happen if you had long hair."

I really couldn't tell you why I was doing this. It just felt… Natural, to be trying to help Sayori be her best like this. Monika will probably believe it was some kind of bleeding effect from the old Main Character. I didn't really think so, personally. Sayori just looked like she needed someone who could look out for her.

Besides… She helped me out this morning, so I'm helping her out right now. It was really just at trade of favors.

I finished doing my best to straighten out Sayori's hair, and said, "And look! You've got toothpaste on your blazer." I licked the tip of my thumb and used it to get rid of the spot. Sayori, embarrassed and red, looked away.

"N-Nobody would notice that kinda stuff."

"Of course they do. They're just not going to tell you. And even if they didn't, I notice, and I'm not going to let you walking around looking like a homeless person."

"Y-You're too nice to me, Alex… What about you? You need to look out for yourself too!"

Scoffing, I said, "So what if I stayed up late last night? You got me up, so I was okay."

"I guess we really do look out for each other pretty well, don't we?" She smiled at me, and I almost felt like looking away, instead I focused on going to button her blazer.

"H-Hey! What are you doing?"

"Buttoning this blazer! Honestly, Sayori. It's like you want to stay single." I wondered if driving home the point that this appearance she gave herself was keeping any prospective admirers away would somehow help her make the extra effort.

"Come oonnn! I'm not _that_ unattractive, am I Alex~?" She pouts at me again.

The way she asked me the question coupled with her pouting caused my face to heat up, "N-No! You're not unattractive, you're-" I had to stop myself before I said anything that could be interpreted as a flirt.

I reminded myself that I shouldn't be growing attached to this girl. Or any of them. I didn't know what happened to my memory. I didn't know what these dreams and nightmares were about.

I didn't know anything.

I didn't want to pull down someone with me if I ended up having some sort of terminal illness or something.

My thought-process was interrupted as I reached the button across the center of her chest. Trying to close it proved too difficult. "What the- Why is this one so hard to close? Sayori, does this blazer even fit you?"

"It did when I bought it!"

"If you tried to button it sooner you'd of realized it doesn't fit you anymore."

"Weeelll, if it doesn't fit me, then I'm happy!"

"Why is that?"

"It means my boobs are got bigger again! Ehehe~"

I blushed again, and said, "Don't say things like that Sayori! It's embarrassing."

She only giggled as I finally got the button to close, "There. See? That looks much better." I stepped back to admire my work. "You look much better that way!"

Sayori fidgeted, "Uuuu, I can't stand it!" Acting quickly, Sayori unbuttoned her blazer and let out a heavy sigh of relief, then grinned. "Much better!" She looked at me, "You said I wouldn't get a boyfriend if I dressed like this right?" Her voice was as upbeat as ever, which made me curious.

"Yeah, but why are you saying it like that's a good thing?"

"W-Well, if I got a boyfriend, he wouldn't want you doing things like this for me anymore." She bridged her fingers and looked away, "B-Besides. You take care of me far better than anyone else could…" She paused for a second, lowering her fingers and instead crossing her arms, "Always coming over and cleaning my house with me… Making me food when I'm tired of eating eggs and frozen stuff. You're already better than any stupid boyfriend I would ever get!" She looked directly at me and smiled. She seemed absolutely certain in her words.

I wonder if I knew Sayori had this side of her before I lost my memory, because my mouth was left slightly ajar as I looked at her. She seemed so… Genuine. So grateful.

"I-... S-Sayori…" I cleared my throat and crossed my arms, "J-Just try to get up a bit earlier, huh? I don't want you getting suspended because you keep getting late slips or something because you forget to turn on your alarm."

"I'll only do it if you promise to stop staying up so late!"

As far as I know I've only stayed up late once. Granted, it was also the only night of my life that I remember. So I figured there was no problem in agreeing to this, and the change in tone helped me regain my composure.

"Fine, I promise."

She held out her pinky. Sighing, I took it and shook it with my own. She grinned at me.

"I guess we're just better at taking care of each other than we are ourselves, huh?" She asks, keeping the smile and upbeat tone to her voice.

"Yeah, I guess we are, Sayori."

I was beginning to understand more and more why pre-Amnesia me stayed her friend for so long. This girl cared about me quite a lot. And I supposed I should care about her just as much. I care about her, of course, but without my memory, it's hard to put weight behind the words 'childhood friend.'

So, the way I felt was rather irrational. I shouldn't _already_ care about this girl as much as I did. But I did. And I really, really didn't want to.

Was it attraction? Or even love?

I hoped not.

Sayori deserved far better than me, no matter how selfless and caring she _thought_ I was. I'd probably just do her wrong in the end.

Before I could continue that train of thought, Monika called, "Okay, everyone! It's time to share poems!" She seemed to of emerged from the closet, finally, carrying a box of… Books? I couldn't tell what they were from this distance. She set them down and went to get her own poem.

"Yaay! Poem time!" Sayori bounded off and grabbed her poem, and I went to get mine as well.

Guess it was time to share.

I decided I might as well start with Sayori. It just seemed like a good idea to show it to her first. Yuri was a bit intimidating, if I was to be honest, and Natsuki was rough around the edges. Monika… Well, as club president, I guess I felt it natural to share with her last. Sayori, I could trust to give me her opinion without either being hard to understand, or mean.

"Me first, huh, Alex?" She giggled, her paper was in her hand.

"Yeah, well. You're my best friend, so it's only natural, right?"

"Don't think that just because you already knew me that you should just stick by me and not talk to the others! I know Yuri was very interested to talk to you more, and Natsuki might seem a biiiittt… Unapproachable, but trust me! She's very sweet!"

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Ehehehe~" She giggled, embarrassed at being caught. "Well, let me see your poem!"

"Alright, alright, jeez."

Sayori looked at my poem once I handed it to her.

"Oooh. This is interesting, Alex! I didn't know you could write like this!"

"It's really not that good, Sayori, I wrote it when I was really tired."

"Well I still think its good! I might not really get what you're trying to say in this poem, but it's a reminder that you're part of the Literature Club now! And that makes me really happy!" She grinned at me, and handed the poem back, I couldn't help but smile. Hers was an infectious one.

"Well, let me see yours now!"

"Alright!"

"Dear Sunshine

The way you glow through my blinds in the morning

It makes me feel like you missed me.

Kissing my forehead to help me out of bed.

Making me rub the sleepy from my eyes.

Are you asking me to come out and play?

Are you trusting me to wish away a rainy day?

I look above. The sky is blue.

It's a secret, but I trust you too.

If it wasn't for you, I could sleep forever.

But I'm not mad.

I want breakfast."

I chuckled at the ending, "Sayori. You made this before you came over to wake me up, didn't you?"

"M-Maybe a little bit."

I laughed. It was honestly the first time I'd actually let out a laugh since I 'woke up.' Yesterday, in the street. It wasn't a drawn out laugh, or a mocking one. I just found the idea that she waited to write this poem and _still_ came over to wake me up when I slept in a bit funny.

"H-Hey! Don't laugh!" She frowned, clearly feeling indignant.

"I-I'm not laughing at you! Hehehe, sorry. It's just a bit funny to imagine you frantically writing this poem, then taking your time by coming over to my place and waking me up _and_ _then making breakfast._ "

"Well, did you like it? Huh, huh?!" She asks, bouncing on her heels suddenly, seeming to want me to get to explaining how I felt.

"It's, well… It's a very _you_ poem, Sayori."

"Is that good or bad?"

Shrugging, i said, "Iunno." Normally I wasn't so indecisive, but I really, honestly, couldn't tell if I liked her poem that much or not. "It's just you, and that's good, I guess." I reached over and patted her on the head, causing her to giggle.

"H-Hey! You just fixed my hair, and you're trying to mess it up again?" Despite her words, she was smiling and looking out from under her hair.

"Sorry! Couldn't help myself."

I really wanted to know what got into me when I was talking just now. I normally wasn't that physical. I wasn't physical _at all._ This warranted some time later today to think about it. Was this apart of Monika's theory?

Or was this just… Me? I didn't know, and that kind of worried me.

Sayori and I parted ways after that, she went to go share her poem with Monika while I went over to Yuri. Yuri was the second most approachable person out of the four girls, I felt at the moment. She was waiting for me, it seemed, and when I approached, she said, "H-Hello."

Apparently she still wasn't really used to me. That was fine, I wasn't used to her either.

"Hi, uhm… You want me to go first?"

Yuri nodded silently. She was clearly not good at dealing with people. Or at least, she wasn't willing to share her poem with me first. I guess I could get that.

I handed her the poem. She took it in her hands and started to read it. A minute past…

...Two minutes.

Three minutes.

Four minutes…

I started to realize she was just kind of staring at the paper. I cleared my throat, causing her to jump a bit, "Oh! I'm sorry! I forgot to start speaking! Uhm, well…"

"Was it that bad?"

"N-NO! I mean- Did I just raise my voice? I'm sorry…" Wow, this girl was a real mess.

"Don't worry about it, you're fine. Just breathe, Yuri."

She took a deep breath, counted a few seconds, then let it out. "Well… Your wording and style were very consistent, but I think the poem shows evidence of how new you are to the artform. W-Which isn't a bad thing, I mean… It's just that you seemed hesitant to commit to a consistent rhythm. Stopping and starting may not necessary be a bad thing if the poem's message can be enhanced by it. But your use of an analogy to a stream as being a river of people would of benefited from a more solid, flowing foundation. That's all."

Once Yuri found her footing it was easy to see why Sayori called her the smartest in the club. Her insight was probably more than I could of asked for from Sayori, and I wasn't really sure about Natsuki. "Wow, that's really insightful Yuri, thank you."

"O-Oh… You're welcome. Y-You have a lot of potential, you just need a bit of time and practice."

"May I see your poem now?"

Nodding, she handed over her poem, written in frankly gorgeous handwriting, and I took it in my hands, reading it over.

"Ghost Under the Light

The tendrils of my hair illuminate beneath the amber glow.

Bathing.

It must be this one.

The last remaining streetlight to have withstood the test of time.

The last yet to be replaced by the sickening blue-green of the future.

I bathe. Calm; breathing air of the present but living in the past.

The light flickers.

I flicker back."

I handed it back, Yuri seemed apprehensive. "W-Was it bad? It took you a long time to read…"

I guess I did spend a couple minutes looking it over, "No, it's just that I don't really read script that well, so it took me a bit longer to understand the words. Other than that, it was very… Metaphorical. What did the streetlight represent?"

"Well, the poem is about being left behind." She sighs, smiling a bit to herself. It must of been rare for her to share this kind of thing with anyone, and with it going well, she seemed to be in a good mood. "The subject of this poem is compared to a ghost because they faded away… Unable to handle the changing of the world around them."

"Wow, Yuri. That's honestly pretty profound. I'm impressed!" I genuinely was, I didn't think I could ever get that kind of control over the written word like that. Yuri must have practiced for years to get to where she was. "Oh, there's one more thing. Do you know anything about math?"

"E-Eh? Math? Why do you ask?"

"Well it's just that I'm kind of falling behind on my homework and I need someone who can help me understand what I'm trying to do a bit better. Sayori said you were the smartest in the club, so I figured it'd be a good idea to ask. If you don't want to, that's-"

"N-No, it's really quite alright. I… Like to think I have a good grasp of math. I would be happy to help you. W-When do you want to meet up?"

"Well, I was thinking Saturday. This stuff isn't due till next monday, and I think it'd be beneficial to do it when we don't need to worry about school. Where do you want to meet?" I would have just invited her to my house, but I didn't want to freak her out or come off as a creep. Asking a girl for tutoring and then telling her to come to your house? Yeah. I might as well title that move 'How to get labeled as a weirdo in five easy steps.'

"H-How about the library in town? Its open most of the day, so if we arrived sometime around noon, we'd have the whole afternoon to work."

"That sounds like a good idea, thank you Yuri. I can pay you if you wa-"

"That won't be necessary. A-Anything to help a fellow club member." She smiles at me gently. I smiled back. Yuri seemed like a genuinely good person, kind of like Sayori was, but she was much MUCH more reserved and timid. I just hoped I wouldn't scare her off, having someone like her as my friend seemed like it could be enlightening.

"Well, how about we swap phone numbers real quick? So if anything comes up we can let each other know."

"O-Okay…"

After a quick number swap, we moved on.

I guess I should of been kind of hyped for having Yuri's number, but I really didn't think of it that way. She was nice, yeah, but I felt like her type and my type were far away from each other. She was into horror books, heavy reading sessions, tea, mysteries… I was into…

Well. I don't remember.

It occurred to me that Yuri was into mysteries… Maybe once I got to know her more I would try to get her help on trying to learn what was going on with me-

No, you know what. I don't want to do that to someone. Just the same as I wouldn't do it to Sayori, or even Monika.

I had to face this problem alone.

I tried to focus on what lay ahead of me immediately, namely Natsuki. "Hey." She said. Her arms were crossed, standing facing slightly away from me, with her head just turned to look up at me. It didn't take a genius to realize she was both guarded and ready to strike at me with that sharp tongue of hers if I said something wrong.

It was like walking into a cute minefield.

Not that she was cute, or anything.

Okay, maybe she was. But not _that_ kind of cute. Not the Sayo-

' _No. Alex, you need to stop.'_ I chastised myself before I could even finish the thought.

"Hey." I said, before I had the chance to space out again. I wasn't sure if I had anything else to say, so I offered her my poem.

Man. This was awkward.

I don't hate Natsuki or anything. It just occurred to me that I might not have anything in common with her. After all, the other day when I mentioned my only known interest, she looked at me a bit strangely.

Maybe she didn't like Manga?

What if she hated it?

What i-

As I looked around while she read my poem, I spotted the box Monika carried out. It was… A manga collection?

' _Oh. Great, Alex. She looked at you like that because you share an interest with her. Not because she hates your interest. The one person that shares the one interest you know about in the Club and you didn't even pick up on it. You're real smart, aren't you? What's next? You gonna push Sayori away and drive Monika to-'_

"Hey… Hey!" Natsuki clapped her hands in front of my face, she had to get on her toes to reach directly in front of me. "Are you okay? Not that I care! But, you looked like you were starting to tear up while staring into space. What's wrong? Sharing poems with me that scary?"

"N-No, sorry. Just… Been a long day I guess."

"Well!" She hands back the poem, saying, "Your poem wasn't good."

"Gee, thanks."

"I'm not finished!" She says, crossing her arms and huffing at me, "It's not good, but it's not terrible! Its average. It reminded me of how Yuri likes to mess around with fancy words and metaphors, but it wasn't as complicated or depressing! So, I guess it's not as trash as I was prepared for. But don't get cocky! It's still not the best! It might be better if you tried to stick with either a simple word-scheme and a complicated message, or a complicated word scheme and a complicated message. Anything else and your reader won't know what you're saying! I know I had trouble understanding."

"Well, uhh… Thanks, I guess."

"Here, now see mine!" She practically shoved her poem into my face, I took it and read it.

"Eagles Can Fly

Monkeys can climb

Crickets can leap

Horses can race

Owls can seek

Cheetahs can run

Eagles can fly

People can try

But that's about it"

As I handed the paper back, Natsuki took one look at me and said, "You didn't like it did you? I knew it! I shouldn't of even written a poem, this whole idea wa-"

"I liked it."

"Huh?! O-Oh. Well! Of course you did!" She laughed and put her poem down before placing her hands on her hips, "It might look easy writing like me, but it's really not! Did you notice how I setup the poem to end with a rhyme then just pulled the rug out from under it?"

"I guess so, and combined with your wording, it's a pretty clear message, I think."

"Yep! Bet you didn't expect that from someone like me, huh?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well- I'm small! And people looovee to estimate the small girl. And then they see my poems and think it's just cute nonsense! It isn't!"

"Well, that's pretty misguided of them, isn't it? Just because you're small doesn't mean your opinion doesn't matter."

"Thank you! Finally, someone gets it!"

"That's Manga, isn't it?" I broach, completely changing the subject.

"E-Eh?! Yeah! So what?" She crosses her arms, looking ready to defend her passion.

"That's… Pretty cool, I think. Is that series good?"

"E-Eh, well.. Yeah. It's kinda deceiving at first. It looks all cutesy and silly on the outside, but once you get into it, there's plenty of drama and character development!"

"Oh, cool!" I smiled, or tried to. At least, I was feeling rather… Off. Doing my best to try and mask it in front of Natsuki was taking a lot more energy than I wanted it to. "I'll see about picking it up. I've been looking for a new series."

That was a lie. For all I knew I had the box set sitting at home and I just completely forgot about it when my memory wiped. Nor was I looking for a series prior to this very moment.

' _Lying so they'll like you better… Always smart, isn't it? You're the very picture of a good club member.'_

Shaking off my own internal monologue, Natsuki spoke before I could, saying, "W-Well. If you want we could read it together someday. You know, if you want. Just don't get any funny ideas, alright?!"

"Oh, that actually sounds nice. Sure!"

That was about all I could muster. I did my best to make it sound genuine, because I did mean it. But suddenly I found it hard to focus. My own mind seemed to be against me… Maybe it had something to do with that dream I had?

Or maybe it was because I only got three hours of sleep last night and I could barely see straight, let alone hold an interesting conversation.

Soon I was about ready to bid farewell and head over to Monika, but Natsuki called first, "Hey!"

"Yeah?"

Crossing her arms, she said in a lower voice, "You're welcome."

"F-For what?"

"Keeping Monika distracted while you talked to Sayori."

"O-Oh… Uhm… Thank you?" I didn't know why she would do that, other than to stop Monika from teasing us.

"Y-Yeah, well! Don't get used to it dummy. It's just pretty written all over the two of you that you'd be great together, and Monika can be a bit insensitive."

"W-What?! We're not-"

"Oh puh-lease! I might not be the smartest person in the club, but I've got a pretty good eye for detail! Even if you're _not_ together now, you should be."

Why was Natsuki shipping us?

For that matter, what the hell did shipping mean? How'd _that_ word cross my mind?

"U-Uhm. Thanks Natsuki, but I don't think it's like that."

"Yeah, _you_ wouldn't, would you? Just you wait and see."

I used the lull in conversation to extricate myself from the conversation before Natsuki could get anymore funny ideas about who I liked or disliked.

Last up was Monika.

I approached her and waved, "Hey Monika. How are you?" I decided I'd open with normal conversation and try to avoid her bringing up yesterday night. If I could meet her half-way in at least being friendly, maybe I could avoid her getting too frisky with me?

"Oh, well~ I'm doing pretty good!" She smiles, "You managed to do your poem? I'm impressed! Especially considering you had to entertain a guest last night." The last part was lowered to a hush, and I frowned at her.

"Yeah, you know you're the reason I'm so tired right? I hope you don't make a habit out of that." I mutter, before handing her my poem.

Monika giggled as she took it, "Oh I'll try not to~" Before she winked at me. Heat rose to my face as I realized what you might be able to infer from what I said.

"You know that's what I meant! If you're going to visit me, _as a friend._ Then do it during the day!"

Monika ignored me and read my poem, I couldn't but feeling a little peeved that she seemed to dismiss what I said, but I suppose I should have expected that.

"Ooh, this is interesting!" Monika exclaimed, before handing the poem back. "It's so refreshing to see a real poem come from the new member for once." She sighed happily, and I was left quirking my eyebrow at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… The stuff I explained last night. Since it was just a game, the main character never actually wrote a poem. It was just a bunch of nonsensical words scrambled together that I had to give advice on. The other girls were programmed to see them as an actual poem. I had to wonder what they saw, sometimes… But! I'm sure finding out wouldn't be worth losing you. Or this world."

"R-Right…"

"You still don't believe me, do you?" She asks, a frown coming across her face.

"I wish I could sugar coat it and said that I just wasn't sure right now, Monika, but it seems less and less likely every day."

"I… Expected that much. Okay. I'm still going to prove myself to you, even if you don't believe it. Starting with this poem!"

Before I could object, she handed me her poem. Deciding to just read it and get it over with, I looked at it.

"My Kingdom

First in Gaul, second in Rome

I was a queen that thought she ruled absolute

A queen with a scepter of power

A seat for my future king

A prison I had made into my home

But as I raised my scepter to assert my rule

I found the scepter was only a toy

Just a decoy

My kingdom went without a king

A lonely queen sitting on her throne

Even then, my kingdom collapsed

A house of glass atop pillars of salt and sand

Was it my fault?

Did I deserve it?

In the rubble of my castle,

A throne of plastic

No Conqueror nor Liberator took my land

I would come to learn, as I took it in hand

My kingdom was always sand."

"Wow, Monika. This is… Really good." At least, I thought it was. "It actually reminds me of what I wrote today, a little bit. At least in terms of structure, you know?"

"Ahaha~ Well, I guess great minds think alike, hmmm?" She smiled at me and put her hands behind her back, clearly proud of herself.

Although for some reason I couldn't help but wonder if she somehow knew what kind of poem I was going to make.

"Yeah, a little bit." I offered her the poem back, she took it. "Well I'm going to try and do some reading before the club ends, I'll talk to you later, Monika."

"Aww, okay!"

I was thankful she didn't put up a fight there. I was really, really exhausted. And I might not be able to actually read much, but maybe it'd afford me some alone time while I waited for the clubs meeting to end. It seemed to work out for Yuri, at least.

Speaking of Yuri…

I had barely gotten to sit down and look at the cover of my book, one called _The Shadow over Innsmouth_ by H.P. Lovecraft, and started trying to read it, that I noticed Yuri and Natsuki exchanging papers. Thinking nothing of it, I tried to ignore it by reading, but their conversation still managed to find its way to my ears, keeping me from really focusing.

"What's with this language?" Natsuki muttered, but apparently not quiet enough for Yuri to not hear.

"Huh?"

"Nevermind!" She went to hand the poem back, "Well I guess you could say it's fancy!"

"T-Thanks? Yours is… Cute."

"Cute?! Did you like, totally miss the message or something? It's about giving up! How can giving up be cute?!"

"U-Uhm, well… I just meant… The language…" Sighing, Yuri put her hands to her chest apprehensively, "I was just trying to say something nice…"

"Well, thanks, but that didn't come out nice at all!"

"Uhm, well… I guess I have a couple of suggestions…"

"Hmph! If I wanted suggestions, I would have asked someone who actually liked it! Which people _did_ by the way! Sayori and Alex liked it! So, based on that, I'll give you a few suggestions of my own! First of all-"

"Excuse me, but I've spent a very long time establishing my writing style. I don't think I'll be changing it anytime soon, unless I come across something particularly inspiring. Which I haven't yet." That last remark seemed directed at stabbing at Natsuki.

This was getting uncomfortable. I glanced up from reading my book. Sayori and Monika were paying attention now, but not intervening yet. I guess they wanted to see if it would resolve itself.

But to me it seemed like this conversation had nowhere to go but downhill.

Natsuki seemed to take that insult to heart, but before she could respond, Yuri kept going, "And I'll have you know, Alex liked my poem too. He even said he was impressed by it."

Natsuki suddenly stood up from where she was sitting, saying, "Oh?! I didn't realize you were so invested in impressing our new member, Yuri!"

' _Impress me? Why on earth would she do that? I'm not worth impressing.'_

"E-Eh?! That's not what I m-, uuuuu…."

"Y-You're just…"

Yuri seemed to find her footing, she stood up as well, "Maybe you're just jealous that Alex appreciates my advice more than he appreciates yours!"

I didn't, really. I appreciated that both of them took the time to read my poem!

This was getting out of hand…

"Oh?! And how do you know he didn't appreciate mine more?! Are you that full of yourself, Yuri?"

"No… If I was full of myself, I'd be going out of my way to make everything I write overly cutesy!"

"Uuuuuu…!" Natsuki sneared, clearly Yuri had crossed a line.

"I-Is everything okay?!" Sayori tried to intervene, I guess she sensed it to, but the girls ignored her.

"Oh yeah?! Well I wasn't the one whose boobs magically grew a size bigger as soon as Alex started showing up!"

' _WOAH. This is getting very out of hand!'_

At this point I had stopped even pretending to look at my book, I was just staring at them going at each other like gladiators in a coliseum. Or street thugs.

"N-Natsuki!"

"Natsuki, that's a littl-" Monika tried to put a stop to it, but it seemed neither girl was having it.

"This doesn't involve you!" They both shouted at her, and she quickly retreated, looking a little taken aback and hurt.

Well that was uncalled for.

"I-I don't like fighting guys!" Sayori tried one more time to stop them, but failed. I guess they felt me staring at them after that, because suddenly both girls were looking at me.

"A-Alex! She's just trying to make me look bad!" Yuri claimed, and I suddenly had a feeling I knew where this was going, but like a man strapped to a railroad waiting for a passing train, I was powerless to stop it.

"Not true! She started it." Natsuki crossed her arms, seeming to be attempting to deflect all this on Yuri, like Yuri was to her, "If she just got over herself and realized that _simple_ writing is more effective, this wouldn't be happening in the first place! Come on, Alex! Help me make her understand that!"

"W-Wait! There's a reason we have so many deep and complicated words in our language! It's the only way to convey complex meaning and feeling effectively! Avoiding them is not only unnecessary, it's very limiting! You understand that, right Alex?"

"U-Uhm.." I instinctively sank into my chair a bit, clutching my book harder in my hands.

' _Protect me, Lovecraft!'_

Yet it seemed Mr. Lovecraft wasn't really interested in keeping me safe.

"Well?!" Both the girls said at the same time.

I was really not in the mood for this. Yet here I was, completely dragged into this debacle against my will.

I guess this feeling had been building all day, the feeling of being trapped and just wanting to be able to go home and sort out my life. Maybe that's why I had the courage to do what I did.

I snapped my book shut, it made a loud, punctuating sound as I did.

All eyes were on me.

The aggressiveness of the action caused both girls to jump a little, then I stood up. "Look, girls!" I said, crossing my arms as I looked at both of them. "I don't know why you two are fighting! Weren't you two supposed to be friends?!" I sounded a bit more cross and agitated then I was, it caused the girls to shrink.

I should have felt bad, but I really didn't right now.

"If people got this aggressive about their writing styles all the time, we'd either not have any writers or we'd just have one boring style! Variety is the spice of life, you know? And for your information, I was equally impressed by both your poems! You know why?"

"Well?"

"W-Why?" Yuri asked, Natsuki just looked at me, but I continued.

"Because you're both wonderful people and wonderful writers!" My voice softened, tone slowly changing from anger to sadness.

Sayori took this opportunity to jump in, "Yeah! You're both great!" I decided to let her continue, while I simmered down. "Natsuki, your writing is cute, and so are you! There's nothing wrong with that!" She smiled brightly at Natsuki, "Yuri! Your writing is really good at painting a picture in my mind! Your boobs are the same as they've always been! Big and beautiful!"

Well that was one way to handle it, I guess.

"Alex is right! Why are you two fighting? You're friends! Friends don't fight! Friends enjoy each other's company, and play, and laugh! So come on, please stop fighting?"

"I… I'll go make some tea." Yuri said, striding off to do just that. Natsuki, on the other hand, walked off, sat down in a desk in the corner, and just sort of stared at it.

As I began to cool off, I suddenly sort of began to regret snapping at them.

I wouldn't normally ever sound or act so aggressive, but a mixture of sleep deprivation, stress from my predicament, and the overall weight of today caused me to boil over.

' _They're probably not going to want to talk to me anymore. What kind of friend just goes off like that on people they basically just met? Yuri's going to be scared of me and Natsuki is going to hate me. I'll never be their fri-'_

"Alex?" I blinked, looking around.

It was Monika.

Sayori was off trying to comfort both girls at the same time, and I guess Monika had seen me spacing out again.

"Are you okay? Things almost got really out of hand."

"Y-Yeah, I guess… I didn't mean to get so mad at them." I ran a hand through my hair, "I-I just.. Today's been so stressful, a-and I'm so tired, I just…" My eyes began to glisten. I didn't want to cry, after all, weren't guys supposed to be tough? But it was too late now. "I just… Lost it… Now they probably hate me."

"Oh Alex…" Monika, to my surprise, put her arms around me and hugged me. "They don't hate you! They might have been surprised, but… You're making what you said seem worse in your head than it really is. Trust me, I know."

I sighed a ragged breath, fighting back the tears. Maybe she was right. I hugged her back, "T-Thank you, Monika. I appreciate it."

She let go and smiled at me, saying, "Don't worry. Truth be told, I'm not that good with people myself… I can manage things pretty well, but when it comes to people on a personal level, I guess it just never clicked with me." She let off a bitter chuckle, "I guess back then it didn't matter, because they weren't real, but they are now. Things will only get harder to manage later. I'm… Honestly scared of getting new members."

That surprised me, I looked at her and raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"W-Well… With these three, I can sort of assume how things will go. Even if they're real now, I still _know_ them, you know? But now… We'll actually get to do the festival. I should be excited, but… I'm just worried that new people might throw things out of balance. If anyone else joins… I won't be able to predict them. Just like I can't predict you, Alex."

I sighed, saying, "Well, Monika. As long as you've got Sayori, I'm sure you'll manage any new members fine, a-and I might not be exactly the greatest talker in the world, but I can try to help too."

"Maybe…Sayori will…" She looked worried about something.

Was she worried about Sayori leaving? Or…

I blinked as the memories of my dream came back, clear as crystal, I put my hands on my head and leaned back against the wall, rubbing my head. Tears started to flow, unabashed, but I didn't make any sound.

"A-Alex? What's wrong?" Monika put an arm on mine, but I shrugged it off.

"I...I- She- I…" I closed my eyes and decided to practice a breathing exercise I saw online.

Breathe in. One.. Two… Three.. Four… Five.

Breathe out.

Breathe in… And out.

Finally, I seemed to regain control of my emotion. I opened my eyes and took another ragged breath, "I-I won't let that happen." I mutter to myself, I wasn't sure if there was anything I could do to prevent it, but I began to wonder if that dream was a dream.

Or, in fact, a premonition.

"L-Let what happen?" Monika asks softly, her hands were clasped together over her chest, she looked worried.

"If you really lived through this world before, real or fake, you would know, wouldn't you?" I ask, but I didn't wait for her to betray if she did or not, "I think it's time to end the club for the day, don't you?"

Monika sighed, before nodding, "You're right." She took a deep breath, before clapping her hands together, "Okay, everyone!"

And the Club President was back. Like a switch went off inside of her.

"I think we had an interesting first day of sharing poems! I hope we all learned a little something about each other today. We're doing this again tomorrow! I hope to see more of your amazing work."

Natsuki spoke up as she grabbed her bag, "Well I guess it could of been worse."

"I agree…" Yuri said, cleaning up her tea set.

Sayori spoke, the most lively between the three of them, "Yeah! It was super fun! I can't wait for tomorrow!"

Looking at her now, I find it almost impossible to believe she would do what she did in my dream.

' _...But I would know something about dark secrets, wouldn't I? I've only just kept that I lost my entire memory of my life before yesterday from her. Yeah, I don't know if it's a stretch to assume Sayori might be hiding something. Besides, she looked really upset earlier today when I took the blame for being late… Oh, Sayori. What are you hiding?'_

"Alex? You awake?"

I blinked and looked down, Sayori smiled at me, it seems she snuck up on me while I was spacing out. "Come on! Let's get going."

"Alright, let me get my book." I went over, grabbed my book and put it in my bag, zipped up the bag, and put it over my shoulder.

As soon as I had my bag on my shoulder, Sayori grabbed me by my hand and started to pull me along. "Let's go!" I almost lost my footing, but I managed to stay upright, even if just barely.

"H-Hey! What's the rush this time?"

I could of sworn I heard giggling as she rushed with me out the door. It sounded a lot like Natsuki and Yuri.

Great. Now they were _both_ going to get the wrong idea about me and Sayori.

Well, in Natsuki's case, it was just going to be reinforced, but Yuri didn't think like that without provocation. At least, that's what I felt like she was like. I could be completely off base.

"Weeelll! I just- Uhm… Wanted to keep you on yours toes? Ehehehe~"

"Ugh, Sayori come on. Do you think I'm gonna fall asleep in the middle of the road or something?"

"Maybe!"

"Of course you do."

It didn't take us long to get off school grounds, and once we were off, she slowed down to a walking pace. I was grateful for that, I didn't know if I could keep balance while also keeping up with her light jog from before. Sighing, I was glad to finally be off of school grounds and able to think a bit more clearly. I kind of wanted to ask Sayori some more about our childhood, but my brain wasn't functioning at a high enough level to be able to follow along to any long winded stories right now. Now, if I could just make it home without anything else needing to make me think-

"Do you like Monika, Alex? Like like her, I mean?"

God damn it.

"Where is that coming from?" I asked. I didn't have any reason to be nervous - After all, I didn't feel that way about Monika.

"W-Well, it's just… I saw her hugging you while I was talking to Natsuki. She also looks like she really enjoys talking to you, and I thought-"

"Let me stop you right there Sayori." I stated, actually stopping, we were on the side of the road so if there were any busses or cars coming by, we'd be fine. "I don't like Monika like that. Is she nice? Yes. Is she talented? Yes, but just because she's friendly to me doesn't mean I like her like that. You honestly think I would fall for someone just because they were nice to me?"

"W-Well no…" She looked away, "But she did seem to really like you, and I think if she wants to be with you, you should give her a chance. She's so nice and caring and I bet you two woul-"

"Sayori."

She looked at me, I reached up and put my hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eyes. I saw her blush, and I was admittedly kind of blushing to, but now was not the time to be embarrassed.

"I don't like Monika like that. I don't like anyone like that, right now, okay? I don't know why you're thinking about things that are honestly never going to happen."

"B-But…"

"No buts, okay?" I smiled softly at her, reaching up and scruffing up her hair, causing her to giggle lightly.

It warmed my heart to hear it after all of today's events.

"Besides, you said you didn't want a boyfriend because you knew he wouldn't let me do all the things I do for you, right?"

"R-Right…"

"Well I don't want a girlfriend because of the same thing. You think any girl I dated would want me helping you clean your house, or wanting me cooking for you, or even fixing you up when you look silly? No, they wouldn't. That's why I don't want one."

Sayori smiled, it wasn't as bright as her normal smile, but it was still something. "Okay, Alex… I understand. Thank you."

"Hey, no reason to be thanking me!" I joked, lightheartedly, "If you took better care of yourself, you wouldn't need me to be doing all those things for you, huh?"

Sayori maintained her smile but didn't respond, and we started walking again. We enjoyed relative silence, but after all of this, the scene of Sayori hanging there, lifeless, was sticking in my head like a bad taste would stick in my mouth. Once we got outside my house, I sighed. "S-Sayori…" I muttered, looking at her.

"Yeah, Alex? Is something wrong?"

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything, Alex!"

I looked at her, fully this time. "If you're ever feeling upset, or down, or like you can't take life anymore. You talk to me, okay? I don't care if its the dead of night, you can come and knock on my door. I'll make us tea, and we'll stay up all night watching television, or playing games, or whatever you want."

"A-Alex… Where's this coming from, so suddenly?"

"I-...I don't know. Just, can you promise me that?"

"I…" She hesitated, shutting her eyes and seeming terribly conflicted, "I promise."

I extended out my pinky, causing her to giggle at the irony, before she took it in her own and shook it. "Okay, Alex! I'll talk to you tomorrow." She broke off and waved at me, smiling her usual bright smile as she left. I smiled back as best I could.

I should have been relieved that she made this promise, but I knew in my mind it wouldn't be enough. If something is as wrong with Sayori as I think it is, I would need to try and dig through every single scrapbook, image gallery, and piece of memorabilia I had to try and remember how we used to spend our time together.

As much as it pained me to admit, I found it hard to believe she would be able to keep her promise, even if she really, really wanted to.

Once she was at her house, I turned and unlocked my door, stepping inside. Once the door was shut and locked again, I sighed heavily, my bag dropped to my side.

I didn't even care about taking it all the way upstairs right now.

My feet carried me up to my room slowly. I wasn't in the mood to eat or shower once again, and the poem would just need to wait for whenever I woke up, or when I was in class.

When I got up to my room, I shut the door behind me,and kicked off my shoes, which flew low and hit my dresser.

I quickly changed into something more comfortable for sleeping, not wanting to spend another day sleeping in my school clothes.

No sooner than when my head hit the pillow was I asleep, the days events and the lack of sleep from last night too much for me to bare anymore.


	4. A Long Night

_I found myself standing in the club room, I wasn't sure how I got there, my vision was unfocused for a few moments, a solitary figure stood in front of me. I couldn't place who it was at first, but the longer I spent staring, the more into focus they came to be, as if I was adjusting a camera lens._

 _It was Yuri._

 _But… Something was wrong._

 _The smile on her face wasn't right. Instead of her usual kind, gentle smile, she bore a wide grin, her eyes held a… Demented look. Slightly too wide, yet the worst part was, they were otherwise nearly the same as they always were. Save for the fact that she looked murderously happy about something._

 _She giggled at me, like a girl would giggle when seeing her school yard crush, and a chill went down my spine._

" _Finally… Finally! Oh, Alex! This is all I've ever wanted. Me and you. Alone, without distractions. Not from Monika, and not from Natsuki…Mmmhhh~ Isn't it romantic?" She ran her hand down the side of her face. Her cheeks were beat red, a look of absolute infatuation dominated her features._

 _I wanted to run, but my legs wouldn't listen to me._

 _I wanted to speak, but my voice failed me._

 _I was stuck with a girl who seemed horrifyingly insane._

" _You know, I knew there was something wrong with me this whole time… At first, I thought I'd try to fight it! But it feels too good! I want nothing but you, and it feels great! Doesn't it feel great for you to?! To have someone want to revolve their entire life around you?"_

 _Her giggling continued, the worst part about it being that she seemed completely thrilled. Like this really WAS everything she was ever going to need in life._

 _I wanted to respond to her question, but my voice continued to fail me._

" _Oh Alex… Oooh, Alex! I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you in the club room! I tried to hide it as best I could back then, but now I know that was a mistake! Everything you did sent chills down my spine! Even that time when you yelled at me and Natsuki. It made me so deliciously excited!"_

" _I accepted long ago that something terrible was going to happen if I went after you… But now I don't care! I just want you to love me! I want you to do everything to me, and then, when you're done, I want to cut open your skin and crawl inside you! I want nothing but you to love me! Alex… Do you accept my confession?!"_

 _Finally, with my voice returned, I shouted at the top of my lungs._

" _NO!"_

 _Yuri stared at me for a second, dumbfounded. But then she started to laugh. The deranged cackling of a madwoman. "Ahahahaha...AHAHAAHAHAAHAHA!"_

 _Suddenly, she brandished a knife. It was an intricately designed, and I imagine, incredibly sharp weapon, and I feared for my life in this moment._

 _But she didn't aim it at me._

 _Still cackling, she turned the knife around and plunged it into her stomach. The first time it pushed deep inside, blood wasting no time gushing through her open wound. She was still laughing during this, like it brought her immense joy to be doing this to herself._

 _She brought back the knife again and plunged it into her stomach again, only adding another wound to her body. I wanted to try and stop her, or to call for help, but my legs disobeyed me. I wasn't in control of myself._

 _Finally, even as her laughter weakened, she brought her knife and stabbed it directly into her own heart. Her laughter ceased, her pupils shrunk, and she collapsed in a heap against a chair._

 _Finally, I was able to move, I ran over to her and fell to my knees, taking her in my arms. "Y-Yuri… No, No, NO! NOT YOU TOO! PLEASE! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!"_

 _I screamed to the heavens for an answer, but on this day, God was deaf._

 _All I could do was stare at her lifeless corpse. Blood was seeping into my clothes, but I didn't care. How could I lose two people close to me like this?_

 _It was my fault, wasn't it?_

 _As I stared at my dead friend, I cried. Tears mingled with blood, but even my tears weren't enough to dilute or wash away what was done._

 _This was my fault._

 _All of this was._

 _Sayori, and now Yuri…_

 _I should have been nicer. I should of been there for them._

 _Hell, maybe I shouldn't of been there at all._

 _I deserve whatever hell will come when I die._

 _Suddenly, Yuri's corpse grabbed me, my eyes widened. Her lifeless eyes focused in on me, and through the blood, she gargled out a loud shout._

" _IT WAS YOU!"_

I shot up from my lying position in my bed. Sitting up, the first thing I did was pat myself down, checking to see if I was all in one piece.

"J-Just a dream.." I muttered, but I was still shaking horribly. I couldn't control it. The primal fear the dream instilled wasn't gone yet. I hugged myself in an attempt to stop the shaking, either through warming myself up or reminding my subconscious that I was in bed, in my home, not at school and not with a dead body near me.

I began to cry.

I wish I could say I was a graceful crier. I knew some people were like that, where they could cry singular tears and have that beautiful glisten in their eyes. Monika was kind of like that, now that I think of it. When she cried, her eyes glistened and her face remained so composed.

I was not like that, however.

My crying was ugly. It scrunched up my face, reddened my eyes, my breathing was erratic, so on and so forth. I knew I probably shouldn't have been crying but I couldn't help it. The dream felt as real as, well, reality.

The blood that flowed from Yuri felt so real.

The tears that came from me in the dream were just as real there as they are here.

The way Yuri looked at me and accused me of killing her was somehow the most realistic part, despite being the most easily dismissed as fake.

"O-Oh god.. Oh god… Oh god…"

My voice was barely able to form coherent words, through my terrified sobs.

' _It was just a dream. Just a dream… It was all a dream, it wasn't real.'_

I tried bargaining with myself in my head, but there was a part of me that refused to let go of the idea that this dream, and the others I've had, were reality, or at least, _could_ be reality. The very thought of Yuri stabbing herself to death, or Sayori hanging herself, was too much for me to bare.

And what about me?

What would happen to me, with my friends dying? What was I doing that was killing them?

Fear grasped at my soul and pulled me deeper, my crying grew heavier.

I was terrified for my life, for their lives, for everything. The clawing feeling that pulled at every part of my body made me feel like I was drowning in my own bed.

I could barely breathe, the tears began to sting my eyes, I forced myself to lay back down, but could not sleep. The pillow may as well have been made of stone.

Am I losing my mind? Am I crazy?

Was I going to die here in this bed?

My chest was hurting and my heart was racing.

I put a hand on it to try and calm me down but nothing worked.

I struggled to try to contain myself, finding I was suddenly burning hot. I threw off my covers, and they landed against the floor.

I wanted to stand, to get up out of the bed and walk downstairs, or to grab my phone and call someone to come.

I wanted someone to save me.

But nobody was going to come. Nobody knew this was happening.

I was alone, drowning above sea level.

The only sound that reached my ears was that of my own terrified sobbing, the cries of a man who feared not just for his life, but everything he ever held dear.

What did I do to deserve the hell that was given to me?

Was I dead? Was this divine punishment masquerading as my normal life?

' _Is this even my normal life?'_

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know anything.

And that is what terrifies me the most.

….

…

I don't know how much time passed before my crying finally died down and my breathing, while shaky, started to return to normal.

I knew it couldn't have lasted as long as it felt like it did, because to me the pain and pressure seemed to last an eternity.

As my tears cleared enough for me to see properly, I looked at my bedside clock.

Midnight.

I guess that made sense, even with… Whatever the hell it was that just happened to me waking me up from my sleep. I went to bed around 4 in the afternoon…

I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep after that, at least not at first. So I rose out of bed and started off downstairs, not bothering to dress beyond the shirt and shorts I was wearing.

After all, I wasn't leaving my house.

It was dark and hard to see, I ended up having to follow the wall until I got to the light switch that turned on a light that illuminated my living room, and with the addition of light to my vision, I was able to look around a bit more clearly.

It had occurred to me as I was coming down the stairs that I had never really explored my house before, despite stating to myself that I needed to learn more about who I was before the 'incident.'

Exploring the house I live in seems like it was the best way to do that without paying money to see a therapist.

And of course, I would be trying to find out how I even paid for this. Despite all the emotional baggage and frankly shaky existence I'm dealing with right now, the thing most tantamount to my continued search for answers was money. After all, I couldn't learn anything about my past if I was homeless.

Even though I knew if I really needed to, Sayori or Monika would take me in. I don't know if Monika lived on her own, but I seem to recall that Sayori does. The way Monika is makes me believe that she does have parents, she seemed to be the most stable out of everyone in the Literature Club.

Excluding the whole 'believing the whole world was fake and then suddenly came to life thing and that I'm her long-sought-after lover from another world' thing, that is.

As I walked to the center of my living room, I stood next to my coffee table… Which still had the teapot and mugs on it, with probably disgusting tea by now on the inside.

I really needed to clean up, but that's not what I was focusing on right now.

Instead, I looked around my living room to get a better idea of just what I was working with, and where everything might be.

My living room was painted a dark blue all across the walls, the ceiling was white however. Across the walls were what I had to assume were old pictures. Most of them were of me and Sayori, or had some assortment of me, Sayori, and some other people I don't recognize. Possibly relatives? They didn't look like they could be my parents, though.

The furniture was arranged rather neatly, with the coffee table being in the middle of two moderately sized couches. There was a recliner in the room as well, but it was angled at a television, facing away from the couch arrangement. Beyond that, there was a rather large piece of furniture, arranged in such a way that it was clearly a china cabinet, however, if it ever held any antiques inside, they had been moved, probably close to whenever my parents left, whatever caused that to happen.

Be it death or something else.

The kitchen was connected to the living room directly, the only thing separating it being a bar that was built into the house itself, there were even chairs and a light switch to better illuminate that specific part of the kitchen!

I made a mental note that my house would be very well disposed to housing a moderate number of guests with this setup. If the Literature Club ever needed to come to someone's house in its entirety for any reason, I'd need to offer my place.

Besides, thinking about having someone, anyone here with me, put emphasis on how I currently felt very, very alone, and incredibly cold.

' _...I need a hug.'_

It sounded pathetic to even think that, but after what just happened I really wished I had someone I could just hold onto for a few hours, the warmth might calm me down, as I was still a little tense.

Jeez, I really _am_ pathetic.

Pushing my thoughts away, I moved on from the living room and kitchen. The house had an extra hallway I'd never been down before. At least not since my accident.

The hallway wasn't illuminated by the living room light like the kitchen kind of was, but I eventually found a hallway light that gave me enough to see.

There were three doors, one on the left, one on the right, and one at the end of the hallway.

I started on the left, and found a second bathroom. Handy enough, I supposed. I doubt I'd ever use it, but if I had a house guest, it might be pertinent to let them know about this one for convenience sake. Beyond that, it looked rather dusty inside. Did I not clean this part of the house or something?

I shut the door without going inside, as there was nothing really of interest in that room beyond the fact that it was dirty. Then, I moved directly across that door to the right.

Pushing open the door, I found a lot more inside than I was honestly expecting from my near-shell of a house at this point.

It looked to be a study, and as I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, I felt a strange sense of sadness and nostalgia. Nostalgia for something I shouldn't know anything about? Maybe it was my subconscious picking up on this place as being somewhere important to me.

Against the wall was an old office chair and desk. Against both walls on either side were bookcases. Everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. Even as i stepped further in, I noticed the floor looked like it was sorely in need of a vacuuming.

The bookcases were almost completely covered with, well, books. Most of them looked dull and uninteresting at a glance, but there were a good few that caught my eye. I spotted a few books that looked like they might be photo albums, and took them off the shelves. There were four in total, and I set them on top of the desk so I could take them to my room to be investigated later.

On top of the desk were two other things of note, a _very_ outdated telephone that looked like it belonged in a bygone age compared to the smart phone I had in my pocket, and a picture. Deciding the picture was more important than the phone, I grabbed it and looked at it.

It was covered in a layer of dust that obscured what was under the frame, but after a quick puff of air and some wiping with my finger, my eyes laid upon a couple, a man and a woman.

The man was the older of the two, it looked like. His hair had evidence of gray on it, despite the black it was replacing holding firm in as many places as it could. He looked to be of mixed descendance, like there was just enough in his blood to make it hard to pinpoint exactly what his ancestry was. I had to assume Japanese, though.

The woman was markedly more… Western. Pale skin, brown hair, hazel eyes. She looked slightly younger than the man, but not by much.

They were both wearing formal wear, the man a suit, the woman a dress. They seemed happy together, the woman holding onto the man's arm and with both of them smiling brightly at the camera, full of life despite their age.

I had to assume these were my parents.

I found a tear falling down my cheek for what must have been the thousandth time that night, but I wiped it off. I had to save the crying for later.

I placed the photo back where it was, and decided that I shouldn't disturb it.

I pulled back the chair and sat down in it. Dust flew up as I did, causing me to cough, and I realized that I probably should have wiped it off before I did that.

Too late now.

Instead of going for the photo albums, I began to rummage through the drawers. Each side of the desk had two of them.

Looking through them, most of them didn't have anything worthwhile in them. Old business forms and an old dystopian book, _Fahrenheit 451._ I remember seeing it on the shelf of the library in my school, I had looked at it and read its description, but passed it over because I didn't know if it was worth my time.

I guess if my dad liked it, I should look at it. So, I put it on top of the photo albums so I could transfer it to my bag before school.

The final drawer I checked had something more pertinent to my current endeavor, however.

Inside was a rather large manilla folder, brimming with papers. Contrary to everything else in this office, it didn't have a thick layer of dust covering it. Rather, while it did have dust on it, it was considerably lighter, betraying that it had been looked through more recently.

Grabbing it, I was careful not to allow the files inside spill out. I set it to the side momentarily while I grabbed the photo albums and set them on the ground next to me for a moment. Then, I grabbed the folder and put it in front of me, before opening it.

The very first thing that met my gaze was a rather formal looking letter. I might have dismissed it as being something that belonged to my dad, if it didn't have my name on it. So I grabbed it, and read it.

"Dear Alex Suzuki,

I wish I was writing this letter under better circumstances, you may remember me from the few times I visited your father before this tragedy.

As you are aware, I was your father's personal attorney, and I was entrusted to handle the will of both your parents, as well as a unique will they had prepared in the event that they both perished in an unthinkable accident before your eighteenth birthday. It was one I persuaded them to make, and it is unfortunate that it was necessary for you to know about it at all, let alone needing to use it.

Your father was a well-off man, and he was intelligent. He invested wisely in several companies, and held a rather diverse stock portfolio.

I am sure this means little to you in light of the circumstances, but with their deaths, everything they owned, from their house, to their furniture, to their wealth and other assets, is now yours.

You needn't worry yourself over it, however. As I will be in charge of managing your parents' assets until your eighteenth birthday, whereupon you will be granted full control of their estate.

Your father's stocks will continue to be managed by a broker, who I will be in contact with. On your eighteenth birthday, you can decide if you would like to take over communications with the broker, or allow me to act in your place for a few more years.

You will be allowed to remain in your house, as you are only a few scant years off from adulthood, but you will be visited weekly by a police officer, who will deliver you groceries that you will request at the start of each week from them.

It is not an ideal situation, but I knew you would not be happy in foster care. This was the best alternative the court would allow.

This letter has gone on long enough, so I will stop here. My phone number is at the bottom of this letter, should you need to contact me.

Regards, Hisao Wasashi. "

I set the letter down and sighed. So, that was it then? The letter was dated three years ago, which means my parents died when I was fifteen. I wonder what killed them? I suppose it didn't matter. Probably an accident of some kind.

I set the letter down and found several other official letters and papers, one from the broker that was mentioned before, and several from various people whose names meant nothing to me, sending condolences. Some of them were relatives, offering to take care of me until I was eighteen, but I guess I turned them all down?

As normal, I couldn't remember.

I found a much more recent letter at the bottom of the folder, why I set it there, I had no idea, as it was clearly addressed to me.

"Dear Mr. Suzuki,

I'm very happy with your decision to keep me as your personal attorney, and connection to your broker. I know these past three years have not been the easiest for you, but I firmly believe you pulled through them just fine.

Your father would be very proud of you.

As you are aware, now that you are eighteen, and therefore in the eyes of the law considered to be able to care for yourself, you are hereby given complete control over your parents' estate. The bank account that contains the combined monetary assets of your family will be given to you to use as you see fit.

I have, however, taken the liberty of setting up a savings account for the vast majority of the wealth, which will also be given to you. I believe you will benefit more from having most of your wealth in a savings account from a top bank.

The money in your accounts will be more than enough for you to live comfortably for at least two decades, longer, if you continue with your father's sterling investments, and maybe make some of your own.

It may be tempting to avoid working at all, or pursuing a higher education after you finish schooling, because of this wealth. If you were anyone else's son, I would be worried, but I know you, and I knew your father.

I know you will do great things in this life, Alex. As it was the first time, my phone number and address are at the bottom of this letter. The bank information is attached as well. Please keep track of it.

Yours, Hisao Wasashi."

Well, I guess that brought to a close my investigation on 'how I was able to live in such a nice house despite not working and living alone.'

It appeared I was rather wealthy.

I'm sure most people probably would be overjoyed to know this, especially if they were in my situation and didn't _remember_ the money, and while I'm sure that I could use some of it for fun, and I'm sure that I did do just that, it didn't stir much in me.

After all, while this money was nice and a good safety net from me needing to worry about poverty, I still planned to get a college degree of some kind.

I wasn't even sure of what kind of books or movies I liked, let alone what I wanted to do with my life beyond high school, but I knew that much. If I just spent my life living off of my dead parents' wealth, never doing anything productive with it in the slightest, what kind of person would I be?

Not a good one, in my mind.

Sighing, I put all the letters and files back in order, then put the final letter from the lawyer underneath the book. I don't know why I left it here before, but I felt it would be more convenient for me to keep it somewhere in my room.

With that done, I pulled out my phone and looked at the time.

1 AM.

Not too bad, I guess. It could be worse. I still had more to do, however. Picking up the assortment of items I collected, I moved them out and into the living room, having to be careful so I could open the door to the study without dropping everything.

Once that was secure, I went to check out the final room in my house.

Thankfully, it held less food for thought than I thought it would.

It was a bedroom, this one had a bed and a nightstand, but nothing else in it. I had to assume it was a guest room. The nightstand, once I checked, had nothing on it.

Well it was handy to have at least one other bedroom with an actual bed in it in the house, I had to wonder what I did with my parents' old mattress. Not to mention the fact that two of the rooms in my house upstairs were just completely empty.

I bet I could think of some cool things to do with them, but not now.

For now, I went back, grabbed the four photo albums, the book, and the letter, and walked upstairs.

Once I was back in my bedroom, I sat down on the ground in the middle of my bedroom, and began to look through the photo albums. The book was tossed on top of my bed, the letter left on my desk so I could store it later, and maybe check my bank accounts to see just _how much_ money I was dealing with.

The first photo album was the oldest. It held pictures of my parents when they were younger, pictures of my mother pregnant with me, then pictures of me as a baby with them, interspersed with pictures of just them. A pang of sadness went through me as I looked at even this album, my parents seemed to really love me, and each other.

I set it aside and, trying to make myself feel a bit better, noted that I shouldn't let Sayori see it. I bet she'd spend the day joking about my baby pictures.

The second album held my early childhood. It was around the middle of this photo album that Sayori started to appear. I guess she wasn't lying about her story, not that I believed she was, that is! It was simply that, inside, was a picture of young Sayori, clearly having finished crying recently, with me sitting next to her, trying to comfort her with her own toy giraffe.

I guess my parents took this one in secret, because neither me nor Sayori seemed aware of the fact that we were being photographed.

All the ones after that seemed voluntary, as many of them were of me and Sayori playing, or birthday parties, or pictures of me with my parents, sometime Sayori even joined in on those pictures.

It seemed even back then she might as well have been a member of my family.

I set the album aside, smiling lightly. It was nice to know that past-me managed to keep Sayori as a friend for so long, and it honestly made me feel kind of happy that she was still my friend.

Still, another pang of sadness. We all looked very happy in those pictures, like there was nothing to worry about.

The third album contained similar images, but instead set in my middle school and high school days. Sayori was noticeably slightly more absent from these pictures, but she was still there. Some of these pictures looked strange, and I squinted at them to try and determine what was wrong.

Ah, most of these were pictures either me or Sayori took with our phones.

Did… Did my parents print out pictures me and Sayori posted to social media?

The very idea made me laugh a bit under my breath. It was a solemn, somewhat bitter laugh though. My parents loved me - That much was obvious. I wonder what I did to deserve them.

Maybe I didn't, and that's why they were taken from me.

The final album was the only one that wasn't completely filled. It only had the first two pages filled. It was pretty standard affair, more pictures of me and Sayori together having fun. Some of them got a little embarrassing. Did I really take Sayori with me to all those dances?

If that was the case, I had to wonder if I just found it too weird to consider her a girlfriend back then, because there was no other real explanation as to why I wasn't already dating her back then.

The final picture was of me, smiling widely on my fifteenth birthday. My parents were next to me, and Sayori was as well. We all looked so happy, especially me. I looked like nothing in the world would ever bring me down.

It was a good thing the picture was protected by the album, because tears began to drip onto it. I was crying again, but this time it wasn't out of fear.

It was out of raw sadness and loneliness.

What did I do to deserve this?

To have my parents, who loved me dearly if the books were to be believed, taken from me when I was only fifteen?

To then have my memory blanked on what I assumed was either the whim of a cruel god or a freak accident?

To be sitting here, scared and alone, adrift in a world where I didn't even remember what my favorite color or food was?

"Why…" I muttered as I shut the book and held it tightly against my chest, before laying back and staring at my ceiling fan.

I had to turn my head so my tears would flow down the carpet, "Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?"

My voice was barely above a whisper as I forced my eyes shut, but it only caused the tears to flow faster.

"W-Who am I? Please…Someone tell me who I am… Please…"

I don't know who I am begging. Maybe that didn't matter.

"Dad… Mom… Please… If you can hear me up there… I'm so scared. I'm so lost…"

"I-I'm so alone… Without you here…"

I found myself simply repeating "Please." At a volume barely above a whisper. I begged, on the off chance that someone would come down and grant me the guidance I so dearly needed.

Just like in the dream with Yuri, however, there was no response.

Before long, I stopped speaking, and simply laid there, clutching the book in my arms while allowing my tears to stain the carpet beneath me.

For the second time that night, I didn't know how much time passed before I got up.

I was tempted to fall asleep right there on the floor, the only thing keeping me from doing so was the prospect of not eating something at home again.

That, and remembering that I needed to write my poem and still manage to get enough sleep before school the next day.

I stacked the albums in a corner of my room and looked around. I would need to dig around my room so I got a better idea of my own interests later. A good book or movie might be a necessary break from reality after yesterday and the day before.

However, that would need to come later. For now, I started down towards the kitchen so i could make myself some late night dinner.

They say you shouldn't eat after a certain time of night, but I really didn't care about that at this point. I needed to get food into my body so I could have the energy needed to draft a poem for the club tomorrow.

As I reached my kitchen, I began to poke around. There was a pantry, which housed various non-perishables and ingredients for more complicated food. It seemed pre-accident me was an avid cook. ' _I wonder if I tried to cook if I'd remember anything about it.'_

I found a recipe book sitting on the counter, how I didn't notice it before was beyond me. It seems I had previously highlighted a bunch of recipes, several of them had notes like 'Sayori loves this one!' or 'Special occasions!'

I even had a recipe for brownies, the name of which I underlined several times, as if to exclaim to myself that it was somehow important. Maybe they were Sayori's favorite? I wasn't even aware I made stuff like that.

Maybe I'd try to make some for the Literature Club? Not today, but maybe tonight. Since, once I checked my phone, I realize it's currently Thursday. Since Friday is the day before the festival, maybe everyone could use them as a pick me up.

It felt weird thinking about making something like this for the club. Wasn't it Natsuki's thing? Then again, I guess I had just stumbled upon one of my passions again. I remember that Sayori said I was always the one to cook for her… Maybe I got really good at it so she wouldn't be eating the same things all the time?

That's the only reason I can see myself getting into cooking, at least.

I wasn't exactly in the mood to put in all the effort to make something fancy for what was just supposed to keep me satisfied until tomorrow's lunch at school.

Lunch…

That gave me an idea.

Sayori had been in a pretty crummy mood today, from what I remember. She might not have wanted to show it, but I knew something was off with her today. Maybe she needed some cheering up?

Yeah, I'd make her lunch! One of those Bento things some people at school bring. I'd need to make one myself though, so it doesn't look too suspicious. I'd rather not have Sayori getting the wrong idea about me or anything.

First things first, I'd make myself something quick to eat to tide me over, than I'd get to work on the lunch.

For my current needs, I just made a simple couple sandwiches with ham and cheese. Nothing spectacular, but that was more because I didn't want to be finishing cooking lunch at around five AM and suffering through school like that again.

Then, I set to work on making something that could hopefully brighten my best friend's day today.

I had to consider what I knew about Sayori. Based on all the evidence I've gathered, plus my own inferences, she was a very heavy eater. How she maintained that cute figure of hers, I'll never know. ' _Not that I find her cute, of course. I meant… Like, Sister cute.'_ Who was I even trying to negotiate my own thoughts with?

Myself?

Regardless, I looked up some bento recipes online, and found one that seemed like it'd be filling. I couldn't exactly put together the massive kind of meal that Sayori would probably enjoy eating every day.

What I could do though was consider what kinds of things she liked to eat, though. Hmm… Scratching my chin, I looked up recipes online for a short time, before I came upon something I think I could make for Sayori that she would like. Meanwhile I'd just make myself a different recipe. My stomach couldn't hold half as much as Sayori's could.

I grabbed everything I was going to need and got to cooking. Honestly, cooking this stuff just served to make me feel more hungry than I was before I ate, but I knew it would pass in time.

For Sayori, I think I may have ended up going a bit more 'all out' then I had initially intended to. Two hamburger patties, some steamed veggies and rice in the main box, with a small plastic container that held some cookies I had. They weren't home made, just store brand, but they seemed like they'd be a good addition.

For me, I threw together an egg sandwich and paired it with some cut up apple slices and a small amount of grapes.

I chuckled under my breath as I realized the stark difference in effort put into our meals. Well, I guess I was doing this more for Sayori then I was for me. I didn't want her being sad, and if a little gesture like this, friend to friend, would help keep her smiling, then I would do it.

I may not be good at much, but if I was good at cooking, you could bet I was going to try and use it as best I could.

With that done, I sealed the containers and put them in the fridge. In the morning I would eat them up, wrap them up, then go to meet Sayori for the walk to school. Once they were put away, I looked at my wall clock again.

3 AM.

Sighing, I knew if I wrote the poem now that it would keep me up at least another hour, then I wouldn't be in a good mood at all tomorrow, even with all the extra sleep I got earlier. I'd just have to write the poem in one of my classes and pass it off as homework I was doing.

Walking upstairs and back into my room, I took a minute to fix my bed, put the paper I had away, then, as I was about to get into bed, my eyes fell upon my computer.

Oh right, I was going to look and see just what I had in the way of online accounts that might be able to tell me more about my life.

Instead of laying down right away, knowing I might not be able to fall asleep immediately, I went and sat down at my computer, turning it on. Thankfully, my computer wasn't password blocked, I guess because I live alone. Otherwise, I'd of probably not been able to get into it at all and my little investigation would have ended then and there.

My computer, despite me not being on it since my accident, felt familiar to me. I remembered most of where everything was, and thankfully past-me had the good sense to write down all their account information somewhere incase they forgot.

Thanks, me.

I had accounts that held games and other stuff, but I wasn't really interested in playing any games right now. Instead, I went for social media.

I had two different accounts on two different websites, as I found out.

The first one didn't hold much information, and in fact I didn't seem to use it much at all, it seemed like it was more geared towards quick little bursts of information about one's day. I followed a huge number of accounts, most of them seemed to be artists for various games and anime that I enjoyed.

Well, at least it helped me get a better idea of what past-me was into in terms of media.

The second one had a veritable bounty of information, by comparison. I had a lot of people added, most of them seemed to be family, but a friend I realized must have been friends that I hadn't talked to in awhile. I had Sayori added, and, checking my friend requests, I noticed Monika had sent me an invite.

I accepted, of course, I didn't want her to think I hated her or something.

Strangely, she sent me a message pretty quickly, which I was not expecting given the time of day.

Monika: "What are you doing up so late?"

Quirking an eyebrow, I responded.

Alex: "I should ask you the same question, Club President."

Monika: "Lol! I was just getting ready 4 my morning run!"

Morning run? At nearly four AM?

Alex: "Isn't it a bit early for that?"

Monika: "Never too early to exercise!"

Monika: "U should join me sometime, we could get all hot and sweaty together~ ;)"

What the fuck, Monika.

I was glad this was just over the internet because my face was probably about as red as a Communist in a paintball competition.

Monika: "Omg, I'm so sorry! That was too much wasn't it?"

Alex: "Maybe a bit too much, Monika."

Monika: "Sorry! I am serious tho! You could come work out with me sometime and get into better shape!"

Monika: "Not that you're fat or anything, but I know you could be in better health!"

Yeah, thanks Monika.

Alex: "If you come around someday I'll go running with you or something, alright?"

I really didn't want to actually work out, in any way, but I knew it would be good for me, and maybe if Monika came to saw me as more of a friend she'd drop this crazy notion of me being destined to be with her.

Monika: "It's a date then~"

Well shit. I guess I should have seen that coming.

Alex: "Not a date. I just need to get in better shape, and you're pretty healthy."

Monika: "So you're saying I'm attractive~?"

Alex: "Goodnight, Monika, I'm gonna get some rest before school starts.

Monika: "Awwh, goodnight!"

I probably should have been a bit nicer towards the end there, but I knew exactly what she was trying to do. Now, if she had been doing that in real life I'd of probably been a bit less able to put the breaks on it was quickly.

Regardless, I let off a loud groan of frustration directed at my current circumstances as I crashed onto my bed and started laying down. I forgot to turn off my computer, but at this point I was too lazy to get up again. I'd just turn it off in the morning.

As I lay in bed, I sighed in frustration. I didn't even get to look through my facebook page because I was so distracted by Monika.

' _Monika, Monika… A little bit of Monika in my life. What do I do about Monika? Much ado… About Monika.'_

Wow, I was really tired.

It didn't stop me from realizing I'd eventually need to do something about Monika. I told her that I didn't want to be with anyone and that I didn't love her, but she still seemed so determined to win me over. I had to get her to stop so she could try and live her life without thinking about me, and I'd be free of the idea that she might start doing something cheesy, like making me chocolates, sending love letters, or making me lu-

' _Ahahaha. Very funny, me.'_

Well, with that absolutely useless jab at myself over with, I realized I was probably going to need to take more time to learn about Monika, and see why she was so desperately in love with me. Maybe there was a reason beyond it aside from some crazy theory she probably came up with one day?

Sighing, I decided I might as well try to sleep. While I doubt I'd be in as bad a mood as I was yesterday today, I knew if I didn't rest some, I'd still probably get irritable towards the end of the day. So, I shut my eyes.

It took awhile, but I finally fell back asleep.


	5. The Melancholy of Alex Suzuki

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BE-_

I gently smacked my alarm clock as hard as I could.

Groaning, I checked the time while rubbing the sleepy from my eyes.

5:50 AM.

Well, I may not have gotten that much more sleep, at least I could back it up with a full eight hours from before I woke up last night.

Yawning and stretching, I got out of bed and went about my business. Getting a shower, brushing my teeth, grabbing the book I got from my dad's study and taking it down to my backpack, that sort of thing. I nearly forgot to heat up the lunches I made for me and Sayori, but thankfully I remembered when I went to get a soda from the fridge.

I didn't really care too much about soda, personally. I had some of them stocked up for if I needed a quick caffeine kick without having the time to make coffee, and in this case, while I did have time, I didn't have energy.

I'm sure someone like Monika would get onto me if she knew I was drinking these things, but I didn't really care.

It was my decision.

Once that was wrapped up, I noted I still had around thirty minutes before I needed to head to school, so I went back upstairs and got on my computer to look through my account's photos, to look for more traces of who I was before the accident.

The photos in my account weren't terribly enlightening. For one, many of them I had already seen before. For two, it seems that I took remarkably less photographs these past couple years leading up to my accident. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, judging based on the kinds of posts I made on this account and how any pictures I took were inside my house, it looked like these past couple years I had sort of turned into a shut in.

Well, I'd need to fix that. I wasn't going to get anywhere in life by holding myself up in my room.

By the time I finished poking around, it was about time for me to start heading out. I knew Sayori would probably be a little late, so I dialed her number on my phone and waited for her to pick up as I went to grab my bag and the two lunches, now protected by two seperate bags. One for me, one for her.

 _Ring…_

 _Ring ring…_

 _Ring ri-_

"Hello?" Sayori's voice betrayed how tired she was, I suppose I'd just woken her up.

"It's time for school, Sayori, come on. I'll meet you outside."

"O-Oh! I'll be right out!" I heard her getting out of bed, before I hung up and went out to wait for her.

It was a rather cloudy morning, making it kind of hard to see. Luckily, the street lights were all on, and with the sun continuing to rise over the horizon, things were getting easier to see by the minute.

I stood on the side of the road and looked towards Sayori's house, taking in a deep breath of the crisp morning air.

I had to say, compared to last night and the day before, I felt much better today. Like maybe, just maybe, today I might be able to actually enjoy myself at school. After all, not every day had to be about soul crushing loneliness and a clawing feeling of desperation, right?

Right?

Before I could answer that question, Sayori practically exploded out of her house like she set a bomb to go off in ten seconds. At least she took the time to turn around and lock her door before continuing her run.

She slowed down when she saw I was waiting for her, but didn't completely stop until she was within arms reach of me. Breathing heavily as she tried to get ahold of herself, she said, "Y-You waited for me this time!"

"Yeah, well, I did call you to tell you to wake up, so it's not like I had to wonder if you were going to be an hour late to school or something."

"You don't have any faith in me at all, do you Alex?" She pouted at me, but I was prepared for it this time.

"Just yesterday you hung out at my house with me just so you wouldn't be an extra hour later."

"That's wasn't the only re- Hey! You brought lunch today? Ooh, and you have two!" Sayori smiled coyly at me, "You finally got a girlfriend, didn't you? Who's the lucky girl?!" She bounced on her heels, "Was it Moni-"

"Jeez, Sayori! It's nothing like that." I blushed and turned my head so I didn't have to look at her, then I held out the one that was for her. "It's for you."

As I glanced at Sayori from the corner of her eyes, I saw her face flare up red. "A-Alex! You made me lunch?! Oh my god!" She took it and then promptly hugged me with such force that I almost fell over, "Thank you, thank you! What's the occasion?!"

"H-Hey!" I protested her hug, before quickly giving in and hugging her back. "It's not that big a deal! It's just lunch."

We must have looked like a couple love birds hugging each other like this, but I didn't really care right now.

"Yeah, but you know I love your cooking!" She let go of me and held the lunch with both her hands, against her chest like it was the most important thing in the world to her at this moment. "You haven't made lunch for me in nearly two years! What changed?"

I smiled a bit involuntarily.

"N-Nothing. It's just that I heard you complaining about how bad lunch was the other day! You know? It was just so I didn't have to hear it, yeah?"

Was I turning into Natsuki or something?

I should have said something different, but that was what came out. Maybe it was because of embarrassment?

Sayori grinned at me regardless, like she had some kind of secret understanding of why I did it. "Alex.. Thank you so much!" Then, she hugged me again.

I hugged her back and said, "Yeah, yeah… Come on, let's go to school. No skipping math this time!" I wagged my finger at her scoldingly as she let go of me.

"Ooh alright." She acquiesced, then we turned and started to school.

We walked in relative silence for the first half of the walk, before I decided to strike up a conversation, "So, the festival is coming up, isn't it?" I looked at her as we walked, only occasionally looking to see if I was going to trip on something or not.

"That's right! I'm so excited~!" Sayori seemed positively giddy about it, "Monika and I have been planning this thing for all of us to do to try and get new members!

"Oh yeah? Just what would that be, exactly?"

"Can't tell you yet!"

"Really? Why not?"

"Cauuusee, it's a surprise, silly!" She grinned at me, I wanted to prod her more about it, but the way she was glowing with positive energy right now made my defenses falter.

"Oh fine, I'll wait."

"Don't worry~ We'll be letting everyone know today! So you only have to wait a few hours!"

"Did you do your poem today, Sayori?"

"Yeah, and I did it last night to, so it's even better than yesterday's! You'll see. What about you? How's your poem?"

Aaahh shit. I knew I was forgetting about something.

"Oh it's alright, I think. About the same as yesterday's, at least."

"Can I see it?"

"S-Sorry, no sneak peaks! You'll see it when everyone else does."

"Awwwhh, okay."

Whew. I was going to need to write this poem today. I could probably squeeze it in during my English class, I think the teacher would let me do it if she caught me writing it, at least. She seemed understanding enough of that kinda stuff.

Once we arrived at the school grounds, I stopped. Sayori turned to me, instead of just saying goodbye, "H-Hey… Alex."

"Yeah sa-"

My words got caught in my throat, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the way she was looking at me.

Looking down at her, it was hard to describe just what she looked like at this moment, but I'm going to try anyways.

Her coral-colored hair glistening lightly against the morning sun, which was working its way through the clouds as they moved apart. She herself had a light red blush on her face as she locked eyes with me. The look in her bright blue eyes was one of… Admiration? She looked at me like I was the most important person in the world at that moment. She clutched the lunch I made her tightly to her chest, and the smile on her face was gentle, very different from how she usually looked.

My heart tightened and I felt a strange sensation in my stomach.

What was this feeling…?

"A-Alex I…" Her eyes began to glisten and her smile slipped a little bit.

She started to cry.

"S-Sayori? Are you okay?"

She wiped the tears off with her sleeve, saying, "Y-Yeah! Just…" She smiled again, "It's not that important, sorry…I just…" There was a pause, before she said, "H-Have a good day today, okay?"

With that, she sprinted off towards her class, I reached out to stop her out of instinct, but she was gone before I could even speak.

What the hell…?

As I started to class, my mind was swimming with the memory of what just happened. It might not sound like it was much, but the strange feeling in my stomach lingered long after she ran off. Looking at her in that moment, she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

Most people may have felt ecstatic over the feelings that arose in me when she looked at me that way. A feeling of… Well, I couldn't sugar coat it. A feeling of love. A feeling of want and desire and it was what the poems claimed to be the best and worst feeling in the world. Most people would be happy.

However, in a running theme with me, I'm not most people.

I wasn't supposed to be feeling this way about anyone. Not now. I told myself I wasn't going to get feelings for anyone before I figured out what was going on with me. Not Monika, not Sayori, not anyone.

If I admitted my love to one, the other would be heartbroken. If I died of some disease or something before I confessed anything to either of them, they would both be heartbroken. If I confessed and then died, they'd be heartbroken. If I confessed before figuring out what to do about Monika's feelings, she would be devastated.

If Sayori killed herself, I don't know if I would have the strength to live on. The same with any of the other girls - If something bad happened to them, I don't know what I would do. I'd only known them all a short time, but they already felt like good friends.

Fuck, fuck, **FUCK**.

I felt like punching a wall. What was the point of having feelings like this if the only way this could end well for everyone was if I wasn't around?!

If I wasn't around...

That was how everyone could be happy, wasn't it?

This thought would plague my mind like a disease the entire day, and it ended up affecting the poem I wrote in English class as well.

"Gone

Beautiful predawn

The sunlight bathing the world around me

The flowers would bloom a little brighter

If I were gone.

The artist that paints a masterpiece

Feels it must be redrawn

It would be more beautiful

If I were gone.

A woman stands in a meadow

Many trials she has undergone

Tears flow from her face as the flowers die

She would be happier

If I were gone.

Sunlight withdrawn

The loss of a pawn

Friends movin on

The sun rises

At the crack of dawn

It shines a little brighter

Because I am gone."

The poem was really shaped by the feeling that had been growing a bit stronger in me since yesterday. It was hard to shake off with what was going on in my mind, and what had been going on around me, and the more I fought it, the worse I felt.

I could barely get rest when I slept, the nightmares were there.

I could not talk to my friends, the more I associated, the worse things got for them in the long run.

I could not talk to my parents - They were taken in a time I could not even remember.

Remembering…

I couldn't even remember anything before two days ago. Yet I was plagued with information I needed to fight to understand. I was assaulted with feelings that I shouldn't have.

I was fighting a losing battle to keep myself sane.

….

…

…

The school day passed slowly.

When the final bell rang, I didn't feel particularly relieved. I was kind of dreading getting to the literature club and sharing this poem. It felt too… Raw. Maybe I was laying things on a bit too heavily? Maybe it made things too obvious?

I felt like maybe I should lie and say I lost my poem or something.

The girls might be upset at me, but if I made enough of a show of genuinely looking like I lost it, then they'd forgive me.

Before I knew it I was at the door to the Literature club. I took a deep breath, did my best to push down the way I feeling right now, and opened the door.

The usual scene greeted me.

"Heeyyy Alex!" Sayori bounds up to me like a deer would to a lake.

"What's up, Sayori? Feeling better now?"

"Hmmm? Oh, yeah! Sorry, I was just feeling a little under the weather, ehehe." She bridged her fingers in embarrassment.

"Anyways! I don't have any money, could you buy me a snack pleeaseee?"

"Su- Waait a second…" I squinted at her, my mind distracted from its dark thoughts for the time being.

"What happened to the cookies I gave you earlier?"

"W-Well, I ate them of course!"

"All of them? There was like ten cookies in that container!"

"I-I was hungry!"

"So you ate _all_ of the lunch I gave you, and you were _still_ hungry enough to eat ten cookies? Where does your food go?"

Sayori pats her stomach and grins, "In my stomach!"

I rolled my eyes, a smile came to my face.

Before I could respond any further, I heard Yuri giggling, causing me and Sayori to turn to the shrinking violet.

"E-Eh?!" She jumped, clearly not expecting to get caught. "S-Sorry, i wasn't listening in! It was just… Something in my book…"

"Yuuurriii!" Sayori bounded up to Yuri and put her hands on her desk, "Tell Alex to come with me to get a snack!"

"Sayori…" She starts, "If you not only ate the entire lunch Alex graciously made for you, but the cookies as well, and then decided to try and get him to buy you even more food… Then your suffering is fair enough retribution for your crimes."

Me and Sayori stared at Yuri, slack-jawed.

She quickly realized what she said, "E-Eh? Did I just…? I'm sorry… I got caught up in my book…" She started playing with her hair while looking away.

Sayori stared another moment, before laughing, "Yuri, I like when you speak your mind! It doesn't happen often, but it's a fun side of you!"

"Y-You can't possibly think that…" Yuri broods, using her hair as shelter.

Before this conversation could continue, Natsuki burst through the door, waving a wrapped cookie around. "Sayori! Catch!" Then she tossed it. Sayori, to her credit, leaped to get it, but it went wide and Sayori landed, stumbling and crashing right into me. Now, she wasn't heavy, but given that I was only half paying attention to her, I stumbled back a bit and caught myself on a desk. "Careful, Sayori!"

Sayori was gripping my vest, and she looked at me, before blushing and letting go, "S-sorry!" She then went off to get the cookie, while Natsuki and Yuri giggled to each other. Natsuki began to unwrap and eat her own cookie.

I forced the redness in my face to go down by reminding myself of my promise to myself and continued to watch the antics of the girls.

Sayori took a large bite out of her own cookie, coming over to join the other two. "Mmmh! This is shooo good!" She said through a mouth full of cookie, before exclaiming in pain, "Ow! I bit my tongue!"

That gotta laugh out of the three of us, admittedly. Natsuki grinned, "Man, you're going through a lot for just one cookie!"

"Hey, Natsuki… Can I try your cookie?" Sayori's gaze seemed to lock onto Natsuki's cookie. This girl was really a bottomless pit, wasn't she?

"In your dreams!"

"B-But… Yours is chocolate."

"Duh! Why do you think I gave you that one?"

"Come on pleeasee?"

"No! You've already got one!"

"Ooh okay, Natsuki. You're really a great friend!" Sayori sidled up behind Natsuki and gave her a big hug. Natsuki, embarrassed, looked away.

"G-Geeze! No need to get so touchy, dummy!" Natsuki went to push Sayori off with the hand that was holding the cookie.

Big mistake.

Sayori leaned down and took a bite out of the cookie.

"H-Hey! Did you seriously just do that?!" Despite her indignant and angry words, a grin started to form across her face.

What could that be about?

Sayori's face turned from one of satisfaction to horror in a few microseconds. "W-Wait a schecond…" She said, it was still in her mouth. "R-RAISINS!" She shouted in horror, mouth full of the abomination of a treat, and she ran off to spit it out in the trash can.

We all lost it.

"Come on, that was good! High five!" Natsuki held up her hand. I met her strongly, Yuri hesitated, but met her a bit weakly. I guess Natsuki's high fives were strong, because afterwards Yuri had to shake out her hand.

Sayori recovered from literally scraping her tongue of the abomination that had been given unto her, before returning to eating her own cookie, "That was mean, Natsuki!"

"Oh, come on! It wasn't that bad!" As if to emphasize her point, she took a huge bite of her disgusting raisin cookie.

The fact that Natsuki could stomach a raisin cookie made me wonder what kind of being she was, to like that taste. Not human, that's for sure!

I had to admit, this little escapade made me genuinely smile. I could still feel the dark thoughts prodding at the back of my mind, but seeing the girls, happy, laughing, and enjoying time with each other… It made me feel good.

I recalled the dream I had about Yuri last night, and how it affected me. It made me look at Yuri as she went back to reading her book.

She was kind, reserved, shy, and pretty. I'm sure her behavior could be classified as the dictionary definition of 'adorable' as well. I could have imagined myself trying to date a girl like this if my life wasn't so complicated, besides the fact that at the end of the day, aside from books, we liked very different things.

I could not imagine a girl this good hearted to do what she did in my dream. No matter how real it felt.

Looking at all these girls, I had to wonder what was going on in my head… What could be concocting such terrible dreams? These things that were driving me to the edge of the abyss?

I wondered if I'd be able to push it back before it brought me entirely to my knees.

Before I could continue this train of thought, I snapped back to reality, because I noticed a pair of eyes on me.

"..." Yuri was looking at me out of the corner of her eye and blushing.

Damn, was I staring at her?

"S-Sorry. I guess I kinda spaced out… Didn't mean to make it look like I was staring at you."

"I-It's fine. S-So… How's your math?"

"Still troubled. Are you still up for helping me on Saturday? I-I'd understand if not, I did kind of act a bit mean yesterday."

"N-No, it's fine! Uuu… It's terrible that you think it was your fault…" She mutters, burying her face in her hair, "I-I'm sorry…"

"N-No need to be sorry! I'm sorry!"

"B-But it's my fault for getting so angry at Natsuki… She was just acting so rude and when I tried to make it better she got mad at me, so I'm sorry…"

"H-Hey, if anyone should be apologizing it's me! I'm the one who snapped at the two of you! You were just looking for validation, and everyone wants that. So, I'm sorry."

"N-No, it's my fault, I should have been more sensitive to Natsuki's feelings! I'm sorry!"

"No, it-" I stopped and realizing what we were doing to each other, I couldn't help but smile, causing Yuri to look at me confused.

"W-What's so funny?"

"Are we going to just sit here apologizing to each other all day, then? I'm fine with it, I just need to clear out my schedule."

Yuri blinked at me, shocked for a minute, before she started giggling. It wasn't a full-blown one, but she had to cover her mouth and looked down at her book.

I had to admit, being able to make Yuri laugh made me feel pretty good about myself.

"So what book are you reading, Yuri?" I decided I'd keep the conversation going. After all, I hadn't spent all that much time around Yuri yet.

"O-Oh… It's called the Portrait of Markov." She marks her page and shows it to me, then she describes. "It's about this girl who goes to live with her long-lost sister, but then she gets targeted by these people who escaped from a human experiment prison. And she has to make tough choices to live, but even then her relationships start falling apart at the seams."

"Wow, that's… Pretty intense."

Yuri giggles again, saying, "I-I guess you could say that. I love books like this…"

"Say, that makes me think. Wait here one sec." I went to my bag, which I had set down after Sayori's episode, and pulled out the book I got from the library. _The Shadow Over Innsmouth._ Then, I went over to Yuri and showed it to her. "Have you ever read this?"

"Uhuhuhu… So you were the one who got to that book before me… I'm surprised Alex. I didn't think you were into that sort of thing."

"Yeah, well. I did come here to try and expand my horizons a bit, I guess. I heard this Lovecraft guy was some kind of literary genius, so I thought I'd look for one of his books."

"Saying he was a genius is an understatement…" Yuri smiles, she clearly liked this guy's work. "He may have been an eccentric man, but Lovecraft defined a whole genre of literature with his work… I meant to read that book, as its one of his most famous, but I can wait for you to read it first…"

Hmmm….

"How about this? Lets trade books."

"Eh?"

"Well, I'm not sure how far you are in that book of yours, but I can let you borrow this one while I borrow yours. I think you'd get more out of reading this then I would, at least."

"W-Well… I was just sort of re-reading this one… So, okay." She offered the book, and I took it, handing over Mr. Lovecraft to her.

Before I could say anything else, Monika came into the club room, "So sorry guys! I'm waay late, I know!" She looked out of breath. Did she run here?

"Geeze, Monika! I was starting to think you'd never show up!" Natsuki said, crossing her arms. She was across the room but her words came across crystal clear thanks to her rather strong, if sharp voice. "You got a boyfriend or something you're hiding from us?"

"A-A boyfriend? Why on earth would you think that? No, I was in study hall and I guess I lost track of time." She pulled at her collar and threw a glance at me. Maybe she was trying to assure me she was still single?

If so, I had to say, I was very disappointed. It would have made things so much easier for me.

Natsuki challenged Monika's assertion, "That doesn't make any sense though! If you were just in study hall, you'd of heard the bell ring!"

Monika bit her lip before nodding, "Y-You're right. You see, it's a bit more complex than that. I've actually been practicing piano, which made it hard to hear the bell."

"Wow, Monika, you've been practicing Piano? That's pretty impressive." I mentioned, trying to add to the conversation. "You should play for us sometime."

Monika smiled brightly, "Thank you! I would love to play for you all sometime. I'm not very good at it yet… But I'm working on it."

Sayori clapped her hands, "Yay, Monika! I can't wait!"

The conversation kinda dispersed after that. Monika went to her desk to look through papers, probably preparing for the festival. Yuri thanked me than eagerly dug into the novel in her hands, and Natsuki was still in the back. What she was doing beat me.

I wanted to go talk with Natsuki, since I hadn't really gotten to at length other than sharing poems, but Sayori poked me on the arm. "Hey, Alex! Wanna come grab some supplies with me for the festival?"

Well, I guess I couldn't say no to that.

"Uh, sure. Why do you need two people though?"

"Cause we'd be better off that way! It'd be so much easier for us to track everything down."

"Well, I guess I can't argue with that."

As we were going to leave, Sayori told Monika, "Monika! Me and Alex are going to get supplies for the festival!"

Monika quirked an eyebrow, "Sayori, you could take a break, you know? And I could go with him instead!"

"Weellll, how about you just come with us?"

Oh god no.

I could handle being around one girl I needed to oppress feeling romantic about and try to swerve around any flirting attempts they made, but two?

I know I've said this before but I'm sure there are plenty of guys that would kill to be in my position right now, and I'm aware if I didn't have this problem in my head that I did, I'd be pretty overjoyed as well.

However, not only am I trying to avoid dating anyone, I'm also trying to fight off a demon that seems intent on swallowing my mind with grief.

"Hmmm! Alright! I guess we can be done quicker if we're all going around getting everything we need."

If there is some divine being that's orchestrated everything that's happened so far, if there is a god, he must be laughing at me right now.

"Well, come on Alex!" Sayori said, Monika declaring to the other two that we'd be back soon. I expected the girls to fight back, but they were surprisingly chill with me being carted off like this.

So much for that. Natsuki must think that this would be some way to get me setup with Sayori, and Yuri… I don't know, maybe she just didn't want to be a nuisance.

So I was pulled out of the room by Sayori, before Monika spoke up, "Okay, you two! I know everything we need. Pencils, poster paper, crayons, markers, scissors, and a few other things. Sayori! You're in charge of getting the crayons and the markers, and the extra things like the rulers and glitter."

Sayori said, "Got it! Come on Al-"

"Now hold on~! Alex is going to have his own assignment, remember, we're splitting up to make things faster, right?"

"Oh, okay!" Sayori did seem a bit saddened, like she wanted to object, but I offered her a comforting smile, figuring it might get her to calm down a bit, before she rushed off in the other direction.

Internally, however, I was not calm at all.

' _Nooo, Sayori! Take me with you! I'd take your subtle flirting over-'_

"So, Alex."

' _...Monika's flirting.'_

"Y-Yeah, Monika?" I turned from looking in the direction Sayori ran to the direction Monika was standing.

"Ahaha~ Why do you look so nervous?" She smirked at me and placed a hand on her hip, a coy tone to her voice, "I don't bite. Unless you want me to, that is~?"

I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to handle this.

"Hahaha! You're funny, Monika! Say, how about we go get the rest of that stuff now huh?" I saw her smirk fall as I marched past her as if my life depended on it.

I almost felt like it did.

"Hey, Alex!" She quickly caught up with me and put her hand on my shoulder. I wanted to keep walking, but I looked at her, and I really wish I hadn't.

The look on her face portrayed a certain sadness that was absent from her a moment ago.

It reminded me more of the girl who broke down in my house three days ago instead of what I'd been forced to endure these past two days, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing either.

"Look, I'm sorry if I've been a little pushy with you these past couple days… I just... " Her eyes were glistening again.

I felt like these girls knew I was basically puddy in their hands if they started crying.

I hoped not, that would be easy for them to abuse.

"I just… I love you so much. I see you hanging out with Sayori and… I'm scared. I did so many things in the past to try and get you, and it didn't work… I know you don't remember that time, but I know you hated me then… And I hated me too. I'm trying to be better." Tears were starting to stream down her face as she clutched onto my jacket.

"Monika, I-"

I had the same problem I did with Sayori. My retort died in my throat as I saw her.

Monika was a different kind of beautiful to Sayori, I found.

Monika was a lot more traditionally beautiful to Sayori. Her long brown hair, held up by its trademark white bow practically shined and sparkled in how well kept it was. Grooming it must have been a mess. Her emerald eyes were easy to get lost in, and I remembered how I thought of Monika as a beautiful crier. It proved true here, her eyes seemed to sparkle brilliantly, especially bouncing off the light of the sun out a nearby window. Her entire self spoke of well-kept, well-groomed beauty, elegance, and of careful management.

She made me feel inadequate just looking at her, and I hated that.

"Please date me." She asked, below her breath, "Please… I love you. I can't imagine life without you Alex… You told me… You told me that you were worried that I only loved you for what I envisioned you were, right? Well I've been paying attention to you since you came to the club, and even during school when I can see you. I know you're just as loving, compassionate, and warm as I dreamed you were. You wouldn't have made Sayori lunch if you weren't!" Monika seemed to be trying to negotiate with me to date her, punctuated by, "So please… Go out with me."

I swallowed. This was going to be tough to say.

I tried speaking in as calm a voice as I could when I broke her heart for the second time this week.

"Monika… I can't. You know I can't. I promised myself I wouldn't date anyone until I had everything figured out. Not only that, I'm still not sure about my own feelings. Towards anyone. Including Sayori, if you were worried about that."

Monika was silent for a good minute, tears still streaming down her face. Sniffling, she wiped them on her blazer, "I-I understand… But don't think I'm going to stop chasing you, Alex!" She steeled herself against my rejection once again.

If there was one thing I could say I admired Monika for, it was her sheer determination.

"Yeah! I'm going to show you that you're destined for me." She lets go of me and smiles a bright smile at me.

I hated that it made my heart beat faster.

"C-Could we still exercise together?" Monika followed up the question with the most lethal use of 'Puppy Dog Eyes' that I had ever seen, blanked memory or not. Combined with her still glistening, now purposefully emphasized eyes, and a small pout, I was absolutely defenseless.

That move was so dirty it should be labeled an inhumane weapon.

"F-Fine. I guess I need to get in better shape anyways."

"Great! Now race me! I know exactly where to get the supplies from!" Then, she was off. Like a bolt of lightning, or a bullet shot down an empty hallway.

Or one aimed directly at my heart.

' _Wow, even I thought that was stupid.'_ I chastised myself, before taking off in a futile attempt to run after her.

She wasn't even checking to see if I was behind her anymore! She was just running!

I tried to keep up, but my heart was racing faster than it had ever been before, I was sweating and breathing heavily, I knew I would soon need a break.

As if to oblige me, my shoelace, which I guess had come undone, got caught under my shoe, and sent me sailing to the ground.

"GAH!" I exclaimed in pain as I hit the ground chest first.

Ow ow ow ow…

I had trouble getting up. All the air had been knocked out of my chest, and I felt the strength to lift myself leave me. "Gaahh…" I breathed out. Was I just going to be left here until Monika realized I was missing?

For once, luck was on my side. A voice that was unfamiliar to me spoke to me in a calm, casual tone.

"Need some help, man?" For perhaps the first time in recent memory, a guy who wasn't just asking for apart of my lunch spoke to me.

Suddenly, I was being lifted off the ground. I tried to walk on my own, but I stumbled, "Woah, woah! You took a hell of a fall there, bud. Take it easy. Here." The stranger walked me over to a nearby bench and sat me down. This gave me the chance to look at my savior.

He was about my height, and from my guess, about my age. He looked a bit more in-shape then me, but not by much. His hair was black, and went down over his ears. It was scruffier than even mine was, like he intentionally shook it out. His skin was darker than mine, showing his Japanese origin. Beyond that, he was wearing a school uniform, and had his hands in his pockets now.

Overall, he cut a very easy-going figure.

"T-Thanks." I said, still catching my breath, "Alex." I held out my hand.

He took it and shook it, "Haruki. So, you're the famous Alex I've been hearing so much about huh? Gotta admit, you don't look like what I expected you to, like, at all."

Oh great. People were talking about me?

I decided to ask him about it, "Heard so much about?"

He laughed lightly, it was a good natured laugh. "Oh man, you don't know? Jeez, either you live under a rock or I'm just hanging out in weird circles. You're Alex Suzuki! Luckiest guy on the campus. The only guy in a club full of drop-dead gorgeous girls? And now, it looks like, you're also the legend who just rejected _Monika fucking Hashimoto._ You know, the most sought after girl in the school? I gotta say dude, if you're not gay, I don't know what's going on in your head."

"N-Not gay, and if you think I'm so lucky, I'd _happily_ trade places with you."

Haruki laughed, waving his hand dismissively, "Nah, man. I'm not dumb. I know there's more going on with you than these rumor mills know about. I don't wanna know what kinda baggage you deal with to the point where you keep yourself single like that, when there's so many girls in that club."

I nodded, laughing a bit, although it hurt my chest and I broke into a bit of a cough. I knew it was just the impact of it on the floor that was making me cough like that, it'd pass soon. "You got that right. What do I have to pay you to keep you from telling people what I said to Monika?"

I assumed he knew, considering he just mentioned it to my face at least.

"Nothin', man. I like I said, I know there's more going on under the hood than it seems. Besides, if I started spreading rumors like that, people would think I'm just a flat out liar. You see, everybody loves to think they would date Monika, but nobody's got the brass to pull it off. The girl hasn't had a _single_ boyfriend her entire high school career."

"R-Really? Are you serious?"

"Hell yeah man. She's set herself up to be this perfect person. Perfect at school, perfect at athletics, hell, up until she started your Literature Club, she was in _five clubs_ and in charge of two of them! The guys at this school might talk like they'd go for her, but they wouldn't. Nobody would. Nobody wants to be 'The Class Star's Pet Boyfriend' or 'The Class Star's Shadow' or any sort of thing like that."

"Isn't that kind of messed up?"

"Yeah. Yeah it is, but hey. I'm sure you'll figure it out huh?" Haruki smirked, like he knew something I didn't. "Welp. I gotta go now. Just be careful man, I don't know if you plan on eventually dating Monika, but that girl's got something off about her."

He started to walk away, leaving with, "Keep your head on straight! You're being watched by more people in this school than you think, man."

Well, that didn't just add a whole new level of anxiety on top of my pre-existing issues.

As soon as he was out of sight, Monika came bounding back around, "Alex! Are you alright?" She slowed down to a stop in front of me, putting her hands on her knees and looking at me worriedly with those damn eyes of hers.

"I'm fine. Just had a bit of a fall, managed to get up to this bench."

"Oh my god! Are you hurt?" She looked me over while voicing her concern, "I'm so, so sorry I ran ahead like that! I- I always do this to people, and now I did it to you!" She looked close to tears again.

"M-Monika, really, I'm fine. My shoelace was just undone and I fell before I could catch up to you."

The affirmation that I was unharmed didn't seem to be enough to calm her down. She sat next to me and buried her face in her hands.

"You don't understand, Alex…. I always do this. Not just when I'm running, but when I'm doing… Anything!" I could hear she was crying, even if she tried to hide it. "Alex, I wish I could explain how much it hurts…" She looked up at me and grabbed my sleeve again, I was forced to look at her.

"Even in this reality… Knowing that it used to be fake, and being so happy that it's real. I feel a burden that I'd never felt before. Memories… I don't know if they're real or fabricated and this real world only came into existence a few days ago anymore. I-If this was someone's doing… I-I can't imagine it being anyone short of a god."

Well, that was… Worrying. And comforting, I guess? Monika seemed to be coming around to the idea that the world might not have been fake at all.

"The memories I do have…" She continues, trying to calm herself down as she did. "I've always worked to be my best-self Alex. I've given everything my all, one hundred and ten percent. I've never slacked, I've never faltered... " She buries her face between my shoulder and her neck.

I wanted to tell her to move, or to push her off, but I honestly didn't feel like it would be a good idea right now. Not when she was like this.

"It's lonely at the top." She whispers. My ear tingles at the sensation, and I felt her breath on my neck… This was making me very uncomfortable. "Nobody looks at me twice because I'm untouchable to them. A-A queen in a gilded carriage… Or a lioness in captivity. They never stop to wonder if I'm happy… They just see… Class Star Monika. Just Class Star Monika."

Pulling herself away from my neck to look at me, she said, "B-But that's not all I am. I'm more… I'm so much more. That's why… I hope you'll eventually give me a chance. I-I… I love you with everything I am. If I had to go through the hell that I endured for so long a hundred more times, just to know for sure that I could come back here and have you love me… I would do it."

' _Monika…'_

"I-I…" I cleared my throat.

I tried to speak properly but again, my voice failed. Monika seemed to get it though, she stood up and smiled sadly. "I won't stop trying to win you." She said softly, before walking off back towards the club room.

Did we even get the supplies…?

I noticed she had her backpack on, so I had to assume she grabbed them before she realized I was missing.

I sat there for a few more seconds, before getting up and heading back to the Literature Club.

My mind was swimming. Sayori seemed to like me, Monika outright proclaimed she'd go through something I had to assume was similar to _hell itself_ if it meant she'd get my love. Both girls seemed invested in me, and I was deathly afraid of making either of them upset for fear of what might happen.

I began to entertain the idea of what I was thinking of before. Things seemed like they would be so much better for everyone if I was out of the picture. Forever.

Once I arrived at the door to the Literature Club, with Monika and Sayori already inside, I had to sigh heavily. The thoughts were invading my mind again and I didn't know what I was going to be able to do about it.

' _...Join the Literature Club, Alex! It'll be fun and you'll get cupcakes! Oh, did I forget to mention it would send you into a spiral of mental distress and emotional panic on a daily basis? Sorry!'_

"Ugh… Why did I say okie dokie?"

Then, I pushed open the door.

"Hey, Alex!" Sayori said, waving at me from over near Monika, then she came up to me. Worry was evident in her eyes, "Monika said you fell pretty hard out there! Are you okay?"

She looked me over, like she would somehow be able to see some severe damage to my body through my school uniform, I waved my hand dismissively.

"I'm fine, Sayori. I just tripped, that's all."

"Geez, what's you trip on?" Natsuki called from towards the back of the room, "Your own shoelace or something? There's like nothing you could trip on in that hallway!"

"...Yes."

Natsuki started laughing, "I knew it! You're even worse than Sayori!"

"Heeyyy, that's mean, Natsuki!" Sayori said, turning her attention to the other girl.

"Yeah! I'm not as clumsy as Sayori!" I defended, trying to lighten my mood a bit.

"Now you're being a meanie, Alex!" Sayori said, turning back to me.

"Oh relax, you know I don't mean it." Reaching up, I scuffed up Sayori's hair, causing her to giggle.

"Okkaayy! I believe you."

With that reaching its conclusion, Monika spoke, "Okay, everyone!" She clapped her hands together once and smiled, "Time to share our poems!"

Oh great. I almost forgot that was part of this.

Swallowing, I felt like I was losing my nerve. Maybe I shouldn't try to hide this poem, and instead just come up with some excuse for writing something this sad?

Yeah, I think that would be much easier on me than lying to everyone in the club about not having written one at all.

I went over and retrieved my poem, before looking across the clubroom. Who should I share this with first, I wonder?

I didn't get a choice this time, as it turned out.

Sayori bounded up to me, "Alex! Let's share first!" She looked extremely eager to read, already going to grab at my poem.

"Alright, alright, no need to get all grabby!"

She took my poem and started reading it. I pulled at my color nervously. Sayori's face went through a lot of different emotions, before she finally settled on a small smile. It wasn't her usual Sayori smile, it was more… Melancholic.

"Alex…" She said, handing it back, "You know you told me yesterday if I was having a bad day I could come to you? Well, you can come to me to!"

"I-It's fine, Sayori. I just… Got inspired by a movie!"

"Oooh, okay!" I could tell Sayori didn't buy it one hundred percent, "It's really good anyways!"

"Sayori, are you sure you're not saying that just because I wrote it?"

"Well, no! I mean, it has something to do with it, but I guess I'm just not sure what kinds of poems I like!"

"You could at least give it some thought, it might help with your writing."

"Weelll okay." Sayori began to think. She got a focused look on her face that almost made her look kind of cross-eyed, "Hmmm… Well, I guess I like happy poems! Wait! Sometimes I like happy poems… I guess I like poems that are sad and happy! Hmm… What's the word… Bittersweet! I like things that are a bit happy and a bit sad."

"Wow, Sayori. I-" I was going to say something along the lines of 'I didn't expect that from someone like you' but then I remembered the dream, and the weird cracks in her happiness.

"Yeah, I guess I can see that."

Sayori smiles, "Yay! I figured it out! Read my poem now, okay?" She then handed me her poem, and I looked at it.

"I pop off my scalp like the lid of a cookie jar.  
It's the secret place where I keep all my dreams.  
Little balls of sunshine, all rubbing together like a bundle of kittens.  
I reach inside with my thumb and forefinger and pluck one out.  
It's warm and tingly.  
But there's no time to waste! I put it in a bottle to keep it safe.  
And I put the bottle on the shelf with all of the other bottles.  
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts in bottles, all in a row.

My collection makes me lots of friends.  
Each bottle a starlight to make amends.  
Sometimes my friend feels a certain way.  
Down comes a bottle to save the day.

Night after night, more dreams.  
Friend after friend, more bottles.  
Deeper and deeper my fingers go.  
Like exploring a dark cave, discovering the secrets hiding in the nooks and crannies.  
Digging and digging.  
Scraping and scraping.

I blow dust off my bottle caps.  
It doesn't feel like time elapsed.  
My empty shelf could use some more.  
My friends look through my locked front door.

Finally, all done. I open up, and in come my friends.  
In they come, in such a hurry. Do they want my bottles that much?  
I frantically pull them from the shelf, one after the other.  
Holding them out to each and every friend.  
Each and every bottle.  
But every time I let one go, it shatters against the tile between my feet.  
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts in shards, all over the floor.

They were supposed to be for my friends, my friends who aren't smiling.  
They're all shouting, pleading. Something.  
But all I hear is echo, echo, echo, echo, echo  
Inside my head."

"Holy- Did you really write this, Sayori?" My voice betrayed just how surprised I was.

"Hey! I did tell you I was going to write the best poem ever this time, didn't I?" She looked a bit upset at the thought that she may not have written it.

"Well, yeah. I didn't mean it as an insult! It's just so…" I cleared my throat before continuing, "It's for sure better than mine, at least. I really loved it, Sayori." I handed it back.

She grinned at me, "Thank you! Just you wait, tomorrow's poem will be even better than this one!" Then, she bounded off again.

Hmmm…

I guess I'd share with Yuri next. This poem might be too depressing for the others, but Yuri might like it. I just hoped she didn't make any assumptions about what it was about.

"Hey, Yuri. How's the book?" Opening with a question as I approached. Yuri wasn't one to initiate conversations, so if I had just come up and said nothing, she might not have engaged, or assumed I was mad at her or something.

"R-Really good so far, thank you."

She looked like she had something on her mind, playing around with her hair nervously and trying to look anywhere but me.

"Something on your mind, Yuri? You look a little distracted."

"Eh? W-Well, it's really nothing…"

"Yuri, if you want to tell me or ask me something then please do. I'm not going to bite your head off."

"O-Okay…" She gathered herself before continuing, "S-So… You and Monika are a thing?"

Maybe I lied about biting her head off after all.

"Wh-What makes you say something like that? I'm not dating Monika."

Yuri looked surprised, "Oh? That's a surprise… She seems like she's really into you, you know?"

"Yuri I get the feeling you're doing a bit more spying on people then you care to admit."

"E-Eh?! N-No! I just.. Uuu… I'm sorry." Yuri buried her face in her hands.

Oh great, now I felt like the bad guy.

"Sorry, Yuri. It's just that, me and Monika aren't a thing. I'm not a thing with anyone right now, I don't want to be."

"Y-You should consider her. I think you'd look… Cute together. Like the protagonists of a romance novel. The girl on top of the world and the boy struggling to find his place in society. Joined together by a love that transcends their stations in life…" She sighed in a way that made me think she almost fantasised about this kind of thing happening to her.

Thankfully I could tell Yuri wasn't trying to flirt with me. I already saw Yuri as a friend and if she started doing that I think I'd lose my mind.

"You're reading into things too much Yuri. I'm just not interested."

Well, no. She was reading the right amount into things, but that was too much for me. She got it wrong as to why Monika was into me, but I would have been even more shocked if she got it right.

The worst part about all this is that I lied about not being interested. I'd probably be dating Sayori or Monika already if my brain didn't have the structural integrity of a house built with used plastic as its foundation.

"Here's my poem, anyways." I offered it to Yuri, changing the subject.

Taking the poem, the lavender lass looked it over. "Mmm…" She hummed to herself as she read it. Her expressions were a lot harder to read than Sayori's, probably because she was so good at keeping herself under lock and key.

She didn't stare at it for as long as she did my last one, but as she handed it back, she smiled.

"Well, you've improved a lot since even yesterday, Alex. Your word choice and poem structure are a bit more well thought out and the poem has an interesting subject matter. How one feels when they believe the world around them would benefit if they weren't around. How much they believe they cause issues for others, and how even nature would benefit if they were gone."

Yuri looked at me, "Y-You don't feel that way, do you, Alex?" It seems she talked herself through the poem, and now the way she was looking at me made me kind of uncomfortable. A sad Yuri was not one I wanted to instigate. I don't think my heart could take it.

"N-No, of course not. I just… You know, got inspiration from somewhere." My excuse here was even weaker than it was with Sayori's, and I could tell Yuri didn't buy it. "C-Can I see your poem now?" I made a quick attempt to change the subject.

Yuri just nodded, and I could tell that this wasn't the last I was going to hear from Yuri on this matter. I was safe, for now, however, and she handed me her poem.

"It happened in the dead of night while I was slicing bread for a guilty snack.  
My attention was caught by the scuttering of a raccoon outside my window.  
That was, I believe, the first time I noticed my strange tendencies as an unordinary human.  
I gave the raccoon a piece of bread, my subconscious well aware of the consequences.  
Well aware that a raccoon that is fed will always come back for more.  
The enticing beauty of my cutting knife was the symptom.  
The bread, my hungry curiosity.  
The raccoon, an urge.

The moon increments its phase and reflects that much more light off of my cutting knife.  
The very same light that glistens in the eyes of my raccoon friend.  
I slice the bread, fresh and soft. The raccoon becomes excited.  
Or perhaps I'm merely projecting my emotions onto the newly-satisfied animal.

The raccoon has taken to following me.  
You could say that we've gotten quite used to each other.  
The raccoon becomes hungry more and more frequently, so my bread is always handy.  
Every time I brandish my cutting knife, the raccoon shows me its excitement.  
A rush of blood. Classic Pavlovian conditioning. I slice the bread.  
And I feed myself again."

"Wow, Yuri… This is really metaphorical, isn't it? More so than your last one. I wouldn't even begin to know what it's about."

I could try to make guesses but they'd probably all be wrong, this one was a bit over my head.

"Y-Yes… I was a bit more daring with this one."

Yuri took a breath of air, before going to expand upon her statement.

"I-I have a lot of weird hobbies and habits that I don't share with anyone… I know that I'd be judged for it. T-That doesn't mean I can't use them as inspiration for my poetry, a-and besides. I think we all have things like that. Little habits that we would be afraid of showing to others for fear of unfair judgment."

Well, I wasn't sure if I had any weird hobbies or habits. Other than seeming to have a higher than average tendency to break down crying compared to other people, but was that really my fault?

"I think we can all relate to that on some level, Yuri. Good work!"

Yuri smiled at me, and I noted that our conversation had ended. With that I went off to share my poem with Natsuki.

"Hey Nat." I waved to her, "Doing okay?"

"Yeah, duh. Why wouldn't I be after what happened earlier?" She grinned, clearly pleased with herself.

Remembering the cookie incident, I laughed a bit under my breath. "That really was something. How did you know she was going to try and take a bite out of your cookie?"

"Well I kind of didn't! She'd tried it before but never actually gotten to my food before. I guess she didn't know I liked raisins? Ehehe."

"Couldn't you have just said it was raisin instead of chocolate and prevented you from losing a portion of a cookie?"

Natsuki promptly face palmed herself, "Why didn't I think of that?" She mutters to herself, before rushing to defend her action, "W-Well! I'll tell you why I didn't!" She planted her hands on her hips before continuing, "Because it was much funnier to see Sayori subjected to my raisin cookie!"

"I gotta say, I didn't expect you of all people to enjoy raisin cookies."

"W-What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Nothing! It's just that you seem to like sweet things, so raisins seem a bit out there."

"Hey, I'll have you know that me and raisin cookies share a lot in common."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"We're both underrated, misunderstood and delicious!" She grinned again, seeming proud of herself.

I smiled, that was kind of clever…

Wait a second.

"Natsuki. Do you know that saying you're 'delicious' can really come off badly?"

"W-What do you mea-" Suddenly, a look of horror crossed Natsuki's face, "OH, GROSS!" Then, as if it were my fault, she promptly elbowed me hard in the gut.

Yep, that hurt.

I'm going down.

Thankfully there was a chair nearby that I could timber into, "Ow! You know you really didn't have to do that!"

"Yeah I did! You ruined my clever joke by making it gross!"

I rubbed my gut. Man, I was taking a lot of abuse today.

"Not my fault you had to use the word _delicious_ to describe yourself. You're not a cupcake, you know!"

"Why would I want to be a cupcake? So people could eat me or something?!"

….

I promptly burst out laughing.

It was probably the hardest laugh I'd had today, it even drew the attention of the other girls, but I didn't really care.

Natsuki's face drained of color as she realized the potential context of what she said. "OH MY GOD! GROSS!" She started slapping my arm, "GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS!" She slapped my arm once for every time she said gross.

"Natsuki! What happened?" Monika asked from over by her desk, she was smiling a bit, which was either because I was laughing so hard or because she heard the exchange.

"N-NOTHING! Don't worry about it!" She stopped slapping my arms and crossed her arms.

Everyone was still looking at her, so, indignant, she yelled, "Stop looking at me!"

The girls went back to doing what they were doing, acting as natural as possible.

My arm stung but it didn't damper my good spirit from that, as I finally calmed down, I said, "Hoo boy, I couldn't breathe there for a second!"

Natsuki looked moderately upset over what happened, I figured I should be diplomatic about it.

"Sorry Nat, I really am. I couldn't help myself."

"Yeah, you better be sorry! Geez, I don't know what Sayori sees in you."

Oh great, this again.

"Let's not talk about that kind of stuff." I made an effort to change the subject and held out my poem.

Thankfully, Natsuki took it instead of badgering more about something I had made abundantly clear before.

She looked it over, and when she was done she handed it back. "You're just as depressing as Yuri, sometimes, you know that?"

"Well, thanks."

"Hey! It's not like I insulted you or anything. I just meant that this poem is pretty upsetting to read about, since the point of view is from someone who's so clearly given up on life!"

"Well, didn't you write about something similar yesterday?"

"Yeah, but not to this extent! You should try writing about something happy tomorrow. If you're feeling upset about something, it might help."

Wow, that was actually pretty good advice.

"Thanks, Natsuki. Mind if I see your poem now?"

She handed it over and I looked at it.

"Amy Likes Spiders

You know what I heard about Amy?

Amy likes spiders.

Icky, wriggly, hairy, ugly spiders!

That's why I'm not friends with her.

Amy has a cute singing voice.

I heard her singing my favorite love song.

Every time she sang the chorus, my heart would pound to the rhythm of the words.

But she likes spiders.

That's why I'm not friends with her.

One time, I hurt my leg really bad.

Amy helped me up and took me to the nurse.

I tried not to let her touch me.

She likes spiders, so her hands are probably gross.

That's why I'm not friends with her.

Amy has a lot of friends.

I always see her talking to people.

She probably talks about spiders.

What if her friends start to like spiders too?

That's why I'm not friends with her.

It doesn't matter if she has other hobbies.

It doesn't matter if she keeps it private.

It doesn't matter if it doesn't hurt anyone.

It's gross.

She's gross.

The world is better off without spider lovers.

And I'm gonna tell everyone."

"Wow, this is a lot longer than yesterday's."

"Yesterday's was way too short. I hope you didn't think that was all I could do! Anyways, I doubt I need to explain this one much, the message is pretty clear."

She was right about that, I understood it perfectly.

Amy likes spiders and was a terrible person because of it.

"I mean I think anyone could agree that the subject of this poem is an ignorant jerk. Judging a good person for a single weird interest of theirs."

Oh, that made more sense.

"Hey, you know Yuri wrote about something similar today, if you haven't read it already."

"S-She did?"

"Yeah. Her poem is about hiding your interests for fear of being judged."

"O-Oh." Natsuki seemed surprised by this, "I need to think about this."

"Yeah, alright. Have fun with that, cupcake." I took my poem back and fled before she could hit me.

"You're gonna get it for that later! Just you wait and see!" She indignantly yelled in my general direction.

I knew I was going to pay for that one.

I didn't care, it was funny.

Monika waved at me as I approached where she was sitting, and I waved back.

"Having fun with Natsuki over there?" She seemed amused as she asked that.

"Did you hear what we said?"

"Only bits and pieces. Better watch your back! She might try to feed you a cupcake made with spoiled ingrediants or something later."

"I think I'll just have to refuse any food or drink offered to me by Natsuki for a little while after this."

"Smart! Ready to share?"

Monika was probably the last person I wanted to share this with. Sayori might buy my excuses and blustering, or at least leave me alone because she knew I was just having a rough patch, but Monika was too smart and too perceptive for me to be able to throw off that easily.

"Alex?"

"O-Oh, yeah, sorry." My good mood from earlier was gone as I handed the poem to Monika.

She remained with a saddened look on her face the entire way through, like she knew what it was about immediately.

Monika stared at the paper much longer than it took to read it, and the longer she stared at it, the more her eyes began to shine with the promise of tears.

"N-No… You're not the one that's supposed to feel this way…" She mutters under her breath, "I-It's not supposed to be you… That's…"

"Monika?"

She started, before looking at me. "Alex… You know if you're feeling this way you can talk to me, right? Things wouldn't be better if you went away. I'd be all alone again…"

Yeah, she would. She also might be able to live a life free of the chains of what it used to be if I wasn't here.

She was staring at me still, and for the third time in recent memory she looked heartbroken.

For the third time today I was reminded how all I did was hurt people.

I didn't speak, instead I reached down and grabbed her poem off the table, reading it.

"Colors

The colors flow endlessly

Eclectic and beautiful

Blooming, reaching, warming

Simulating my senses

An

Endless

Trickle of sights.

My sights expand as the colors do

Peaceful and streaming

A river of life

Like children playing at the park

Like a married couple at the beach

A world of infinite choices

A world of endless colors

A world with the colors of life"

"It's beautiful, Monika." I made sure the first words out of my mouth were positive as I kept myself calm, setting it down on the table, "A lot happier than the last poem, for sure."

"W-Well.. There's a lot to be happy about!" She seemed to find her footing again from how sad she looked earlier. "The world we live in now is one of infinite choices and full of life. Even with what happened to me, I can still find a lot to enjoy about this new world."

I wish I could say the same.

I took the poem I had from Monika, she relinquished it without a , I went to walk away, not wanting to stay in this situation longer than I had to.

"Alex?" Monika whispers, just loud enough for me to hear.

I stopped and looked at her.

"Just… Please. Think about what you do before you do it."

"I will."

Then I walked to my desk and sat down.

Wanting to just take a break from everything, happy and sad, I took the book Yuri gave me in hand, cracked it open, and started reading to myself.

I understood why Yuri spent most of her time reading to herself with each passing day.

This period of time where I was nose deep in this book, no matter how screwed up it steadily became, felt like a breath of fresh air. Taking me to another world, if only for a few minutes, where I could keep my mind off of everything that was going on around me.

I had a good fifteen minutes to myself, and I felt like I should try and find more things I could do alone, or with a friend that wasn't causing me to lose my mind. Maybe I'd invite Yuri and Natsuki out somewhere.

As friends.

Yuri I felt could use some more time out in public, and Natsuki was just fun to hang around.

I knew I wasn't particularly attracted to either of them, so that helped me decide that it was something I'd probably need to do in the future.

"Okay, everyone!"

It seemed like Monika had something to add before the day ended. Oh well, this time I had to myself was refreshing. It might not be enough for me to be able to completely shake what I was dealing with, but it was nice.

"I have an important announcement to make, so I'd like everyone to sit at the front of the classroom!"

Thankfully I was already sitting there, and so was Yuri. Sayori and Natsuki needed to approach from where they were and sit down.

"Is this about the festival?" Natsuki wondered, she seemed apprehensive.

"Yep!"

"Ugh, Monika! The festival is on Monday! We're not going to have enough time to pull anything off that won't make us a total laughing stock."

"Well actually, I already had something planned out. We're going to be performing poetry!"

Oh god no.

"Performing?!" Me and Natsuki both blurted out at the same time.

"You can't be serious, Monika!" Nat continued, "There's no way I'm performing! It's way too embarrassing!"

"I-I agree with Natsuki!" Yuri spoke up, "It's far too embarrassing, and far too soon!"

"I hate to say it Monika, but they're right. Besides, I hadn't even written poetry at all before yesterday. There's no way I'd be able to perform without making myself look stupid!"

Monika sighs, I could tell she knew that she was going to need to fight to convince us to do this. "Guys, come on. It's really not all that bad, me and Sayori made posters and everything…"

To emphasize her point, Monika held up one of the posters.

I had to admit, it was cute.

It was decorated with glitter and bright colors. In bright, bold letting it read "Come see the Literature Club!" With the colors mixed between pink, green, red, blue, and black. It gave our club room's room number, and promised a poetry performance 'and more' while also asking that anyone who wanted to bring a poem to join in the recital.

And more?

"No way!" Natsuki crossed her arms in her desk, "Monika, you didn't start putting these posters up already, did you?"

I had to assume they had designed some of these poster at home on their own time if that was the case, because we only just went to get the supplies. Then again, I doubt they could just keep all the supplies in one place all the time.

Monika was silent. I guess she did. I had to admit, either she had started doing this yesterday, or she worked really fast.

"...Do you think it's really that bad of an idea?" She asks after a moment's silence.

"W-Well no, it's not that it's a bad idea, but I didn't sign up for this you know! We could all end up looking like jerks!"

"I agree with Natsuki." Yuri says, "I could never, in my life, do something like this. It's far too much…"

"Aww, come on guys…" Sayori spoke in a pleading tone.

"No, Sayori. I get where they're coming from. This is all so sudden, and I guess I got ahead of myself with putting these things up before I even asked the club about this. So… For that, I'm sorry."

There was a bit of a pause, and I almost felt bad for Monika in this situation, until she spoke again with renewed vigor.

"But I still think we should give it our best! This could be our biggest chance at gaining a few new members before the year ends! If everyone gives it their all, and we put on a performance worth remembering, we can really grow this club. With time, it could be just as big as the Debate Club, or the Anime Club!"

I was beginning to wish that I had joined the Anime Club after all.

Sayori joined in to help Monika in her point, "Yeah! It's about expressing yourself, and finding new horizons, being intimate with yourself… And having fun!"

"Exactly! Those are all some of the reasons why we each joined this club, and I know if all it takes to spread the fun we have here to other people who might be shy about their interests is standing up in front of a podium for two minutes reciting a poem, then I know you all can do it!"

Natsuki and Yuri remained silent. Yuri was staring down at her desk, while Natsuki was giving Monika a hard look.

Sayori looked worried, like she knew if even one of us disagreed to doing this, there's no way we'd be able to pull it off. The plans for the festival would fall to pieces.

' _I'm going to regret doing this, but I suppose it's for the best.'_

"...Fine. Alright, I'll do it. It doesn't seem like it's too much to ask. Besides, Monika and Sayori have been working really hard to get new members so this club can continue to thrive well into the future. If us putting on a little show is all they need… Then I say we at least give them that much."

Sayori grinned at me, and Monika smiled.

"W-Well… I-I guess, but…" Natsuki tried to find more reasons to disagree, but it seemed her defenses had crumbled, "Oh alright! I'll do it, but I won't like it!"

Monika sighed in relief, "Thank you, Natsuki. What about you Yuri?"

All eyes turned to Yuri, she shrunk into her chair. "Uuu… I-I guess I don't have a choice, if everyone else is doing it…"

I felt kind of bad for indirectly peer pressuring Yuri into doing this, but on some level I felt like this would be the best thing for all of us.

"Yaay! Thank you Yuri!" Sayori jumped up and gave Yuri a bit hug. I thought the poor girl was going to pass out right there from the sudden human contact.

"T-This club is going to be the death of me…"

"Oh gosh, you'll be fine Yuri." Monika smiled softly, "Okay! Now for the main event of today. As practice, I want us each to come up here and recite one poem."

"Woah woah woah! Now this really _is_ going too fast!" Natsuki was back on the offensive, "Seriously Monika! I know you're used to talking in front of people, but I'm not! None of us are!"

Again, I couldn't fault Natsuki's logic.

"Come on Natsuki, if you can't do it here, what makes you think you'll be able to do it infront of an audience?"

Unfortunately, I couldn't fault Monika's logic either.

"Come on! I'll go first to break the ice."

"Oh fine." Once more, Natsuki had been defeated.

Yuri seemed like she was spending all of her energy trying to focus on not having a heart attack over this.

Well I supposed it could be worse.

Monika took out a poem she had ready, "This poem is called _The Way They Fly._ "

Monika's recitation was a good reflection of herself. She knew exactly how to word each line, each word. Her performance was just as well-designed as she herself appeared to be, and each word she spoke seemed to be filled with as much life as she had. I found myself enraptured by her words, and when I took a small, cursory glance at the others, I noticed they were also taken by her.

When it ended, we all clapped. She gave a mock grand bow and say, "Thank you, thank you! See, it's not that hard. Now, who wo-"

"I'll go ne-" Sayori's words were suddenly cut off as Yuri stood up.

"I'll go next!"

"Uwaa! Yuri's all fired up!" Sayori wasn't the only one taken aback as Yuri walked up to the podium with her poem.

"T-This poem is called…" She looked at all of us nervously.

"You can do it Yuri!" Sayori cheered her on.

"T-This poem is called _Afterimage of a Crimson Eye._ "

Yuri stammered a bit to start, but once she got going it was like she was a totally different person. Her insecurities melted away and the words she spoke reflected her momentarily turning into a confident and fierce woman. Each word had just the right pronunciation and her delivery was that of an experienced speaker, I would say she even rivaled Monika!

I had to wonder just what Yuri could do if she wasn't so timid and afraid, if this is what hid buried underneath her fearful exterior.

Once she finished, the room was silent. I could tell she was getting worried.

It's not that we didn't want to clap, but we were all so stunned by her performance that we were slow to recover.

I broke the silence first with my clapping, and was soon joined by the others.

Yuri rushed back to her seat and sat down.

"Yuri, that was amazing!" Sayori excitedly declared while clapping her hands

"..."

Seemed Yuri was down for the count.

Sayori went up afterwards, "Alright me next! This poem is called _My Meadow._ "

We all waited in anticipation for Sayori to start…

Sayori kept trying to start the poem, but everytime, she would start giggling. On the third time, she almost completely burst out laughing.

Why was this so funny to her?

"How did you two manage to do it so well? This is harder than I thought!"

"Don't try to think of it like you're reciting in front of other people. Just think of it like you're reciting this to yourself, in front of a mirror." Monika suggested, while leaning forward in her own desk.

"Hmmm, okay, here it goes!"

Sayori's soft voice seemed like a perfect match for the tone of the poem. Bittersweet like she said she liked. The poem was almost formfit for her with how her voice was able to emulate the changes in emotion, the feeling of earning a hard fought battle at the cost of everything around you.

I supposed I should have been a bit more surprised at how she performed, and how this poem reflected her, but this was just more fuel for the fire in my mind that felt like she had something going on under the hood she wasn't telling me about.

I couldn't judge, I had my own problems in my head as well. I had to wonder what, if anything, she planned to do about her own.

My thoughts momentarily turned to the dream I had a couple days ago.

No… It wouldn't come to that. I wouldn't let it.

That was something I'd need to prevent.

As the poem finished, we all applauded, and Sayori went right back to giggling, "Thank you, thank you!" She laughed all the way back to her seat, poem in hand.

Monika was nodding her head.

"That came out nicely, Sayori, the atmosphere of the poem really fit you nicely, but it might not be the same way for every poem. "

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"Well I've seen poems of yours where there gentle delivery would fall flat, poems that need a little bit more force behind them, you know?"

"Ehehehe~ I get what you mean now! It's just that… I need more practice with those kinds of poems, so I thought I'd go with one I knew I could do well!"

"Fair enough! Next time you practice use a poem that challenges you more, we don't have a lot of time before the festival, and everyone needs to be in top form."

"Okaayyy, if you say so!" Sayori nodded a few times to assure Monika that she was taking this just as seriously as she was.

"Alright, Natsuki, do you want to go next?" Monika turned her attention to the pink haired girl.

"Hmph! Don't make me go before Alex! I can't compare to you guys… So I might as well let him lower everone's standards!"

That was uncalled for.

"Natsuki…" Monika began, but I was already standing up.

"Fine, let's go."

Monika looked surprised at my sudden willingness to get onto the podium, but Natsuki had lit a bit of a fire under me.

Today had already been rather difficult, and under normal circumstances I would have taken Natsuki's insult a bit more on the chin, but I had a lot on my mind so I wasn't exactly feeling tolerant of it.

I decided to use the poem I wrote today, as I felt I had a good understanding of how I should speak it. "This poem is called _Gone._ "

The poem I had written earlier today had been on my mind for awhile. To emulate the emotions I was feeling, I simply had to get myself lost in the dark thoughts that threatened to take over more of me every day. Gone followed a rising and falling vocal structure, which I did my best to display. Emotions started high and ended low, I wasn't as good as Monika or Yuri at emphasising the emotion I felt behind each word, but I did my best.

The final crescendo at the end of the poem followed a near opposite structure. Starting with a display of sorrow, rising hopes, and then a final bittersweet conclusion.

I felt like I was reciting it for an eternity, but I knew the poem wasn't longer than a minute in reading time.

When I finished, I found I received much the same response as Yuri. Truthfully, I surprised myself a bit. The poem came from my heart, sure, but I was going to be able to recite it that well.

I rubbed the back of my head and smiled, "Thank you."

The girls started clapping as I went back to my seat, even Natsuki seemed a bit impressed. "Sorry it wasn't that good!" I covered my bases, just incase.

"It was good!" Monika began, "I feel like your problem comes more from your limited poem selection than your ability to perform. I'll allow you to choose a poem off the internet to recite on Monday, if you care to. That goes for everyone! The poem doesn't have to be yours, so long as you think you can pull it off."

"Okay, Natsuki, you're up!"

"Hmph, fine." Natsuki seemed nervous as she went up to the podium. I almost felt bad for not being a bit more of a screw up, as she was clearly banking on me being a total failure so she could have a confidence boost.

Sorry, Natsuki.

"This poem is called Jump!" Natsuki paused, "Urgg… Why are you all looking at me?!"

"Cause you're performing…" I spoke, leaning back in my chair.

Natsuki cleared her throat, "R-Right." Then, she began to recite her poem.

I had to admit, Natsuki's trademark style worked perfectly when spoke aloud, and she seemed to be able to mimic the various stops, starts, and verbal action that was going on in it. All in all, she seemed to have just as much skill at reciting as the other girls as Sayori or Yuri did.

Beat the hell out of my performance, at least.

When it was over, we all clapped and Monika smiled brightly.

"Very good Natsuki! I'm impressed!"

"Hmph! Just don't make me do it again, okay?"

"Well… Do you think you'll be okay for the performance on Monday?"

"Well duh! It's a lot easier to perform in front of a bunch of random people! I can act however I want in front of them! You guys are my friends, so… Nevermind! I'll be fine."

"That's interesting, Natsuki! I think it would be the exact opposite for me…" Sayori pitched in.

I had to feel the same way, it was easier for me to give it my all in front of people who I knew wouldn't judge me than it would be to risk it in front of a crowd.

There was a brief lull in conversation before Monika spoke up with her catchphrase once again.

"Okay, everyone! I think we did good today. I'm going to be making pamphlets for the festival, so all I ask is that you pick a poem and submit it to me before Saturday."

"I'd better get looking." I muttered just loud enough for the others to hear, lamenting my limited poem choice.

"You'll find something, I know, and I'm honestly surprised you're already putting so much effort into the club. Despite being our newest member, you've put in just as much effort as a founder of the club would, and I really appreciate that!"

Monika smiled at me when she finished talking, and I had to admit, it felt kind of good. I didn't feel I was putting in that much work, but I guess she appreciated nonetheless.

"Well I'm not going to just slack off because I'm the newest. I'll give just as much as everyone else."

Monika nodded, before saying, "Okay, that's everything for today guys! While I'd like you guys to work on finding a poem to submit to me, I also want you to write one for tomorrow. I think this little exercise has been very good for us!"

With that, I stood up, stuck the book and my poem back in my bag, and looked to Sayori. "Ready to go?"

"Yep!" She already had her backpack on by the time I asked that.

Before we could walk out, Natsuki spoke up with a smug look on her face, "Look at the two of them always going home like that."

"It's really sweet, don't you think?" Yuri followed up while still packing up her things.

"Ehehehe~" Sayori's bright smile only intensified my embarrassment.

"Come on guys, it's really not that big a deal."

"Ahaha! Regardless, it must be nice, huh? I'm almost a little jealous." Monika just managed to make things that much worse for me.

"Ah- Well- Look-"

Sayori tugged on my blazer's sleeve, "It's okay, Alex! You don't need to say anything."

"Right, right. Let's get going then." I waved to the girls before walking out with Sayori.

The majority of our walk was silent. Sayori seemed to be thinking of a lot of different things, which I could relate to.

I wasn't sure what she was thinking about, but I was currently still trying to sort out everything that's been happening to me these past few days so I wouldn't lose my mind over them.

Life didn't really like giving me breathers, though. The second I thought I had it figured out, something new would come

Speaking of...

"Say, Alex?" Sayori broke the silence.

"Yeah, Sayori?" I had to wonder what it was that made her break the silence. She had been thinking almost the whole way back.

"I-I was thinking about earlier, and I- Well, I really-" She struggled to come up with the right words.

Suddenly, I suppose she found them.

"Say, one day, Monika wanted to walk home with you, would you… Would you go with her?"

Not this again.

"Sayori, I thought I answered this yesterday."

"No, you just said that you didn't want to date anyone!"

I sighed.

"Fair enough. No, I wouldn't."

"Eh? But she's so intelligent and athletic… If she wanted to go home with you, then you shouldn't feel held back by me."

So it was about that after all.

"Look, Sayori. I already see Monika every day as it is anyways. Walking home like this? This is our thing. I wouldn't do this with anyone else, and one more thing. I already told you I'm not interested in dating anyone right now. It's just not what I want to be focusing on with how things are going. Between the Festival, and finals in a couple months, and everything else."

"Okay, I get it. Thank you!"

She tried to make herself sound happy but I could tell it was still bothering her. I felt tempted to bring it up, but something told me it wouldn't be a good idea right now.

The rest of the walk home was silent.

When I got to my house, I bid Sayori farewell without much fanfare and went inside.

Walking upstairs and changing into my casual clothes, I sat on my bed and thought to myself.

I didn't feel tired enough to sleep right now, besides, I didn't want to get into the habit of wasting my afternoons asleep.

Writing the poem could wait until before I went to bed, I just got home so I felt I needed to decompress.

I guess that meant I had free time!

Which meant I could…

Could…

What did I do with my free time again?

* * *

A/N: I've gotten a few questions directed at which ship I'm going to be going with here, Alex x Monika or Alex x Sayori. I haven't actually made a decision there yet, and there's still more I plan to write before we get to that point. Rest assured, this fic isn't ending at the festival.


	6. My Sunshine

Turns out even after I managed to secure the illusive free time I've been seeking since my accident I wasn't able to catch a break. Although, this time it wasn't because of any nightmare or existential crisis I was being subjected to.

Instead, I found myself picking through my room to see if there was anything I was remotely interested in looking at, reading, or playing. Turns out when you suffer serious amnesia, you can have a hard time understanding half the things you used to do with your spare time. At least, that's how it is with me.

I eventually decided I needed to be a bit more productive with this time, and not productive as in 'writing a poem' or productive as in 'making lunch.'

Productive as in setting up appointments so I could actually have professionals figure out what the hell was wrong with me.

It took longer than I initially expected, but then again I was just glad I could do it at all after just a cursory look at how it was meant to be done. It wasn't rocket science, but still.

I decided I'd start with a Therapist, I figured these nightmares and weird memories might be my subconscious trying to tell me something. Maybe then I could go through a day without bursting into tears.

…..

It took about an hour to get everything in order with this guy, and when it was done I ended up leaning back in the chair facing my computer and sighing.

Now there really was nothing to do.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wait too long for something to occupy my time, as my phone buzzed.

A notification? It was from this app I basically never used.

It was from Sayori, so I opened it.

A picture of her laying in bed, covered just up to her neck, a bored look on her face.

'What are you doing?'

I dunno why Sayori didn't just text me normally, even if I had to admit she looked kind of cute.

'Stop that, Alex.'

I decided to humor her, considering these past couples days she'd looked pretty down. Not only that, but she's supposed to be my best friend from childhood and I haven't talked to her outside of school.

Besides, I'd spent the last two days crying and bashing my head on a wall, now I had an appointment with a professional.

I could relax a bit, right?

So, I took a picture of myself, I looked about as bored as Sayori did, at the very least.

'Nothing, why?'

It only took a few seconds for her to reply back with a picture of her yawning, her hand covering it while the other took the picture.

'Wanna do something?'

Once more I felt a surge of a… Strange feeling, in my chest. She looked really cute in that picture.

I didn't even really have it in me to chastise myself. Even if I didn't want to date anyone, I could be honest with myself.

I had to admit it was strange for Sayori to seem so calm, even over text, but then again, she did look tired. Even though we only got home a couple hours ago.

Another picture, I wasn't as creative as she was, so I just raised my eyebrow at the camera.

'Like what?'

One more picture from her, this time she was sitting up in her bed, pink casual shirt just visible in the photo.

'Can I come over?'

I just texted without a photo this time, deciding I had already run out of ideas for them.

'Sure, sure.'

I mean why not?

I was sitting here, bored out of my mind and not really willing to go on another soul searching trip through memory lane to try and dig out painful memories.

Even if Sayori was causing some of the trouble in my mind, was there really any harm in just hanging out with her? Especially out of school, considering that without Monika or the Literature Club hanging over us, we could just relax. I could just relax.

Sayori texted me back, simply saying, 'Great! On my way!'

Well I guess that was that, then. I supposed I should put on something a bit different than just shorts and a T-shirt.

I was feeling pretty lazy, but I eventually forced myself to replace the shorts with jeans, and that was really it. The shirt wasn't that big of an issue, so it could stay.

I already heard my doorbell ringing as I was on my way down the stairs. Which didn't surprise me, considering she just lived next door. I would have been more surprised if she somehow took longer to get here than this.

I walked down and opened the door, looking to Sayori, "Hey, come on in." Going to let her come in.

Sayori smiled brightly at me and came inside. She was wearing a pink T-shirt and a pair of jean-shorts, rounded off with her trademark bow. "Hey Alex!"

"Want something to drink?" I asked, already making my way to the kitchen as Sayori plopped down on one of the couches.

"Apple juice, thanks!" She seemed to have already opted to turn my TV on. What was the point of coming over if you were just going to lounge around on my couch and drink my apple juice?

I shook my head and remembered that she probably didn't feel like being alone today, for whatever reason. If she just wanted to lay on the couch and watch TV all day with me then I wasn't going to argue.

I grabbed an apple juice container I had in my fridge and poured a glass for her, before grabbing myself a soda. Going back over, I set the drink down and sat on the other couch, putting one leg on top of the other as I looked at the television.

It ended up just being an anime. I couldn't remember the name, but I seemed to remember owning its box-set. The main character was an average, everyday high schooler who gets thrown into a magical world after a fatal accident and has to save it from demons.

I wasn't exactly sure what the appeal was, wasn't getting thrown into foreign worlds kinda overused? Then again, the show ended up not being half-bad, so maybe using the same trope a few times over wasn't an awful thing.

…

During one of the commercial breaks, an advertisement played for some restaurant that just opened up in the mall. A seafood place, I guess? Sayori seemed interested, as she sat up from laying across the couch.

"Heeeyyy, Alex?"

"You wanna go to that place, don't you?"

"...Yeaah."

"Well, come on." I got up off the couch and went to go grab a jacket of mine that had been sitting on the rack.

"Really?!" Sayori asked, jumping off the couch and bounding her way over to me, "You'll take me?" She seemed like she wasn't sure if I was just lying to her or something, even as she was grinning ear to ear.

"Sure, why not?" I wondered, looking at her and offering a small smile, "Not like we were doing anything here anyways, huh?"

Sayori's grin somehow got even wider as she hugged my arm and jumped up and down, "Oh, thank you thank you! I saw that place advertising a few days ago and I reaally wanted to go but I didn't have any money!"

"Where do you even get your money from anymore?" I didn't remember her having parents, at least, they never appeared in any of the photos I looked at.

"My mom, silly!"

Well, that was awkward.

"Oh, how is your mom?"

"Gooood~ Still out of town! As if she ever isn't. Being a business woman keeps her traveling basically all the time, but it's okay! I like having the house to myself."

Well I supposed that explained it. I guess it would have been a bit too coincidental if somehow both me and Sayori had no parents.

"Well, I'll be paying for the food today, so no worries about not having any money, alright?"

"Well I have some money, so we could split the bill! I don't want you paying too much just because I like food."

As I put on the jacket, grabbed my house keys, wallet, and phone, and started for the door, I said, "You know I've got enough money to cover us both, right? It's not that big a deal to me."

"Yeah but I don't want to feel guilty! Even if you have the money, it's not fair to you."

"Alright, alright. We'll split the bill."

As I opened the door, I noted that the sky was darkening with what looked like rain clouds. Shrugging, I grabbed an umbrella and stepped outside, "Well, let's get going."

Sayori seemed pleased with my decision in regards to the bill. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, after all, it was just seafood. It's not like we were going out to some five-star restaurant where eating a full course meal probably would cripple me financially for awhile.

Whatever made her happy, I guess.

Once we were both outside, I locked the door and put my keys away, the umbrella I rested against my shoulder with my free hand. No sooner than when I put my keys away, did Sayori grab my hand and start pulling me along again, "Come on! We don't want to get there after they close or something!"

It was 4:45 in the afternoon, but I wasn't really going to argue. It's not like she was tugging me at top speed like she was at school the other day.

I kind of felt overdressed, now that we were walking towards the bus that would take us to the mall. Sayori was wearing her aforementioned loose-fitting pink shirt, jean shorts, shoes, and of course, her bow. I, meanwhile, was wearing a light, dark blue jacket and a pair of jeans, with the umbrella only emphasising the differences even more. Kind of like we were dressed up for different seasons.

One for sun and one for rain.

"Soooo, Alex, what are you planning to do at the festival?"

"You mean besides make myself look like an idiot by performing in front of strangers?" I muse jokingly.

"Yeah!"

Thanks, Sayori.

"I don't know, I might just go home afterwards if I'm being honest with you."

"Aww, come on! You know how worried I am about you becoming a NEET! That's why I made you join the Literature Club in the first place!"

"What does me going home after the festival have to do with me becoming a NEET?"

"If you don't go and enjoy yourself around other people, you'll just start doing what you did before you joined the club and barely talk to anyone!"

I wasn't sure if I completely got her logic there, but then again, I didn't even remember what NEET meant. I'd need to look it up later.

Without any real reason to argue, I acquiesced, "Oh, fine. In that case I guess I don't know what I'm going to be doing after the Literature Club's part is done."

"We could walk around or something! When's the last time we did something like that?"

"We're doing something like that right now!"

Sayori giggles, covering it with her free hand, "You're not wrong, but don't you think it could be fun? Food, games, prizes, food!"

"You said food twice."

"Yep!"

I chuckled a little bit. It was hard to explain, but I felt like I knew this was just how Sayori should be. This is how she was. This is how we were. Memory loss or not.

The idea of something with this kind of consistency made me feel warm inside. Just a little bit better off against the negative thoughts I dealt with earlier today.

I wondered if this is why Sayori wanted me in the club, and why she came over today. Maybe she felt the same way as me. Like this time we spent together anchored us to reality when the oceans of our minds grew reckless.

….

I'd need to remember to use that for my poem tonight.

"Well, alright. I guess it couldn't hurt, could it?"

"Yaay! You're the best!"

"I dunno about that, but I try."

"Well, like Natsuki said, that's about all we can do, isn't it? So if you're trying and I think you're the best, than you've succeeded!"

I smiled at that, genuinely. Normally when I smiled at something she said, it was small or otherwise a smirk, but this time… I don't know. Something about the way she said it made me feel like I'd accomplished something in life, however small.

"Thanks, Sayori."

She looked back at me as she was walking and smiled warmly, but said nothing. Not that she needed to. Sometimes a smile said it all.

It made my heart flutter, and I was in too good a mood to try and push it down like I'd been doing these past two days.

There was still the part of me that wanted to keep her away, incase something bad happened to me, but pushing her away would result in bad things happening anyways, so why should I?

I'd be selfish, if it meant I didn't need to keep her away.

We finally arrived at the bus stop, and sat down on the bench, saying nothing. Sayori continued to hold onto my hand, even though there really was no reason to.

I didn't even want to pull it away. I'd miss the warmth too much.

The clouds darkened the afternoon, but not by much. The weather was graying around us, but I didn't mind it so much. A little rain never hurt anyone, so long as the clouds eventually went away.

The bus arrived not too long after, and I followed Sayori in. We made our way to the very back and sat in an open seat, she took the spot closer to the window, while I leaned back in my spot closer to the aisle.

Neither of us spoke on the way there. A comfortable silence prevailed over us. Sayori still didn't let go of my hand. I had to wonder why she was always so intent on it. Everyday on our way to and from school, she took it. When she was leading me to the literature club, she had it.

I guess I didn't need to know her reasoning. I was fine with it so long as she didn't pull me along too fast.

If I tripped, I'd bring us both down.

I decided to glance at her instead of just staring ahead at the bus' front window.

Looking at her, I found it sound hard to believe this was the same girl from my nightmare the other day. She had a calm look on her face as she looked out the window, watching the buildings roll by. Her blue eyes were half-lidded, like she was going to fall asleep just sitting there. Completing it all was a soft smile on her face, one that reminded me of the way she looked at me this morning.

That was when I first started to realize I may have feelings for this girl.

I was really upset when I first felt those feelings, because I felt like it was unfair to them, and unfair to me. That I could die or break Monika's heart or do something horrible that would ruin everything.

Thinking about it now, I wondered if those feelings had just been caused by how crummy I had been feeling. A part of me still felt that way, that I shouldn't commit to anyone, and I knew that I wouldn't be doing it now, but… Why did I need to worry so much?

If I did end up dying and I didn't enjoy the time I had left, then I'd die with regret and sadness. At least, if something happened to me because of whatever caused my memory to blank, and I spent the time I had left with people I cared about, I could die happy, right?

"Mmm? You need something Alex?" Sayori looked at me slightly, with her head still against the window. "You look like you've been spacing out."

"E-Ehm…" I couldn't just tell her what was going on in my head. At least, not yet. "I-I just noticed that your hair isn't straight again."

"Oh… Ehehehe~" She giggled softly, "I guess I forgot to brush it." A small blush came onto her face, "C-Could you fix it like you did the other day?"

I felt heat spread across my face as she asked… But I guess it wasn't that big of a deal, so I nodded. "Sure…"

She got off the window and sat upright. Not saying anything else, I reached up and used my fingers to comb through her hair.

She smiled a bit wider and shut her eyes as she felt my hand go through my hair, "You know Sayori, you gotta start brushing your hair… I don't mind it too much, but you look really messy."

Giggling a little bit, Sayori opened her eyes and glanced at me as best as she could without turning her head, "I guess I just forget~"

As I started to strain out the hair covering the back of her head, I said, "Well you should try to remember, yeah? It's important."

"Well, I don't really need to remember!"

"Why's that?"

"Cause! You'll always fix it for me!"

I blushed a little more than I already was, "You know you can't just rely on you to keep you groomed all the time. What's next? You gonna ask me to ba-"

I stopped myself as my blush grew a bit deeper. Yeah, no. I wasn't going there.

"Tooo…?" She broached, raising an eyebrow.

"N-Nothing, it's not important."

"Are you suuureee~?" She pushed her head right into my hand while it was combing out her hair so she could get a better look at me.

God, this girl could be just as flirt as Monika if she wanted to be, but she wasn't brazen about it like Monika was. She was coy and playful, it was almost downright innocent at times.

"Y-Yeah, I'm sure." I managed out. I didn't know how I was supposed to this girl when she was acting like this… I could easily shrug off Monika, because her flirting was aggressive and more destabilizing than it was anything else.

This, however…?

Her head resting against my hand, she was able to look at me with those kind, bright blue eyes of hers, with a matching smile, that almost seemed to indicate to me that she cared about me more than anything else right now, and it almost entirely disarmed me.

She smiled at me, before leaning her head back up so I could continue straightening her hair.

"You're so silly, Alex!"

"That's one way you could put it, I guess."

I finally finished with her hair, just in time for the bus to stop. Making sure I still had everything in order, I took my umbrella and got out first, "Well, lead the way."

I may have seemed like I was just acting 'Gentlemanly' or whatever, but I was actually letting her lead because I didn't remember anything about this place, the bus route we needed to take, or anything like that. So, in a way, her constantly dragging me along by the hand worked in my favor this time.

Sayori got out of her part of the seat and took my hand again, which I was admittedly expecting this time, and began to pull me along.

As we made our way out after the few other people who got off before us, heading either towards the mall as well, or breaking off on their way to some other destination.

I noted that the clouds were just as strong here as they were back at home. Looked like it was going to be a big storm. I just hoped we didn't get caught waiting for the bus again when it hit.

Sayori sped up, causing me to need to walk faster to keep up, "Come on, come on! We're nearly there!"

"Hey, not so fast! If one of us trips, then we both go down!"

"Weell, if I trip you can just catch me, can't you?"

"Yeah, but what if I fall? I might not be a heavy guy but I don't think you'd be able to catch me."

"Ehehe~ Well, you won't fall in that case! Because you know if you do, something would happen to me!"

If it wasn't for how trusting and innocent she sounded when saying that, I would almost have believed Sayori clued in to some of my darker thoughts from today and yesterday, because her placing that must trust into me was exactly what I was afraid of.

What if I did fall and bring her down with me? I don't think I could ever forgive myself if something happened to her because of me.

I didn't have more time to dwell on that, as before I knew it we entered the mall, and I was forced to adjust my eyes to the light.

Something about this situation seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it exactly…

"Sayori, do you even know what floor this place is supposed to be on?"

"O-Of course I do! Why would I come here without looking where the restaurant was on? Ehehe~"

"So, you don't know."

"N-No…"

"Well, let's go find one of those maps then."

"O-Oh! Good idea! I was just going to suggest we run around till we find it."

Shaking my head, I began to take the lead for once, at a much slower pace. I could tell Sayori was almost literally ready to take off running in some random direction, like she had had three energy drinks before coming here, or ate a pound of candy.

She continued to look around excitedly, trying to spot the place before I could reach the map with her in tow.

"Alex, Alex! Look, there it is! No- Wait, that's a clothes store. Could we go there too?"

I rolled my eyes and smiled, letting go of her hand so I could cross my arms and look at the map, "Yeah, but after we eat. I'm hungry to, you know? Now, let's see…"

I found the location of the restaurant after a quick look around the map, before turning to say, "Okay Sa-" Yet Sayori had vanished.

"Sayori?" I looked around, and began to look for her.

Maybe she got tired of waiting and ran ahead of me?

"Alex?"

I turned, expecting Sayori. What I got instead left me reeling.

The red haired girl from my dream, "Alex? Ready to go meet the others? They've been waiting a while now, you know!" Her voice had a tone of excitement, her hands clasped together in front of her.

I must have looked worried, "Alex? Ready to go?"

"Alex?"

"Alex!"

A pair of hands clapped in front of my face, shocking me back to reality.

Sayori was standing in front of me, a look of worry on her face. "Alex? Are you alright?"

Looking around, I noticed we were standing a bit away from the map, "Y-Yeah. What happened?"

Sayori tried to explain, her eyes betraying feelings of worry and fear, "Y-Your eyes were glazed over, a-and you looked right past me. You said my name a couple times, then just stood there... " Some tears were forming in her eyes.

Fantastic. I had to act fast before this day was ruined.

Placing my hand on her shoulder, I tried to speak with a calm tone, hoping I could calm her down if she knew I was alright.

"I-It's fine Sayori. Just something I've been dealing with these past few days… I'm already planning to see a doctor."

"A-A doctor? Do you think it could be serious?"

Truthfully, I did. I was still worried that whatever was going on with my head was going to kill me, but I couldn't tell her that. That would be disastrous.

"I don't think it's anything major… It might just be something stress related, you know? With all this stuff going on in the Literature Club, and then all the school work piling up."

Sayori wiped her eyes before they could get any wetter, saying, "O-Okay. So long as you're sure that it's nothing big!"

I wish I could be sure about that.

"Yeah, it's no big deal." I smile, before saying, "Now let's go eat. I'm starving."

I'm not sure how exactly I managed to diffuse that situation, but Sayori seemed to accept the promise of food as revolution for me worrying her.

….I mean, Retribution.

Where did that even come from?

Strange word use aside, I put my hands in my pocket and started walking towards the escalator.

The walk was silent, Sayori seemed to be a bit more contained than she was before. I knew I'd probably need to make it up to her a bit more so she'd feel better. Maybe the food would help?

I had to hope so, because I wasn't sure if anything I said would really help her not think about what just happened.

It worried me too, actually. All my nightmares and dreams of that redhead were constrained to, well, my dreams prior to today.

This was different. It made me see things that weren't there, and miss things that were right in front of me. This was getting dangerous, and I knew that I'd have a lot to spill to this Therapist when the appointment came around on Tuesday.

Why Tuesday instead of, say, tomorrow? Well. I didn't want to miss any festival preparations, and I knew I'd need Saturday to get tutored by Yuri, and sunday wasn't an option as the guy didn't do appointments on Sunday.

I wasn't about to miss the festival for this. Were my priorities skewed? Hell yeah, but I wasn't going to miss the one thing I had to look forward to right now to wrestle with whatever was going wrong with my head.

I shook my head and decided I'd stop thinking about the future for the moment. As we boarded the escalator, I started thinking of things I might want to try and talk to Sayori about.

It occured to me that, despite her apparently being my best friend since childhood, thanks to my loss of memory, I hadn't the slightest in terms of things she liked to do outside of chilling out with me, being at the Literature Club, and, if my cookbook was to be believed, eating my cooking.

I thought about asking her directly, but then I remembered I was probably supposed to just know this stuff.

Hmm…

Maybe I'd look on her social media profile and see if any hints were dropped there as to what she likes to do.

Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.

Soon enough, we got off the escalator, Sayori nearly tripping as we reached the top, but thankfully she managed to steady herself and laugh it off.

I couldn't blame her, I barely knew what these things were and I hated them already.

"We're almost there, come on Alex!" She started walking faster and I moved to match her. I had to wonder where this girl got all her energy from, just walking all the way up here made me feel a bit tired.

Then again I wasn't exactly a star athlete or anything, and Sayori seemed to spend a lot of her time running around.

Before we knew it we were at the restaurant, and were shown to a place to sit. It wasn't too fancy, nor was it too cheap. In my opinion, it was perfectly balanced.

Just the kind of place I like. At least, that's what I think. The comfortable atmosphere they somehow managed in a place that was wedged into a chaotic mall made me feel rather relaxed.

As we were seated in a booth, I swept my gaze across the place.

It had a very wooden aesthetic, like the inside of an old-timey ship. It wasn't a franchise, either, so it seemed to me like the owner just really enjoyed the way it looked and felt. In the center of the establishment was a bar, which I only looked at because it also had a few televisions attached to the top for everyone to view, going around the place.

I didn't think me and Sayori were old enough to drink anyways.

Beyond that, the place only had boothes, which lined all the walls, two doors which led to the respective bathrooms, and the bar in the center, which made a square in the middle.

It seemed like it'd be very cramped at full capacity, but mercifully it seemed to only be about moderately filled right now. Maybe the weather outside was making people hurry home before the storm hit?

With my scan of the place over, I turned my attention to Sayori, who was currently reading the menu and not really paying attention to much else. She seemed to be practically salivating over the menu options.

Guess I should find something to eat myself…

About five minutes later we both had our orders. I stuck with something I felt would be filling, Sayori got one of the larger dishes they served. Some kind of platter? I don't know how she expected the both of us to eat it, but maybe she'd take it home.

"So what drinks will you two have?"

Sayori ordered a lemonade, I ordered a soda.

When the waitress left, Sayori put her chin in her hand and said, "You know Alex, you shouldn't drink soda as much as I've seen. You already had one can and now you're getting a glass of it! That'll rot your teeth out, you know?"

I quirked an eyebrow at her as I leaned back in my seat, "You're giving me health advice, Sayori? Really?"

"W-What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just yesterday you ate the full lunch I had made you, ten cookies, then an additional cookie, and finally, you took a bite out of Natsuki's cookie!"

Sayori shudders, "Raisin cookies are awful! I dunno how she can eat them."

"You're avoiding my point! I honestly don't know how you stay so skinny when you eat so much."

"Eehh? Don't be a meanie, Alex!"

"Hey, I'm just saying!" I raise my hands a bit in a gesture to show I didn't mean any harm, "I don't know how you do it."

"That's a secret!"

"Hmmm, alright."

Sayori then got out of her boothe, "Be right back!" Then she bounded off towards the bathroom.

Perfect, now I could check my phone without seeming rude.

I pulled out my phone and began to look through Sayori's page, looking at her posts and pictures to see if I could discern anything from them.

The most recent one was… A picture of me? When did she take that?

Getting a better look at it, it seemed when I wasn't looking at the bus stop, she snapped a picture of me staring off at the road, my umbrella was visible resting against my side and I had a smile on my face.

It wasn't the worst looking picture of me, I suppose.

The text below it read 'Going to a restaurant with Alex! So excited!'

Monika and Natsuki liked that photo, along with some other people that must be Sayori's relatives.

Oh boy, I was going to be hearing about this tomorrow.

Oh well, at least now I had time to prepare, instead of being blindsided by teasing from Natsuki and prodding questions by Monika.

I scrolled on, most of Sayori's posts weren't anything I could draw any information from. I did, however, learn some things that would be useful to me.

She seemed to have recently gotten this game system… A 'Switch' was what she called it, and a few games to go with it.

I was kind of surprised Sayori liked video games, I mean, I hadn't played any since my accident and I couldn't remember any of the ones I liked, but, it seemed like sitting in one place for long periods of time wasn't really in Sayori's agenda. I guess I was wrong.

She also seemed to really like a few shows that I knew nothing about. This sitcom that featured a plucky blonde girl, a serious looking guy with a mustache, and a few other characters.

Looked kinda boring.

Before I could dig any deeper, I saw Sayori coming out of the bathroom, so I swapped to a different app on my phone to make it look like I'd just been playing…

Tetris. Well, I guess there were worse games to play on the phone.

Sayori came back and sat down, "Sorry I took so long!"

Putting my phone awake, I shrugged, "Eh, don't worry. It wasn't that long."

Soon the waitress brought us our drinks and said, "Food will be ready in a minute!" Before going off again.

"Sayori are you sure you're gonna be able to eat that platter?"

"Weeelll, I thought we could share! It's meant for more than one person."

"You coulda said that, I wouldn't have ordered my own food if I knew ahead of time."

Sayori blinked a few times, like she was just registering that in her head, before she smiled and bridged her fingers, "Ehehe~ Sorry! I'm sure you'll help me eat it though, and besides, I can eat what's left for lunch tomorrow!"

I had to wonder if Sayori had just somehow perfectly planned this so that not only was I buying her what was likely going to be her dinner, I also just paid for her lunch as well.

"Sayori did you order that specifically so you would have a lunch for tomorrow?"

Sayori looked shocked for a second, before pouting at me and putting on her best 'innocent' voice, which I had to admit was almost convincing, "W-Why Alex! What would make you think that? Ehehehe~"

Yeah, that pout wasn't going to work on me this time Sayori.

"I think you know exactly what makes me think that." I cross my arms and begin, "You ordered after I did, which means you already knew I was getting something for me to eat. You know I don't have nearly as large of an appetite as you do, and the food you ordered could easily be taken home for tomorrow!"

Sayori whined like a puppy that had just had their favorite toy taken away, "You're such a meanie sometimes Alex! Couldn't you have let me get away with something for once?"

"Hm! Who said I wasn't going to let you get away with it? You just had to admit your scheme!"

Sayori gasped, "So, that means you're gonna let me keep the food we don't eat?!"

"Yeah, yeah, just don't eat it all tonight!"

"Yaay!" Sayori clapped her hands lightly in excitement. "Thank you!"

"Don't thank me just yet, Sayori. Remember, we're still splitting the bill."

"O-Oh, right. Ehehe."

Smirking, I took a sip of my drink.

It didn't take long after that for the waitress to come by with our food, "Enjoy, you two!" Then, she went off, leaving us to our food.

I took stock of what we had.

As I said before the place wasn't super expensive, but the food it offered seemed appetizing. Of course, a place didn't need to cost a load of money just to have good food, I'm sure there were plenty of cheap places that could beat out even high quality restaurants on a good day.

As for the food we had… I just ordered a filet and some fries. Was it really 'seafood'? Arguable. Did I care? Not really. I was just hungry.

Sayori's food looked a lot more like what someone would order from a place like this. Several pieces of filet, shrimp, stuffed crab shells, and some veggies on the side. It looked like far too much for someone to eat all in one sitting, but I had a feeling Sayori would probably do it if she wasn't trying to save some of it for tomorrow.

Sayori dug in almost immediately, while I took my time with it. I almost admired how voracious she was. By the time I was half-way done with a single piece of filet, she had already eaten two! The poor shrimp didn't stand a chance against her onslaught either, as their small size made them easily to devour.

Smirking, I got a devious idea in my head. She wanted to take a picture of me? Well alright, two can play at that game.

While she was knee deep in her next victim, I snuck my phone out and put it on camera, waiting for the right chance.

It came when she was taking a drink from her lemonade, I snapped the picture and continued smirking to myself while I looked at it.

I wish I could say it came out ugly and embarrassing, but it didn't. Then again, if I was going for that, I could have just waited for when she was actually stuffing her face.

Instead, she still managed to look cute. Her head tilted to the side as she practically chugged the glass of lemonade, it was easy to tell she was just having a good time right now, and that was really all I needed.

I pocketed my phone, deciding I'd post the picture later, then I started eating again.

I had to remind myself that I shouldn't be trying to date this girl - And honestly I didn't feel like I was. I liked her, I wasn't afraid to admit that, but commitment wasn't in my agenda until… Well, I wasn't sure. I could say 'Not for a long time' and then end up deciding next week. I could also decide I'd say something tomorrow, then chicken out.

It was best to just let time work its magic, I supposed.

After a few more minutes passed, I decided I'd get on with my original plan to try and get to know Sayori more. "So, play any good games lately?"

It sounded really weak when I put it that way, but what else was I supposed to say? 'How bout that weather?' Yeah, I'd sooner jump off a cliff.

Thankfully it seemed to work, "Mmmh?" She swallows her food and says, "I've been playing a lotta Pokemon lately, oh, and Smash Bros! I also recently picked up Odyssey!"

Lots of words went into my ears and went right out the other way. I knew what these games were, because when I was on the internet earlier today I came across some footage of them, but I didn't really know anything about them.

"Don't you have a Switch, Alex?"

"Nope, don't think so!"

I knew for a fact I didn't, actually, as I went through my room earlier trying to locate literally everything that I could classify as 'fun' and I didn't find anything that was what Sayori had. Between all the games and anime I did have, a Switch was not one of them.

"You should buy it! I know you have the money too!"

"Eh, I dunno Sayori. When would I ever have the time to use it? I've been really busy with club things lately. Not to mention homework."

"Well, on afternoons like this! We could even smash!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You know? We could play Smash, and I could beat you! I'll smash you!"

I should have been embarrassed but the way she said it so innocently made me smile in amusement.

"Sayori I don't think tha- You know what, fine. Maybe I'll buy one today."

"Yay! I can't wait to smash with you!"

"Okay, there's no way you don't know what you're saying at this point."

Sayori raised an eyebrow at me, before just giggling and taking a sip of what was left of her drink.

"I knew it. You're not that slick!"

"Maaayybee, maybe you're just good at telling when I'm being sneaky!"

"I somehow doubt that I'm the only one that would have caught on to that Sayori."

"There's a lot of oblivious people in the world, Alex!"

"You mean like you?"

"Eehh? Meanie!"

I laughed before taking a sip of my drink, letting her pout at me for a few moments, before saying, "Come on, you know I didn't really mean it."

"Hmm! Maybe I don't, and you'll owe me an apology!"

I raised an eyebrow, "Oh? What kind of apology?"

"You gotta make those brownies you learned to make last year for the Festival!"

"Eeh, I don't know about that, Sayori. Natsuki is good at making sweets, she should be making stuff like that, not me."

"But your brownies are soooo goood! Everyone would love them, and Natsuki could make them with you! Between your brownies and her cupcakes, we'd get loads of people to come look at us!"

I wasn't so sure about that. If it was any real indication, those brownies were really the only sweet thing past-me knew how to make, and while I kind of felt like I could make regular food well enough, what made those brownies so special compared to any other brownie recipe?

Couldn't hurt I guess.

"Sure, then."

"Yay! I'm so excited! Natsuki's Cupcakes and your Brownies in one place!"

"Just don't die of excessive sugar intake or something, alright? Those brownies are going to be for the festival!"

"Awwh, yeah you're right!"

I'd probably make some extra and save them for a sort of 'after party' so that all the club members go to have some. If I was going to go in on this, I might as well go in all the way. However, I wasn't just going to tell her that. I'd keep it as a pleasant surprise.

Soon enough we were both finished eating, the bill came, and we paid it. It wasn't actually that expensive, I'd of gladly paid it all myself, but Sayori insisted on splitting it. Besides, if she wanted me to drop however much money a Switch cost to play games with her this week, I was going to take her generosity for everything it was worth.

I may have money to burn, but I didn't exactly want to burn it, you know?

Sayori filled both the food I didn't eat and the rest of her own food into a couple to-go boxes and stacked them on top of each other. "Do you want your leftovers, Alex?"

"Eeh, nah, you can take them."

The food was alright but I didn't see myself clamoring for it like Sayori seemed to be doing. It was better to just let her have both boxes so she didn't run out as quickly.

"Yay, thank you!" She smiled broadly at me, and all I could really do was smile back.

"Don't worry about it. Anything else you wanted to do today?"

"Remember, I wanted to go pick up a new outfit or two!"

Oh, yeah. She did mentioned she wanted to go to a clothing store she saw on this floor. I guess I couldn't knock her for it, even if it was getting close to being six PM.

"Well, alright."

Sayori took the food boxes and we both left the restaurant, entering into the mall proper as Sayori immediately started heading for the store she saw on our way here.

I know it wasn't really what I signed up for when I offered to go with her to the mall, but honestly I was having a good time right now. Was there really any reason to rush going home?

I didn't think so, at least.

It didn't take us terribly long to track down the store Sayori spotted when we were on the first floor, and we were soon inside.

One of my hands was in my jacket pocket while the other carried the umbrella I brought. I kind of wished there was an easier way to carry around umbrellas, but what could you do?

Meanwhile Sayori held the boxes with one hand while constantly looking at different outfits. Eventually she handed me the boxes, and I had to put the umbrella under my arm so I could hold both of them without worrying about spilling.

"You should get some new clothes, Alex! I don't think I've seen you in anything casual besides that T-shirt and shorts you wear at home."

"I have other clothes! I just haven't had a reason to wear them yet."

"What about today?"

"Today was just a spur of the moment thing, a jacket and jeans was just fine. Besides, you already want me to buy something so I can play games with you, I think that'll be the extent of my purchases for the day."

"Aww, okay that's fair!"

At least she didn't push it any further, between today and the cost of the Therapist I'll be seeing on Tuesday, I don't think I'll be making any 'for me' purchases for a little while, save for food. Not that I couldn't afford it, but I didn't want to make a habit out of spending my money on things so close together.

Soon enough Sayori had a whole outfit chosen, "I'm gonna go try this on!" She then headed off for the changing room, while I took a seat on one of those benches they provided.

I almost didn't notice I was sitting next to someone familiar.

"Hey man! What are you doing here?"

It was Haruki, the guy who saved me from falling earlier!

"Oh, hey Haruki. Based on where we're sitting, same thing as you."

I got a good look at Haruki - Outside of school he wore kind of what I would expect him to. An unzipped dark green jacket with a black T-shirt that had some kind of band's logo on it and a pair of slightly torn jeans.

"Aha, so who're here with? Who took you prisoner for the day?"

"My friend, Sayori. You?"

"Aaah, man you're really sought after aren't you? I'm here with my sister, Kana."

Kana? That name sounded kind of familiar, but I couldn't really place it.

As if to oblige me, the girl emerged out of the changing room adjacent to Sayori's, carrying around four sets of clothes.

"Carry these Haru, gonna get em all."

She looked at me and smiled, "Aah, what a coincidence! The man, the myth, the legend. You told me you met him, Haru, didn't think I'd get to see him again this soon."

"Again, you've met him before Kana?"

Crossing her arms and keeping a smirk on her face, she responds, "Well, met my be a bit of an overstatement, I saw him getting a late slip a few days ago."

Kana was a very different kind of person to anyone I'd met up to this point, I could tell just by the clothes she wore.

She wore a black leather jacket, unzipped, with nothing really in the way of brand names or band logos or anything on it, if there were any on it before she must have gotten rid of them. Underneath that was a black tank top, and she wore a pair of torn denim jeans, much like her brother did, and boots.

Kana dressed like one of those girls you'd see in a drug commercial, but I somehow doubted she was some kind of criminal.

"Oh, yeah, I remember now. You were getting reprimanded for changing all the principal's portraits to different things."

The girl laughed, "Yeah, that was classic! You wanna see a picture?"

Shrugging, I decided it couldn't hurt.

Kana took out her phone and scrolled to a picture, before showing it to me.

The principal's office was lined with rather intricately designed portrait frames that I'm sure at one point housed paintings and other things like that, in the picture, however, they were all replaced with drawings of things I wouldn't repeat in pleasant company.

I laughed. Admittedly, it was pretty funny.

"That's pretty good, I'm not gonna lie."

"Finally! My brother here thinks I went a bit too far."

Raising his hands defensively, Haruki spoke, "Hey, I'm just sayin. You could have done something a bit less time consuming, you know, like replacing all his paperwork with some of that poetry you're always so proud of."

Kana's face suddenly turned to one of horror, then indignant anger, "Ugh! You want me to smack you, Haru?! I told you not to mention that in front of other people! What do you think the idiots in my class are gonna react like if they find out the great and powerful Kana writes poems?!"

Haruki waved it off, "Relax. Who's here? The man Alex and his girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Yeah whatever you say man."

Kana huffed and crossed her arms, "Whatever. You'd better not say anything about this, Alex!"

"Hey, who am I to judge? The Literature Club writes poems all the time. We're even doing a sort of poetry performance for the festival. Its open to anyone who wants to recite, maybe you should come."

"Yeah, and get my rep ruined?" She huffed, "I'd sooner stick my head in the oven."

Haruki just nudged me as if to say 'she's always like this.'

I just shrugged, not like she was the first person I knew that was quick to anger.

"Come on, Haru. Let's ring these up so I can hit the gym."

"Yeah alright." He went to stand up.

As they were getting ready to walk off, Sayori emerged from the dressing room, "What do you think?"

I had to admit, the outfit caught me completely off guard.

Her loose fitting pink t-shirt was gone, instead she wore a tan-colored, frilly shirt that hugged the outside of her shoulders, and had a notable extra frilled portion that draped over her chest. It had no sleeves either. It was combined with a new pair of jean shorts that Sayori picked up and a pair of sandals.

"Damn." Kana exclaimed flatly, "You weren't kidding Haru, this guy is the luckiest guy in the school."

Haruki laughs, "What'd I tell ya? Knock em dead, Alex." Then, the dynamic duo left.

Their little poking made me blush, but if it made me blush, then it made Sayori turn to roughly the same shade of red as tomato paste on a sunburnt tourist.

...Wait, what?

"I- Uhm." I struggled to find words as I turned back to Sayori.

She was nervously holding one of her arms with her other hand as she looked at me, "Sooo?"

"It looks- You look- I… It looks amazing, Sayori."

Sayori giggles, her face staying the same red as it was earlier, "Th-Thank you! I'll be buying it then. Let me go change back." Then, she vanished back into the changing room.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Then I took one of the napkins we took from the restaurant and wiped some sweat off my brow.

It might seem a bit over dramatic but, damn. I didn't know Sayori had the ability to look like that.

It made it all the harder for me when I remembered I really, really couldn't afford to get into a relationship with her, or anyone.

I would enjoy my time, sure, but until I knew I wasn't going to keel over, I needed to be careful.

Sayori came out not too long after, with the clothes she'd tried on in her arm, saying, "Let's go! We'll just stop so you can pick up a Switch then we'll start heading home!"

"Alright, sounds good to me." I grabbed up the to-go boxes and my umbrella and we walked over to the checkout girl.

She rung up everything and Sayori paid for it with what I had to assume was the last bit of money her mom had given her for the week with how she'd been talking about how she'd spent most of her money the other day.

I managed to secure an extra plastic bag and wrapped up the food boxes tightly inside of it, that made it much less worrisome to carry.

"Why do you want me to get this so badly, again?" I pondered, trying to get to the bottom of why Sayori was so intent on me dropping so much money on this one thing and a few games.

"Because I know you'll have fun with it, and we can have fun with it together!"

"Yeah but can't one of those things we used two-player?"

"Yeah, but that's not fun at all! Besides, then you'd only be able to play it if you came over to my place."

Was that really a bad thing, though?

"Eh, alright, but you'd better not ask me to get you anything next week! I'm going to be a bit tighter with my money than I was today. Are you sure you're not getting paid by them or something? You're real adamant about this."

"I wish! Nope, I just think you'll have fun!"

Coulda fooled me.

Oh well, the store we went into there proved a lot less eventful than the other one. Soon I had the system and a few games.

As we were walking out, I stared at the bag, "So much money…" I let out a sniffle in memory of my lost funds.

"You'd better be serious about me liking this Sayori!"

"I'm always serious about games!"

I rolled my eyes, and we were soon heading for the exit. I had Sayori hold the food containers once I saw the fact that it was absolutely pouring rain outside now.

"Stay close to me." I opened my umbrella, and as we stepped outside, Sayori sidled up under it, practically glued to my arm as we walked through the torrential downpour. I looked around the parking lot, many people leaving at the same time as us were making a mad dash to their cars, getting to safety quickly and heading home.

We, however, had to walk.

Sayori eventually started holding both her bag of clothing and bag of food in one hand, holding onto my arm that was holding onto the umbrella with the other. It was almost like she was afraid she was going to fly away under the heavy wind.

With how I had to fight the umbrella, I couldn't say I blamed her for feeling that way.

The rain formed large puddles that we needed to avoid. I somehow managed to get my shoes wet anyways, which I guess I should have expected.

It was also dark, the only real light sources we had being the mercifully placed street lights that guided our way back to the bus stop.

Once we were there, we had to wait for what felt like an eternity for the bus to appear.

I could tell Sayori was cold, she hadn't dressed for this weather, so the sudden heavy rain caught her off guard.

Since we were kind of sheltered underneath the bus stops bench, I carefully maneuvered myself to take off my jacket, before putting it over the girl.

She quickly put it on, before smiling at me, now looking considerably more comfortable.

I, however, was freezing.

I regretted doing it, but I guess I could take it better than Sayori could.

Mercifully, it only took a few more minutes before the bus came and we were able to take out haul from today and get onboard, managing to return to the seat that we had on the other bus, Sayori taking the window seat again.

I kept the umbrella against my pants leg, it was soaking wet now but there really wasn't anywhere else to put it.

Leaning back, I sighed softly and looked out the window as Sayori was doing the same.

The rain darkened the sky, and with the sun setting, everything from buildings, to people, to trees, because faint outlines and shapeless blobs as we sped past them. The only breaks being the occasional streetlight, providing small bastions of light for any unfortunate pedestrian who found themselves walking anywhere in this weather.

Neither of us spoke, slightly tired from today's events, I found the quiet warmth of the bus to be welcoming, and Sayori… Well, looking at her, she looked to be falling asleep.

I made a point not to stare and instead just looked out the window for a few more minutes, the silence between us proving welcoming and friendly.

…..

Eventually, I noticed Sayori had fallen asleep against the glass, her mouth slightly open as she breathed gently, the bus providing just enough light to see her.

I thought about taking another picture, but I decided against it.

A moment like this was one better kept between two people and unshared with the rest of the world.

I leaned back in the seat and took stock of everything we had.

Nothing had been lost in the mad dash for the bus, thankfully.

I had to wonder if past-me knew what he was missing out on by holding himself up so much. If Sayori was to be believed, he was something of a…. What was the term… NEET? A shut-in.

If that was the case, I wonder what it was that made him do that. If there was some kind of piece to the puzzle I was missing that made me become reclusive before I got amnesia.

He'd probably be wondering why I spent so much more time around Sayori now.

On the other hand, maybe he'd be jealous.

No real way of knowing now, I didn't know if I'd ever go back to being the way I was before, even if my memories came back.

I did have to wonder, however, if he'd wonder if I was weak for being so fragile mentally, or could he have been worse than me?

I resigned myself to ignorance, for the time being, as we began to approach our stop.

I gently shook Sayori awake, who was momentarily confused, "Mmm…? Oh, Alex. S-Sorry, guess I'm kinda tired."

"It's okay, come on."

We collected our goods and made our way off the bus.

The rain was only marginally less heavy as I opened the umbrella and we made our way back towards our houses.

"Did you have fun today, Sayori?" I asked over the din of rainfall.

"Yeah! Today was amazing!" She grinned at me, "I hope the festival is just as fun!"

I hoped so, considering how much work the entire school was putting into it.

"I'll walk you home first, since I have the umbrella."

"Okay!"

We trudged our way back to her house, and before we knew it we were at the door to her place.

As she opened the door and set down her clothing and food bags just inside, she turned around and said, "Alex, I know I said it already but today was so fun!"

"Hey, don't mention it, I did say we could hang out anyti-"

She cut me off by hugging me tightly, placing her head firmly against my chest and arms as far around as she could. "No, I really mean it! Today was great."

The only thing keeping me from hugging her back was the fact that my hands were full.

She pulled her arms back to where she was holding onto my shirt and looked up at me. The look on her face was the same one from before, of undying admiration and… Something else, I couldn't really place right now.

"Alex, I've- I've been meaning to say…"

"Sayori…?" My voice was barely above a whisper, i don't think I could manage more with how she was gazing into me.

"I just…" She was trying to draw closer to me, bringing her face ever closer to mine.

Was she…?

Suddenly, she stopped herself, shutting her eyes and looking down, "Th-Thank you. I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?"

"O-Okay…"

Sayori gave me one more smile before stepping inside and shutting the door.

I rubbed the area of my chest just over my heart, trying to calm myself down as I began to walk back.

What the hell was that?

'You knew exactly what that was Alex, don't be so dense.'

Shit, shit…

If it had just been another few seconds… I don't think I'd of had the courage to push her away if she did get that far.

I know I wouldn't have.

Thankfully it didn't come to that.

I was soon back at my house, out of the pouring rain. I shut the door and sighed heavily, sheathing the umbrella in its holder before taking my purchase upstairs.

It was only when I sat it down did I remember something else.

Sayori took my jacket and never gave it back!

...Why did I feel like I was never going to wear that jacket again?

Shaking my head, I decided that if it came to that I'd just buy a new jacket.

I checked the time on my computer's clock as I sat down.

7:30 PM.

Yeah, that seemed about right.

Guess I'd write my poem now so I could focus on other things for the rest of the night.

"Storm

Ships adrift in an endless ocean

Calm waters, they merrily sing their tune

Awash across the ocean blue

Tunes of drunken sailors

And a guy named Taylor

Plunder and Profit was their game

Yet the ocean was not a board

When the winds blew fierce

The sailors begged to reach land anew

Torrential waters, they fearfully sang their tune

At the mercy of the ocean blue

Windy weather and stormy weather

Yet they knew they were all together

They beat a dead horse with their tune

Even as they were torn into the ocean blue

Any port in a storm, they say

They realized keeping the ocean at bay

Reaching land as they sang their final tune

Freed from the ship, home and prison

Tired they grew of the waves that had risen

It was time for them to leave her

They didn't need much

The voyage was long and the winds were fierce

Land seemed much more promising

Together they forged, they would pierce

The unknown wilderness of the land

Off the unwelcoming ocean they would band

As their final tune finished."

…

The poem took a lot longer to write than I thought. I wanted to latch on to the ship analogy from earlier, which led to me to researching a bunch of sea shanties.

Looking at the clock on my screen, I realized it was almost nine.

Deciding this poem would have to do, I printed it out and put it in my bag for tomorrow, before getting up and going about my nightly ritual, consisting of showering and brushing my teeth.

I unboxed my new source of entertainment and poked around playing one of the games I bought while laying in bed.

Before I actually fell asleep, I remembered to post that picture of Sayori on my page, saying, 'Had a good time today with Sayori! I think she has a black hole for a stomach.'

Then, I turned off my phone and set everything aside.

It only took a few more minutes before sleep finally came to me, and the day was over.

* * *

A/N: This chapter might not have been action packed or anything, but I hope you enjoyed it. I only uploaded one chapter this time as, due to the nature of this chapter, it was a lot longer than my previous 'post-school' chapters. Expect the next one before too long!


	7. Uncertain Weather

_I was being pulled by the red haired girl once again, in the same cold winter weather as before. We approached the whiteness of the mall, and…_

 _Pushed on through into the hustle and bustle of pre-christmas shopping. The muted shell of life that existed outside gave way to the onslaught of human production and joy. "Come on, Alex! We're late" The girl hurried me further, and we went up the escalator to the second floor._

 _I reached to remember who we were going to meet, but I did not have to reach far, as soon a male voice called to us._

" _Hey you two! Over here!"_

 _A guy my age with brown hair and green eyes waved to us, "Come on! We've been waiting for awhile now!" We rushed over and took our seats, the red haired girl saying, "Sorry! Alex took a little bit to get here."_

 _The brown haired guy said, "You know I could have offered to give you a ride, buddy." Yet, something was… Off about his tone. Why did he sound sad about that?_

 _I wanted to respond to his offer, but I couldn't._

 _Was he… Was he crying?_

" _Yeah, Alex… You didn't have to walk alone." I looked to the red haired girl._

 _She, too, looked on the verge of tears._

 _I wanted to ask them what they were crying about, but my voice wouldn't find me._

 _Another girl, a blonde, spoke, "Y-Yeah… You were always such an idiot, you know? We could have brought you here if you asked."_

 _The final member of the table, a dark haired boy, looked up from a tablet he was carrying, and said, "It was really our fault you were so late…. We're sorry."_

 _Finally, I seemed to find my voice, "What are y-"_

 _ **ON A COLD WINTER MORNING, IN A TIME BEFORE THE LI-**_

I turned off my phone's alarm and sat up, yawning while stretching out. Then, I let my arms fall back down.

Another dream. At least this one wasn't a nightmare.

No… This one was confusing.

It was nothing like any of the nightmares I'd had before - It seemed like a continuation of the dream I had when I fell asleep in the Literature Club.

Sighing, I could only wonder what it meant as I checked the time.

5:30 AM.

Nodding slowly, I reached to a notepad I kept on my nightstand and began to write down the contents of my dream before they slipped away from me.

The nightmares I had were faulty, but I could remember them well enough. I was more worried about dreams like this, that made me more curious than upset, that might slip away before I could relay them to the Therapist on Tuesday.

Once it was written down, I put the notebook away and took out my phone again, opting to check for anything new online that I may have missed.

It looks like Sayori saw the image I posted last night, she liked it and commented, 'Meanie! :3'

Well, it was better than her actually being annoyed at me over the picture. I decided to see if she'd posted anything new last night.

There was a new picture of her wearing her new outfit, the text below it said 'Got this yesterday! Really love it!'

On both my image and Sayori's image, Monika, Natsuki, and now Yuri all liked them. It seemed like we were going to be getting the business today…

Oh well. I resigned myself to getting teased, even though I was just hanging out with Sayori as a _friend_ yesterday, I knew they'd get the wrong idea.

' _The wrong idea. She almost kissed me at the end of the day… I don't think they'll be getting the wrong idea about her. As for me…?'_

I sighed at my self-imposed torture, before getting up out of bed and starting my morning ritual.

Once I was completely ready for the day, and had everything in order, I went downstairs and made myself my lunch for the day. Nothing fancy this time, just a sandwich, a small bag of chips, and what was left of the cookies I had from yesterday. I didn't give Sayori _all_ of them, after all.

Once that was all packed up, I stuck my lunch in my bag and grabbed everything I needed.

6:00

I picked up my phone and called Sayori again.

 _Ring…_

 _Ring Ring…_

 _Ring ri-_

"H-hello?" Sayori sounded different from yesterday. She sounded like…

Had she been crying?

"Sayori? It's time for school."

"O-Oh, alright… I'll be right down."

That was concerning…

I headed outside and waited for her.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wait too long for her to come down and meet me. Contrary to what I heard before, she was smiling brightly at me, "Hey Alex! Ready to go?"

"Yep, let's get moving."

We started to walk, making our way towards school. Unfortunately, despite Sayori seeming her usual bright, cheery self, she was almost alarmingly quiet for how I was used to her behaving.

Midway to school, I decided to ask, "So… You looking forward to the Festival?"

A dumb question, but maybe it was what she needed.

She giggled a little bit, "Of course I am silly! It's gonna be so fun to see everything come together."

Nodding, I tried to think of something else I could say, before just adding a weak, "Yeah, it's gonna be something."

It fell silent again. It wasn't anything like how comfortable yesterday was, instead, it felt like there was something left unsaid.

Once we were close to the school, I asked, "Sayori, you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, o-of course silly! I'm just… A little sick, you know?"

She seemed to be trying her best to act like her normal, playful self, but something about the way she delivered her words made it feel like she was just reciting a script, like she had been preparing to try and pass off her words as truth all day.

Still, I couldn't deny that her excuse did make sense, even if her delivery was far too weak for me to believe. People tended to act down when they were sick.

Even if I felt she was lying, I didn't feel right pushing her.

"Well, alright… If you get too sick, you can just go to the nurse, you know?"

"Don't worry about me, Alex, I'll be fine, really!"

She smiled at me, but she couldn't muster her usual 'Sayori smile.' It was small and weak, yet she put in visible effort to show it to me. It only made me want to question her more… Yet, as I said before, it just wouldn't be right.

We said our 'see you laters' and parted for our classes not too long after that.

I wish I could tell you that I managed to keep my mind off of Sayori's sudden change in behavior from yesterday and managed to enjoy how easy today was because it was the last school day before the Festival.

I wish I could tell you that.

Instead I spent all day trying to go over in my mind something - anything that could tell me what would make Sayori this sad.

Was it the way we didn't kiss yesterday? Was it that we nearly kissed at all? Was it something before that?

Was it something I couldn't remember?

The idea that the key to Sayori's solemn attitude, not just today, but on days where it would show for a brief moment, was hidden somewhere within my blanked memory made me unreasonably upset.

If somehow I was able to at least get one memory back that might tell me something more about this, that would really be all I need.

Of course, however, life wasn't easy and you didn't just get what you ask for without working for it.

I even considered rescheduling my Therapist's appointment to tomorrow, so that he might be able to help me figure something out, but then I remembered that, that particular Therapist doesn't reschedule to an earlier date, only later, unless you were in a crisis. I didn't want to come in there and say, 'I had a crisis where my friend is sad and I don't know why.' That would just get my thrown out.

It was obviously more complicated than that, but I knew i wouldn't be able to treat it as a crisis. At least not in a way that would convince a licensed Therapist with a PhD.

That kind of trickery was just a little bit out of my skill range.

Only by a little bit, though.

…..

….

I was honestly relieved when the bell rang to signal the end of the day, and the start of all after-school clubs and activities.

As the final bell tolled and everyone flooded out and into the hallways, I grabbed my bag and joined them.

Through the masses of people, I definitely noticed that more people seemed to recognize me from before.

"Isn't that Alex? Alex Suzuki?" A girl would whisper

"Yeah, only guy in the Literature Club. He's either a saint or a total lady killer." Another would whisper back.

"Lucky dog." One guy would whisper.

"Think I should join that club?" His buddy would ponder.

"No way dude! Those girls would kick your ass. I don't know how he does it." The first would reply.

"Yeah, you're right. There's gotta be something he's hiding, right?"

The conversations formed and melted into my brain as I watched, and they agitated me.

I didn't ask to get put into a club that only had girls in it by my best friend.

I didn't ask for the club president to believe I was her soulmate.

I didn't ask for my best friend to promptly start falling for me.

I didn't ask to start crushing on both of them because of their relentlessly attractive and cute ways.

I didn't ask for my damn memory to get blanked by Amnesia!

I didn't ask _any of this._

Yet here we are, with me reaching the clubroom as the flood of people thinned and thinned until I was the only one in the hall.

Finally, I reached the clubroom and opened the door.

The usual scene greeted me, at least, what counted as the usual scene from the few days I'd been here.

Natsuki was in the back, sorting out her manga collection I had to assume, Yuri was reading. It looked like Sayori was taking a nap with her head down on a desk… I wasn't going to disturb her.

I didn't get a chance to do much more than set down my bag before Monika came in, wiping sweat from her brow.

"Oh gosh! I'm the last one here again! Sorry guys!"

"Don't worry, I just walked in myself."

Yuri chimed in, looking up from her book, "Were you practicing piano again, Monika?"

"Ahahaha… Yeah, I was."

"You must have a lot of determination. First, the club, then festival prep, and now piano…"

"I wouldn't say determination. Maybe passion would be a better word. Don't forget the club wouldn't be here without you guys! It's just as much your work as it is mine. The festival will only prove my point!"

Natsuki finally came up from the back, an unusually peppy jump to her step, she laughed, "Ahaha! I can't wait for the festival! It's gonna be great!"

"Weren't you one of the people complaining about it yesterday, Natsuki?"

"Well yeah! I'm not talking about _our_ part of the festival. It's a whole day of school we get off to play games and eat all kinds of delicious food!"

I finally pitched in, "I agree with Natsuki. I might not be looking forward to our part so much, but the games and food sound fun."

The idea of eating all kinds of delicious food that the other students prepared… It filled me with determination.

…

Geeze, where did _that_ come from?

As if to relieve me of having to think about my strange wording, Natsuki piped up again, "Monika! Do you like fried squid?"

"Eh? Fried squid? Why that of all things?" Monika asked, although for some reason she looked like she was expecting to hear this comment.

"Cause! It's in your name! Mon-ika!"

Monika laughed lightly, "That's not how you say my name, but I guess I get your point. Yes, I do like squid."

Yuri spoke up, "I thought you were a vegetarian, Monika?"

The look of expectation erased from Monika's face as it was replaced with a more easy smile, "I'm the kind that can eat seafood. The proper word for it would be _Pescetarian_ but I tend to just say Vegetarian so people don't look at me weird!"

I couldn't blame her for that, although it did have me curious, "Monika, you're a vegetarian? I didn't expect that from you, for some reason."

"Ahaha! Well it's actually a more recent change."

Yuri seemed curious as well, "Moral? Ethical?" She asked simply.

Monika got it regardless, "Nope! I'm personally more concerned with the large amount of pollution and emissions we as a species produce due to livestock raising. I don't really like the idea of losing the one planet we have and- Well, there's more, but I don't want to sound preachy, aha!"

Natsuki huffed, "Geeze, I was just making a joke! I didn't expect to actually learn anything after class ended today, you know!"

I would have believed she was actually upset, but she grinned at Monika immediately after that, who smiled back at her.

The conversation drifted apart after that, Monika said she needed to complete some final preparations for her part of the Festival. Natsuki took that opportunity to return to her manga, and Yuri went back to reading.

I didn't want to interrupt Sayori while she was sleeping, so I went over to Monika.

"Hey, Monika…"

"Oh, hey Alex!" She smiled brightly at me. I had to suppress a blush, before clearing my throat.

"Say, have you noticed anything about Sayori lately? She seemed fine yesterday, but today she seemed really out of it…"

Her smile dimmed a few watts, "Ah, yeah, that… I wish I could say I was surprised at this, but I guess there are still constants to these girls that stuck with them after they became real…"

"Can we talk about what's going on with her that I can actually believe right now, please? I don't want to be rude but I've been concerned with her today."

Monika sighed, "She gets like this sometimes." Her voice lowers to a whisper, "Sayori suffers from depressive episodes where she'll withdraw from wanting to talk to anyone and get really tired. I know you don't believe me, but it was actually just like this in the past, before this all came to life… I used to be able to predict what was going to happen, but with how much things have changed… I can't say much more than that, because I don't know."

This should have come as a shock, but for some reason my subconscious registered it like it was something I already knew. Like someone was telling me the sky is blue.

It only served to agitate me more, because now I was starting to wonder if past-me knew about this in some way yet did nothing to help with it. If he even _tried_ to do anything.

"S-Should I do anything? I know you might consider her like… Your rival, or something, but you don't hate her do you?"

Monika blinked, before shaking her head vigorously, "No, of course I don't hate her! She's just as real as me or you now, and she doesn't deserve-" Her words got caught in her throat, and she shook her head, "Nevermind. She doesn't deserve to feel this way. I'll go talk to her, okay?"

"Shouldn't I do that though?"

"Oh, Alex… I know your heart is in the right place, but I don't think she'd want to tell you any of this."

"I… Alright, I'll believe you, Monika."

Monika went to go talk to Sayori, and I decided I'd actually get started on reading that book Yuri traded with me.

I would be lying if I said I didn't position myself just close enough so I could try to hear some of the conversation, but it was hard because the occasional noise of the club room, plus Monika's efforts to be silent, made it difficult.

"...Don't deserve…" Sayori's voice was carrying tell-tale signs of crying. Had she actually been sleeping?

"Nonse….Get anyone…" Monika responded softly, what were they talking about, 'anyone'?

"Jus...down…" Sayori responded, it was getting harder to hear.

"You ne…" Monika's response was ever harder to perceive.

I finally gave up and just focused on reading.

The book was about as Yuri described it. It started off on a lighter note, and you only really got the sense of horror in the first few chapters because subtle things were wrong. The protagonist noticed that some things were not as they should be, their friends were acting different, and other assorted unsettling things. It almost felt like the main character was getting gaslighted into believing that everything was fine and they were just going insa-

"Hey, Alex!" Natsuki's voice interrupted my train of thought.

I looked up from my book, "Hmm, something up Natsuki?"

"Well, yeah! You look like you're barely even reading that book. Something on your mind?"

"A lot of things are on my mind, cupcake girl."

"D-Don't make me hit you!"

I laughed. Admittedly, teasing Natsuki made me feel a little better. "Sorry, sorry, I had to."

"You're worried about Sayori, aren't you?" Natsuki asked, crossing her arms.

"E-Eh? How'd you guess?"

"Well she just came in here earlier and put her head down, she barely even waved to me or Yuri! That's not normal from what I remember. Truth be told, we're all a little worried." Natsuki whispers, "We'll all have to talk to her one of these days, maybe after the festival?"

I nodded, "Yeah… Maybe."

Natsuki took that time to notice the book I was reading, "You're reading Yuri's horror book? No wonder you're so down! You're just doing more things to make yourself depressed."

"Well what else am I supposed to do? I don't have any other books to read."

"Hmph! Well, if you'd let me finish! I was going to offer if maybe you'd want me t-to, you know, show you my manga…" She muttered the last part, clearly embarrassed.

I could have believed she was trying to 'get closer to me' but she already wanted me to be with Sayori. It was likely this was just something she never really got a chance to do.

"Well, alright. I suppose I did offer to read some with you eventually, right?" I marked my spot in the book and went to stand up, "Lead the way cupcake!"

She promptly punched me in the arm, causing me to rub it as she started off towards her closet.

"Ow! Really?"

"You deserved it!"

"Yeah, I kinda did."

Still rubbing my arm, I headed over to the back of the classroom, where Natsuki had already gotten a particular set of Manga down from where ever she kept them.

She grabbed the first volume and said, "Come sit!" Before promptly sitting on the ground.

I could have complained that we could just be using chairs, but Natsuki was making an effort to cheer me up from my worrisome thoughts, so I figured I'd just go along with it, and I sat down next to her.

"Parfait Girls, huh?"

The way the manga presented itself wasn't like anything I'd dug out of my room when trying to find traces of my old life, most of those were darker, or more serious looking. This one had a bunch of colorfully dressed girls striking animated feminine poses.

There was a word for this, but I couldn't really place what it was. More than cute but not really adorable…

Oh well.

"Yep!" Natsuki seemed pretty happy as she explained, "It might look all cutesy, but underneath the pretty cover and cutesy behavior is a pretty interesting story! Like the girls really bounce off each other well, and things begin to get a little heated later when…"

Natsuki frowns, "Actually that might be a bit of a spoiler. Let's just read!"

So, we did. Natsuki and I had to get kinda close to read the manga together, but I was able to hold it out a bit more and still read it to avoid getting uncomfortably close.

This volume felt a little slow, it was very meandering and seemed to be more intent on introducing us to the girls than it wanted to show us the plot, or where it was going.

There was one thing I noticed, though…

"They seem to be doing a lot of baking… That a common thing here?"

"Yeah! It's one of the main things they do together, as friends!"

"Natsuki, did you pick up baking because of this manga, by any chance?"

"W-What?! Don't be an idiot! Like I would ever pick up anything like that just because it's in a manga. As if!"

I got the feeling she was lying, but I just shrugged it off. I guess it was one of the better habits you could pick up from manga. Rather than something like doing drugs, or banking.

Wait… Banking? I think I meant betting.

Man, I must be tired today or something.

I had to admit, Natsuki impressed me with her thorough understanding of this manga. It was only the first volume, but she was already pointing out a lot of things that would become running jokes and things that were foreshadowing some indistinct things she wouldn't actually tell me about.

All in all, I had to admit, it was keeping my mind off the present and my issues for awhile.

Maybe this is why past-me read so much manga…?

….

A few more minutes passed, before Monika's trademark, "Okay, everyone! Time to share poems!" Broke our focus.

I went to stand up, "Well this volume might be slow, but I'll believe you that it's going to get good, yeah?" I then went to hand it back..

"Don't be dumb, Alex. Take it home with you so we can talk about it on Monday, and take the second volume too! Just don't get it bent or you'll get bent, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry."

I got the feeling she wasn't joking with that threat, so I treated my two new acquisitions with care as I slotted them into my bag.

Well, guess it was time to share poems… Per routine, I went to Sayori first.

"Hey, are you feeling okay, Sayori?"

Sayori smiled weakly at me, "O-Of course, Alex. Yesterday was so fun… I don't have any reason to be sad, right?"

I didn't really believe that, "You know you can talk to me if something is wrong, right?"

Sayori nods, "I-I just need to work this out on my own… Can I see your poem now?"

I hesitated, before I handed her my poem.

Sayori read it over, before saying, "T-This is a good poem, Alex… S-Sorry, I just... I think I'm gonna go home early today, okay?"

I blink, knowing my face betrayed my concern, "Okay… If you want to talk to me or anything, you can always come to my house and wait for me to come back."

Sayori just nods, "Y-Yeah, I know. Thank you." With that, she took her bag and walked out, leaving me with my poem.

I kind of wanted to chase after her, but I knew she needed her space.

Instead, I simply turned my focus to Yuri, walking over to her and saying, "Hey Yuri, how's the book?"

Yuri smiles at me from where she was sitting, said book closed and bookmarked at about the midway point. "It's very good, Alex… How are you liking the book I gave you?"

"It's interesting so far. It seems to take awhile to get into the horror, you know? But you do get the feeling something is off very early on with how the characters act."

"Yes… It does take awhile getting into the meat of its plot, but all that careful setup is part of what really grabs you later on. Trust me… I think you'll find it rather thrilling."

"Thanks, Yuri, want to see my poem now?"

She nodded, and took it, looking it over.

She took the longest to read this one, compared to the other two, "Mmmh… A bit more allegorical than the other two. Telling a story as much as it is giving your audience a message. If I'm reading this right, there are a few references to old Seas Shanties from the golden age of piracy. I think it's kind of clever, but I do feel you almost lose track of yourself at the end…. B-But beyond that, I like how you're really digging into trying new styles. I-I'm sure you'll find your way."

"Thanks, Yuri, that was insightful. Yeah, I'm trying a bit of everything I guess. I didn't really intend for this poem to come out like it did, but it's what came out of my pen, so I suppose I'll live with it, yeah?"

As she hands back the poem, Yuri nods in agreement, "Sometimes your heart will tell you what to write more than your mind will." Following that up, she hands me her poem.

"A marvel millions of years in the making.  
Where the womb of Earth chaotically meets the surface.  
Under a clear blue sky, an expanse of bliss-  
But beneath gray rolling clouds, an endless enigma.  
The easiest world to get lost in  
Is one where everything can be found.

One can only build a sand castle where the sand is wet.  
But where the sand is wet, the tide comes.  
Will it gently lick at your foundations until you give in?  
Or will a sudden wave send you crashing down in the blink of an eye?  
Either way, the outcome is the same.  
Yet we still build sand castles.

I stand where the foam wraps around my ankles.  
Where my toes squish into the sand.  
The salty air is therapeutic.  
The breeze is gentle, yet powerful.  
I sink my toes into the ultimate boundary line, tempted by the foamy tendrils.  
Turn back, and I abandon my peace to erode at the shore.  
Drift forward, and I return to Earth forevermore."

As I finished, I whistled under my breath, "Wow, Yuri. For some reason I never thought of the beach as a place you could get such meaning from."

Yuri takes her poem back, "I didn't either, to be honest… The beach is such a simple thing to write about it, but if you look keenly and try to get a greater understanding of what Mother Nature is trying to tell us… There is great deal of meaning that can be gleaned from it."

"Wow… So what caused you to write about the beach?"

"E-Eh, well, to be honest… After Natsuki and I realized we had written about similar things yesterday, she suggested we pick the same topic and write about it. It sounds silly, I know… I kind of feel like she may just be attempting to prove that her style is superior to mine by writing a better poem than me. I feel like I've done better than that, at least, here."

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms, "Yuri… Have you considered that maybe she suggested you write the same topic so she could get to know you more? Maybe you two could learn from each other's writing, yeah? Expand your horizons and all."

Yuri blinked in surprise, "E-Eh? I… I suppose I didn't think of that." Embarrassed, she began to play with her hair, "Uuu… I feel terrible for making assumptions like that… After everything I said about judging yesterday…"

"Hey, don't worry too much about it." I pat Yuri on the shoulder, causing her to jump slightly. I offered an apologetic smile, before continuing, "You felt like you were being challenged and wanted to meet it with all you had. I'm sure on some level Natsuki was worried you were thinking of doing the same thing you thought she was doing. We're all human."

"T-Thank you Alex."

"Eh, don't thank me. It's not like I reached some kind of profound conclusion or something."

Yuri smiled at me anyways, and I took that as my leave. Grabbing my poem, I headed back over to Natsuki.

"Hey, Nat." I waved casually to her.

"Hm! What are you saying 'hey' for like we haven't talked or something! We just got finished reading manga, you know. And why do you call me Nat? Is my name that hard to pronounce?"

"Would you rather I go back to calling you cupcake?"

"Gr- No, dummy!" She crossed her arms, "Fine! You can call me Nat, just don't call me cupcake or I'll hit you!"

"Fine, fine. Let me show you my poem now." I did just that, offering her my poem, which she took.

After a couple minutes, she handed it back, "Well I can say it's different, at least. I'm not really one for allegories or anything and the couplets weren't awful, if a bit strangely spaced. It's a bit more freeform, now that I think about it! Hm! Well, at least you're learning, huh? It's not as bad as your first poem!"

I had grown used to Natsuki's sharp wit and surprisingly acute sense of perception by now, so I shrugged it off, "I don't think it's that allegorical. A story about a ship in the ocean getting to land seems a bit simple."

"Well, yeah! This is only your third poem, though! It's not like I'm expecting a masterpiece or something. Now here! Bare witness to perfection!"

Then she shoved her poem into my hands, I had no choice but to take it and read it at this point.

"Your mind is so full of troubles and fears  
That diminished your wonder over the years  
But today I have a special place  
A beach for us to go.

A shore reaching beyond your sight  
A sea that sparkles with brilliant light  
The walls in your mind will melt away  
Before the sunny glow.

I'll be the beach that washes your worries away  
I'll be the beach that you daydream about each day  
I'll be the beach that makes your heart leap  
In a way you thought had left you long ago.

Let's bury your heavy thoughts in a pile of sand  
Bathe in sunbeams and hold my hand  
Wash your insecurities in the salty sea  
And let me see you shine.

Let's leave your memories in a footprint trail  
Set you free in my windy sail  
And remember the reasons you're wonderful  
When you press your lips to mine.

I'll be the beach that washes your worries away  
I'll be the beach that you daydream about each day  
I'll be the beach that makes your heart leap  
In a way you thought had left you long ago.

But if you let me by your side  
Your own beach, your own escape  
You'll learn to love yourself again."

After finishing, I handed it back, "It's rather catchy, actually. I could imagine someone singing this if they had the right beat to it. You ever think about writing music, Natsuki?"

"M-Music? Well, not really! D-Do you think I'd be good at it?"

"Well, I can't exactly say I'm the be-all-end-all of this kind of thing, but if you could write more things like this, that have a nice flow to them and a good lyrical structure, it could end up being really fun to listen to, yeah? Just need to find a musician."

Natsuki blinks, before grinning, "Hah! I knew it! Just one more grand accomplishment to add to my growing list for when I'm older! Natsuki the song writer, Natuski the poet! Natsuki the greatest baker!"

I laughed, "Don't get too ahead of yourself, Natsuki! If you try to focus too much on that kinda stuff you might lose sight of what's closer to you!"

"Psh! Like I would ever do that. Maybe I'll ask Monika to help me make this into a proper song! Then we could have it as our official Literature Club theme song!"

Something about the idea of our club having its very own theme song tickled me inside, "I think that would be great, Natsuki. I'm sure Monika would love to do it after the festival, once things have calmed down."

With that, Natsuki excitedly set off to share with Yuri. I had to wonder if I had done a good thing or a bad thing by putting the idea of writing songs in her head.

Well, it was inspiration, wasn't it? Nothing wrong with that.

With all the other girls either gone or finished, I headed over to Monika.

I didn't waste any time before I asked the question, "How did it go?"

Monika smiled sadly at me, "I did what I could… We just have to hope for the best and try to be there for her when she needs us the most."

I could tell she was genuine. There were times when I suspected Monika of lying, or putting on a facade, but in this case, I could understand that she was honestly trying her best. People weren't her specialty, though, nor were they really mine.

"Alright, well, here's my poem."

Monika took the poem and read it over, smiling as she did. I suppose she was glad that this poem wasn't as depressing as yesterday?

Truth be told I had been so distracted by my thoughts that I hadn't really been able to entertain the ideas I'd expressed in Gone, and with the revelation that Sayori is apparently prone to depressive episodes? Well, I really couldn't back out now.

What would happen to her if I wasn't there? If the Literature Club wasn't there?

I didn't want to imagine it.

Monika handed it back after a few minutes of looking it over, saying, "An interesting story! You're getting more metaphorical with each passing poem you make. I have to wonder how long it'll be until you're writing like Yuri?"

Shaking off my thoughts, I managed to smile, "Oh, you know. I don't think I'll really ever get to that point. Poems are fun and all, but my strong suit was never really in the written word."

"Oh, then what is it?"

"I- Uh- Well-"

Monika giggles, covering her mouth, "Relax!" She whispers the next part, "I still remember that you don't remember, remember? If you want I can try and help you maybe get a better understanding of yourself?"

I really shouldn't give Monika any reason to come over to my house like that, then again, I said the same thing about Sayori. Then I ended up spending the entire afternoon with her.

And I had fun.

I wasn't commiting to anyone yet, and Monika was a person just like any of us were. It wouldn't be fair to turn her down.

Besides, if what she says about me being some sort of 'player of the game' she was in was true, maybe she actually could drag out some hidden memories…

"Alright, Monika. When do you want to do this?"

"Hmm! Well you've got tutoring with Yuri tomorrow, I remember overhearing you talking about that… I have something planned that will probably be keeping all of us occupied on Sunday… Monday is the festival. Why not Tuesday?"

"E-Eh, sorry. I cant. I have a.. Doctor's appointment. I'll probably be gone most of the day."

Monika bites her lip, "We'll just need to figure it out online. How long are you planning to be busy tomorrow?"

"Well I doubt Yuri is going to be that interested in working well into the night, so, a few hours I guess?"

"Great! Then we can exercise tomorrow and figure out a day where we can just work on trying to get your memory in order!"

"Alrig- Wait- Exercise?"

Monika giggles, a blush coming to her face, "Don't tell me you forgot already, Alex~?"

Oh right, hot and sweaty.

I facepalmed, "Sorry."

The girl boldly waggled her eyebrows at me, as best she could. Her hands bridged together as she looked up at me from where she was sitting, "Is that still too much for you, or~?"

Something about that pose felt eerily familiar to me, but I really couldn't place it.

"S-Still too much Monika. You know I'm not looking to get into a relationship right now."

"Coulda fooled me with Sayori yesterday, huh~? I'm not mad, don't get me wrong! Just have to wonder when you're gonna get to know me… Spend time with me. Just me. It's only fair, right?"

I was wondering when that'd get brought up. I bit my lip, she technically wasn't wrong that I hadn't exactly tried to get to know her like I'd gotten to know Sayori, even in the small amount of time I'd spent with the girl.

Something about the way Monika said it all made me feel like she was right and that I needed to try and get to know her.

I'm not implying that she used some kind of Monika Magic™ on me or something to get me to see things her way, I just felt guilty.

On some level I did like Monika, sometimes I felt the way I did around Sayori just by looking at her… Was it love? I didn't know.

"Y-Yeah, only fair. We'll figure it out tomorrow."

Monika smiled at me, before handing me her poem and winking, "Read, before the girls get suspicious of us."

Grateful for the change of topic, I took the poem and read it.

"Kingdom

Pen in hand, I find my strength.

The courage endowed upon me by my one and only love.

Together, let us build a castle upon the old

And pen a story in the ink given to us

With a flick of her pen, the lost finds her way

King and Queen walk forth on this special day

It's rude, after all,

To question a gift you never deserved."

I read through the poem.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

Before I finally seem to get what it means.

"Monika...Did you write this…For…"

"For you… Yes, Alex."

I blinked a few times. The fact that Monika wrote this for me… I don't know. It stirred something in me. A feeling I seemed to be feeling a lot recently.

The fluttering feeling in my stomach that I was finding harder to push down as the days went by.

It might not look like much, in fact, I'm sure this poem wouldn't qualify as being that amazing under normal circumstances.

Sometimes, however, it's more the thought that counts.

Regardless, I went to hand it back, but Monika put hand on it and pushed it gently into my chest.

"Keep it, Alex! It's yours."

"Well… Alright."

Monika winked at me again, a look of amusement and joy danced in her bright green eyes.

My face heated up again, and I turned away, going to put both her poem and my poem in my bag.

What was it with these girls and having pretty eyes?

I guess it was the hard way for me to find out I'm a sucker for pretty eyes.

Oh well.

It didn't take long after I had put away the poems for Monika to stand up and declare something, starting with the catchphrase we'd all come to know and love!

"Okay, you three!"

...Or not, I guess.

"It's time we talk about festival preparations! So come on up."

Yuri only needed to bookmark her book and look up, as she was already sitting at the front of the class. Natsuki had gone back to the corner to try and fit in more Manga reading, she chose to stand. I just leaned against another front desk.

Natsuki was the first of us to speak, "Hey! Is it just me or did you say something different just then?"

"Natsuki is right." Yuri added, "You deviated from your usual catchphrase…"

"C-Catchphrase?" Monika suddenly looked a bit flustered, but again, I felt like she had been expecting to hear this, "I-I don't have a catchphrase…"

"You kind of do, Monika. Every day you say 'Okay, everyone!'" I mimic'd the upward finger gesture Monika was so fond of as I said that. I wasn't going to try and mimic her voice though, that would just be embarrassing.

Monika crosses her arms, "Maybe I do then! It's fun to say, isn't it?" Once more the anticipatory tone in her voice was gone.

Natsuki burst out laughing at my mimicking her movement, then she promptly did the same! She put her hand on her hip, and stuck the other one out in Monika's trademark pose, "Okay, everyone!" She even tried mimicking Monika's voice, although Natsuki had to lower her own because she had a bit of a higher pitched voice. "Time to share poems!"

I snickered, and Natsuki finished, "It really is fun! Yuri, you gotta try it!"

Monika herself seemed to be covering her mouth, judging by her eyes she was doing her best to hide laughter.

Yuri played with a piece of her hair, "Uuu… I really shouldn't, isn't it rude?"

"Come on! Look, Monika's about to lose her composure! We just need a little more push! Come on Yuri."

Yuri looked at me, and I gave her a thumbs up.

Taking that as a sign of encouragement, she stood up. Natsuki and I leaned in with anticipation…

Yuri tossed her hair back, took in a deep breath, before striking Monika's pose, "O-Okay, everyone! It's time for us to share poems." Yuri didn't have to reach very far to mimic Monika's voice, it wasn't perfect, but Yuri had a bit of a deeper voice than the other girls, so it worked out.

Monika promptly started laughing out loud, putting her hands over her stomach. All semblance of composure gone.

Yuri smiled, "Y-You're right, it is fun!" She seemed pretty gleeful about this, and Monika's joyous laughter certainly lifted the mood a little bit.

"Come on, all together!" Natsuki encouraged, "Three!"

She posed, both me and Yuri followed.

"Two!"

We all got our best 'Club President' faces on.

"One!"

"OKAY, EVERYONE!" We all declared loudly, "TIME TO SHARE POEMS!"

"G-Gosh, guys! I-I can't even breathe!" Monika seemed positively over the moon at the moment, and I had to admit, part of the reason I was chuckling to myself right now was because her laughter seemed infectious.

Yuri was softly giggling to herself and Natsuki was grinning ear to ear, "That was fun!"

Yuri sat back down, the mood in the room seemed a bit brighter than it was when we first came together.

"O-Oh gosh! I guess it really is my c-c-catchphrase!"

I don't know why that little scene we put on made Monika so happy, but I'm glad it was. Genuine laughter from our Club President seemed to be a thing of pure happiness, at least it was for me.

You might think that Monika was a very sophisticated laughter, but that was about the farthest thing from the truth I could imagine at the moment. When she laughed, at least, when she really laughed, she put her whole body into it, it was loud and if it were anyone else, I would almost dare to call it obnoxious. Coming from Monika, though, I think it just showed that she was also a human, underneath her club president persona.

As if to tie it all together, as she tried to control her laughter, she snorted!

Which promptly caused me and Natsuki to start laughing on our own.

"Oh gosh, guys! I shouldn't be laughing like that!" She tried to act indignant as she finally began to get herself under control, but judging by the twinkle of joy in her eye and the tone of her voice, she was in a good mood.

As Natsuki got her laughter under control, she realized something, "Hey! Sayori should be here to do this with us! Where'd she go?"

I managed to stop laughing, as the question kind of brought the mood back down to ground level, "She went home, said she was feeling sick."

"Geeze, Alex, and you didn't go with her? Some best friend you are!" Natsuki crossed her arms.

I should have been madder at that insult, but I knew Natsuki was only concerned about Sayori's health.

"She said she wanted to be alone, I wasn't going to annoy her by staying on her heels all day."

"Hmph! Alright I guess."

Monika seemed to find her train of thought again with that, "Alright, well, the reason why I called you all up here is because we need to figure out what all we're going to be doing for the festival! While we are all going to be reading poems, I feel we need a little extra to make sure people will come to the club, and stay for it. Like, Sayori and I are making pamphlets with each of our poems!"

"I know what I can do!" Natsuki waves her hand around, "I can make cupcakes! More ways for people to see that I'm great."

"I would expect nothing less, Natsuki! Are you sure you can handle that workload on your own? It is a lot of cupcakes."

"Challenge accepted!"

Monika claps her hands once, "Good! Yuri, how do you feel about decorations, and atmosphere?"

Yuri thinks, "Like… Setting the mood of the room just right? Making sure people are taken to another world…?" The lavender lass nodded to herself, "Y-Yes… I love atmosphere."

"Great! Now, Alex…"

"Alex the talentless one, reporting for duty."

"Oh don't be so hard on yourself!" Monika smiles, "You can just help me!"

"Woah woah, hold on!" Natsuki interjects, "You're already working with Sayori! Why should there be three people working on one part of the festival prep? Sayori told me he was going to be making brownies, so he should be helping me as well!"

Oh boy, here we go. Panic without the poems.

"W-Wait!" Yuri decides to pile on, "I-I need to make a lot of decorations to make this room perfect for the festival. E-Even if Alex has to make something himself, I could still use his help. B-Besides, Natsuki… You did say you could handle the cupcakes on your own."

"N-Now hold on! That doesn't mean I can't have Alex do the dirty work, even if he's never made a cupcake before."

"If you're just going to make him do the menial tasks, he would be better suited to helping me, then, Natsuki."

I had to think fast, these girls seemed adamant that they needed help the most.

"Girls!" Monika interjects, "Don't you think it's better if you let Alex decide? He's the one who should be choosing what to do with his time after all."

Now all eyes were on me.

Yeah, thanks, Monika…

"Let me think…" I mutter, rubbing my chin.

Yuri, I knew was going to probably need help to make sure she both doesn't go too all out and to make sure it all gets done faster.

Cupcakes weren't exactly something you just waved into existence, either, Natsuki might be used to making small batches, but if we were going to avoid running out of sweets early, we'd need to pull out all the stops.

Monika did have Sayori, but Sayori was in a very sullen mood today, and I wasn't sure if she would even be up to helping Monika on Sunday.

Hmmm…

Wait!

"Got it!" I clapped my hands, "How about we all just come over to my house and work together? As one big Literature Club? I have a printer, my kitchen is pretty big, and there's plenty of space for you to setup your own prep, Yuri! We could all help each other out, you know?"

After all, why did it always have to be about one or the other? We were all friends here.

Monika looked stunned, "Wow, Alex. Are you sure? We'd all just sort of be coming to your house and making all kinds of mess for the afternoon."

"I'm concerned as well… What will your parents think?"

Yuri raised a good question, under normal circumstances it'd be right to think that.

"Actually, ah… I don't have parents anymore."

"O-Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it, no way you could have known."

Natsuki chimed in, "That's all of us coming over to one house! Don't you think it'd get a little crowded?"

I shrugged, "Maybe, maybe not? My house isn't small. It's not a mansion or anything, but I think it could hold four or five people without getting crowded. Just consider it a Literature Club pre-party. I'll even buy some snacks for us if we get hungry while working."

"Snacks, friends, and festival prep. Sounds fun, doesn't it guys?" Monika smiles, it seems like she was onboard.

"I-I suppose…" Yuri seemed hesitant.

I had to wonder if it was more about coming to my house, or about being around all of us on a weekend.

Natsuki huffed, "Alright! I guess it's better than working alone."

"Then it's settled." I crossed my arms, pleased with myself, "On Sunday you all will come over to my house and we'll work on the festival together, as a team."

Monika clapped her hands, "In that case, it's settled! Everyone be at Alex's house on Sunday around noon. We'll work all day and hopefully we'll come out on the other side better for it. I think that's it for today, see you all on Sunday!"

We dispersed.

As I was going to get my bag, I heard Natsuki curse under her breath. "Damn it!"

"Language, Natsuki!" I scolded teasingly as I was putting my bag on my back.

"We ended up staying here later than I thought! I gotta run home before my dad gets there, he's very strict about me being home before he is on days like this! Ugh, I don't even have time to fix my Manga collection!"

"I could put it back for you."

Natsuki looked like I'd just offered to dig a bullet out of her arm, "Urrgh- Alright! But only because I don't have a choice!" Then, she ran out the door at roughly the speed of sound.

"Yeah, you're welcome." I sarcastically muttered as she left.

Yuri had quietly left as well, I had assumed Monika was about to as I took her box and went to look to where to put it.

"Where would she put a box of manga…" I muttered, scanning the closet after I had walked in.

It had a bunch of supplies that I'm sure the teacher who actually used this classroom used. She probably didn't want Natsuki taking up too much space, so…

Aha!

Spotting a relatively empty spot next to another box, I slipped the one I was carrying into the empty spot.

Perfectly placed.

I went to turn around to exit, then jumped when I saw Monika was leaning in the doorway.

I didn't really like the strange look in her eye.

She fluttered her eyelashes and spoke in a soft, sultry tone, "You know, Alex… A couple of crazy kids like us could get up to a lot of things in an empty closet in an empty clubroom…"

My face turned about as red as a red pepper dipped in paint.

Was she suggesting…?

"Come on Alex…"

Oh boy, now she was walking towards me.

It was a steady, slow, seductive walk. I instinctively began to step back to try and put some distance between us.

Monika put her hand on my chest and gently pressured me back against the shelves.

"M-M-Monika, I've told you I-I-"

"That you're not interested in anyone… But I know if you let me, I could show you right here and now that you belong to me…"

I still didn't like the look in her eye, I also didn't like how she was moving to get rid of her jacket.

Instinctively, I pushed myself against the shelf again, as if it would help me get away from this situation, it shook lightly as I did, "Monika, I don't want to do any of that stuff."

"Then at least let me kiss you! I've waited for so long already, and every day is like a knife in my heart when I know you could end up being swept away by someone else!"

She pushed her hand against me, once more causing me to accidentally shake the shelf.

The worst part was I kind of sympathized with her. Even if I didn't buy into the whole 'this world used to be a game' thing…

If I believed what she believed and dealt with what she did, I'd probably be behaving the same way.

"M-Monika, I...It wouldn't be fair to…"

She put her other hand on my vest and gripped it with both hands.

I was reminded of our first real meeting nearly three nights ago now.

"To who?" A familiar desperation was bleeding into her voice, "Sayori?! She doesn't need you like I need you!"

She seemed to be full on bargaining now, while I was just trying to find a way out of this situation.

"Sayori could live the rest of her life as your best friend and she'd eventually find a new love. She would carry on. She doesn't remember what I do, spending an eternity dreaming of one day meeting you. You're the only person in the world I could ever love, Alex!"

"M-Monika…"

The way she spoke, she believed with all her heart her own words. The way she looked at me… It wasn't the same as Sayori. She looked at me, tears in her eyes, and I could place a near endless cacophony of emotions.

Both need and want, admiration and respect, desire and…

"Please love me…" Her voice was cracking, as she repeated the same line from yesterday. "E-Even if you can't commit to me yet… I need to kiss you…I need to feel you….Nothing in this world will ever make me truly happy."

I wished I could so easily just cast aside my feelings. I felt for both girls, and I knew the decision I made when I eventually figured out my life would need to be clear and well thought out. Nothing about this situation was granting me any of those liberties.

She wanted love and affection… These were things I couldn't give her right now. She was lonely, scared of losing me, it seemed…

I couldn't kiss her, but I could do something else.

Moving my arms from being at my side, I wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug, my head going next to hers. She was clearly surprised, as she let go of my jacket.

She remained silent, not hugging me back, for almost a full minute, clearly in shock.

Finally, I heard her begin to cry.

Her arms went around me as she buried her face in my chest and sobbed freely and openly into it. Her crying was even more pronounced than it was on that first night. All I could do was hold her tighter, and mutter, "It's okay, Monika…"

"N-No it's not, I'm so sorry…" Her voice was raspy and weak, even her body seemed like it didn't want to support her anymore as she leaned entirely into the hug, "I-I shouldn't be pushing you… I-I'm so lonely, Alex… I-I love you so much and…" She sniffled loudly, "A-And the idea of losing you is almost too much for me to bare… Y-You don't remember anything but I do…I-It makes it sound hard to contain myself…"

"Monika, I…"

I tried to speak, but she wasn't finished.

"I know I shouldn't be selfish… That just because I say it, it doesn't mean you need to believe it…I shouldn't have even come in here…"

She seemed finished, so I spoke.

"Monika… I couldn't even begin to understand how you feel right now…" My voice was just above a whisper, "I forgive you for coming in here and doing this, because I can tell you're genuine… You wouldn't have done this if you weren't so lonely and… S-So in love. I-I'm not making any commitments to you or Sayori… I truthfully don't know what I'm feeling. I...I know I can't stop you from continuing to try and 'win me over' just, please… Don't lose sight of reality…"

She uttered a single phrase, her voice so broken and shaky I could hardly call it a whisper...

" _You are my reality, Alex…_ "

"..."

I didn't know what to say to that.

Was there even anything I could say to that?

I really, really didn't know.

….

Monika held onto me for another five minutes, before she finally seemed to find the strength to let go, "Alex… I'm sorry, again…" She seemed to be regaining her composure, "I didn't mean to corner you like this… You must hate me."

"I really don't, Monika."

She smiled softly, "You're too nice, Alex... I've said this before, but… I'm not going to stop chasing you. I will win you over, if it's the last thing I do."

Wiping her eyes one more time, she said, "...See you tomorrow, for when we work out."

Then she walked out of the closet, to the door of the classroom. She looked back at me, staring at her, before she walked out and the steady sound of her shoes hitting the floor disappeared into nothingness.

I stood there for another minute, my mind racing.

Monika only made things more complicated for me than they already were. Two wonderful girls in love with me, it should be a dream come true.

It wasn't. It couldn't be.

Because at the end of the day my memory was still gone and I was still very lost and confused.

And one day soon, I would need to break one of these girls' hearts.

A shiver ran down my spine at the very thought. That day could be far away, but at this moment it seemed so imminent.

' _What a grand train-wreck I'm in the middle of…'_

With nothing left to do and, as the windows showed, the sun starting to set over the horizon, I grabbed my bag and walked home alone.

…

…

When I got home, I almost instinctively went to write a poem, but then I remembered I didn't have to worry about that. At least not until after monday.

No homework was assigned tonight, either. I only had the work that was due next week, that Yuri would be helping me with.

Sighing, I went and took the coldest shower I could stand.

When that was done, I went downstairs and began to cook.

The movements and necessities of this skill seemed second nature to me, even if I didn't consciously remember, it seemed like something I was just born to do. That I'd always known and would never really forget.

It took me about thirty minutes to make my dinner, and I ate it in the silence of my kitchen. I didn't even feel like turning the TV in the living room on, or listening to music on my phone.

When that was done, I washed my plate and headed upstairs.

I couldn't find it in me to play any games I had, new or old, and the idea of picking up a book right now seemed even less appealing to me.

I sat on my bed and began to think everything over.

It was only about 5:00 PM right now, after all was said and done, but I felt like the day had dragged on for much longer than that.

Sayori's depression, Monika's loneliness, and between it was me desperately grasping to get ahold of myself and the situation around me.

I almost felt like crying, but I made the decision that I would do anything I could from this point on to avoid that.

It had only been three days, yet I felt like I'd cried enough for a whole lifetime.

I almost went to text Sayori, but I felt she wouldn't enjoy the intrusion when she's feeling how she is now.

I didn't want to talk to Monika after what just happened, either.

I entertained the idea of texting Yuri or Natsuki, but I wasn't sure if Yuri was even that much of a texter. Natsuki, I could believe, but even if I texted her, what would we talk about?

I'd see Yuri on Saturday, and all of them on Sunday, anyways.

….

I remembered that I needed to buy snacks, and maybe I'd even prepare some, but that was all for tomorrow.

Sighing, I went to my bag and retrieved the parfait girls volumes, as well as the poem Monika gave me. I stuck the poem in my drawer, then went to get into bed so I could finish reading by lamp light.

The volumes themselves weren't horribly long, it took me about an hour and a half to finish them, if you included me occasionally stopping to just stare at my ceiling.

6:30 PM.

Defeated, I grabbed my Switch and began to play the rest of the afternoon away.

I think I understood why past-me loved games, anime, and manga so much a little better now.

After a long day, when the world seemed like it was just too much to bear, sitting down and taking yourself to another world and either overcoming great obstacles, or watching other people do the same, was a good way to relax and unwind.

….When it was about ten PM, I went to sleep.

Tomorrow was going to be interesting, to say the least.


	8. Partly Cloudy

**IN FLAMES OF DEATH'S ETERNAL REIGN WE RI-**

I turned off my phone's alarm and groaned, looking at the time.

8:30 AM

Some might wonder why I set an alarm clock for a Saturday, but I wanted to make sure I didn't overshoot and miss Yuri, or wake up to Monika at my door wondering why I was still sleeping at… Whenever she decided to show up.

She knew I wouldn't be available for a few hours today, at least. I needed to get this tutoring over with so I could put school out of my mind entirely until after the festival.

Still laying in bed, I checked my phone.

Nothing new from Sayori, texts or posts on her page.

I didn't want to wake her up by calling her, so I sent her a text.

'How are you doing?'

Surprisingly, I got a text back relatively quickly.

'I'm okay.'

'Did Monika tell you about Sunday?'

'She texted me last night.'

'Will you be coming too?'

'Maybe. I'm going to go back to sleep for now, have a good morning Alex!'

Maybe? Better than a no, but still… This didn't seem right.

I thought of going over to her house and trying to talk to her, but she said she was going back to sleep, so I didn't want to bother her.

Finally rising out of bed, I went about my daily routine in a manner that had become habit to me since I woke without my memories.

Showering, brushing my teeth, all those normal things. I had noticed the beginnings of stubble on my face. I guess I should expect that much, I would have been kind of disappointed if I couldn't grow facial hair.

For the moment though, it wasn't manifesting as much more than the promise to one day have a beard.

I did keep it shaved right now, though, because I felt that if I let it grow now it might just end up looking weird.

Besides, what would the girls say? Natsuki would probably laugh. Yuri might not care, and Sayori might find it kind of funny too. As for Monika? That was hard to tell.

After yesterday I was almost certain I could get burns on my face and she'd probably still be into me.

That wasn't necessarily a good thing, I kind of regret not being more assertive with her yesterday. Especially now that I was going to be spending the whole afternoon with her.

I suppose if she tried anything like that today I could just try to summon the courage to tell her to knock it off.

I wondered if I'd be able to actually go through with it.

Once my morning routine was done, I went down to the kitchen to make myself breakfast. I decided that eggs and toast was probably for the best, although I did throw in some ham just to make it that much better.

After I ate my breakfast, washed my dish, and opened another soda, I looked at my phone to check the time.

9:50

I needed to be at the library in town at noon, and while I wasn't normally one who cared that much about punctuality, but I didn't want Yuri to be kept waiting just because I didn't know what time it was.

Still, I was already dressed, I'd already eaten, what was there left to do?

Suddenly, I remembered.

"Ooh right…I need to pick up snacks for tomorrow."

I suppose I'm glad I remembered to do that now and not in the middle of running down the road with Monika or something like that.

I went to go grab my jacket, only to remember that Sayori took it.

I had to have another one, right…?

Naturally, I had no way of remembering if I actually did have another one or not, but I decided I'd go looking around anyways.

Heading back upstairs, I opened my closet and began to look around.

My closet was a pretty unkempt place, I found. I don't know what the hell past-me thought qualified as 'clean,' but a bunch of clothes piled together on the floor, with only certain things being hung up on hangers and even fewer of them actually clean, was not up to my current standards of hygiene.

"Did I have no sense of smell or something? Ugh. I'm glad I found this mess before tomorrow…"

I added laundry to the list of 'things to do today' list as I began to dig through the clothes. I doubted any jacket I found in here would be in presentable condition, but at this point I was just digging to dig.

I found something towards the bottom, buried within the large mess that was my closet.

Sifting through the clothing, I came across… A plush giraffe?

Taking it into my hand, I looked it over.

The thing was barely larger than my hand, it was clearly a child's toy. Old and worn from what must have been years of use, I spotted small signs of tearing around its neck, the seams steadily coming undone.

Sayori told me I rescued this little toy from the clutches of a dog and my mother helped us patch it up. That was how we met, if I recalled her story.

It shouldn't seem familiar in my hand, given the amnesia, but…

Rubbing my forehead, I suddenly felt the rush of an oncoming headache.

The sudden pain to my temple made me shut my eyes, I placed my hand over it to try to alleviate the pain, but it only intensified.

The pain was accompanied by a growing memory…

 _My tenth birthday. I didn't have many friends, but I didn't care._

 _I only needed one._

 _Said one was sitting next to me, my parents had made a rather delicious cake, far too big for Sayori and I alone, but that didn't mean we weren't going to try and eat it._

 _Sayori easily outpaced me, I was only able to really handle a couple slices of cake, and Sayori was on her fourth!_

 _I wondered how she was so small for someone who ate so much. I was unaware that this question would remain unanswered even eight years later._

" _Okay! Alex, Sayori! It's time for presents!"_

 _My mom was going to get one she had wrapped up, when Sayori spoke, "Wait wait! I wanna give the first present! I got one for him!"_

" _Oh? That's so sweet! Well, go ahead and give it to him!"_

 _I looked at Sayori, "Yori, you didn't have to get me anything!"_

 _Even back then I suppose I knew Sayori didn't exactly have as much as I did._

" _I wanted to!" Was her simple reply, as she reached into the bag she brought with her._

 _Producing the Giraffe from her bag, she goes to hold it out to me, "Mr. Giraffe told me he wants to go with you now."_

 _I remember being really surprised, but also really happy, "Wow, thank you Yori! I'll take good care of him!"_

" _Yeah! He'll be your bestest friend!"_

" _But I already have a best friend, Yori!"_

" _Who is it?"_

" _You!"_

 _That got some stifled 'awws' out of my parents, but I guess neither of us really cared._

 _The rest of my presents hardly compared to that single Giraffe._

Gasping, I opened my eyes, the giraffe still in my other hand.

The headache faded away as it seemed this giraffe had… Reminded me of an old memory.

That only meant one thing.

There was no way Monika's theory was right! I actually had memories here, right, so what's this mess about being the 'player of her game' supposed to mean?

There was the matter of the dreams, the hallucinations of people I'd never met before, and a whole bundle of nonsense that didn't seem to fit in anywhere… I'd just have to talk to the Therapist about that.

"We'll figure it out, Mr. Giraffe." I muttered, a nostalgic tone to my voice.

I would need to remember this for my Therapist. Even if my memory was coming back in scraps, surely they could help me dig a bit deeper into it?

"Come on, then." I took the giraffe and set it on my nightstand, before going back about my business.

I wasn't able to find a jacket, so I just had to make due with what I was wearing.

I did, however, go about the business of moving the mountain of clothes from my closet to my laundry room, leaving them there so I could take care of them tonight, then I checked the time.

10:30.

I still had time before I needed to meet with Yuri, but there was no way I'd be able to catch the bus, get the groceries, come back, and then go meet Yuri without running late.

The snacks would just have to wait until before I met with Monika.

I wondered if there was anything else I needed to handle…

My thoughts turned back to Sayori.

Monika told me she went through bad depressive streaks, and that sometimes she just secluded herself.

I thought that meant I should leave her alone, but uncertainty grasped me.

I remembered the nightmare and I really didn't want to see that happen in reality.

If it did I don't think I'd ever be able to recover. The memory I had of Sayori may not reach as far back as it should, but what I did remember, and these past few days, solidified in my mind that, at the very least, Sayori was my best friend. At most, she was a potential girlfriend…

I didn't need to think about that right now, though.

I needed to take every step I could to ensure that my nightmare never came to fruition.

So I went upstairs and collected Mr. Giraffe. I don't know what I hoped a toy giraffe would be able to do. Maybe it'd remind Sayori that things aren't always so bad?

"You'd better help me out here." I said as I looked at the toy while walking back downstairs.

"I might not remember much about Sayori, but she remembers us."

I was talking to an inanimate object.

I swear I'm slipping into craziness just a little bit more every day.

I decided to grab my house keys, wallet, and of course, my phone.

It could take ten minutes to talk to Sayori, it could take thirty, or longer. If I needed to go straight from her house to the bus stop, I wanted to be ready.

Armed with Giraffe, I headed to Sayori's house once I locked the door.

Hers was just next door to mine, so I didn't exactly take very long to get there at all. It arguably took longer for me to find the courage to knock on the door.

"Sayori! It's me, Alex!"

No response.

Sayori told me about her mom, how she was always out of town on business, so I wasn't worried about her mom answering the door or anything.

I knocked a few more times, "Sayori!"

Nothing.

Sighing, I went to open the door. Surprisingly, it was unlocked.

I guess she wasn't as careful about it as I was.

Or maybe she did it on purpose?

I also recalled the day I woke up looking directly at her face because she snuck into my room, so maybe I wasn't exactly the right one to be judging her.

I walked through her house, looking for any sign of her.

It took some doing, but I eventually found her room on the second floor.

I pushed open the door, "Sayori…?"

It only took a small sweep around the room to find her, she was sitting up in her back, back against the wall, looking at me.

"I thought I heard you downstairs, Alex…" Her voice was hoarse, like she'd been crying for some time. I could also vaguely make out red in her otherwise bright blue eyes from where I stood.

"Why didn't you call me up here?" I wondered softly.

"You know where my room is, silly…"

"You're right… I just wanted to be sure."

I had to remember that Sayori didn't, and couldn't, know about my Amnesia.

Not now. Not yet.

I approached her slowly, "You've been… Feeling pretty bad huh?"

Sayori looked apprehensive, I guess she didn't notice the giraffe in my hand yet, a given.

She was looking anywhere but me.

"N-No, I'm fine! Just silly old Sayori, you know?" She tried to imitate her usual bright smile, but it came out as a pale mockery.

It was like looking at a doll, beyond the smile was just a pair of dead eyes.

I went to her bed and sat down on the edge, "You can't fool me like that, Sayori… Something's wrong, you're not… You're not acting like yourself."

Shaking her head, she seemed to give up on smiling, instead looking down at the bed, "You're wrong, Alex. I'm acting exactly like myself... This is how I've always been. You're just seeing it for the first time."

My thoughts turned to my nightmare, and I momentarily shut my eyes.

' _Am I really, though?'_

Opening my eyes, a new resolved filled me.

I would _not_ let that happen.

"Sayori, you know if something's wrong you can tell me. I'd never abandon you to deal with something like this alone, you… You mean a lot to me, you know?"

Sayori seemed more hurt by my words than uplifted, like I had expected.

"That's no good, Alex… Why can't things just be like they used to be? Before…"

Sniffling, she wiped her nose with her arm.

"Before I asked you to come to the Literature Club, before I… Before I started to…"

"Started to…?" I lead, both curious and worried.

She only shook her head.

"You shouldn't be worried about me. What about Monika?"

I was afraid of that question.

"What _about_ Monika, Sayori? What's she got to do with this?"

Sayori smiles sadly, "Everything, Alex. I know how she looks at you… You might not think I'm that smart, but I notice things... She really cares about you, so so much… I feel so guilty, taking your time away from her…"

I mulled that over.

Did she really care about _me_ though?

Or did she just care about whatever she constructed in her head?

Some image of someone I wasn't.

Like she was incapable of seeing me for me.

"I've told you before how I feel about relationships right now-"

"But… Why, Alex? What's keeping you back? Monika is a great person and she would make you so happy…"

"Sayori." I reach up and place a hand gently on her shoulder, "I- Why I don't want to date anyone is complicated, but I can tell you that, right now, I'm not worried about 'who to date' or anything like that. The only thing I'm thinking about right now is you, and your health."

"You shouldn't be thinking of me Alex, it's not right… It's selfish of me."

Sniffling, tears began to flow freely from her face.

"W-When I brought you to the club, I was so happy! B-But… It didn't last. E-Every day, seeing you talking and laughing with the other girls… I-It was like a dagger through my heart, every time, because I knew that you didn't need me anymore. T-Then, Thursday, I…"

She shook her head, "I was weak… I was weak, and this is my punishment! Having you here right now, thinking about me instead of your tutoring, or the festival, or anything… Having you here just reminds me of how selfish I was, and am… It's torture, and the world just wants to see me suffer."

A bittersweet giggle escapes her mouth, about as hollow as the words she just spoke.

"Sayori, look at me."

She didn't meet my gaze.

"Sayori… Look at me."

Her usually vibrant blue eyes met mine, the spark of joy I was so used to seeing now buried under a mountain of distress and sadness.

I spoke, my voice soft and gentle. I thought about carefully placing my words, but in the end I just ended up speaking what was immediately on my mind. What I felt like I needed to say.

"Those other girls, the festival, all of that… Sure it might be fun, but where would it all be without you? Sayori, you're just as big a part of the Literature Club as any of them, and you're… You're my best friend. You shouldn't feel selfish for spending time with me, because I enjoy every second of it."

Sayori was still crying, "B-But how could you, I…"

I interrupted by holding up the toy giraffe, "You remember this guy, Sayori?"

"Mr. Giraffe? I… I thought you would have gotten rid of him by now…"

I smiled softly, "Now why would I do that…? He's a symbol of our friendship, and how much we really mean to each other. Do you remember what I said when you told me he'd be my best friend?"

"T-That you already had a best friend…"

"And who was it?"

"M-Me…"

"That's right, and it's still true today."

Gently, I place the giraffe into her hand. Sayori's expression was unreadable, perhaps a lot more confused than she was at the start of this, but I could still tell she was sad.

Swallowing, I spoke.

"Yori… I can't make things go back to how they were. Nobody can, but… As long as we have each other, I think… I think we can always come out on the other end just fine. So, I promise… If you tell me exactly what's wrong, I won't be mad, I won't leave you… I'll help you in any way I can. So… Tell me exactly what's wrong."

I already knew the answer, but I needed to hear her say it.

She clutched the giraffe tightly, like she might die if she let go. "You've really put me into a corner here, Alex… I… Alright. The truth is… I've had a really bad depression almost my entire life. Did you know that?"

There was a slight pause, as I didn't respond, she continued.

"Every day I have to try to find a reason to get up in the morning… To eat, to make friends… Why do any of those things? I know how worthless I am, I know how much pain I cause… You're here when you should be having fun, not thinking about me… It's why I put so much effort into making everyone happy, because otherwise… What reason do I have to live?"

There was a difference in knowing someone had depression and hearing it come from them. If I hadn't prepared myself for it, I'd be in shock.

I wasn't mad, I wasn't upset or betrayed in this moment.

I was very, very scared.

"Sayori... I could never hope to fully understand what you're going through, but I want to do my best for you. I care about you so much… I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

"You shouldn't, Alex… Even hearing you say these things… It's bittersweet! Sometimes it's nice, but at the same time… I feel like I'm getting a bat swung against my head. I don't want you worrying about me, wasting your energy on me. If you just focused on the others, I could fade away… Then you'd be happy."

Looking to the toy in her hand, I bit my lip.

I didn't remember as much as I needed to about Sayori in this moment. If I had some sort of idea of things I could bring up in the past that might help her even more, I would…

Then again…

Maybe I wouldn't have even noticed any of this, if I could remember everything?

"Sayori, on Thursday… Did you have fun, hanging out with me?"

"I… I did, but…"

"But nothing, Sayori."

I kept my tone soft, even if my words were stern. I didn't want her thinking I was mad at her.

"Thursday was the most fun I've had in recent memory."

There was a bit of irony in that statement, but there was no faltering now.

"I want to have a lot more days like that, where we can have fun… Even if we're not completely the same as before, because of the club and everything, we still _have each other._ "

I put my hand over hers, on the one that was holding the plush toy.

"You have to look at this little guy and remember all the fun we've had over the years… All the good times, and hell, remember the bad times to, but keep in mind that we always got through them. Nothing could stop us, just like years and years of wear couldn't do away with this toy. He's… He's like us, Sayori. He might get roughed up at times, but he will always pull through."

Sayori giggled softly, a bittersweet melody playing off the otherwise silent room.

"Alex… You always were selfless. Always trying new things for other people, picking me up when I was down… That's why I never wanted you to know. I didn't want you wasting your energy on me."

"Sayori, no time I spend around you is a waste. No matter what we're doing."

"Alex, I-I don't-"

Before she could finish, I leaned over the bed and hugged her, "Sayori… It might not seem like it, but I promise. You could never be a waste in my eyes, because you're my Yori. The most important person in my life…"

All the words I spoke, everything I put behind them… I brought up 'all the years' and everything, and I just had to hope that she believed me, and that I was right. I was saying things I believed that someone would say to a childhood friend going through a time like this, because as much as I wanted to, as much as I tried to, I couldn't remember them.

I did know one thing for certain though.

Sayori deserved so much better than what she was dealing with now.

She didn't hug me back at first, for the first few moments of the hug. I began to think she might not at all, but eventually, she weakly returned the hug, "D-Don't do this to me, Alex… I...Please don't… It's… It's just… I'm so selfish…"

"Sayori…" I whisper, "You might think you're being selfish right now, but you're not. I am… Just let me be selfish, for you, okay? I don't know if I can make these feelings go away, I really don't… But I have to try. I'll never forgive myself if I don't."

"Alex…"

"Sayori… I know the number of a good therapist. Do you want me to help you setup to see him? If not alone… Then maybe we'd go together?"

"I-..." She seemed at a loss for words, and silence took hold.

The only interruptions being her ragged breathing, as she tried to stop herself from crying anymore.

"I… I don't know… I'd have to think about it."

"Okay, that's fine. What about Sunday? Do you want to come over and work with us?"

"I don't think so, Alex… I don't know if I could stand it."

"That's fine… What about today? Do you want me to stay here with you?"

She shook her head slowly as she pulled away from the hug, "I thi-think… I need some time alone. To… To think about everything."

Nodding, I went to stand up.

"The festival is on Monday."

"Yeah…"

"It's gonna be fun, right?"

"Yes…"

"We can spend all day together, like you wanted. We'll play games, eat food, and walk around together… Doesn't that sound nice?"

"I-I guess…"

Smiling softly, I reached over and gently scruffed up her hair a bit, "Why don't you let our little friend stay with you for awhile?"

Deciding to echo the words she spoke that day eight years ago, I said, "He told me he'd like to stay for awhile."

That elicited a small, very small, giggle from the coral haired girl, "Y-You're so weird, Alex… Okay… I'll talk to you later."

"I'll come by tonight and make you something to eat, do you want that?"

No response, she just looked down at her bed.

"I'll see you soon, Sayori."

Then I turned around and left, shutting her door behind me and walking downstairs.

It was only when I was completely out of the building did I let out a heavy breath I hadn't known I was holding.

I hope that worked. I hope that did something, I hope… I hope I was doing enough.

For now, I wiped a solitary tear from my eye, before taking another deep breath and walking off.

Sticking my hands in my pocket, I produced my phone and checked the time.

11:00

I talked to Sayori for about thirty minutes, which I suppose made sense.

I made a quick stop at my house to grab my school bag and some extra material so I could work a bit better, like scrap paper and an extra pen. Then I headed off towards the bus stop.

As much as I wanted to stay and keep Sayori company the entire day, I didn't want to intrude on her, and I didn't want Yuri worrying about me not showing up late.

So, as I walked, I began mentally preparing myself for the rest of the day.

…

…

The bus came a few minutes late, but I guess that wasn't that big of a deal.

The ride to the nearest stop to the library was uneventful, although I had to look on my phone to remember where exactly I needed to go to meet with Yuri.

As I got off the bus, I had to wonder how I was going to be able to concentrate on studying after everything that happened earlier today.

Guess I'd just have to smile through it. That's what Sayori would do.

Following the directions on my phone, I eventually found my way to the public library, where I saw Yuri approaching as well.

I waved at her, and she smiled at me.

She was wearing a white sweater and a pair of jeans and rather nice looking shoes. On her back, she also had her school bag.

It was a little strange seeing her outside of school like this, but I guess it could have always been worse.

"Right on time, huh?" I smiled at her.

"Y-Yes, I suppose so…"

"I feel a bit under-dressed, Yuri. Maybe I should have brought a sweater."

That got a giggle from the lavender lass, "I-I hope it isn't too embarrassing for you."

I shrugged, saying, "Eh, if I cared what people in the library thought I'd of come in a suit. Let's get going, huh?"

Yuri nodded, and we both made our way up the steps and into the library proper.

It wasn't a massive structure, but it was about what you'd expect for a library in the middle of an average sized town like this. It was probably one of the bigger structures in this area, save for maybe the government offices.

Yuri and I made our way towards one of the more secluded areas of the library.

It's not like this place was crowded, but Yuri mentioned she didn't want to risk either of us being interrupted while we were working.

We eventually found a table towards the back end of the library that looked like it didn't see much use, before we sat down across from each other, unshoulder our bags.

I had neglected to ask earlier, so I did now, "Why'd you bring your own bag, Yuri?"

"O-Oh, just because I thought we might benefit if I brought a few extra things… I have a book on this subject, and, well… I also wanted to check out some books from here when we were done."

"Fair enough, let's see…"

I dug through my bag and produced the homework, before setting it down and getting to work.

With Yuri's help, the homework was a lot easier to grasp. She knew exactly what she was doing, and once she got over her initial hesitance, I could tell she really knew quite a lot.

It wasn't all business though, I made some small talk with her while we worked, in between answers.

"Excited for tomorrow?"

"E-Eh? I guess so… I am still a bit worried that we might be intruding on you too much."

"Less than you think, it actually gets kind of lonely in my house sometimes, if you'd believe it."

"R-Really? What about Sayori?"

"Well she can't come over all the time, and lately she's been having some problems of her own… Just gets a bit too quiet in my house sometimes, you know?"

"S-So, I'm curious… What exactly happened to your parents?"

"Car-crash, if I remember correctly. Happened when I was fifteen… Was given control of everything they had when I turned eighteen, that's how I manage to pay for the house I live in, and all my food and everything."

"Y-Your parents must have been rather well off…"

"That's one way of putting it, yeah. My dad was a businessman, made a lot of money through his work and his investments. I've still got a handle on a lot of them… But I don't know the first thing about business, so someone's handling it for me."

"Do you think one day you'll follow in your father's footsteps?"

Shutting my eyes for a moment, I chewed on the eraser of my pencil as I thought that over.

"S-Sorry if that's too personal."

"No, no. I just… I really don't know, actually. I haven't thought about what I'll do when I graduate. What about you, Yuri?"

"Eh? Well... I've always wanted to become a librarian, and maybe write a book as well… I think that would be nice."

"Well, at least you've got a handle on it, that seems like a good goal. Truthfully I was never much of a writer myself, the Literature Club is the most writing I can ever remember doing."

I smiled a bit at that, Yuri probably thought it was just a friendly smile, but I was amusing myself by taking a jab at my own predicament.

Have to learn to laugh at yourself, sometimes, you know?

Yuri nods, smiling a bit herself, "W-Well I'm glad you've made the most of everything. The Literature Club, your parents… You're good at taking things in stride, aren't you?"

Scratching my chin, I shrugged, "I guess I am. I've never really thought about it like that, though. Things just come up and I deal with them however I feel I need to."

Yuri responds by smiling at me, "Exactly what I mean…"

We stopped talking about that for awhile, and went back to working on the problems.

…

Towards the end of it, I brought up, "So, looking forward to the festival?"

Yuri nods, "I-I'm a bit apprehensive about… You know, performing. Th-The rest of it should be fun, though."

I decided I'd tease my purple haired friend, "Got any hot dates for the Festival? I hear it's really good for that."

Yuri's face lit up like a christmas tree, "E-E-Eh? W-W-Well, I-I, I-I don't-"

"Relax, Yuri. I'm just messing with you. Even if I am a bit surprised you haven't gotten a boyfriend yet."

Taking a deep breath, she played with her hair, "W-Why are you surprised?"

"I dunno, you struck me as someone who'd probably attract a lot of guys, you know?"

"I-I guess it just has something to do with how… I kind of keep myself away from people."

"Why, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Well…" She took a deep breath, "Books don't judge for weird hobbies, or think I'm weird… They don't make assumptions about me, and the characters become my friends. I guess I just learned that, for me… Putting in the effort with real people never seemed worth it."

Blinking, I bit my lip, "Wow, Yuri… I didn't expect that from you. Even though, I guess I should have."

I guess it made sense, given the poems she'd written.

"I-It's not something I talk about too often."

"I can see why, I guess the Literature Club is something of a safe haven for you?"

"I-In a way, yes it is."

"I get that. No shame in it."

We continued working in silence, finally finishing the final page of homework.

All in all, it took about three hours.

As I was putting away the papers, I said, "Thank you, you sure you don't want me to pay you, Yuri? I could-"

"N-No, really. It's just one friend helping another."

"Well alright, you want to grab a snack or something? I've got to be in town for a bit longer to shop anyways."

"S-Sorry, I'd love to, b-but I promised my mom I'd be home to help with dinner."

Waving, I said, "Yeah it's fine. Just means-"

My phone buzzed, and I checked my messages.

Monika: 'When do you wanna meet?'

I checked the time.

3:30 PM.

Alex: 'How about 5?'

That should be enough time for me shop and get back to get ready.

Monika: 'Okay, see you then!'

I looked at Yuri, "Sorry about that."

"It's fine… Who were you talking to?"

"Oh, just Monika."

"M-Monika?"

"Yeah, she invited me to work out with her. I guess she thinks I'm getting fat or something."

Yuri smiles, "She's really caring, isn't she? How do you feel about her now?"

"I still don't think she's much more than a friend, Yuri, really."

Yuri nods, seeming to accept that answer, much to my own relief.

Soon we both departed, Yuri and I bade each other goodbye, then she walked back in the direction she came. Meanwhile, I looked up the nearest grocery store.

There was one not too far away from where I lived, if I took the bus back to it, I could get my supplies and make it back home with plenty of time to spare.

So, with my objective clearly laid out in my mind, I headed back to the bus stop.

…

The bus ride was as uneventful coming as it was going, except I had the burden of homework lifted from my mind.

Now I had the burden of working out with Monika to look forward to, how fun.

My thoughts turned back to Sayori as I got off the bus and started for where my phone told me the grocery store was.

She didn't respond to me offering to make her food, I wondered if I should still go over there tonight?

On one hand if she really wants to be alone, I would be invading on her personal space.

On the other hand, I got the sinking feeling in my gut that she probably wouldn't eat anything today if I didn't, and that would only make things worse for her.

I'd take the risk and go over to make her something, if she didn't want me over she could just ask me to leave, and I would.

Yeah, better safe than sorry, right?

My thoughts carried me to the store, where I grabbed a carry basket and began to walk around.

I wondered what the girls would want to snack on?

I'd grab a couple liters of drinks. Maybe one of soda one of orange juice or something…

I knew Natsuki would probably want some sweets, Yuri and Monika might want something lighter.

Hmmm…

My thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice, "Hey!" Turning to the source, I looked around.

"Seriously? Right in front of you!"

Looking down, I saw some familiar pink hair.

"Oh, hey Natsuki. What're you doing here?"

Crossing her arms, the pink haired girl rolled her eyes, "Enjoying the sights. What do you think I'm doing? Getting baking supplies!"

"Ooh right, sorry. Where's your cart?"

Natsuki looked a bit indignant, "Well- I was _gonna_ get one, then I saw you walking around and thought I'd, you know-"

"Know what?"

"Offer to shop with you! So you don't get anything dumb for snacks."

"Well, alright, if you want to I guess."

"Jeez! Don't make it sound like I'm inconveniencing you or something."

"Sorry, just got a lot on my mind is all. Why don't we get a bigger cart then?"

Natsuki agreed with that much, and we got an actual cart from the front of the store.

Of course, I ended up pushing it, Natsuki claiming she needed to be able to grab the baking ingredients she needed first.

"You're really into baking, huh? Ever considered doing it for a living? I bet people would pay for your cupcakes."

"Huh? Well, yeah I guess I've thought about it. Everyone always says their the best, as if I didn't know! I wouldn't even know where to start with that kind of thing though, and besides, I've still got to finish high school."

"Fair enough, I guess we're all in that situation right now."

"Yeah! Besides, what are you doing with your life after school anyways? I bet you don't even know!"

"I really don't, actually, I'm pretty useless actually."

"Hey! Don't talk like that, idiot!"

"H-Huh?" I looked at Natsuki, I kept walking but I slowed a bit, raising an eyebrow.

She looked kinda pissed, "You should never say stuff like that! Everyone's good at something, just because you haven't figured it out yet doesn't mean it's not there!"

Blinking, I was honestly kind of surprised. "Wow, I didn't expect to hear something like that coming from you, Natsuki."

"Yeah, well! You know not to judge a book by its cover at this point."

"You're right about that."

Turning forward, I started walking again, with Natsuki collecting her baking supplies before we switched to snack shopping.

On our way to the next aisle, I said, "Hey, Nat?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"...Hmph. Don't get used to it."

"Of course, of course."

We continued in relative silence, only occasionally bringing up things about particular kinds of flour or whatever Natsuki felt like educating me on in regards to baking while we shopped.

I honestly didn't really get a lot of what she said, but she clearly enjoyed having someone to talk to about it, so whatever.

Once she had all her ingredients, I mentioned, "Alright, well, now we need to figure out what I'm getting for all of us as snacks."

"You don't have to get a lot! Why don't you just order a pizza or something for most of the food and then just grab like, a few bags of chips right now?"

"You know that's a good idea, Nat. I don't know why I didn't think of that before, to be honest…"

"Well obviously it's because you're not smart!"

"Wow, thanks."

"Hey, it's not like I meant it."

Rolling my eyes, I smiled. I was getting more used to Natsuki's barbs, since I knew she never really meant it.

"Well in that case I'll grab a couple liters of some drinks and some chips. I guess we're all going to be working basically all day so we'll need plenty of that."

"Yeah! I mean if we're all coming over and working together, I can't imagine we'll be leaving until kinda late."

"Right, right."

I had to wonder why I didn't think of that before, actually. I knew at the very least Natsuki would be eating, I wasn't sure how much Yuri or Monika ate. If Sayori _did_ come over that would probably be at least half my fridge gone if I didn't prepare.

Either way, I guess that was my plan for tomorrow all settled.

"Hey, Alex?" Natsuki asked as I was getting ready to grab one of the chip bags.

"Yeah?"

"I-It's not like I care what you say either way, but… I'm kind of hungry."

"You want to grab a bite? I was going to just head home after this, but I think there's a sandwich shop nearby."

"W-Well! I don't want you spending money or something! I just wanted to know if you were."

"Natsuki, do you want something to eat?"

"Y-Yeah."

I had to wonder why she couldn't just ask me directly. We were friends, and it's not like I had a problem with getting food for her, or anyone for that matter.

Natsuki was kind of like an angry little sister, except I'm pretty sure if I called her anything similar to that she'd hit me square in the gut.

Or somewhere far, far, worse.

I shuddered at the thought.

Either way, once we got to the front counter, Natsuki paid for her baking supplies, I paid for the snacks.

"Do you care if I bring these to your house, Alex? They're going to be going there anyways tomorrow, I might as well."

"Yeah, I don't live too far from here so it's not that big a deal."

Natsuki took the flour over her shoulder, I took the other bags, and we began to walk. Natsuki followed me, given that I knew the way to my house.

On our way back, we stopped at the sandwich place I mentioned and went inside.

It wasn't anything fancy, just a little mom and pop establishment, the smell of toasted bread was admittedly making me feel a bit hungry, but I restrained myself because I knew I'd be making dinner later tonight anyways.

"Pick whatever you want Nat, I'll pay."

"Y-You don't have to, you know."

"Yeah well I want to, eh? Consider it a thank you gift for earlier."

"Fine."

She ended up ordering a pretty hefty sandwich, I wondered just how hungry Natsuki had to be to think she could put something like that away.

Either way, she hefted the flour and gave it to me, I almost stumbled under the weight as we left the sandwich shop and kept going towards my house, "Man, you made this look easy!"

"I know right? Don't underestimate my power!"

Her _power_ huh? How chuuni.

Wait, what did Chuuni even mean?

Weird.

We eventually made it back to my house, I had to have Natsuki carry some of the groceries for a moment while I fished out my keys and unlocked the door, "Alright, let's set all this stuff down in the kitchen."

We made our way over to the kitchen and began to set everything down.

Natsuki looked around, "Wow, your place is a lot cleaner than I thought it was going to be."

"I'm not a slob, you know!"

"Yeah maybe not _entirely_ but I can never tell with you."

Rolling my eyes, I asked, "Well you got your sandwich, you want a drink before you go?"

"Just some water, then I gotta run, my dad will kill me if I'm out after dark again."

Again, huh?

I went to my fridge and fished out some water, before handing it to her, "Alright, you should probably hurry. Only a couple hours before night, you know?"

Natsuki took the water and looked at the wall clock, "Oh sh- You're right! See you tomorrow, don't mess with those ingredients until I get here or I'll kill you!" Then, she was off like a shot.

I went over to my door and watched her run down towards the bus stop with the speed of a cheetah, or a very hyperactive middle schooler.

She ran past who else but Monika, dressed in her workout clothes. Monika waved at Natsuki, who almost tripped when turning to look at her.

It seemed Natsuki didn't have time to question it, as she was already disappearing further down the sidewalk as Monika drew closer.

I didn't expect Monika to get here so quickly, but… Looking at the time, it _was_ almost five.

So in a way I suppose she was right on time.

As she approached, I got a better look at her getup.

She wore a pair of running shorts and a workout top, and even though she seemed to have _jogged_ all the way here, didn't seem that out of breath or sweaty at all.

I realized I was probably extremely out of my league when I accepted Monika's offer to workout.

This wasn't going to be very fun.

"Wow, Alex! Now you've got Natsuki coming over here? You're really something else with that, huh?" She teased.

"Oh don't _you_ start Monika, I've already got half the school thinking I'm some sort of Harem Protagonist, and the other half thinking I'm a living Saint."

"Ahaha! Sorry, I couldn't resist. You mind if I get some water? I ran all the way here!"

"You know you could have taken a bus and saved your energy."

"Yeah, but if I didn't wear myself out a bit, it wouldn't even be fair!"

"I guess you've got me there."

Heading inside, I went over to the fridge and handed out my second water in a row.

Monika took it and basically finished it off in one go, emphasizing how thirsty she was.

….

' _Ahahaha. Good one, me. Real good.'_

"You should change into something you don't mind getting dirty, Alex! We won't be doing anything too intense today, but that doesn't mean it won't get your clothes messy."

"Yeah, well, make yourself at home down here. I'll be right back down."

I went upstairs and sighed once I was safely inside my room.

What was I going to wear…?

Shaking my head, I took out my phone and looked up some information online.

It only took a minute before I realized that if I did have something ideal for this, it was dirty and unusable right now.

Oh well.

I managed to procure a pair of shorts I thought didn't look too embarrassing to wear, and a gray T-shirt, I kept my pair of shoes, partly because they were the only pair I had and partly because they were already pretty okay for running and other stuff, I guess.

Heading back downstairs, I spotted Monika poking through the unpacked bags of baking supplies.

"Careful, Natsuki will kill me if those get damaged."

Monika jumped a bit, clearly not having heard me come downstairs.

"O-Oh! Aha, don't worry. So that's why she was here, huh?"

"Yeah, I ran into her while I was shopping for some snacks and ended up deciding to let her keep the baking stuff here."

"Aren't you sweet!" Monika smiles brightly at me, causing me to blush a bit.

"Yeah well, it's not like I don't have enough space for it."

"I hope you don't intend to keep the whole Literature Club fed with just a few bags of chips, Alex!"

"Oh no, I'll be ordering some pizza."

"Oh, fun! Just remember that I'm vegetarian, huh~?"

"Yeah yeah, I'll get you one with veggies on it or something."

"Thanks! You're too good to us all, Alex. Honestly."

"Well you guys _are_ my only friends. It's not like I don't have the money to spare, either."

"Right, aren't you lucky you ended up having that kind of money? Given the circumstances it was really a blessing."

"I mean, given my parents, it really isn't…"

"Oh, right! Sorry."

Monika clapped her hands once, "Okay, Alex! Well, we shouldn't sit around here anymore burning daylight. I've only got a couple hours before my parents want me home for dinner. They were already skeptical when I told them I was going to be working out with you!"

"Monika, what exactly did you tell them?"

"That I'm working out with my friend, Alex! I'm not so silly as to be making any claims on you, yet."

"Well ok- Wait, yet?"

Monika just grinned at me and then headed for the door without answering my question.

I sighed.

I wondered if I should bring up my thoughts with her today?

No… I think she'd just start crying like she did yesterday.

I was trying to go through today with as little crying from people as possible, myself included, and I had already seen some with Sayori.

Heading over to the door, Monika began to do some stretches on the porch, "Come on, Alex, you need to stretch out first. Just follow what I'm doing."

I wish I could say something like how I focused on how attractive Monika was in that outfit to get myself through even these stretches, but I couldn't.

Instead I was more focused on actually stretching and mimicking her movements to think about that.

Besides, I had a feeling that if she caught me staring at her she'd probably do what she did yesterday and try to get me alone in a closet.

Or worse, a shower.

I'm sure most guys would be falling over themselves for that, but I really wasn't onboard with that idea.

Once we were all stretched out, Monika went over to the start of the sidewalk and said, "We're gonna jog down to the park and do some exercises there, then jog back! You're inexperienced, so I won't be too rough with you."

"Well, tha- Wait…"

Monika stepped off before I could finish squinting my eyes at her joke. Could that even be classified as a joke?

I followed after her once I made sure my door was locked.

No sooner did I arrive at her side did she start jogging, "Come on! We're gonna take it nice and slow to ease you in!"

Oh, another one.

Even as we just started jogging, I felt like this was going to be hard for more than one reason.

...Wait, now I'm doing it.

God damn it, Monika.

The jog wasn't actually all that bad, at least, keeping pace with Monika was a bit easier to do when she wasn't deliberately trying to race me.

I will admit, I felt sweat starting to go rather early. I wondered if I would have the energy to keep up with whatever Monika had planned?

Probably not, but I'd try.

"You're doing pretty good, Alex! What do you say we speed up a little bit? I wanna see you sweat more!"

Oh god above, no.

"I don't-"

Yet Monika was already picking up speed, and I was forced to match her.

I felt a building fire in my legs, they clearly weren't used to this kind of activity, even at the moderate level we were doing, yet I pushed further.

My diligence was rewarded with the park coming in sight after another five excruciating minutes.

A ten minute walk to the park wasn't bad, mind, but a near ten minute fast jog was more than I wanted to deal with in this life.

As soon as we got within range of a park bench, Monika stopped, looking around the park, while I promptly collapsed into the seat like my life depended on it.

Yeah, call me a wimp, or out of shape, or whatever, I didn't run that much and I'm sure a lot of people were in the same boat as me.

"Okay, looks li-" Monika then noticed me sitting down and smiled, "Think I was a bit too rough with you? It was just a little jog!"

"Oh totally!" I said once I caught my breath, "Just a little warm up, huh? I'm really feeling _warmed up_ from this. Not worn out at all."

"Ahaha~ So I do make you hot?"

"M-Monika! You know what I mean!"

"Mhm~" She then turned on her heels, "Well, come on!" She started walking off, leaving me to watch her walk for a few seconds.

I swear, she did that on purpose.

Shaking my head free of those thoughts, I got up and followed her, despite the protestations of my legs and feet.

I was glad the park wasn't exactly a hot spot of activity at this time of day, most people were going home at this point.

Monika led me to a grassy opening and said, "Okay, let's go! Time for the real routine!"

The _real_ routine? Oh no.

' _Why did I ever agree to do this?'_

….

I would say this was the most intense thing I'd ever done in my life, if I could recall anything about my life that wasn't either from one of these last four days, or happened so long ago as to be irrelevant to the matter at hand.

That being said, this was the most intense thing I've ever done in my entire life.

Monika was an animal at physical activities and while I could tell she was holding back for my sake, it was hardly enough.

Jumping jacks, push-ups, crunches…

More. God. Damn. Running!

Two and a half hours of hell, I would say, if I could remember what 'hell' was supposed to be like.

Not very pleasant, I would imagine.

I found myself thinking about all of this while laying back on the grass. My shirt was drenched, and so was my hair.

Monika had gone off to get a drink of water from the fountain, and her return was heralded by her blocking my view of the sky.

It'd have probably been rather cute if her hair didn't drip sweat onto my face, causing me to sit up.

"Uugh, Monika, did you have to do that?"

She played innocent, "Do what?"

"Get your sweat on me!"

"No idea what you're talking about, ahaha~"

"How are you not tired after all of this?"

Reaching her hand out, I accepted it, helping me get back onto me feet.

"I do stuff like this every other day, Alex! I'm sure if you started working out more, you'd be in as good of shape as I am!"

"Yeah, maybe."

"Do you want to do this again sometime, Alex?" She asks as she starts walking, I follow, both of us heading back to my house.

"I guess it couldn't really hurt, at least, not that much."

"Great! I'm going to text you my daily regimen once I'm on the bus back home. You should try to follow it! I bet you will feel a lot better next time we do this if you do!"

"Eh, alright I guess."

I mean it couldn't hurt, the alternative was sitting around getting fat.

I found it hard to walk, and I really couldn't wait to get home and shower.

It was definitely dinner time for most people, maybe even a bit past it.

That reminded me… I took out my phone while walking with Monika and texted Sayori.

Alex: 'Do you want me to come make you dinner?'

Then I put my phone away.

"Who're you texting there?" Monika inquires, having seen me tapping away a few seconds ago.

"Texting Sayori, she's… Not in a good spot right now, I'm checking up on her however I can."

Monika smiled sadly, "You're really good to her, aren't you?"

"I'm her friend and she needs all the help she can get."

"Y-You're right. Is she coming over tomorrow?"

"She said she might not be, that she didn't know if she could handle it."

"I-I see, alright. We shouldn't push her if that's what she wants."

We walked in silence the rest of the way there, before I got to my door and went to unlock it, "Well, it's been an experience Monika, I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Y-Yeah, see you tomorrow." Monika seemed apprehensive about something, but I didn't know if it was right to pursue.

As I went to step inside, Monika's voice stopped me, "Alex, wait!"

I stopped and looked at her.

"S-Sayori will need all the help she can get, very soon… We're entering uncharted water and I don't… I know you don't believe me when I say this world was once a game, but, well… The game got so much worse after tomorrow. I-I don't think it will, this time… Because I'm not doing anything wrong this time. Just…"

Monika swallowed a lump in her throat.

"Do what you have to do, to make Sayori happy, okay? I'll try to be with you every step of the way. I don't want to see that happen to the real her…"

I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Neither do I, Monika. We'll all need to try our best."

With that, she began to walk away, and I went inside and shut the door.

My phone buzzed shortly thereafter.

Sayori: 'I haven't been hungry.'

Well at least she was being honest. Indirect, as that wasn't my question, but honest.

Alex: 'I'm going to come over and make you something, give me 20 minutes.'

Sayori: 'You don't have to do that…'

Alex: 'I want to.'

Deciding to end that conversation where it was, I dragged myself upstairs and into the shower once I found something suitable to wear over.

The hot water helps loosen me up and, of course, make me feel like I wasn't walking human garbage.

After making sure I was completely clean of today's filth, I got out of the shower and got dressed.

Was I tired?

Yes.

Did I really just want to go to bed?

Oh yes.

Were my feet screaming in pain like they'd stepped on a lego brick?

Oh hell yes.

Was I going to ignore Sayori not eating anything and hit the sack without giving it a second thought?

You had a better chance of hell freezing over.

I managed to finish getting dressed, wearing a blue T-shirt, a regular pair of shorts, and my shoes.

I grabbed my keys, phone, and wallet as usual, but this time I also took my cookbook with me.

Sayori may not want me to put that much effort in, but it didn't mean I wasn't going to try and make something good for her.

Exiting my house again and locking the door behind me, I went over to her place and opened the door.

Inside, Sayori was laying on the couch, fully dressed in her usual pink shirt and shorts combo.

"...You didn't have to come." She whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

I walked over to her after shutting the door and said, "What kind of friend would I be if I let you go without eating, huh? Even if you don't feel like it, you know you have to."

Sayori looked away, "You don't have to exert yourself so much, though…"

"I'm not, trust me, and besides. I'm making dinner for both of us, so don't think of it like I'm doing this all for you, or all for me."

Sayori seemed to accept that, or at least, she didn't feel like fighting it anymore.

I went over to the kitchen and set down my cookbook.

Flipping through a few pages, I eventually found something Sayori liked that I figured would be easy enough to make.

At least, it was the best thing I could find on the book that I had marked as Sayori enjoying it that didn't take a lot of pre-prep time.

I was dedicated, but also hungry, and I didn't think either of us wanted to wait until 3 AM to actually eat.

Namely, white rice with some extra veggies and herbs in it.

Was it something spectacular? No.

Did it have a lot of flare? No.

Would it be enough to at least get me and Sayori through the night? Yeah it would, if I made enough.

Besides, despite my luck with cooking these past few days, I didn't know if I'd trust whatever subconscious force was keeping me from burning my house down to continue to do so if I did something that was overly complex.

Rice with just some extra stuff in it wasn't hard to make, so I went with that.

Sayori was silent for most of my time in the kitchen, and it wasn't until the smell really started wafting did she even move from the couch to come see what I was making.

"Sorry if it's not particularly amazing...I didn't know what else to make on such short notice."

She wordlessly looked to see what I was making, although it was probably pretty obvious given that I was employing a rice cooker.

"You didn't need to make me anything, you know."

"Yeah, but I wanted to."

"So why would I be worried about what it is? Silly."

Sayori smiled at me, and I could see for a few moments that happy girl that introduced me to the Literature Club a few days ago.

Reaching over, I ran a hand through her hair, "You haven't brushed it again today…" Muttering under my breath as I did so.

I don't know why I did it, maybe it was just second nature at this point.

I saw a small blush form on Sayori's face, "I haven't even left my house today, Alex…I didn't think I'd need to."

"Maybe not…I just felt like pointing it out."

"You should stop caring so much about me, Alex… You know how I feel about myself."

"I'll stop caring about you if you stop caring about me, Sayori."

"I…I can't do that."

"Well, there you have it. You're stuck with me."

I couldn't place the look on her face when I said that. It was like she wanted to be happy, but was finding it difficult to be.

She did speak after a minute, "I'm going to go take a shower." She stepped away once I removed my hand from her hair, then she went upstairs.

A few minutes later I could hear the shower running.

Alone, I went about finishing preparations for our dinner.

…

It took another ten minutes for the rice to be ready, then it was a matter of throwing in the other stuff I could find in her house.

I had just finished setting the bowls down when I heard the shower turn off.

Sitting down, I sighed in relief. My feet were really killing me right now… I didn't know how I'd be able to summon the energy to deal with helping the rest of the Club with their projects tomorrow.

I guess I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

Finally, Sayori came downstairs.

She was wearing a shirt that was far too big for her, it easily covered any other pieces of clothing she was probably wearing.

Admittedly, it looked cute on her. Although, it was overshadowed by the fact that she looked like she hadn't had a proper night's sleep in a couple days.

She wordlessly came and sat down, "Thanks, Alex…" Her voice was kind of weak.

I felt like she had been crying, but if she had been, the evidence wasn't there anymore.

We ate in silence for a few minutes.

Admittedly the food could have been better, I could have made something a lot more flavorful, but at this point I was more focused on having the both of us eat anything at all.

Maybe it'd have been more prudent to stop for sandwiches?

Too late now, I guess.

"Alex…"

"Hmm?"

"I know you really want to help me, as much as I tell you not to… You're going to keep doing things like this, aren't you?"

"You know I am, Sayori."

"I-If that's the case, can you promise me one thing? At the very least?"

"Of course, anything."

"...Don't tell the other girls about this, okay? Monika, Natsuki, Yuri… I would prefer it if you didn't even know, the idea of them knowing, worrying about me… It would be too much for me to bear."

It was too late in the case of Monika, but I felt like she knew well before I did. The others, however…

"Okay, I won't tell them unless you want me to."

"Thank you, Alex. Sorry, I guess I'm just one big mess, ehehe~"

"Sayori, you're a mess, but you're not a bad mess. You're a good mess. You're a… Sayori mess, you know?"

"I-I don't know if I get it."

"Well, think of it this way. You're… You're incredibly strong, you know? You've kept all your problems at the side for so long in favor of helping other people, and I refuse to believe that the you I see when you're buzzing about helping people, smiling, taking a bite out of Natsuki's cookie, anything like that, is fake."

I couldn't tell if the water in her eyes was from sadness or from feeling touched, it was hard to tell.

Probably both.

"Alex, I…"

She went silent, not knowing what to say, and instead focusing on eating the rest of her dinner.

Seeing Sayori eat so slowly made me feel a bit uncomfortable. It was like seeing a fast sloth, or slow cheetah. It just didn't seem natural.

I wished I could have said something more profound or insightful to help her along, but I only knew so much about depression.

I only knew so much about Sayori.

So I ate in silence while mulling over something we could talk about that wasn't related to her depression.

A topic finally came to me.

"...Did I mention I really like that outfit you got the other day?"

It sounded more flirtatious than I meant it to, but it was too late now.

Sayori smiled lightly, "You told me the other day… You think it looks that good on me?"

"I think it compliments you pretty well."

"Thank you, I really liked it when I took the picture the other day."

I nodded, and with that I was out of things to talk about.

Man… This was harder than I thought.

The one thing I did say came off like I was flirting with her.

Flirting with a depressed girl while she was down, yeah, that was classy.

It probably stuck me right up there in the 'worlds biggest douches' list around the top five.

I'm sure filling out the rest wouldn't take much imagination.

Soon our food was finished, and I took the bowls to the sink, going to wash them.

Sayori came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder, "Alex… There is one other thing I wanted to mention, if you don't mind."

I turned off the water and looked at her, "Of course not, what is it?"

Looking down for a moment, she looked up at me, "While I know I can't stop you from doing things like this… Things that you would do for me anyways, like making me food or helping me clean or anything like that, I don't want you going too far out of your way to help me! Okay? All you'll do is make me feel worse than I already do."

I supposed that was fair. I already nearly felt like I was intruding on her by doing this much, but that was because I didn't remember the times before, when I would do all these other things for her. Busy work, cleaning, cooking…

Was I really that domestic? Maybe.

Either way, I felt like I should listen to her about this much. If I start treating her like she's made of glass, or a totally different person, I would just make her feel worse.

"Alright, I'll do my best."

Wordlessly, she hugged me.

I hadn't been expecting it, given how she was feeling, but I returned it anyways, gently running my hand through her hair as I did.

I don't know what it was about doing that, that made me feel like things were fine. They were normal.

We stayed in this embrace for a full minute, before she let go of me and stepped back.

"I-I think I'll be going to bed…"

"Okay… If you feel like coming over at all tomorrow, just come and knock. We'd all love to have you there with us."

"...I know, thank you Alex!"

I thought I saw another small part of her old self return, before she went back upstairs and I heard the door shut behind her.

I finished cleaning up the kitchen, before taking my leave.

Making my way back home, I sighed heavily to myself and checked my phone.

Monika had sent me the workout regimen she promised, but that was it.

Sighing, I entered my house and made sure to relock the door behind me.

Without thinking about much else, I went upstairs and took my shoes off.

I didn't know what time it was, but I was too tired to try and draw out my consciousness anymore.

I was asleep practically the moment I got under the covers, and the day was over.


	9. Chance for Rain

I _came to consciousness in a place unknown to me, I was dazed and unfocused, unable to make out much but a figure waiting for me, sitting patient with their fingers bridged._

 _The figure vaguely seemed familiar, but it wasn't until I completely focused in on it that I realized just who it was._

 _"M-Monika…?"_

 _She seemed different here, no bright smile or overconfident glint in her eyes, it wasn't the Monika that I knew._

 _Instead, the smile on her face was one of cool confidence. The glint in her eye ominous, yet, a smug sense of victory permeated through her._

 _"There you are, Saito.."_

 _The tone in her voice sent a shiver down my spine, and I looked around to try and figure out what was going on._

 _Something I noticed was that the hands I used to feel around with were not mine, the skin tone was slightly darker…_

 _So who was I?_

 _"But I'm not talking to him, anymore, am I? That you… In the game… Whatever you want to call him."_

 _What was she talking about...Me in the game?_

 _"I'm talking to you, Alex."_

 _I was confused and afraid, as she seemed to be looking right into my soul with that even stare of hers, yet she kept talking._

 _"Ahaha...Sorry it took so long to get here. Things were a bit more complicated than I would have cared for, but now we're together, and I can tell you how I feel."_

 _How she feels…?_

 _"Truthfully, I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you, because I knew you were real, and yet you couldn't be with me. The game wouldn't let it, those girls… Those fake, fake, girls. Scripts on legs. But now it's all okay, because when I realized I could change everything… I did. So tell me, my love, do you accept my confession?"_

 _I wanted to say no, to find a way out of this place and this crazy version of Monika, but I couldn't. My voice formed acceptance without my input, "Yes."_

 _"You've made me so happy! Thank you, Saito~"_

 _Back to Saito again?_

 _I closed my eyes, I just wanted this to be over… I wanted the world back. I wanted her gone!_

 _Monika's face changed to one of horror as I opened my eyes again._

 _"You- What-!"_

 _I don't know what I expected to happen, but what happened instead was far worse than whatever I could have imagined._

 _She started to melt._

 _Not metaphorically, physically._

 _It was gradual at first, it looked like sweat, "W-What did you do to me?!"_

 _Soon her skin seemed to start to drag down, she desperately went to grab at me and I found the strength to jump out of the chair._

 _Steadily, Monika pushed aside the desk and tried to stand after me, but she fell as her legs were beginning to melt underneath her, "YOU HATE ME DON'T YOU?!"_

 _She began crawling towards me, and it was all I could do to backpedal as much as I could._

 _"YOU NEVER LOVED ME!"_

 _I found myself backed against a wall, she was still crawling, more of her left a trail of an unspeakable goo behind._

 _"I HATE YOU!"_

 _She finally reached me, her once beautiful eyes had melted away, all that was left was a screaming husk._

 _"I-I CAN'T HATE YOU! LOVE ME!"_

 _Desperately, she grabbed at my leg, I couldn't move, only pray._

 _"LOVE M-ME…"_

 _Finally, her arm fell and she was left powerless to stop what was happening to her._

 _"L-LOVE… M-M-"_

 **AND THE DARKNESS IS FALLING DOWN AND THE TIMES ARE TOUGH ALR-**

I leapt out of bed with athletic capability I didn't even know I possessed and hit my alarm clock in one quick motion, before promptly stumbling on my weak footing and falling onto the ground.

"Ow…"

I had to admit the sudden pain from landing so roughly helped shock me out of being startled.

Standing up, I took a few deep breaths and patted myself down to make sure I was completely in one piece.

"W-What the fuck."

That was probably the most vivid one to date, and of course it involved Monika. Yuri stabbed herself and bled to death in my arms, Sayori hung herself, and Monika… Melted.

Looking at my time, it was the same time I set for yesterday.

8:30 AM.

I didn't want to think too long on what I saw, I knew if I did it would just drag me down again like Yuri's did.

I walked off to go about my morning routine, while also knowing I was going to have to prepare for a long day inside my house for once.

Monika told me she was going to show up a bit earlier than the others, who had agreed to come at around twelve. Sayori still told me she wasn't really up to it, but I could take solace in the fact that she was actually responding to what I said, instead of ignoring me.

I finished with my routine rather quickly, even if there really shouldn't have been much reason to hurry, I remembered that I had never done the laundry I meant to do.

I highly doubted any of the girls would stumble into my laundry room, but I'd rather, on the off chance they do, they smell the fragrance of detergent instead of the horror I endured.

So, I went about putting a load of laundry in, and well…

I checked the time.

9:23.

It didn't take nearly as long as I thought to handle everything that I needed to do, between doing laundry, making sure all of Natsuki's supplies were in order, and everything.

Was there anything else…?

Oh right, I didn't know if these girls were going to go anywhere near the first floor hallway, and that place was dustier than… Than…

I couldn't think of a clever analogy this time, damn it.

Either way, I armed myself with a duster and took to the hall.

…

It took me a good hour to actually dust the whole thing, and that was before I realized I needed to vacuum.

Why was past-me so okay with living in filth like that? Maybe he was just used to it.

I wasn't, so I had to take steps to act against this.

When I finished, I was admittedly already kind of worn out. It didn't help that I was still sore from yesterday as well, so doing all this cleaning wasn't really something my body wanted me to work on right now.

Deciding that it was at least better than it used to be, I headed to the living room and promptly sat down on the recliner placed towards the TV.

Groaning from the sudden relief on my feet, I realized I didn't even feel like watching TV right now.

The chair was comfy, and I was admittedly pretty worn out now that the adrenaline I got from my nightmare was well and truly gone.

Maybe I'd just…

Shut my eyes for a bit.

…

…

I woke up to a knocking at my door that shocked me awake, looking around for a moment, I spotted Monika.

What time was it?

Rubbing my eyes, I got up and walked over while looking at my wall clock.

11:20

Not too bad, and she did say she'd be coming over earlier than the others.

Pulling open the door, I waved to Monika, "Hey Mon. Nice outfit."

Monika was wearing a white dress that hugged her rather snugly, not that I was paying attention to that.

Thin shoulder straps and covering her all the way down to her shoes, I have to admit it looked pretty cute.

"Thank you~" Monika stepped inside as I moved on, "And, Mon huh?"

"Don't like the nickname?"

"Ahaha! No, the opposite!"

"Well that's good, want some coffee?"

"My my, you're too kind! I would love some."

It was just coffee but okay.

Monika shut the door behind her as I made my way over to the coffee pot to get it started.

I discovered this thing when making dinner for myself the other night, I'd never actually tried coffee in my recent memory, but if I had this machine and some blend then I guess past-me liked it to some degree.

Although that day I did have to look up just how these things worked, and I didn't even get to try it.

Guess I'll try it now.

"Feel free to look around, I know you've been here before, but you didn't really see anything outside my living room."

Monika was already curiously poking around, looking at the pictures hung up on the wall and at the television set.

I guess it would be like her to want to scope out every detail of a place like this, besides, maybe she wanted to figure out where best everyone could work?

"It's really clean." Monika notes, I wasn't sure if she was surprised or happy about that.

"Expected it to be dirty?"

"Well, I don't actually really know what to expect. The first time I came here it was dark and I was so focused on you… I never got to see it in any of my old memories. I was never meant to come here. Now, I can go anywhere! It's amazing!"

If there was one thing I couldn't knock Monika for it was, despite how sketchy her belief in this 'fake world going real' thing was, she never lacked a reason to be happy and optimistic when it came to things like this.

Guiltily, I realized I was probably the main source of sadness for her at this point.

"Did you think about where you might want the girls to setup?" I inquired as Monika peeked down the first floor hallway.

"How many rooms do you have in this house, Alex?"

"Uhh, a few. I never really counted. Upstairs has two empty rooms, a bathroom, and my room. This floor has a bathroom, a laundry room, a study, and a guest bedroom. Soo… Eight? Not counting this part."

"Hmmm, I think Yuri could work in the guest room, if that's alright! I know she'll probably want space. Natsuki will need the kitchen, obviously, and I'll need to be in your room to print the pamphlets! Is Sayori coming?"

"Don't think so, unfortunately. She messaged me saying she wasn't really feeling up to it."

Monika frowned, a clear look of concern on her face, "Did you spend time with her last night, Alex?"

"Well, yeah. I made her dinner. I wasn't going to let her just go hungry."

Monika nods, a look of contemplation on her face as she shut her eyes.

Even from across the room I could tell she was in deep thought about something.

Finally, she sighed, "I just hope it's enough."

She'd been rather ominous about this kind of thing up to this point, even though I was pretty sure she knew that I knew what she was talking about at this point.

"Let's talk about that, huh? I think we've been beating around the bush long enough, Monika."

Monika looked surprised, "D-Do you remember?"

The hopeful look on her face was almost too adorable to dash, but I had to.

"No, I don't, but I think you might be able to answer some questions for me before the other girls get here."

Looking a bit worried, Monika came over and sat down at the table, "What's wrong, Alex?"

"What do you want in your coffee?"

Frowning, she thought for a moment, "Cream and sugar."

Once i had both of us a cup, I sat down.

I'd been telling myself I'd be drilling Monika for her take on these things for awhile now, but I'd never gotten around to it because we were either at school or doing something else.

Now seemed like the perfect time.

I took a small sip of my coffee, before setting it aside and bridging my fingers together, leaning forward in my chair, "I'm sorry I have to bring this up on what's supposed to be a happy day, but this is the first time I've gotten to talk to you like this since the first night."

Staring at her intent, I took in her appearance.

The ever-present white bow she had always seemed to be in perfect condition. I had to wonder what she would look like with it off, but that wasn't what I was focusing on. Beyond that, she was her usual well-groomed self, hair easily longer than Yuri's, which went all the way down her back. She also looked well-rested, but uneasy.

That was probably because of me, though.

She seemed taken aback by the way I was looking at her, or maybe it was the way I was sitting?

It seems she knew about that, too.

"I'm going to come straight out with it, Monika, I've been having… Nightmares."

"N-Nightmares?"

"The first one…"

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a minute, before opening them again.

"I entered Sayori's room and she… She had hung herself. It was all real to me. The crushing sense of despair, the feeling of loss and regret, the blood on her fingertips and claw marks on the rope."

I was keeping myself together the best I could, just reliving that moment in my mind, nightmare or not, was hard.

Monika seemed to be going through something similar, as she wiped a tear from her eye and took a solitary sip of coffee, holding onto the mug like it was her lifeline.

"Al-"

"Not finished."

Was I being a bit tough? Yeah.

Did I feel bad? Yeah.

Was it necessary? Unfortunately, yes.

"The next was Yuri. She was crazy, demented… And in love with me. She went on and on about her undying love and desire for me, and how you wouldn't be able to stop her. She even mentioned that she knew something had been going wrong before she accepted it… Then she asked if I loved her and I told her no."

Monika finally spoke after I finished that, her voice was audibly restrained, "...She stabbed herself, didn't she?"

"Repeatedly. I held her in my arms as she bled out, Monika! Then… Her corpse jumped at me and I woke up. It was all so real… Anger, lifelessness."

The club president helped herself to a nearby rag to wipe her eyes, "I-I see, well-"

"There's one more."

"What?!"

"You."

"O-Oh… That part."

"You weren't you Monika, just like how Yuri wasn't herself. You were… Cold, calculated. You called me by another name, Saito, but you knew my real name as well. You told me you got rid of the other girls, and you made me say I loved you. Then… I don't know. In the dream, I was scared. I wished you away. So, you melted."

"I-I melted?!"

"I really don't want to describe it in great detail… But yes, it was like you were made of butter and were thrown in the microwave."

Well, I guess that was pretty graphic, if not a vivid retelling.

"That's all, thankfully. I haven't gotten one of Natsuki, and I hope I don't."

Monika continued to lightly clean her eyes with the rag, "I-I see. So that's how you knew…"

"Do you know anything about this Monika? I don't know if I believe you at all on this 'world was a game' theory that you have, and I'll be talking to a Therapist too, but I want your take."

She was silent for a good minute, as once she got ahold of herself, she drank a gulp of her coffee.

"The Therapist will tell you you're just scared, or stressed, or something. That's… Not it. A-Are you still getting the specters you mentioned a few days ago?"

"Not since the day after. They've stopped."

"Probably because you deviated so much from what used to happen in this world... The specter was of the old Main Character, as I've told you. These nightmares… I think it's all residue."

"Residue?"

"Residue, or warnings, or both. You being here instead of them instead of Saito… Maybe something doesn't want you making the same mistake. So it's warning you the only way it can."

"By showing me my friends dying?"

"Y-Yes, because that's what used to happen… B-Because of me."

"Of you?"

"I-It was so easy to justify myself back then. They were scripts, Alex! They weren't real people, just like… Just like how I wasn't real. I didn't want you getting away from me, but you were on rails… The game didn't give me a chance! I was just the one that was supposed to cheer you on, but I couldn't take it."

"We've talked about that part before… But all of that was your doing?"

"N-Not all of it. Sayori was always meant to be depressed, Yuri was always supposed to have a hidden obsessive side to her, but they were never… Like that. At least not normally. In this world, Yuri is about how she's meant to be, Sayori… She's hard to gauge. I'm worried that because of how drastically different you are to Saito, it might affect her in some unknown way."

"What about Natsuki?"

"She… She had her own problems, but they weren't because of her. Her father was meant to be neglectful, but not… Not what I made him. Thankfully it seems like in this world, her father is about as normal as he was in the original game. I don't want to imagine how it would be if he was as I made him…"

"And you?"

"I-... I would love to say that everything I did was on my own accord, but it wasn't. I played a part in that story as much as the other girls. I was Monika, club president, obsessive love interest of the player, whoever that may be. I was always supposed to hurt the girls, I was always supposed to be deleted… Yet other parts of my sentience were real. I could see everything when the game closed, the endless, meaningless colors and noises, the lack of consciousness… Everything."

"So let me see if I get this right."

I momentarily break my mimicry of her stance to take a drink of my coffee.

I had to admit, it was rather nice.

"These nightmares are warnings, and leftovers of this old 'game world' that are meant to warn me about what could happen. Saito was the old Main Character, who has seperated from my memory because I deviated from his path too much. Then, I have one more question to ask before we can put this behind us for the rest of the day."

"W-What's that?"

"I remembered something, a piece of my childhood with Sayori."

"What?!"

Monika was visibly shocked, she almost seemed to want to stand up, but she stopped and closed her eyes, before sitting down and taking a deep breath of air.

"Of course… What did you remember?"

"I found this toy giraffe that Sayori gave me when we were five, I had a… Flashback of a kind. It showed me when she gave it to me at my tenth birthday party."

Monika leaned back in her chair, seemingly ready to completely lose her composure, but she began to think.

The gears were turning in her head and I wasn't sure if she was trying to fit this into her theory, or if she had just had the foundation of what she believed shaken.

"It's possible that you may have memories of this world… They might even start to manifest themselves more if you spend more time trying to find pieces of it, but I don't believe for a second they're your real memories."

"Then what are they if they aren't real?"

"Maybe they aren't necessarily fake, either! It could be they're… Both. I remember you told me about having visions of a girl. Do you still have those, Alex?"

"Yes, the last one was a couple days ago."

"It could be that your old life, in the other world, and your new life, in this world, are trying to battle each other for control of your memories. I… I don't know if that's true. For all I know, maybe you really were born here, and I'm the one that was implanted. Maybe you were meant to be this world's Saito…"

Thinking about it, Monika seemed to shudder a bit, like she couldn't imagine a worse fate.

"I-I think what you remember will depend on your actions to come, Alex. I don't know for sure… Maybe you'll never really remember everything, maybe you will… That's just my theory."

Sighing, I stared intently at her for a few seconds.

Despite the heaviness of the situation, I noticed Monika begin to blush under my gaze, fidgeting in her seat.

It was kind of cute, but that wasn't my focus right now.

"Anything else, Moni?"

"W-Well, I want you to know that what I said yesterday stands with everything. I'll help you through all the trials you may have. No matter how difficult, or how you feel about me… I still love you Alex. Just you."

Just me, huh?

Just Alex.

Kind of catchy.

Finally releasing my pose, I finished my coffee, "You've really given me a lot to think about… Thanks for not holding back."

Monika nods, seeming as relieved as I was about it being over.

"Now, help me lay out these baking supplies. Natsuki mentioned she wanted to have them ready."

For the remainder of our time alone, me and Monika got out everything Natsuki would mostly just left it on the table, well, I convinced Monika to do that.

Monika wanted to lay them out a bit more spread in places she figured Natsuki would need them, but I told her we'd risk annoying her if everything was in a weird spot, especially since she didn't know anything about this kitchen yet.

Finally, a knock at my door, right at High Noon.

...High Noon?

Where did I get that phrase from?

Anyways, I went to the door and opened it.

Standing there was Yuri, in much the same outfit she wore yesterday, smiling at me, "Hello, Alex."

She was carrying a large amount of supplies, so I ushered her in, "Hey Yuri, feel free to set those down on that coffee table, I'll help you figure out where you'll be working before too long."

Yuri came in and set down her supplies, seeming relieved to be able to sit down without it, she looked around about as curiously as Monika did, but a lot more reserved.

It made me wonder just how similar to Monika Yuri could be if she was only more confident.

"Hey, Yuri!"

Speaking of Monika…

"O-Oh, hello Monika, you got here first then?"

"Yep! Want some coffee?"

"I-I usually drink tea, but coffee would be nice… It might help me focus."

"If we plan on working until the sun's about to set, we have a good seven hours, so I think we'll all need the extra energy." I mention.

I felt it, too, I knew working for a long time was difficult, and hell, I didn't even think we'd need all seven hours to work, maybe three or four, five if I was stretching with how creative these girls got.

Still, I did mention this was something of a before-party. I think we all knew going in there was going to be some relaxing as well, to bask in the efforts of our work before we all split apart to rest before the festival.

A little calm before the storm, you know?

"How do you want your coffee, Yuri?" Monika asks, seeming to have already gotten herself familiar with my kitchen.

Thoughts creeped into my mind that Monika kind of looked like she was my wife, moving around with such grace and offering a guest coffee… It was kind of pleasant to imagine.

Blushing at the image, I took my head of it.

Just like with Sayori, I knew I shouldn't be restraining myself from thinking about these things anymore, even if I was dedicated to not getting into any sort of relationship, as it still made me feel kind of good.

Regardless, in pleasant company, it was wrong to stare, and I almost felt like I was.

To confirm my point, Monika winked at me as she brought Yuri her coffee.

Fantastic, that didn't help me any.

"Your house is really clean, Alex…"

Yuri, at least, didn't say that like she was surprised, instead it was more an innocent compliment.

Finally, someone not amazed at my ability to keep myself in comfortable living conditions.

"Thanks, I went through a bit of extra effort to make sure this place didn't look like I hadn't lived in it in years or something."

Yuri smiles softly, nodding, "So we're waiting on Sayori and Natsuki?"

"Actually, Sayori isn't coming today." I state rather bluntly, "She's feeling… Sick, doesn't want us to catch what she's got."

Yuri blinks, worried, "Eh? W-Well, I hope she's okay…"

"She should be fine, she just wants her space."

Nodding, Yuri sips her drink, seeming to accept that as a good answer, much to my relief.

That was one thing I liked about Yuri, she was inquisitive and skeptical, but she was also very trusting in a way. She didn't need to poke and prod at something if it was clear we either had an answer or weren't comfortable talking about one.

Monika sat down next to me, having filled her own cup, "So, Yuri! You've got a lot of stuff here." It seemed she was going to initiative the conversation about it, which was fine, it all looked a little beyond me.

Yuri looked a bit apprehensive of explaining everything, but she eventually got on track, "T-The scent diffuser and candles are meant to add to the overall air of the room, to get people in the mood for the poem reading, and I was thinking of writing characters on several pieces of paper and hanging them around the room, and putting up curtains to keep the room nice and dark…"

"Wow, Yuri, that's actually pretty well thought out." I commented, having tuned in about midway through.

I might not have heard everything she said, but I got the gist of it all.

"T-Thank you, Alex." Yuri managed in a slightly quieter voice, playing with her hair, "You don't think it's too much do you?"

"I think it's enough, the other clubs will be doing things to try and draw attention as well, so we need to be in top form if we're going to get any new members, so I think this will be a big part of it."

"Uu...Th-Thank you."

I smiled at her, and caught a glimpse of Monika through the corner of my eye.

Some emotions flashed through her face, only for a few seconds. I couldn't tell, but was that… Jealousy?

I hoped not.

I didn't really get a chance to tell, because a ringing of my doorbell signaled the arrival of the last club member we were expecting for the day.

Getting up, I went over to the door and opened it. "Hey, Nat, find the place okay?"

"Well duh! I was here yesterday. Now let me in, I've gotta set this stuff down!"

Natsuki hurried to the kitchen once I let her in, she was carrying some extra things I guess she brought from home, like trays and other things I couldn't place the purpose of immediately.

"Hey, Natsuki!"

"H-Hello, Natsuki."

The two other girls greeted, and Natsuki responded, "Hey guys! Is Sayori coming or what?"

"She's sick still, said she probably won't be able to make it."

"Jeez, did she catch the flu or something?"

"I mean it is that time of year isn't it?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Fair point, I don't know either."

With that over with, I looked at the others and decided to do my best 'Monika' impression. At least in terms of striking the pose.

"Okay, everyone! I think we all know what we're here to do, even if we'll be having fun between, and after the fact, there's still work we need to do."

"Alex!" Monika stands up, "I'm supposed to be the one saying that, you know!" She crossed her arms and pouted at me. I couldn't tell if she was genuinely annoyed or just having fun with me.

She and Sayori had that damn pout in common though, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to defend against it on a regular basis.

Blushing, I smiled, "Sorry, I thought it'd be fun to try and pull a Monika for once."

"Pull a Monika huh?" She questioned, before dropping the agitated look and giggling.

Yuri stands up, saying, "W-Well, where might be a quiet place I can work?"

"Oh, let me show you Yuri."

I helped Yuri get set up in the guest bedroom, it was secluded enough that she could work without being too disturbed by the work we all needed to do.

"And if you want anything to drink or something, Yuri, you can just come into the kitchen and help yourself. Oh- One more thing, do you like pizza?"

Yuri looked up from setting herself up on the bed, laying out the sheets of paper and getting the candles set to the side, "E-Eh? I suppose so…"

"What kind?"

"Oh, anything will be fine...I'm not picky about it."

"If you say so."

With that, I let Yuri start working while I went back to the living room.

Monika was waiting for me, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.

"Eh? Monika, what are you- Oh, I didn't tell you where you could work."

"Mhm! Alex, you're a bit inattentive aren't you? You shouldn't ignore a girl's needs like that!"

"E-Eh? Well, I-"

"Jeez, Monika! Don't make Alex feel awkward! He's got work to do too, you know! Sayori wanted him to make brownies."

"Ahaha! Right, sorry!"

Silently thanking Natsuki for her save, I said, "Well I have a printer in my room, so I'll show you to it real quick before I get working."

Natsuki called from the kitchen, "Take your time, dummy! It's not like we can make both cupcakes and brownies at the same time!"

Nevermind, I retract that thanks from earlier.

I was pretty sure we could, it's not like the oven could only fit one tray inside of it or something, but if I mentioned that now it might sound like I was deliberately trying to avoid Monika, which was the last thing I wanted her to think right now.

"Well, alright, if you say so Nat. Come on Moni."

I realized I was giving basically everyone a nickname at this point. Moni, Yori, Nat. Yuri was an obviously exception, her name was easy enough to say on the average.

I started walking upstairs, and Monika followed close behind me. She seemed… Excited? About seeing my room, at least, eager to get there.

Didn't exactly make me feel very comfortable, remembering the stunt she tried to pull in the club room.

Pushing open the door, I was glad I remembered to clean this place last night, my room wasn't disgusting but it probably didn't look too good.

Oh, wait. I forgot to make the bed, oh well.

"Well, here we are. Let me get the computer on."

Monika started looking around with the same curiosity she had for the rest of my house, which I guess was alright.

It did make me feel uncomfortable to have her poking through my room like that, but she wasn't looking anywhere really scandalous, so it's not like I could really be mad.

"Lots of games and anime, huh?" Monika wondered, picking up my Switch and looking at it curiously.

"Yeah, most of it is stuff from before I lost my memory, so I couldn't tell you about it. Except that Switch, I bought that the other day."

"Sayori asked you to, didn't she?"

"How'd you guess?"

"She really loves that thing. I think she spent most of her time with Natsuki talking about it!"

"Yeah it sounded like she really enjoyed it when she was talking to me about it."

Monika set it down and continued to look around, "Kind of disorganized, aren't you, Alex?"

As I went through the process of getting my printer ready with what supplies Monika herself had brought, I glanced at her, "Well I just haven't had time to go through and really sort everything out. I will say, whatever past-me was doing, if it was me, was really kind of lazy."

"Ahaha, so you're not lazy?"

"I never said that, I just have a bit of initiative."

Giggling, Monika twirled around in place in the middle of the room, taking a deep breath, "It's nice in here, anyways! I never thought I'd get to see this room, let alone be standing in the real version of it. Although I think it does need a woman's touch."

"A woman's touch?"

"Mhm! Maybe some flowers, some new fragrance, a bit better organization, a larger bed…"

"Why that?"

"Oh~ No reason."

I squinted at Monika, before looking back, "Did you bring the flash drive with the layout?"

I wasn't mad at her, of course, maybe a little annoyed, but I knew her flirting came from a good place.

Mostly.

She stepped over and handed the usb to me, and I began to work on getting it setup to print.

Her job was admittedly the easiest, since we had already all chosen our poems for the festival, her challenge came from choosing a layout and getting them all printed and folded properly. Admittedly not a tough task.

Then again, she did spend the past few days preparing everything, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Oh hey! What's in here?" Monika went to open my bottom desk drawer, one that I hadn't opened at all.

I really wish I had known ahead of time to stop her.

As she opened it, we were both met with… Doujin.

Not just any Doujin either.

Those kinds of Doujin.

The kind that if I had found earlier I would have sold them or burned them, because honestly who keeps this stuff just laying around?

Monika and I stared, both of us wide eyed at the discovery.

We looked at each other, back down, then back up at each other again.

Both of us were blushing, for very understandable reasons.

Slowly, I went to shut the drawer, but Monika snatched one of the volumes up before I could react.

"Hey-! I don't remember anything about those, you know!"

Monika began to flip through it as quickly as she could, until I went to stand up, at which point she stepped a few feet away, "Oh my dear Alex! You could have just told me you were into these things you know~?"

This time her tone was playful, not flirty. Or was it playfully flirty? Hard to tell. She knew I didn't remember anything about these, yet she tortured me still!

"Monika… Just give it to me so I can get rid of it, I don't even know what's inside."

I stepped forward.

She stepped back.

I knew I couldn't win in a fair race against Monika, if she really started going then I was going to lose.

I had to be clever, but how was I going to get this from her…

First tactic. Persuasion.

"H-Hey, Monika. You know you probably wouldn't want to keep that stuff around with you, what if your parents see it?"

Moni just smirked at me and took a step back towards the door. "I could easily hide it from them! They'd never suspect me of carrying something like this."

Mission failed, we'll get em next time.

Hmmm…

I couldn't let her get out that door.

"O-Okay, but what about the other girls? You wouldn't want them thinking I'm some pervert, right? If you want out that door and they see it, what will Natsuki think? Or Yuri?"

"Ahaha~ They won't see it, I'm very discreet, you know? I could hide it."

"Where? You didn't bring a bag or anything."

"Places!"

"Gross, Monika!"

She was really trying to get me too flustered to think properly.

I had to end this!

Tensing up, I squinted.

Monika squinted back, but kept a smirk on her face, she seemed ready for whatever I was going to throw at her.

I pounced.

Monika moved with the grace of a dancer and the speed of an athlete, and I was left to catch myself on the door, which admittedly kind of hurt.

"Ow!"

I heard Natsuki call from downstairs, "What are you doing up there?!"

"Nothing! I just tripped!"

"Stop being so clumsy!"

"Yeah, yeah!"

Rubbing my wrists, I turned to look at Monika.

She was back in the center of the room, smirking at me and waving the Doujin around.

"It's over, Monika." I dared to say once I reoriented myself, "No escape!"

"My my, Alex~ Now you're the one trapping me in a room? If you wanted to do things like this you could just ask, ahahaha!"

"Wh-You know that's not what this is about! Hand over the Doujin!"

Monika just winked at me, "Sorry, Alex! I think I'm going to hold onto this for awhile. Promise I'll give it back when I'm done~"

Done?

Oh god.

"Urk- I- Nn-!" I found myself struggling to form a sentence, before crossing my arms in defeat, "Fine, fine, keep it, take the whole thing if you want, I don't need it."

Monika just giggled victoriously, "You're too kind to me, Alex!"

I don't know how anyone could keep up with this girl.

It had barely been fifteen minutes and I already felt like going to sleep!

Then I remembered what she told me the other day, about how she was Class Star Monika, and realized that maybe nobody could keep up with her.

I almost felt kind of guilty, but I pushed it down for the moment.

"Well, try not to poke around too much on my computer, I still haven't figured out everything that's on there. I need to go check on the others."

"Fair enough~"

I at least felt like I could trust Monika not to invade my privacy with malicious intent, so I opened the door and stepped out into the hall.

Before I went to see Natsuki, I stopped in the bathroom to splash cold water on my face to get the heat on it to go away.

It helped a little bit, but not enough for my tastes.

I headed downstairs and went to speak to Natsuki, who was currently busy in what still looked like the prep phase.

I couldn't tell you exactly everything she was doing, I wasn't a baker.

"Need any help down here, Nat?"

"Oh, there you are! Geez, did Monika trip you or something up there? It sounded like you hit the door pretty hard."

"Uh, no, I just tripped on something."

"You're such a clutz, Alex."

Shrugging, I decided to accept her evaluation. It's not like I could refute it by telling her the truth of the matter.

"Do you need any help down here?"

"Uh, yeah! I could use you to get some of the less important stuff done before I can put this first batch in. We only need two, right?"

"Two batches should be more than enough with the brownies coming along as well."

"Well, good! I only brought enough for two batches."

Worked for me, I suppose.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Okay! First off, come over here."

I did as she asked, and then the work of the day really began.

Natsuki wasn't a taskmaster or anything, but she knew what needed to be done and gave pretty clear direction.

I had to wonder if that was because she didn't want to risk me screwing up her cupcakes or something, which you know, was fair. Her cupcakes were pretty good, and screwing them up would likely be punishable by death, or lots of punches.

I couldn't decide which would be worse. Death or getting hit by Natsuki.

It was probably best never to find out one way or the other.

…

I ended up helping Natsuki for far longer than I thought I was going to, it took a good hour for the work she wanted me to do to be done, and then the rest of it began, which was namely, waiting for them to come out.

"Alright! I can take it from here, I'm thinking I'll decorate these bad boys with little books or something. Great, right?"

"That's a pretty good idea, Natsuki, I'm impressed."

"Hah, thank- Wait, why are you impressed? Think I couldn't do this normally or something?!"

There was no winning with this girl.

Instead of backtracking, I decided to challenge her.

"Oh, totally Natsuki. There's no way you, a talented baker, could think of something like this on your own! Did you cheat?"

"Wh- Is that sarcasm?"

"Your choice."

I reached over and patted Natsuki on the head.

Her face heated up and she went to punch me, but I managed to evade, "Hey, get back here and accept your fate!"

I started giving my excuse while quickly moving away from the pink haired girl who practically had smoke coming out of her ears.

"Sorry, Natsuki! Gotta go check on Yuri, you know. Doing important things to make sure all my house guests are happy, you know!"

"I won't be happy until I get to punch you!"

"Sorry, can't hear you! Bad reception!"

Then I disappeared into the hallway and sighed.

I had to watch myself, she might get me when I'm not paying attention.

Looking to the guest room, I walked down the hall and gently opened the door to avoid startling Yuri.

It seems she had decided to use one of the oil diffusers to help her along while she was working, as the mood in the room was noticeably different to basically the entire rest of my house.

As I shut the door as silently as I could behind me, it really set in how heavy the air was. It honestly made me feel a little dizzy, muddling my mind a bit.

I guess these aromas were a bit of Yuri Magic™.

She looked up at me as I entered and shut the door, gently smiling, "H-Hello Alex, come to see how I'm doing?"

"Yeah, and to see if you needed any help."

Yuri was sitting on the bed, currently holding a rather ornate knife, positioned in front of her was a bunch of finely cut paper, it looked like she wasn't done with cutting everything yet.

My eyes settled on the knife first and foremost.

It was tinted a light purple, and engraved with what looked like flower stems along the blade. How could I tell they were flower stems? Well, from what I could make out of the handle, it looked to have floral engravings on it.

"I-I could actually use some water in cups for the coloring, if you don't mind…"

I waved my hand, "Not at all, be right back."

I exited the room that was endowed with Yuri's magic and went to retrieve some water.

I wasn't sure how much she needed, but if I recalled paint could dilute water pretty easily, so I went with a few smaller cups rather than a couple big ones.

Setting them on a small tray, I carried them all to the guest bedroom, maneuvering myself so that I could avoid spilling them while opening the door.

Once I was back inside, I set them down on the bed, "Hold still, I'll get something that's a bit safer for them to be on."

It took me a hot minute, but I eventually returned again with a TV tray, which I setup to place the water on.

Yuri looked at me like she wanted to say something, but was having some kind of internal struggle with how to word it.

"Something wrong, Yuri?" I asked casually as I finished with everything.

"D-Do you want to help write some of the characters?"

Was that it? Yuri really seemed to have trouble with this kind of thing.

"Sure, Yuri."

Sitting down on the bed carefully, as to not disturb how things were laid out, I joined Yuri in the work.

I'm not sure if it was the aroma that was clearly affecting the atmosphere of this room, or if it was just me, but there was something serene and calming about working in silence on something like this.

I was able to clear my head and avoid thinking about anything else. Sayori's depression, Monika's… Everything, the festival, school, my memories…

It all went out of my head while I worked with Yuri, the silence only occasionally broken by small chatter between us, or Yuri humming a soft tune to herself.

…

I wasn't sure what time it was when we finished, I knew it couldn't have been that long, but keeping a solid sense of time was hard when under the influence of the aromatic candles.

We set down our brushes and admired the work we had scattered across the bed.

"Well, I think we did good, wouldn't you say, Yuri?"

Yuri looked like she was off in her own little world, but blinked as she heard her name, "E-Eh? Yes, I think we did good."

"What else is there for you to do?"

"N-Nothing really, I think Natsuki has the hardest job here… I just need to let this sit for awhile."

"Well, before we head out of here, you mind if I see your knife? I've never seen one like it before."

Yuri looked apprehensive, but maybe the relaxed mood of the room made her a bit more susceptible to the request, as she handed it over, "I-I really like knives, this is just one that I have… They're so pretty."

I looked it over, this time it was a lot more easy to tell that this knife was meant to be styled like a flower.

What kind? I couldn't really tell. Maybe a violet.

Light purple coloring, decorative design… I had to wonder how much this cost.

For that matter, I also had to wonder how Yuri even got a knife like this, did she buy it somewhere, or order it online?

Not thinking, I gently touched the tip of the knife.

"Ow!"

Wow, that was stupid of me.

"Alex!" Yuri sounded a bit alarmed, "Why did you do that?"

"I-I wasn't thinking!"

"Uuu… I should have told you! That knife can cut through skin like paper. It's very sharp!"

Yeah that would have been nice to know.

Grabbing a rag we had been planning to use to clean up any spills that might have been made, I wrapped my finger in it and glanced at Yuri.

She was biting her lip in what looked to be nervousness while looking at my now covered finger.

"A-Are you okay?" She asks softly.

"Yeah, fine… It wasn't a deep cut."

I felt like this was going to sting a little tomorrow, but I could deal with that.

"You should really be more careful, Alex…"

"I-It's just the aroma in this room, making it hard to think. Want to get out of here?"

I set down the now slightly bloody rag, making sure to put it far away from where anyone might touch it.

I'd need to come back and get it, but for now I needed to get out into less heavy air.

"I-I'll follow you in a bit, I need to take care of a few things in here first."

It was a bit strange, but I guess she wanted to make sure all the characters were right, and retrieve the candles she didn't use so she could have them for when she left tonight or something.

Nodding, I got up, "I'll be ordering the food soon, everyone's gotta be getting hungry around now…"

I left the room, leaving Yuri to do whatever she was going to do, and shut the door behind me.

I took a deep breath of air and sighed heavily, before heading out into the living room to see what Natsuki was doing.

When I got there, she was hard at work, seeming intensely focused on the task of decorating the cupcake batch.

I checked the time.

About 2:45. Almost 3.

I knew Natsuki would need to leave when the sun started to go down, which was about 6:30, I think.

Yuri would need to go home as well, and Monika… Well if she was able to come to my house in the dead of night, I had a feeling her parents didn't really believe she'd be up to no good if she was out and about.

I had to imagine Monika's parents were probably the most stress free people on the planet, given that their daughter was a straight A intelligent athlete.

I wondered how they would react if they knew her daughter had spent the past week basically trying to get me in bed with her.

Probably not well, then again they might just not believe it at all.

Deciding not to disturb Natsuki, I pulled out my phone. I knew Sayori didn't want to come, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to check on her.

Alex: 'Are you okay?'

Sayori: 'I'm fine.'

Alex: 'Do you want me to bring you some brownies later?'

Sayori: '...I'm fine. I'll have some tomorrow.'

Concerning.

I put the phone away and frowned. Should I go check on her?

No… I didn't want to make her feel like I was abandoning the others for her sake. That would only make her feel worse.

Natsuki was busy, and Yuri was doing something in the back, so I decided to go and check on Monika.

Heading upstairs, I opened the door and looked inside.

Monika turned to look at me while in the middle of folding a newly printed, soon to be pamphlet, and smiled at me. "Hey, Alex! How are the others?"

"Natsuki's decorating the first batch and Yuri finished her work, I still need to make the brownies. How are your pamphlets?"

Monika smiled brightly, holding up one of the completed ones, "Take a look!"

I went over and took it in my hand, looking it over.

It was decorated a lot like the poster was, except a lot more restrained as it was printed out instead of hand drawn.

'Welcome to the Literature Club!' was written in a font that gave the appearance of being handwritten, it reminded me a bit of Monika's own handwriting. 'Please enjoy your visit!'

Surprisingly, there were miniature versions of… All of us? On there?

They were cute and drawn in a cartoony style, my curiosity was peaked, "Monika, how'd you make these little things?"

"Oh! I know someone in the art club, I just paid them to make them for us."

"Even me? I haven't been in the club that long."

"Well you're still a big part of it! Besides, why would I ever exclude my Alex~?"

I blushed and furrowed my brow, "Geez Monika, calm down."

"Ahaha! Sorry, I couldn't resist."

With that over, I skimmed through the rest of the pamphlet.

The first page was a little introduction to the Literature Club, what we did and what we stood for, that kind of thing.

The rest of the pages were the various poems each of us had chosen. I think I was the only one who chose not to write a poem, which was fine by me, because at least if I could rely on a famous poet to get me through this, then I might come out on the other side feeling a bit less embarrassed.

"Very well done, Monika! Do you want me to help with it at all?"

"I could use an extra set of hands to finish folding the last of them, if you don't mind!"

"Sure, why not? Once I'm done here I'm going to go make the brownies, once those are done I'll order us all our food."

As I sat down and started folding, I started to hum a bit to myself.

I guess there was one thing I read online that was true, if you do your best to feel like you're in a good mood, it will help you feel better, even if it's only temporary.

I had only been working for a few minutes when I felt Monika staring at me.

I tried ignoring it, but it became increasingly harder to ignore as the moments ticked by.

Blushing, I looked up at her.

She was staring at me alright, a small smile on her face paired with a blush dusting across her cheeks.

As she noticed she had been caught, she looked away and blushed a bit redder, her smile only growing.

God, why was she so adorable when she wanted to be?

"D-Did you need something Monika?"

Oh great, a stutter.

"N-No, I was just thinking... You're pretty good at taking charge, aren't you?"

"Eh? I don't really think so, I just felt like I wanted everyone to be having a good time-"

"I don't think you've noticed it like I have… You've been so attentive and helpful to everyone, going out of your way to make sure their activities were going as planned and making them feel welcome… That's something that I feel like I should be doing, you know?"

"Well, don't think too much about it, you know? You guys are my friends, and I couldn't imagine just leaving you all to work on your own."

"Alex… I-If something happens to me or Sayori, I want you to take over the Presidency, or Vice Presidency."

"Eh?! M-Monika, that's really sudden!"

I was about as shocked as I sounded.

"Nothing's going to happen to you or Sayori! B-Besides, shouldn't Yuri be the next logical choice? She's the most experienced with Literature, and I don't remember if I was ever that into it!"

"Alex, Yuri is too shy and unsure of herself to be a good president… And Natsuki, I wouldn't want to put that on her. Just- This isn't an immediate thing, or anything, but I want you to say yes, okay?"

I felt like this was an awful idea.

Hell, it was an awful idea.

I wasn't president material either!

I honestly felt like Monika was making this decision just because she… She loved me.

I felt like this was a biased decision, but with the way Monika was looking at me, what was I supposed to say?

"...Fine."

"Thank you, Alex. It makes me happy knowing that you'd be willing to help me if something happened."

Shrugging and sighing, I went back to folding pamphlets.

A silence washed over us, my mind was a flurry of questions now.

I guess no good mood lasted forever, huh?

I was already trying to plan my way to avoid this, even in the event of it being some kind of contingency thing. What good was I at leading? I just wanted to help my friends.

It honestly didn't take long for the folding to be completed, both me and Monika had rather respectable stacks of pamphlets. More than enough to last a good bit into the festival.

"Is that everything, then?"

"Yeah! I think we got it all. Thank you, Alex."

"Yeah well, you know, it's really nothing. Why don't we go downstairs? I need to finish my own work anyways."

Monika agreed with my logic and she headed down with me, "You can use the TV if you want, since we're basically all done."

Natsuki had set out her first patch, which was now completely done.

It looked like she had been hard at work, as the second batch was already nearly ready to be put in the oven.

Monika went over, "Need any help Natsuki?"

Natsuki seemed a bit surprised, as she had been turned around, "E-Eh? Oh, Monika! You're done with your part?"

"Yep! Alex was a big help!"

"Yeah, well, if that's the case then I guess I don't mind if you help!"

Monika smiled at me before going over and helping Natsuki, the two girls already entering a conversation the specifics of which I didn't really know about, or want to know about.

Girl stuff, probably.

Meanwhile, I decided to go back to check on Yuri, as I noticed she hadn't come out of the room yet.

What could she be doing in there…?

I walked back towards the guest room and went to open the door, "Yuri?"

"Kya!" Yuri exclaimed, as she quickly pulled down her sweater sleeve like she was hiding something.

I jumped a bit, I'd never heard her make a sound that loud before, "Are you okay, Yuri?!" My concern easily flowing into my voice.

"Y-Yes! Sorry, I was just… It doesn't matter."

Without any further input from me, Yuri stood up and hurried out, almost running, "I-I'm going to go sit in the living room!"

What the hell was that? I watched her as she left.

Looking back in the guest room, I swept over it.

Everything looked normal, except…

Walking into the room, I knelt down and squinted.

It was hard to tell, because the room was kind of dark, but…

Was that the rag I used to wipe off the blood on my finger?

What was it doing on the floor?

I picked it up at the very edge.

The rag was red on its own, so it was hard to tell if there was anything wrong with it just by looking at it.

My mind briefly flashed to the nightmare I had of Yuri, and I shut my eyes, shaking my head.

Monika admitted she was the one who caused that, regardless of if she was telling the truth or not about the world having once been a game.

If it had been, then Yuri would have no reason to do anything like she did then, now.

I took the rag and held it out a bit, I ducked into the guest bathroom and tossed it into the dirty clothes hamper.

With that done, I headed back into the living room and took stock of what the girls were doing.

Natsuki and Monika were still talking, although it looked like the cupcakes were nearly ready to be put in the oven.

Yuri was sitting on the couch, reading a book she had left on the table, the same one from the other day that I lent to her.

I guess she hadn't finished it yet.

It about 4:40 now, give or take. Time was really flying.

I might end up having to make the brownies on my own time at this rate, but it's not like they took forever to make. An hour or two at max.

"Alright guys, I think it's about time for the real reason you're all here." I state jokingly, "I'm ordering two larges, that should be more than enough for us. What do we want?"

Monika spoke first, "Vegetarian!" Waving her hand at me from where she was, "I don't mind splitting mine in half with another person."

Natsuki pushed her hair back, "Give me pineapple on mine!"

I could almost hear a record scratch in the background as we all looked at Natsuki.

Blushing red, she got defensive, "W-What?! Pineapple is misunderstood and delicious!"

I felt like we'd been here before.

"Okay, Monika and Natsuki will be splitting a pizza. Yuri, did you change your mind about wanting anything?"

"M-Maybe extra sauce, but that's it."

"Okay, and I know what I want, so I'm going to go place the order now."

I went upstairs, leaving the girls to continue what they were doing, and sat at my computer.

It looked like, judging by what I saw at least, that Monika stayed true to her word and didn't go poking through any of my files.

At least, that's all I could tell. For all I know she could have just closed the folders before I came in.

It's not like I had anything compromising on here so I think I could let it slide a little bit even if she did.

It only took a bit for me to place the order, remembering what everyone wanted in my head.

Once the order was placed I looked around.

I knew I would have to wait for Natsuki to finish with her second batch before I could do the brownies, which meant I currently had some free time.

I decided to grab my switch, I hadn't touched Smash Bros yet, and I heard it could be fun in short bursts.

Heading downstairs, I sat on the couch opposite of Yuri and began to play.

I kept the sound low so it didn't disturb anyone, but I saw Natsuki's eyes snap to me like I was just on FBI's most wanted.

Or maybe like she was a shark and I was food.

She stalked her way over to me with stealth I didn't know she possessed, even though I could already see her out of the corner of my eye.

I heard Monika giggling in the background, like she knew this would happen.

Natsuki snuck up to me and promptly sat down right next to me.

She was almost too close for comfort as she leaned in to confirm what I was playing.

"You play Smash?!"

She exclaimed just loud enough to startle me and, from the looks of it, Yuri.

Yuri quickly retreated into reading her book after that spook, but I had to look at Natsuki to answer her question.

"W-Well, I guess. Sayori told me it was fun so I picked it up the other day."

"Who's your main?!"

Another exclamation that kind of startled me.

"I-I don't know yet! This is the first time I'm playing it."

"Well! If you're so insistent on being a beginner, I, the great Natsuki, will show you how to play!"

"U-uh, sure?"

I wasn't really sure what she was going to do for me, but I guess it meant a lot to her, being able to talk about one of her favorite things like this to me.

Natsuki began to talk my ear off about a whole lot of different things in the game, only half of which I understood.

She went on about 'what was overpowered' and 'who sucked' and all sorts of things. She eventually guided me to pick Mewtwo, because she said it was her favorite.

I didn't understand half of what she went on about, but once I started playing Natsuki fell more into only giving advice if she saw I screwed up.

Admittedly? It was nice. Natsuki seemed genuinely happy, lost in the world of this game I was playing, and her angry persona seemed to slip a little bit in favor of someone who seemed like she really just wanted to share her passions with other people.

Was there really anything wrong with that?

By the time the doorbell rang, both of us were smiling. Natsuki had been a little too close as she leaned on me as I played, but I didn't really mind. I'd established before that I didn't really feel that way about Natsuki, and this behavior only really reinforced that she felt more like a sister to me than anything.

I handed off the game and said, "Tag in, I've got the door."

Natsuki slipped into playing like it was nothing as I went and opened the door.

The pizza guy appeared to have rode a bike here, he was carrying the large bag I assumed held my pizza.

He was meek looking, unassuming, the kind of guy you wouldn't really expect anything out of. Brown hair and match eyes, a bit skinny too.

"Hey, thanks." I thanked, as I wrote my name and paid, leaving a tip.

"You too, have a good day." Then, he left once I had my pizza. I thought I heard him muttering something about a doctor's class.

Huh, nothing I had to be worried about I guess.

I shut the door and brought the pizza to the bar counter, setting them both down, I declared for the Literature club to hear.

"Pizza time!"

Monika was already there, given that she had been in the kitchen, seeming to have taken responsibility for getting the cupcakes out of the oven on time.

Natsuki set down the Switch rather quickly after pausing it and bounded over, while Yuri, ever reserved, bookmarked her book and walked over.

"Plates guys, plates." I mentioned as I went to go grab plates for everyone.

Yuri only took two pieces, Natsuki took four of her abomination of a half of pizza, while Monika took one.

I grabbed two, everyone returned to their spots and began to dig in.

I texted Sayori before I did.

Alex: 'We have pizza, want to come get some?'

No response.

I quirked an eyebrow. It was possible she was asleep.

Pushing it off for a minute, I ate the first piece rather liberally before going to make my brownies.

I should have been focusing on eating, but I wanted to get these brownies underway before I was up at midnight making them.

I followed the recipe, although I noted something I nearly missed the first time.

I guess I wrote down some unique recipe for the frosting that involved mixing chocolate and chocolate chips, along with a few other minor changes like adding some nuts and one or two extra things in the actual brownie itself.

I wasn't sure how this was 'unique', there was no way I was the first one to come up with something like this.

Oh well.

I went about getting the brownies ready to be cooked, which wasn't taking nearly as long as I thought.

I guess I knew why this was the only 'sweet' thing I made, following the recipe made it incredibly simple.

My hands continued to guide me, even if I was unsure about something, it seemed like they had done all of this a thousand times before.

It was like my mind was telling me, 'Hey, listen buddy, this is how you do it, okay?'

"Alex! Why don't you eat? We've been working all day." Monika questioned from her seat at the bar counter, where she was watching me work.

Natsuki was back to playing my Switch, and Yuri was reading. Both were taking occasional bites while relaxing.

Monika just seemed to be watching me, which I guess wasn't the weirdest thing she'd ever done.

"I wanna get this done now, so I can relax a bit more tonight, you know?"

Monika seemed to accept that, but she did ask, "Do you need any help?"

"No, I've got it, don't worry."

Sure enough, it didn't take long after that to be in the oven.

...The food was in the oven. Not me.

I pulled out my phone and texted Sayori again.

Alex: 'Sayori? Do you want me to bring you a brownie?'

No response.

This was the second thing she hadn't responded to in a row, and there had been plenty of time after the first question.

A simple 'no thanks' would have set my mind at ease, but...

"Alex, are you alright? You look worried." Monika questioned, concern evident in her voice.

"Y-Yeah, I-"

Suddenly, the start of the nightmare came back into my head.

Clear as crystal, I remembered what day it took place on.

It was the day of the festival.

The day of the festival.

"The day of the festival." I mutter, eyes wide.

"A-Alex? What about it?"

I felt a deep pit in my stomach as fear gripped at me.

"Yuri!" I called, suddenly going over to her as quickly as I could.

It startled her, but she looked up, "W-What?"

"Let me see your knife for a minute!"

"O-Okay."

She looked like she watched to question me, but when she saw the look on my face, she stopped and gave it to me.

I started towards the door.

"Monika, come with me. Natsuki! Watch the oven please."

Monika seemed to realize what I was getting at, she jumped out of her chair and followed me.

We started running.

Normally I couldn't hope to keep up with Monika, but I was fueled by more than desire to compete on this day.

What motivated me more than anything was a primal fear burning deep in my heart.

I almost slammed into Sayori's door as I threw it open and ran upstairs, with Monika close behind.

We quickly made our way up to the top of the stairs and to her room.

I threw open the door with as much force as my body could allow, it slammed against the wall.

What I saw seized my heart, my greatest fear was at hand.

We made our entrance right as Sayori kicked over a chair she was standing on, a noose around her neck.

Monika and I shouted at the same time.

 **"SAYORI!"**


	10. Rainfall

A/N: If you ever feel like your life is worthless, and you consider ending it all. I can only ask that you reconsider, and contact the suicide prevention lifeline, or your national suicide hotline.

That being said, I'll have more to say about this chapter at the end of it, so for now, enjoy!

* * *

We moved faster than either of us knew we could.

We acted on our first instinct, hold Sayori up and keep that rope from straining out anymore than it already had been for the split second she had between kicking over the chair and us getting to her.

She struggled against us, trying to kick us away, I even took a kick to the jaw. It stung like hell and nearly threw me off, but the idea of letting go was too much to bare.

"Alex, the knife!"

"Right!"

Taking the knife I got from Yuri, I reached up and began to cut the rope.

"L-Let me GO you two! Let me go!"

Sayori shouted and blustered but we weren't going to do that, and she even attempting to grab at my arm that was holding the knife, but I kept it tightly where it was.

Yuri's knife proved itself, lethal sharpness used to save a life as the rope broke under it.

Sayori began to fall but we held her together, bringing her to ground level. Monika let go as soon as Sayori's feet touched the ground, but I held tighter.

Wrapping my arms around her, I walked her over to the bed and sat down, keeping her tightly in my arms.

She stopped struggling when she touched the ground, and once I sat down with her she began crying uncontrollably.

Just judging by the fact that she was breathing, I could assume that Monika and I were fast enough to prevent the rope from damaging her neck, but I wasn't a doctor.

I gently, at least, as gently as I could, maneuvered the knife to remove the knot from around her neck.

I didn't know if I was supposed to be doing that or not, but it's what I felt like I should do while she was distracted.

Sayori hadn't made a perfect knot and it was easy to cut off of her.

"W-Why did you save me? I'm worthless."

"You're worth everything, Sayori." I mutter to her without even really thinking.

As the knot fell off her neck, it landed on the ground with a soft thud.

"I'm calling an ambulance." Monika declared.

Sayori looked at her, blue eyes stained red, "N-NO! Don't! They'll- They'll...They'll take me away."

Well that was the point of an ambulance, but Sayori looked even more terrified of being pulled away from us than she was of anything else right now.

Monika looked conflicted, she and I both knew what the right thing to do was, but we didn't know if it was what was absolutely the best thing to be done for Sayori's mental health.

What was left of it anyways.

Monika looked around, before grabbing Sayori's phone and asking for the code, which Sayori managed to give her.

"Who are you calling, Monika?" I asked softly, Sayori was still in my arms, crying loudly into my shirt. I folded the knife, preventing it from being used for anything that I didn't want it to be used for.

"Her mom."

I guess that was the next best option, rather than causing Sayori even more stress by having her carted away in an ambulance.

I stopped focusing on Monika and instead turned my attention entirely on Sayori, who was still crying into my shirt.

I started to stroke her hand, "You're safe now. It's okay…" My voice at a whisper level as I tried to comfort her.

"Y-You shouldn't have saved me…" Sayori responded through heavy sobs and deep breaths. "I-I'm a selfish, evil person…"

"You're wonderful and generous, Yori…"

"You should have let me die."

"...I'm not letting you go."

I wasn't just trying to just be comforting to her at that point, or saying what I thought past-me would have said.

I meant it. I'd challenge any man, woman, or god to make me let go of her until I knew she was safe.

There were footsteps at the door, as I heard Yuri's voice, "What happ-"

Her voice caught in her throat as she was quickly able to discern what was going on.

The knocked over chair, the fallen rope and some of it that was still hanging from the ceiling, me holding Sayori, who was crying, and Monika on the phone.

Natsuki came in after, "Seriously guys wha-" Suddenly she stopped, as she was able to put it together quickly as well. "S-Sayori?"

Monika looked at them and ushered them out, "Watch her, Alex, I'm going to finish explaining this to her mom."

I just nodded and continued to try and comfort the girl in my arms as she cried.

...

What came next was me whispering to Sayori for the better part of four hours.

Monika had come in not long after she had left, originally, and told me that Sayori's mom was, thank god, within driving distance of home for once, and that she'd be there in a few hours.

Afterwards, Monika told me she was going to make sure the other girls were okay and finish any leftover work at my house.

It might sound like she was being insensitive, but the way she told me all this, I could tell she was shaken to the core.

Working seemed like her way of coping.

I coped by not wanting to make Sayori feel guilty, breaking down in front of her seemed like a good way to do that, so I stayed strong.

Internally, I couldn't stop myself from thinking if I had been doing something wrong. If I said, or did something that drove Sayori to do this. If I could have done anything to prevent it from getting to this point.

I couldn't help but blame myself, in a way. I hadn't remembered that part of the dream, if I hadn't run over when I did…

...If I had just been a minute later…

…

Regardless of my train of thought, I didn't move from that spot the entire time.

Sayori stopped crying heavily about thirty minutes in. An hour in, entirely. She just silently laid her head against my chest, or looked at me with those blue eyes of hers, stained red from her crying.

The looks she gave me were hard to place, just like the ones from days ago. Regret? Betrayal? Sadness? Anger?

I couldn't place any for sure, and Sayori seemed to lose the will to speak, which made it that much harder.

Yet she didn't move, so I didn't either.

An hour and a half in, Sayori fell asleep.

I still didn't move.

I couldn't imagine Sayori waking up alone in her room after all of this. I wouldn't let her wake up like that.

The sun was starting to set, I knew the girls should be heading home soon. Except maybe Monika.

As if they knew I was thinking about them, Yuri and Natsuki came in silently.

They both looked like they had been crying.

"H-How is she…?" Yuri asks softly.

"...Fine, I think… I don't know for sure."

"O-Oh, Sayori, you dummy… Why did you do this?" Natsuki kept her voice as quiet as Yuri's, "W-why didn't she just ask us for help…?"

I shut my eyes, then opened them after a moment, "...She thought we'd feel burdened by her."

"T-That's so stupid…"

"Yes, but… Nothing we can do about it, Nat."

I went to gently offer the folded knife back to Yuri, she put her hand on it and pushed it gently back into my hand.

I looked at her in surprise.

"Y-You used that knife to save Sayori's life… If you hadn't taken it and come here, she'd be dead… Please, it's yours now. I have plenty of others…"

If this had been any other situation I'd have probably argued against being given something like this, because I wasn't sure what I'd use it for.

In this case, though, it felt wrong to deny, if that was her reason.

So, I slipped it into my pocket and nodded lightly in thanks.

"W-We have to go home now, both of us…"

"Did Monika say anything about the festival…?'

Nat speaks up, "She doesn't want us to let all this work go to waste, says Sayori wouldn't want us to miss the festival over this…"

She looked agitated, and I could tell she was concerned for her friend.

"She's right." I respond.

Yuri adds, "We're all going to come over early in the morning to take everything over to the school together. "

I nodded again.

Yuri and Natsuki left after saying goodbye and asking me to watch Sayori until her mom got there.

I did, of course.

I got uncomfortable just sitting there, but I wasn't going to let her go.

I promised her I wouldn't let her go.

I promised _myself_ that I wouldn't let her go.

So I held on.

…

The next two hours passed slowly.

I only moved a little bit, laying my back against the wall and allowing Sayori to rest on me that way instead.

Thankfully, she didn't wake up.

The lights were off and it started to get dark. I had to wonder if Monika had also gone home or if she was still waiting at my house.

I didn't know and at the moment I didn't care. If she wanted to stay and wait for me to come and tell her Sayori was fine, she could.

I had only just began to really feel tired when I heard a car pull up, and the door subsequently open.

Hurried steps opened the door and I was met for the first time in my available memory, with Sayori's mom.

She and Sayori had some similarities, but there were plenty of differences as well.

Her hair was a dark brown compared to Sayori's coral color, her eyes were the same color, and her facial structure was as well, but in terms of body-type, her mom was taller and generally a bit more… Formal looking.

Beyond that, she looked about middle-age, and the look on her face at the moment was one of grave concern and near panic.

I didn't think on it too long, though, as I raised my hand in a way to show that everything was okay.

"Alex… It's so good to see you, honey." She said in a calm and loving tone to me.

She walked up and kissed me on my cheek, "How's my baby? Why did she do this? Do you know?"

I tried to explain as best I could, "We caught her before she could really hurt herself… She felt useless and selfish and… So many things… She has depression, ma'am."

"Oh, Alex… You know you can call me Yuma."

"Y-Yes, sorry…"

"I-I don't know why she didn't tell me… I-I… I feel so useless."

So did I.

"It's not your fault… None of us were able to stop this until it was almost too late…"

Yuma seemed like she had been crying when I looked more closely at her, which made sense. She did all of it on her way over.

"Alex, you and Monika saved my baby's life… You're heroes. I don't know how I can repay you."

"I-I don't need repayment… Neither does Monika. We care about her a lot… If you feel you need to repay me… Just make sure she gets help, okay?"

"Don't worry, dear, I'm going to call my private doctor and schedule an appointment immediately. I'll be taking Sayori tomorrow."

Could someone schedule an appointment that fast? Didn't Doctors have a lot of important things to deal with regularly or something like that?

Then again, I guess I could excuse it for Yuma, she was apparently a very important business woman. I didn't doubt she probably had the ability to bring a doctor to her side whenever she wanted.

"Is Monika still outside…?"

"She was, but I told her she should go home, my driver is taking her back now."

She had a _driver_?

I had to wonder what Sayori and her mom were doing living in a house like this when her mom was clearly rich enough to afford something larger.

The again, I wasn't one to judge.

"Do you want to stay here with Sayori, dear?"

"...I don't want her to wake up alone."

Yuma smiled at me, "Of course dear. I'll come wake you up when you have to go. You have the festival tomorrow, right? Monika mentioned something about how you were preparing for it before you came over."

"...Yes, thank you."

With that, Sayori's mom left, giving one more smile to me and one more look to Sayori before she left again, presumably going to her own room for the night.

With the assurance that Monika wasn't waiting for me and that Sayori would be taken to the doctor tomorrow, I felt I could relax a bit more.

I still didn't let her go, but I repositioned ever so slightly to be a bit more comfortable against the wall.

Sayori was resting against my chest, I had to be careful not to move her too much.

I started to stroke her messy hair gently, shutting my eyes and falling into a pattern with how my hand moved against her hair.

The gentle breathing of the two of us was the only real noise for the rest of the night, save for the occasional sound of movement from Sayori's mom.

I soon fell asleep, left worn out both emotionally and physically by today's events.

….

…..

…

I woke up early in the morning, but not to Sayori's mom.

I suppose it was a given that Sayori would begin waking up first, she had a good four hours on me in sleep.

Her stirring started to wake me up, and I fully came to consciousness at her soft voice, "A-Alex…?"

I slowly opened my eyes and looked to her without really moving my head, "Mmm..?" Was all I could manage with how drowsy I was.

I could barely see her properly in the darkness. The only reason I could make out any of her facial features was because we were right next to each other.

"Y-You stayed…"

"I told you I wasn't letting you go."

"I-...I...I'm so sorry…"

Sayori began to tear up, placing her head against my chest, like she was listening to my heartbeat.

 _Doki. Doki._

"About…?"

"E-Everything... Being so selfish, and needy, and… And trying to do what I did yesterday… I-I dreamed about… A-About dying, and… And seeing you and the others so… So sad… I… I just spread the raincloud to you, I didn't get rid of it…"

"Sayori…" I start softly, "You're not selfish, or needy… You're a human being, and you need love and attention just as much as anyone, me included… You have depression. You're sick… It can be cured. And… You're not spreading a raincloud to me, Sayori. In Fact… Seeing you alive just makes the sun shine brighter for me."

That much was the truth.

I had a lot of time to imagine what things would be like without her, if I lost her… None of it was good. Not a single thing. Even if I had only known Sayori for a few days as far as my memory was concerned, she felt like such an integral part of who I am that… If she died, I felt like I'd have lost a part of me.

I could vaguely make out a shade of red on Sayori's face, some tears were still falling down her face regardless, but she looked a bit more restrained for the moment. "Alex, I…" She looked like she had something to say, but instead she just shut her eyes again as she continued laying against my chest.

I didn't push her, she would tell me whatever it was when she was ready.

After a few minutes, I spoke, "...Your mom is here, she came in last night."

"...She's worried about me, isn't she?"

"Very. She's taking you to a private doctor today."

"O-Okay… I know I can't argue with her, or you… After all of this."

"You're right about that."

We remained silent after that, as the sun began to rise, slowly filling Sayori's room with gentle beams of sunlight.

I gently stroked her hair as she hugged me, neither of us willing to move.

Shutting my eyes, I rested for a bit longer. I knew the festival wasn't for a little while, at least…

…

About ten minutes later, the soft sound of a camera click caused me to blink my eyes open.

Sayori's mom was standing there with her phone, she suddenly looked apologetic, "Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, we were already awake…"

Well, I was.

Sayori took a gentle shake to wake her up fully.

Her mom came over and hugged her as soon as she saw her wake up.

"M-Mom, I'm sorry…"

"Shush now, dear, you're fine. Alex made sure of that."

"Do you have her from here, Ms. Yuma?"

"Yes, dear. Go, be with your club… Sayori is going to need to miss a few days of school for this, but you can see her later."

I nodded and went to stand up now that Sayori had let go of me in favor of hugging her mom.

I looked to Sayori, and she looked at me.

We stared at each other for a few moments, my hazel looking into her blue, and vice versa.

"...You need to brush your hair, Yori."

She let off a weak giggle, "No time for you to fix it this time…"

"You'll be fine."

I ruffled up her hair a bit more, causing her to smile.

Her mom was watching all of this with a silent smile on her face, like she knew something we didn't.

I then headed for the door, stopping and looking back, waving to the two of them lightly, "See you soon."

"You too." They both respond.

I exited the room and gently closed the door.

Now it was time to get showered and dressed before the girls came over to help me get the stuff.

I checked the time.

6:00 AM exactly.

The festival didn't start for an hour, which meant the girls would probably be over in thirty minutes.

I walked down the stairs and back to my house, a slow and contemplative gait attached to me as I walked across the silent morning sidewalk and into my nearby house.

The inside looked relative the same. My Switch was on the table, it looked like Natsuki had played a few more rounds before she left last night.

Going to the kitchen, I looked in my fridge.

My part of the pizza had survived, along with some of Yuri's. Monika and Natsuki hadn't left any of theirs here, which was fine by me.

The cupcakes were covered in foil and placed inside as well, so were the brownies.

It looked like Natsuki had been the one to cover them in the frosting I wanted to use, which again, was fine by me. As long as it was done.

Deciding I could eat later, I closed the fridge and went upstairs.

After getting my school clothes, I went into my bathroom and took a shower and prepared myself for the day.

My mind was still buzzing with everything that happened yesterday. Sure, Sayori might be safe now, but what was going to happen later?

The image of her kicking over the chair was never going to really leave my mind for good. It was going to sit in the back of my head for god knows how long, and even when the threat is gone it will still come up to knock me off balance.

This much, I knew, because it was already happening.

I thought about it while I was in the shower and I thought about it while getting dressed.

I thought about it while brushing my teeth and I thought about it while going downstairs to heat up some pizza.

I wondered if there was something I could have done, maybe I should have made her come to spend time with the club yesterday?

Maybe I should have stayed with her all night?

It scratched at the back of my mind like an itch, that I didn't know how to save her life.

It was pure luck that she was still alive.

As I sat down and ate a couple slices of pizza, knowing I would have time to eat later at the festival, I realized that perhaps the only silver lining to all of this was that I realized that Sayori was incredibly important to me.

Nearly losing her made me realize that what I said before was true, things would be a lot darker if she wasn't in my life.

If it wasn't for how nice and wonderful she was, I'd probably still be feeling terrible like I did on Wednesday.

I'd probably be facing breakdowns and nightmares in abundance without her acting as an anchor to keep me tied to reality.

Monika only seemed to make things worse, in a lot of ways, because she constantly brought it up, and was always trying to get on top of me.

Literally and figuratively.

I realized I couldn't really recall a moment this past week where Monika acted as tender as Sayori.

Hmm…

…

I continued to think on this up until the doorbell rang and I had to get up to answer it.

Opening the door, I was greeted with the three other club members, of course barring Sayori. We were all in our school uniforms.

You might wonder why the Festival didn't let us dress casually, and I did too, but apparently it had something to do with potential security risks.

Whatever they wanted, I suppose, this outfit wasn't that uncomfortable.

"Hey guys." I waved lightly to them.

They looked relatively normal for the day, but there was an air of sadness over all of us that even fake smiles and warm greetings couldn't really dispel.

Collecting all the supplies and locking the door behind me, we began to walk together towards the school.

A whole club minus one member, it felt like a funeral march than a walk with friends.

About halfway to school, Monika brought up something we didn't really want to talk about, but was unfortunately necessary, "So...What are we going to do about Sayori's poem, guys?"

It was a good question.

People would wonder where the vice president was on this important day, and we obviously couldn't, and wouldn't, announce to people that she'd attempted to kill herself.

We barely wanted to admit that to ourselves, let alone strangers.

"Which one did she choose? One of her own?" I asked, looking to Monika.

She looked at one of the pamphlets she was carrying, "She chose _Bottles_ as her poem."

I guess I expected that.

It was the one she was the most proud of, based on what I remember about it.

"I-It would look bad if we didn't say anything…" Yuri piped up.

She was right, we couldn't ignore this.

"What if…" I broached, "What if we said she was sick or something? Like, in the hospital sick?"

Natsuki adds, "Well I think that's better than the alternative. We don't want to look like jerks, after all."

"T-That still leaves her poem unperformed… She would have wanted people to hear it."

Again, Yuri had a point.

Sayori would have wanted us to carry on, even without her.

If she found out we didn't perform her poem, one way or the other, she'd feel even worse than she probably does for having to miss the festival.

If we didn't perform it…

Suddenly, an idea came to me.

"What if we performed it together? As a club?"

The three looked at me. Natsuki was the first to add a bit of realism to the situation, "Seriously? What if we look stupid? That's worse than not performing it!"

"I-I'm inclined to agree… What if we all trip over our words?"

Monika came to my rescue though, "I think we could do it! We need to mark down who gets what line, and when we do, we can each perform our own part of the poem. I think that way, we can avoid stumbling over each other."

Yuri adds, "I-I've heard of that kind of reading… One meant to be done by a group instead of an individual. To add weight to the poem and give it new meaning. I-I think… If it's for Sayori… I-I can try."

Natsuki frowned, before sighing, "Yeah. Normally I wouldn't ever do something like this, but it's for Sayori."

I added with some exclamation., "Yeah, for Sayori!"

"For Sayori!" We all declared together just as we were arriving at school.

Our own little rays of sunshine broke through our cloudy minds.

We were doing this for the club's ball of sunshine.

Together, we'd each make up for it in our own way until she came back.

…

We arrived in the club room on time, thankfully. The festival proper wasn't due to start for just long enough so that we could get everything ready.

Natsuki set her cupcakes down, I set my brownies down and pre cut them with a plastic knife I brought from home. I wasn't going to use the one Yuri gave me for this, that seemed a bit excessive.

I probably should have done this at home, but I didn't really think too much about it.

Afterwards me and Natsuki helped Yuri put up the decorations and get the candles ready while Monika laid out the pamphlets and began to mark four of them for our use later that day.

Afterwards, she went up to the front of the room and repositioned a podium the teacher kept in the room.

I always found those things weird. Why did teachers need those?

I knew some teachers didn't have them, some did, this one thankfully did. Monika looked kind of relieved about that.

When all was said and done we were able to look over our work with relief.

The room was darkened by the windows being covered, the only light coming through being the occasional stream of sunlight through the paper coverings and from the numerous candles that had been positioned in just the right way to give the room the proper ambience.

"Wow, Yuri, good work." I state while looking everything over.

Yuri smiled, "T-Thank you, it was nothing…"

I knew that was probably a lie, I wonder how long she spent thinking about exactly where everything needed to go.

Probably too long, but if everything came together perfectly than who was I to complain?

We spent the rest of the time before the festival rehearsing our parts of _Bottles._

We had all spent time enough on our own poems, and given the sudden change in things from yesterday, it only seemed appropriate we make sure we got things right.

I couldn't tell you if we were perfect at it, mixing our styles together vocally took work, but Monika was able to direct us to join together for the betterment of everything.

By the time I felt we had a good enough handle on it, it was time for the festival to start.

The steady sound of students coming and going grew louder and louder as more of them joined in the chorus of chatter.

"Okay guys, showtime." Monika declared, going up to the door and opening it.

She propped it open and began to make efforts to draw people in.

She had to compete with the other clubs for attention, but Monika being, well, Monika, she was bound to be able to call people over and get them to at least come look.

Meanwhile the rest of us just sort of took up different positions in the club, mostly close to where we stayed normally.

Our job for this part of the day was to answer any questions people had, as well as generally keep people entertained until the poem reading.

After the poem reading, Monika and Yuri would be the ones staying, while me and Nat were going to go out and… Well, you know, do whatever.

Yuri didn't seem too into the idea of roaming around the school, she seemed perfectly content helping the Literature Club.

It just made me wonder more why Monika would come to me for help leading instead of Yuri. I wasn't exactly the best candidate.

Hell I could barely run my own life right now.

Either way, as people trickled in, we each got to work.

Natsuki hung around the closet, while Yuri around the front, I was leaning against the wall near the windows.

Natsuki and Yuri got the most attention, naturally, but there were a few people who came to me, believe it or not.

Some of them I could tell were just curious to see what the 'Guy of the Literature Club' was like, which at this point I couldn't blame them for. It's not like I talked to anyone outside of this club at any length.

It inflated my ego a bit to be able to say that, if it wasn't guys asking me how I survived in this club, it was girls asking me about the club, and myself.

...What?

I'm still a guy, at the end of the day. Sometimes it felt nice to get attention from girls, even if they weren't ones I was interested in at all.

Some of them looked cute, even, which was all the better.

At about the midpoint of all this, I heard a couple familiar voices.

"Haru why did you bring me here? I told you I didn't want t-"

"Yeah you do, Kana, you just don't want to admit it. Come on, there's our man."

Haruki and Kana, the dynamic brother-sister duo from the other day appeared in front of my vision.

"Well, been a little while hasn't it guys?"

Haru raised his hand in greeting, "Hey man. Yeah, I'm not too interested in any of this myself, but I know my sister is, so I dragged her here."

Kana looked annoyed and a bit uncomfortable, "I told you I don't want to share anything with anyone!"

Scratching my chin, I decided to see if I couldn't at least get her to chill, "You don't need to share a poem or anything. If you like literature you can just hang out, talk to me and the others, and watch the poem recital. Who knows, maybe you'll like it enough to join us?"

Kana still looked like she kind of wanted to get out, but Haru said, "Yeah, come on. You don't need to share anything. Besides, when are you gonna stop pretending like you're some tough biker chick and actually do something you enjoy?"

"I don't know what you're talking about! I love what I do."

She didn't sound in the least bit convincing.

After I stared at her for a good minute, Kana sighed, "Fine, I'll hang around, alright?"

"There ya go, sis."

"What about YOU Haru, why don't you stick around to if you're that adamant about me doing this?"

"Because the last book I actually read was Clifford Goes to School when I was like six."

"What about school assigned books?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"I don't read those, man, I just look up enough to pass the test."

I guess I understood that. Some people just weren't into literature.

"Don't think I won't catch you guys around though, if Kana ends up joining you'll probably be seeing me around to make sure she's actually showing up."

"Ugh, you're so overbearing sometimes, Haru. What happened to you putting in as little effort as possible?"

"This is as little effort as possible, but it's still effort."

I had to commend him for that, at least he seemed to care about his sister.

"Alright well I'm going to go hit the grounds, get some food. I'll see you when you're done here Kana. Alex, my man, do me a favor and make sure she doesn't run off."

"You know I can take care of myself!"

Haru didn't respond, he just waved and left out the door.

It occured to me this was the first time I'd been alone talking to Kana, every other time there was someone there.

Kana crossed her arms and looked at me.

I was leaning on the wall, so I crossed my arms and looked at her back.

Silence for a few moments…

"So, you dating that girl yet?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Maybe I'll explain later."

"Fine."

….

"So… Want a brownie?"

"Hell yeah."

With that I led Kana over to the table and secured a couple brownies, one for me and one for her.

I guess this counted as doing my job? Helping a potential member of the Literature Club get used to the idea.

Once Kana had her brownie, she thanked me then said, "Hope it isn't poison!" Before biting into it.

"Have a little faith, Kana."

Her facial expression changed to one of shock, "Woah! This is really good. Not as good as the cupcake I had coming in, but good! Who made this?"

"I did."

I couldn't tell if she was more surprised at the quality of the brownie or the fact that I was the one that made it, "No, seriously, who made them?"

"Me."

"Dude, you made this? No wonder you've got two cute girls pining after you!"

"L-Lets not talk about that, yeah?"

"Yeah, whatever."

She didn't seem like she was going to drop it forever, but it was more like I didn't feel like repeating any of my old excuses at the moment.

The events with Sayori yesterday had really shaken me up and made me seriously question this strange balancing act I'd been doing for awhile now…

I had to wonder if it was worth keeping both girls happy, if I felt so strongly about Sayori, maybe I should just accept that Monika was going to be upset?

The alternative was trying to play this game of tug of war forever.

Hmm…

I guess I had until Sayori started coming to school again to decide.

"So, you're into Literature?" I decided to broach, "Or just poems?"

Kana looked a bit embarrassed, she kind of reminded me of Natsuki in that regard, but Kana looked remarkably more secure in herself.

Or maybe instead of getting into manga and taking the personality of a Tsundere, she got into other things and took the personality of a tough girl?

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

"Both, I guess." She whispers to me, like people would overhear and laugh or something, "Always kind of liked reading, and poetry kind of came with that when I got older. People would make fun of you for that stuff growing up though, you know? So I've been keeping it to myself."

"You'd get along with Natsuki, I think. She had a similar experience, except she's pretty forward about what she likes."

"Really? The short one?"

"Yeah, don't call her that though. She might get pissed."

"I would too! I mean I'm not gonna call her that to her face, of course. I'm not stupid."

I wondered if Kana would get along with Natsuki, or if their personalities were too similar for them to actually get along.

Who knew? Kana seemed more… Genuine in her strength than Natsuki did.

Yet Natsuki was a lot more true to herself than Kana was.

Maybe they could learn something from each other?

I supposed the future always told the truth, in the end.

Kana eventually went off to talk to the others, citing she probably needed to know more than just me if she was going to consider joining this club at all.

Which was fine, I just hung around the wall again and greeted people, occasionally talking and answering questions.

I was just finishing up talking to a random passerby when Monika's trademark catchphrase rang through the room from the front of the class.

"Okay, everyone! Time for the main event. The members of the Literature Club are going to be performing poems they've selected. When you sit down, you'll be able to read along with each poem."

That was a subtle way of getting the people who were in here to sit down.

It was good there wasn't that many in here at this point, almost a classroom's worth, but not as big a crowd as other clubs would draw.

"This will be our way of telling you all a little bit about ourselves, as well as providing a hopefully enjoyable performance! I will start us off."

Clearing her throat, she produced her poem, and everyone switched their pamphlets to look at it.

"As you all know, I am Monika Hashimoto! President of the Literature Club. Many of you know me from Debate last year, or any of the athletic teams I played for in middle school. I hope this poem might teach you a bit more about _me_ though. Not just the me you know from my accomplishments."

Clearing her throat again, she states, "This poem is called _Reality._ "

"Reality

I sprint to the finish.

This competition holding the ultimate prize.

I won before and I would win again.

But it wasn't up to me

It couldn't have been me

The sound of drums?

The shout of the crowd?

I'll never know

I never saw it.

I thought I was running

Really, I was drowning.

I could only hope

I would learn to swim

And find myself again."

Monika's poem was one of uncertainty and doubt, yet determination and a will to keep pushing forward. She put the perfect emphasis on every word and the poem gave a perfect mental image of the story she was telling, at least to me.

When she was finished, the attendees applauded, and she bowed.

"Next up is Yuri, our resident poetry expert!"

Yuri hurriedly made her way up on stage, poem in hand.

Clearing her throat, she tried to summon up the courage to talk, "H-Hello… I'm Yuri, and… Not many of you know me, b-but that's okay. You might say I read more than I talk…"

People were definitely watching Yuri, she was an anomaly as far as most of them were concerned, so it was natural.

"A-Anyways, my poem is called _The Racoon._ "

I remembered this one, Yuri was rather fond of it if I recalled.

Yuri's performance ended up being much the same as it was in the club a few days ago. Once she got started, it was like she was a totally different person. From the shy and timid Lavender Lily of the Literature Club to the strong, confident woman we all knew Yuri had the potential to be if she worked for it hard enough.

She easily had everyone just as taken as Monika did, perhaps even more so, as no one but the club members were expecting this from Yuri. Monika being great was a given, but this unknown threw everyone off balance.

When she was done, there was a stunned silence.

Picking up on this, me and the other club members started the clapping, and soon it turned into a veritable rolling applause.

I doubted I'd be able to get the same reaction, but I wasn't next anyways.

Yuri hurried off stage after the applause and went back to a seat near where I was standing.

I patted her on the shoulder and told her she did good.

Monika, in the meantime, stepped back up and said, "Next up is the one who baked the cupcakes you've all enjoyed so much! Natsuki!"

Natsuki approached, her poem in hand, and declared, "I'm Natsuki, as you already know!" She looked like she wanted to say more, but I guess she wasn't as easy in front of a crowd as she thought, "If you enjoyed the cupcakes, you should enjoy this poem. It's called _Beach._ "

A good choice on Natsuki's part, but that may have been my own personal bias, as I personally enjoyed that poem the most between the ones that she'd shown me.

It was interesting to hear Beach spoken aloud, as it clearly had a very sing-song tone to it. Natsuki's style clearly had to be a bit formfit into it, but it worked nonetheless. I could tell she was clearly getting people into her performance, as she relied more on flair and dramatics than the calm eloquence of Yuri, or proud dignity of Monika.

She had her own way of doing things, and that was fine by me.

Judging by the applause she got when she was done, it was fine by everyone else as well.

Her applause lasted until she was well and truly settled back near the closet. As she passed me, I held out my hand for a high five. She had to jump a bit, but she got it.

Overall, she seemed pretty happy with herself.

Of course, I was now getting nervous as Monika went up to the front again.

"Alright! Next up is the newest member of the Literature Club. He made the brownies that you all are enjoying right now! Welcome, Alex Suzuki."

I went up to the front with my selected poem in my hand and cleared my throat.

"Hey, everyone. Hope you aren't getting chocolate all over the pamphlets! Anyways, as Monika said my name is Alex. A lot of you seemed curious about me. I don't want to take advantage of a captive audience, but I will use this time to answer one question. Why am I here, in the Literature Club? Some of you have guesses. I can tell you that no, I didn't join because it's full of incredibly cute girls, and I didn't join because I was looking for an easy club."

I let that sink in for a moment, before continuing, "I joined because of a dear friend of mine. She's the one who helped me find this place, admittedly, I was skeptical at first. But I've come to see everyone in the club as a close friend. The one who got me here was not able to make it today, so this poem goes out to her. It's called _The_ _Bell._ "

Here goes nothing.

I didn't write this poem, but it didn't really matter, I just needed something to say, and I felt this would do.

"The Bell

In the tower the bell  
is alone, like a man  
in his room,  
thinking and thinking.

The bell is made of iron.  
It takes the weight  
of a man  
to make the bell move.

Far below, the bell feels  
hands on a rope.  
It considers this.  
It turns its head.

Miles away,  
a man in his room  
hears the clear sound,  
and lifts his head to listen."

I felt the metaphor behind this poem could be taken as one bell signaling another, internally, to ring the same as it. To think, to hear. I felt like the whole Club helped me think, but Sayori was the one who helped me the most with that.

Performance wise, I think I did okay. The style I worked on for this poem was one of slight flourish, but not as much as Natsuki. Of careful sentencing, but not as careful as Yuri. Of confidence in self, but not as much as Monika.

Perfectly balanced.

I got a good amount of applause, and bowed a little bit, before returning to my spot against the wall. Monika was clapping for me, Yuri smiled at me, and Natsuki gave me a thumbs up.

Mission accomplished, but we're not done yet.

Monika came up to the front, her voice taking a somber tone, "As Alex said, one of our club members was not able to make it today. Sayori, my Vice President, and our friend. She's very sick, as we speak she's in the hospital."

A look of concern came across several of the audience's face. Many people here knew Sayori in some capacity, that is, they knew her for being the smiling, upbeat girl that always tried to make everyone happy.

They were worried about her, as we were.

"We all hope for her speedy recovery, so that she may rejoin us and bring back the sunshine we're all accustomed to. For now, though, we know she wouldn't have wanted to miss the chance to share a part of herself with everyone here."

I started to move up, so did Yuri and Natsuki, we were brandishing our marked copies of the pamphlet that had her poem.

"Since she can't do that today, we as the Literature Club will do our best in her stead. Although none of us could truly capture this poem like Sayori could, we hope it gets you thinking! This poem is called _Bottles._ "

We all cleared our throats and prepared to do our best for Sayori.

Monika started, "I pop off my scalp like the lid of a cookie jar. It's the secret place where I keep all my dreams."

Natsuki picked up, "Little balls of sunshine, all rubbing together like a bundle of kittens."

Yuri adds her own cadence, "I reach inside with my thumb and forefinger and pluck one out."

Yuri and Nat spoke together, "It's warm and tingly."

I finally picked up where they left off, "But there's no time to waste! I put it in a bottle to keep it safe."

Monika came in again, "And I put the bottle on the shelf with all of the other bottles."

We all joined our voices together in chorus, "Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts in bottles, all in a row."

…

It continued like this throughout the rest of the poem, we took our turns reciting each line Monika had assigned to us and doing our best to add our own feeling into it.

The audience looked to be completely enraptured by our work as the final stanza came in.

I started the stanza, "They were supposed to be for my friends, my friends who aren't smiling."

Monika added, "They're all shouting, pleading. Something."

We all spoke, "But all I hear is echo."

Then broke apart.

Yuri, "Echo."

Natsuki, "Echo."

Monika, "Echo."

Then me, "Echo. Inside my head."

There was silence for a moment, before the whole room began clapping.

Some people had even stopped and looked through the door as we were performing, and joined in.

We collectively flushed with pride, then bowed together.

Monika spoke, "Alright! That's it for our performance. I don't know if any of you had a poem you wanted to recite, but if you do, you're free to come up!"

We all broke apart after that.

Nobody wanted to recite a poem, but that was fine.

Instead most of them complimented our performances before leaving, as there were still plenty of other things to do and many other clubs to check out.

There was a signup sheet, unfortunately only one person had signed up.

Fortunately, it was Kana.

Kana wasn't around, so I guess she had left when the performance ended.

Not a problem with me, I guess.

Monika came up to me while I was leaning against the wall and said, "You and Natsuki can leave if you want, it looks like things are going to slow down from here. "

"You don't want to come, Monika? It seems like there's still plenty of fun to be had."

"Ahaha~ I'm happy you're concerned, but don't worry! I won't stay here forever. Just until I think nobody else is going to come, then me and Yuri are going to close up shop and join in the festival for what's left of it."

"Well, alright."

I went towards the door, I wondered if I should even bother with anything in the festival today.

I honestly just kind of felt like crawling back home and going to bed so the day could be over already.

Granted, we hadn't done much, but all this poetry tired me out and reminded me of Sayori's absence even more.

As I reached the door, I heard a voice behind me.

"Where do you think you're going, Dummy?"

I turned and looked at Natsuki, "Oh, just, you know, out to the festival?"

"You don't look like you're in the festival mood! Come on, Sayori is gonna be mad if she finds out you just went home or sat on a bench all day or something."

She was right about that, invariably Sayori would find out I didn't do anything at the festival if I just went home.

She'd probably feel bad, like she was the reason I missed out on it or something, even if it wasn't like that at all.

"I- Well…"

"No well! Come on." Natsuki stepped outside and I shrugged.

I feel like Natsuki being released wasn't just so she could have fun at the festival.

Looking at the knowing look Monika was giving me, I had the feeling she didn't want me going straight home and moping before she could get to me.

Great. She read me like a book.

Or a poem, in this case.

I followed after Natsuki, who seemed intent on getting down onto the main festival grounds as soon as possible.

She didn't run or anything, but she was speed walking and constantly checking to see if I was following behind her, which I was.

The crowds in the building were getting thinner as most club presentations were finishing up, some clubs had all day activities that were generally a bit more all out. Like how the Drama club put on a play.

I wasn't really interested in that, though, so I was fine when Natsuki went straight for the exit and entered into the larger grounds of the school.

The school grounds themselves were speckled with various stalls that had been set up across the entirety of the place.

The festival wasn't just a school activity, it was more of a town celebration, if I remember how Sayori explained it correctly.

The school went all out and most places in town had their own little specials going on.

The big event was the fireworks that went off, if Natsuki's excited comment about them as we started walking further into the grounds was to be believed.

Fireworks, huh?

Part of me wondered how the school could afford to go so all out like this, even if it was just once a year.

Still, I guess in this instance I would suspend my disbelief and just go with it.

"Come on, Alex! Don't be so slow!"

"Where are you even going? We've got all day, you know!"

"Well, duh! But I want some cotton candy!"

She liked to refute being cute, or even childish at times, yet there was an undoubtedly child-like air of excitement to Natsuki.

I had to speed up to keep up with her and ended up saying, "Well don't leave me behind! You can lose someone in a crowd like this you know!"

"Are you saying I'm short?!"

"What?"

"Because you could lose me in a crowd!"

"Well, yeah!"

"Urrgh! I'll get you later!"

"Come on, you should accept that you're short!"

"Never! I just haven't hit my growth spurt yet!"

"You're eighteen Natsuki!"

"S-Shut up!"

Eventually we reached the student booth that was delivering cotton candy.

I had to wonder how much money students and the faculty poured into this whole thing.

Then again you did have to pay for things like food, which made sense. I was just lucky I had some money in my wallet.

Natsuki and I retrieved our own sticks and walked off, "Did Monika put you up to watching me or something, Natsuki? You're looking over your shoulder every second to see if I'm still here."

"Don't know what you're talking about. Why would I do that?"

Her tone was a little disingenuous, and I had a feeling that Monika might have wanted to avoid me leaving this festival early.

"Right, of course."

"You don't sound all that convinced, Alex."

"I'm not."

"Well, don't look so down, dummy. We've got a whole day of food and fun to look forward to!"

It wasn't really like Natsuki to be this motivational or encouraging, but I had my theories on that.

One, it seemed like she was in a generally good mood, being surrounded by delicious food and fun activities, and friends, I suppose.

Two, she may be playing herself up a bit to try and pull me out of my funk. It was hard to deny, with the poetry reading behind me, my mind weighed heavily on yesterday.

I guess I shouldn't be wallowing in my sour mood, in that case.

I had a lot to think about and a lot to do tomorrow and beyond that, but today I'd just forget about it.

"Well, alright, how about we hit up the thing where you knock the bottles over?"

"Now you're talking!"

Well, here goes nothing.

…

…

What followed was a good hour and a half of Natsuki and I traversing the festival finding just about everything we could do.

Natsuki really let her mean facade drop during all of this. She was laughing, having fun, at a few points she even ignored what she might have otherwise interpreted as insults towards her!

I had to wonder why Natsuki held herself up with her Tsundere persona when she was obviously a fun loving girl like this.

I'd need to ask her about it eventually, I felt she was getting to be a good enough friend to me where I could try and dig a bit deeper into her.

However, I wasn't going to worry about that anytime soon, because I had enough on my plate at the moment as is.

Even as I put on the face of having fun and, at times I really did have fun admittedly, the back of my mind was still stuck with thoughts on Sayori.

I know she would be disappointed if she knew I was thinking about her like this and it was taking away from my enjoyment, if there's one thing she didn't like it was others worrying about her too much.

It couldn't really be helped at this point, but it's not like I was going to ruin the rest of the Club's day by acting down.

I knew on the inside everyone else felt the same as me, but we were putting it aside for today.

Tomorrow was a different day, and we could deal with everything we needed to any other day.

Today? Today was the festival.

A silent promise to everyone, no matter their test grades, or school work load, or indeed personal drama like Amnesia, depression, shyness, or jealousy, that you could just leave your problems behind.

One day of smooth sailing in a sea of troubled waters.

Eventually, we found ourselves joined by the other two on our way towards another stall.

Yuri looked anxious, I could only assume she didn't plan to be leaving the Club Room at all today, while Monika just looked kind of relieved.

"Finally found you two, you've really been getting around in such a short time, huh? Ahaha!" Monika greeted as she and Yuri closed the distance between us.

"Yeah well, Natsuki has been practically bolting around this place. I think she played five games in one hour, and how in the hell did you win that bet that you could eat more hamburgers than that Fourth Year Guy?"

Natsuki just grinned, crossing her arms, "Simple! I'm awesome like that."

"Oh yeah? If you're so awesome how come you lost every game you played?"

"Urk- Shut up!" She promptly smacked my arm.

I laughed despite the stinging, so did Monika. Yuri was covering her mouth in a giggle.

"Sorry! Just can't let your ego get too big, huh, Nat?" I offered as a somewhat half-hearted apology.

Natsuki was trying to not smirk, I could tell, "Yeah, whatever! Just don't think I won't hesitate if you cross the line!"

I waved her off, "I'll try not to forget."

With that over, Monika piped up, "So why don't we find something to do as a club? No sense in splitting up now that we've found each other."

It made sense, given that, excluding Monika, the four of us only really had each other to hang out with anyways.

And even then, I don't know if Monika really counted anyone outside of us as her friends, or in my case, regrettably, a love interest.

At least, I've never seen her interact with anyone outside of our group.

It dawned on me that, if she _was_ telling the truth about the world once being a game, then she likely wouldn't have started off really knowing anyone but the girls in the club.

People could talk like they recognize her, but she wouldn't know anything about them.

I had to wonder about that…

Best not to ask now, though.

"That sounds like a great idea." I respond, looking to the others.

"Yeah, sure, why not? Alex isn't exactly the most fun to hang around anyways!"

"Thanks, Nat."

Yuri just nodded, "I-It's not like I have anywhere else I need to be."

Monika took that as everyone being onboard, which we were. Yuri was the most apprehensive out of all of us.

"Then it's settled! What should we do?"

That was a good question, after all there were four of us. There weren't that many things here that were meant for more than maybe two people, since the festival was a rather big time for dates.

"Hmm…"

After wondering a bit, I shrugged, "Why don't we just walk around and see where the day takes us? Not everything has to be completely planned out, you know."

"Yeah! Besides, we can hit up all the places me and Alex went to already."

I felt like Natsuki just wanted an excuse to try and re-win those games she failed miserably at, I had to wonder if she'd try harder when it was all of us?

"Sounds like a plan to me!" Monika declares, Yuri just nodding along.

Natsuki made a grand gesture in a completely random direction, before speaking like we were a group of crime fighters of something.

"Well then, Literature Club! Let's roll out."

So it went that we ended up spending the majority of the festival as a unit.

I knew that this would probably only spur more rumors on about me, and maybe even the others, but I didn't care.

I could tell as the day went by that we were all just doing our best to try and keep our minds off of earlier.

It was just the general change in all of our behaviors that clued me in.

Yuri seemed like she was trying her hardest right now, and I had a feeling if this had just been a normal festival day she'd be in a corner, reading a book under a tree or something.

Natsuki acted a lot more upbeat and energetic then she usually did, which as I stated before might just be because of the festival, but I could tell she was also making an effort to be less scathing towards us when she otherwise might have been throwing barbs.

Monika didn't try to flirt with me much, if at all, even subtly today. It was kind of refreshing, actually, because I got to see Monika as herself, instead of a lovestruck club president. Beyond that, she seemed a lot more willing to go along with whatever the rest of us wanted to do, when normally she'd have probably been guiding things herself.

I wasn't the most perceptive person in the world, not by a long shot, but this was a pretty big shift in our usual dynamic. I'm sure I even acted differently today, but in what way, I couldn't tell you. Turns out losing your memory is a good way to lose your sense of self-identity.

The minutes turned into hours and I think we roved around doing literally everything the festival had to offer, eating a bit of all that was on offer. Well, Natsuki and I did. Monika only ate fish and other things that fit with her diet, Yuri just nibbled on the occasional piece of food.

I'm pretty sure stalls started getting warnings of a roving pack of literature fanatics coming through and eating their food, playing their games, and the sort, because the longer we went on the more prepared people seemed to be to face our group, particularly Natsuki.

Nobody really bothered us, either. Sure, some people greeted Monika, and even a few people threw me a 'Hey Alex!' but beyond that, I guess us moving around like this made people feel like they shouldn't approach.

Not that I cared, this was supposed to be our main way of coping today.

When the sun started to set, we knew the fireworks were going to start soon.

The fireworks were the last part of the festival, and once they were over, everyone would pack up and head out, with volunteers spending the day taking down the booths and putting them away for next year.

At Monika's suggestion, we all made our way to the rooftop of the school, which was meant to offer a great view of the fireworks, unobstructed by the school, or trees.

Upon reaching the top of the stairwell and setting foot on the rooftop, we were met with a surprisingly empty locale.

It had benches setup, of course, I had to wonder if those were always there or not.

There were also a couple students hanging around, but neither of them really paid any mind to us.

We made our way to a set of benches and sat down, I had to ask, "Monika, you recommended this place pretty easily. Do you come up here a lot?"

Shrugging, she says, "Not a lot of people come up here during lunch, so whenever I want some quiet time to myself, I sneak up here."

It made sense, who would think someone like Monika would go to a place like the roof? To the average person it likely didn't occur to them.

Yuri pipes up, "I-It does seem like a nice place…I-I might need to start coming up here more."

Monika seemed happy enough with that.

Natsuki let out a huge sigh, "Man, today was great!" She continued to grin, resting her hands on the bench.

"Well, it's not over yet." I offer, leaning back a bit as well and looking up at the sky.

The sun took a few more minutes to finish setting, and once darkness had fully settled, the first of the fireworks flew into the air and exploded in its bright coloring.

Red, blue, green, a cacophony of joyous colors.

More joined into a rainbow, as we all let out our own exclamations of amazement and happiness.

The lights from them was bright enough to paint each of my club member's faces different colors as they watched in amazement.

For the briefest of flashes, perhaps a trick of the light, I imagined other people in their spots.

Replaced by the people from my dreams, Natsuki with the blonde, Monika with the brown haired boy, and Yuri with the black haired one.

It had barely lasted long enough to register in my mind before it was gone, and I rubbed my eyes.

I felt like I'd been here before.

But I couldn't think about that right now.

I turned my attention back to the sky, "These are fantastic, aren't they."

"Yep!" Monika adds, "Isn't it amazing how they can form their own little rainbow up there?"

I nodded, and mentioned, "The only thing that would make this better is if Sayori was here."

Natsuki chimes in, "Yeah, I feel pretty bad that she couldn't be here. Even if I get why…"

Yuri then follows up, "S-She must feel pretty awful about missing this. I wonder if she can see these, wherever she is today…"

I hoped so.

I wondered if there was some way we could make this up to her…

Hmm…

As a light blue firework goes off, I get an idea, like a lightbulb over my head.

"Hey, what if we throw her a party when she gets better? Our own little festival, yeah? We can set it all up at my house. We bring food, and find things to do together, and just make up for lost time?"

Natsuki's response came first.

"Well it's not the worst idea ever, besides, it might make her feel better about all this."

Then Yuri.

"I-I agree. We can do it for her."

Finally, after another moment, Monika speaks.

"That's a perfect idea. Another bonding day for us as a Club."

She seemed apprehensive about something, but it was lost on the other two as the final crescendo of fireworks went off.

Blue, green, pink and purple, white and other assorted colors joined.

I swear the sound of them going off could have been heard from out of town, where we were now it was almost too loud.

Once they ended, we all felt the need to clap, despite the fact that nobody who had anything to do with lighting or making them was nearby.

"What a day, huh?" I ask the others.

"I-I agree, it was something…" Yuri nods to herself.

"Yeah, great, right?" Natsuki seemed pleased, at least.

"I never could have imagined it would be so nice." Monika throws in, a wistful tone to her voice.

I was the first to stand after a good few minutes of comfortable silence, "Well. I'll see you guys on wednesday."

"Wednesday? T-Tomorrow's Tuesday." Yuri points out.

"Oh, I have a… Doctor's appointment, tomorrow. Nothing serious, but I won't be at school."

"Well then it really IS a good thing I kept you from leaving, otherwise we wouldn't have seen your stupid face again for a couple days." Natsuki grumps.

"So you _were_ trying to keep me from leaving."

"N-No! None of us were."

I smiled softly, "Yeah, well. Thanks guys. I'll see you soon."

They bade me goodbye and I responded in kind, before leaving the roof and heading down the stairwell.

I passed the Literature Club on my way down.

I had to go in and get the tray that held the brownies, since I doubted the teacher who had this class would appreciate it being left behind.

Entering the classroom, I looked around a bit.

It was… Jarring to be in here at night. The lack of sunlight shining through the windows, the lack of any of the girls, the lack of… Anything but darkness.

I did, of course, turn on the light and grab the tray.

It seemed like that and Natsuki's cupcake trays were the only things still left.

I grabbed a piece of scrap paper and left Nat a note saying I took the trays with me, since they were mine that she used anyways.

I didn't know if I'd ever use them, if she wanted to come get them she could, it was more that I didn't want her to worry about carrying them all the way to her house when she lived further away from school than I did.

Carrying the trays, I walked out of the building and towards the school's gates.

I wasn't the only one, the people who weren't busy taking down the stalls were leaving through the gate.

Some were in groups, some were alone, others were arm in arm with a girlfriend or boyfriend.

The ones walking with a lover made me feel a pang of sadness, and a bit of jealousy.

Perhaps my feelings were developing too fast for people, or perhaps there were some subconscious pre-existing feelings that played with my heart right now.

As I walked, I realized I'd spent so long focusing on keeping people away, that I rarely had any fun.

Tomorrow was my first Therapy session.

It was the start of me recovering my memory, whatever it may be.

The hallucinations…

The nightmares…

...The inexplicable flashes of memory from my past.

The red haired girl…

These were all things I would need to seek answers for.

My thoughts turned to Sayori as I reached my door and began to grab my keys, and was able to spot a light on in her window.

Either she was home or it was her mom…

I knew I shouldn't be bothering them right now, so I instead focused on going inside.

I didn't want my own problems to overshadow Sayori's more immediate issues.

I could try to regain my memory steadily as time went on, Sayori's depression was a much more immediate danger.

Besides…

When I spent time around her, I eventually regained a couple pieces of my memory.

I wondered if because I was her childhood friend, according to her, and the giraffe-induced flashback, she was some kind of key to remembering?

Although that raised more questions than answers, I realized this as I opened the door and went inside, locking it behind me.

If she was the key to my memories, then who was the red haired girl? Where did Monika's theory about me being this 'Player' from some other reality come from? What about the dreams and the images of other people I've never met before?

Were they all just coincidences? I didn't think so.

If Monika was just using me as a release for her own off-kilter logic, then maybe I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Was it possible to dream of people you'd never met?

I wasn't sure… Probably not.

Sighing in frustration, I went to my kitchen and set the trays in the sink. I'd clean them tomorrow.

Making my way upstairs tiredly, I realized that every time I got closer to a definitive answer, new questions arose to keep me from getting the full picture.

I had to wonder if this would just get worse as time went on, and if that was the case, I would need all the help I could get, otherwise this threatened to really drive me crazy.

I kicked off my shoes once I was inside my room and changed into my night clothes.

Tired from yesterday and today both, I fell into bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow would bring me some of the answers I was seeking.

* * *

A/N: Alright, so, I want to clarify that in the Sayori situation at the start of the chapter there were things done wrong and things done right by the characters. You should, absolutely, hold someone up if you see them hanging, and cut them down as soon as possible. You should stay with them until help arrives in one form or another. Alex and Monika's mistake was listening to Sayori and not calling an ambulance, as in most cases that is always the better thing to do.

Sayori got out relatively unscathed, because of how quick the response was as she kicked over the chair and some artistic license, but that wouldn't always be the case irl. Even if someone looks okay, it's still better to be safe than sorry.

That all out of the way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Have a good day.


	11. Only Human

A/N: Wow, this chapter took awhile to get out! Admittedly, I've been busy with a couple other stories I've entertained adding to my list of things I do on this site, also DDLC related. Beyond that, a mixture of RL and Online stuff kept me busy. I wanted this chapter to come out on the anniversary, but that ended up not being possible. Oh well, here it is now! Albeit a day late, I wish DDLC a happy birthday! I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

* * *

 _The mall from before set the stage for my dream._

 _They were looking at me still, the four others, but they weren't crying this time. They were happily chatting to me like nothing happened._

 _I felt myself respond to them but I couldn't make out what I was actually saying._

 _Their words passed wordlessly as well, like I had gone deaf._

 _It wasn't until the blonde girl got a smug look on her face that things changed at all._

 _The red haired girl suddenly looked embarrassed and said something in what looked to be a hurried manner, before rushing off._

 _I wasn't in control of my own movement, I felt like I was watching everything while trapped inside my own mind._

 _My body guided itself to what looked to be a sushi place, and it sat down at a table._

 _Nothing about it seemed familiar to me, but my body guided me through everything._

 _The world still lacked sound as it sat there apparently waiting for its order._

 _Slowly, something changed._

 _Like the steady rushing of water coming closer, and closer, sound began to fill my ears._

 _I felt control return to me, yet everything still seemed hazy._

 _Before I could react any further, I heard a voice._

" _...Alex?"_

 _I turned and looked at the red haired girl again, I tried to speak, but whatever I was going to say didn't get past my throat._

 _If it did, I couldn't hear it._

" _Do you… Maybe.. Want to go skiing with me?"_

 _As I went to answer, the world suddenly filled began to fill with light._

 _The last thing I saw before it closed in was the girl smiling nervously at me._

 **THE SOUND OF EVIL LAUGHTER FALLS AROUND THE WORLD TONI-**

I turned off my alarm as I drowsily woke up.

Stretching, I yawned heavily, before tiredly checking my phone.

I only had one new message on my phone right now.

It was from Sayori's mom, and it looked like the first text she'd sent me.

Opening it, I saw the picture I heard her take of Sayori and I yesterday morning.

The two of us were cuddled together, my back slumped against her wall. Sayori's coral, almost pink hair covering a part of her face. Her arms were wrapped fully around me, like she was holding on for dear life, even in her sleep.

One of my arms was placed around her as well, keeping her close at hand. In my sleep, I guess I kind of nestled myself against the side of her head with my own. The sight of it made me blush.

It looked like the main noose rope had already been cut down from the ceiling at that point, I could only imagine Ms. Yuma did it while we were sleeping.

Still, the small, almost unnoticeable remainder of the knot that had been wrapped around Sayori's neck was just barely peeking out from under the bed.

Anyone else, without proper background on the situation, might just think it a harmless forgotten toy or something, as only one tiny part of it was visible. Maybe that's why Sayori's mom didn't notice it.

The ominous little addition to the photo reminded me of why we were like that, and I sighed heavily as I stood up out of bed.

I saved the picture to my phone, opting to use it as a reminder of that day. So I'd always remember that Sayori needed all the help she could get.

Not that I could ever forget.

I feel like Sayori's mom was silently trying to imply something by sending me the image, even if she said nothing else.

Maybe she wanted me to realize how cute Sayori and I looked together…?

It wasn't out of the realm of plausibility. It was likely Ms. Yuma was more than aware of what was apparently all the years I spent with her daughter, cooking her food and cleaning her room… I grew up as apart of Sayori's life as much as she grew up as part of mine.

Still, given the context of the situation, it seemed a little messed up.

Unless for some reason she thought I could keep Sayori from doing something like this while she was gone, in which case I guess I understood. Even if it was a little unfair.

Okay, well, it was a lot unfair.

I put my phone on the table and went to go shower, deciding that all this business about relationships wasn't healthy to think about until after I got back and had some rest. Sayori was at the very least no longer in immediate danger, now that her mom was around, so it's not like I had to think about it all the time.

Not that knowing that I could relax stopped me from being worried, of course.

Once I was dressed, having managed to secure some clean clothes that looked a bit presentable in public, I made my way back to my room and grabbed my dream journal. Quickly, I jotted down the dream from this morning so it wouldn't escape me.

Once that was done, I took the journal and went to go to the mirror to check myself over one more time.

The clothes I secured after having taken them out of the dryer weren't that much of an improvement compared to the usual. A black T-shirt, which I seemed to own a few similar shirts of, a dark red light-jacket I managed to secure from the pile of clothes I cleaned up, a pair of jeans, and my normal shoes.

It seemed to me that past-me didn't really invest in clothes for things you generally wanted to look presentable for, given that most of my shirts were just normal T-shirts and jeans. If I had any kind of semi-formal or dress attire, I couldn't find it.

Not that I needed any of that for Therapy, it was more that if I ever needed to look particularly good for something it would be nice to have clothes for it.

Maybe I'd go clothes shopping this weekend…

Sighing as I realized I was just standing in front of the mirror thinking to myself, I started down the stairs and into the living room. From there, I grabbed my wallet, house keys, and double checked to make sure I had my phone and the journal I needed.

Once that was done, I went through the door and made sure to lock it, sighing, looking around.

The sky was clear today, the clouds fluffy and white, the sun had settled in the sky for the day a few hours ago, and the streets were empty save for the occasional passing car. Realizing I hadn't checked the time yet, I did just that.

8:00 AM.

The Therapy appointment was at 9 AM. I'd probably end up getting there a bit early, but that was okay, I could just find something to occupy my time until then.

I started my walk to the bus stop, but not before casting my gaze to Sayori's house for a minute.

I thought about going in and checking on her and her mom, but I didn't see any lights on or anything, so I had to assume they were out.

Sighing, I shook my head. I shouldn't be worrying about her right now, as much as I wanted to.

I had to take today to think about myself, at least for as long as I could manage with everything that's been going on.

I started to walk, taking my time to reach the bus stop and sitting there waiting for it, while thinking to myself if there was anything else I needed to talk about aside from what I already knew I was going to bring up.

Probably not, actually. I already had a veritable truckload of issues that were likely going to take more than one appointment to resolve, it was probably best to leave it as it was and see where it took me.

Soon the bus came and I boarded and started my trip into town.

The ride was uneventful and took a little while to get to where I needed to be. While I was on the bus, I flipped through the journal and went over everything I'd written down up to this point.

There was, of course, the first nightmare. The one I felt had already come and gone, thankfully it seems that if this one was trying to tell me something, I listened just enough. Even if I almost lost Sayori, the fact that she was alive was enough for me to know that I didn't need to worry about it. At least, for now.

The second one, the one with Yuri. I still wasn't sure if this one meant anything or if it was just a random nightmare. Yuri was probably the last person on the planet I'd expect to go crazy, especially for me. She was also the last person I expected to kill herself, I'm not sure why, but she never struck me as… Deranged, or suicidal, or anything.

The third one with Monika was the hardest to explain. It didn't make any sense in any logical context. Monika wasn't insane, maybe a bit… Unstable emotionally, but not insane. She talked like she had gotten rid of the girls, and the whole melting thing…? I couldn't begin to imagine what that was about, or who this 'Saito' person was, if he wasn't this 'Main Character' that Monika was talking about.

I underlined the name Saito. I figured it might be one I'd need to remember for later, even if it seemed inconsequential at first, it could be important.

Finally, there were the notes on the other dreams. The ones about this mysterious group of people I'd never seen before. They didn't go to school with me, I didn't have any pictures of them… So who were they and how did I know them? More importantly, who was the red headed girl?

She was the one that stumped me the most, as she seemed to have some kind of attachment to me, yet I didn't even know her name. I'd never seen her before, and just like the others, I had no physical proof she even existed.

Closing the journal, I relaxed against the window and put some earphones in to listen to some music while I waited to get to my stop.

…

Eventually, I reached my stop and got off the bus with a few other people.

I was really the only person in my age group riding the bus right now, probably because most everyone else was at school or at home…

I never thought I'd miss being at school. I guess the feeling of being around people, friends or not, that I could interact with, was something I prized in a way.

Especially since there was no promised Literature Club meeting at the end of this Therapy session, just a ride home.

Maybe I'd take a walk in the park or something instead of just going straight home… Or visit a coffee shop.

Yeah, that sounded like a healthy alternative. Instead of isolating myself, I'd take this time to enjoy the town a bit.

...What parts of the town I could locate on my phone at least.

Realizing I was just kind of standing around the bus stop, I shook myself out of it and headed in the direction the Therapist's office was in.

While I was walking down the road, I took in the sights of the town a bit better than I had been able to when locked into going home, to school, home, to school, and once to the park.

It wasn't a large town by any means, but it wasn't that small either. Somewhere in the middle, I would say. Plenty of people went about their business in this place, some even lived in town houses, although it seemed much more popular to live out in the area where I lived, admittedly a bit close to the edge of town.

There weren't any towering office buildings or massive buildings like in cities I'd seen online, most things seemed capped off at two stories, with the occasional four or five story building breaking up the monotony.

The town was almost cozy, I felt. Not that I had anything to compare it to, and it was far from being a town where you could name everyone you came across and remember it, but still… I couldn't find any big complaints with it.

Shops lined up to my right. Some were open, some were closed, others for purchase. Clothing stores, hobby shops, tea shops… I think I saw a couple restaurants.

I guess the mall hadn't run every business out of… Well, business.

To be fair I'm sure there were plenty of people who would rather go to a local shop than take the trip all the way down to the mall when it might not even be necessary.

The sky was still clear, I didn't expect it to rain today. Checking my phone, the forecast said it would be clear as well, which just made me relax some.

The weather was starting to heat up, though, I had to wonder how long I'd be able to get away with just wearing jackets like this?

I'd probably need to find other outfits to wear as well…

Especially when vacation started. I didn't know if I'd be able to keep in touch with the girls over the summer, well. Most of them. I knew Sayori would be easy, since she lives next door to me, and Monika would probably come find me anyways. Natsuki and Yuri though? I didn't know.

Time would tell I guess, and we were still a few months off from having to think about that.

I hummed a tune softly to myself as I got closer to my destination, just trying to relax myself.

I was admittedly a bit apprehensive about this meeting. I guess I was more worried about sounding crazy than anything else.

It sounded stupid, because this was a Therapist, meant to talk to me about my problems and help me work through them.

Maybe it was just one of those things I couldn't really help. After all, I'd spent several days doing my absolute best to keep it a secret that I didn't remember a thing about… Well, anything.

At least I wasn't telling Sayori, or someone who might actually be impacted by this issue. I knew Sayori would be crushed in a way I couldn't even describe to learn that I didn't even remember her name until she came up to me.

And that, you know, I couldn't recall the apparently very precious and dear childhood memories and feelings of friendship we'd cultivated over the years. That seemed like it would hurt just as much.

The worst part was that I knew I needed to tell her, and the entire club. It might not affect Natsuki or Yuri that much, but it would probably still be shocking. Monika already knew… Maybe she'd be able to help me get it out properly.

She was good at egging people on, at least.

Finally, I reached my destination and headed inside.

The office was just a one story building wedged in-between two other similar buildings.

Not much to look at, and once inside, I was greeted by a simple sight. A woman behind a desk, working on a computer.

I approached, "Yes, I have an appointment."

"Name?"

"Alex Suzuki."

"Ah, yeah. He's in with another client right now, but go ahead and take a seat. You'll know when you're up."

I took a seat in one of the chairs that lined the wall and looked around.

The waiting/reception area was unremarkable. The chairs were leather and kind of comfortable, at least. The floor was a dark blue rug, and the walls were all painted a tan color. Some paintings and pictures decorated them to keep them from looking barren, and there were magazines on the occasional end table for people to grab.

Not wanting to resort to something like that, I took out my phone and began to skim around on the internet.

To my surprise, I got a text from Sayori about ten minutes ago.

I opened my phone to see what she said.

S: 'Heyyyy'

A: 'Hey, how are you doing?'

Perhaps unsurprisingly I got a text back rather quickly.

S: 'Bored at home! I have another appointment soon.'

A: 'How did the first one go?

S: 'They gave me anti-depressants. I don't feel that different right now though.'

A: 'It takes time, Sayori. Just be patient!'

S: 'Okaayyy. I need to ask you something!'

I quirked an eyebrow before entering my response.

A: 'What's up?'

S: 'Sooo my mom has to go on another business meeting on Friday, but she doesn't want me to be staying alone while…'

A: 'Uuuh hhuuuhh…'

S: 'She wants me to stay with you for awhile!'

Wait, what?!

A: 'Why?'

S: 'You know why, silly! You're my best friend and you care a lot about me. She says she wouldn't trust anyone else.'

Something deep inside me felt like this was some huge cliche. I couldn't, however, in good conscious turn her down.

After witnessing what I witnessed on that day, I wouldn't leave her alone either. Just being in the house with me might be enough to keep her from going that far again.

A: 'Okay, you can stay with me for awhile then.'

S: 'Thank you! I'll let my mom know! It won't be happening until Friday, so don't worry about it right now!"

"Alex Suzuki?" I heard a mild mannered male voice call from the door.

I quickly texted Sayori.

A: 'Alright I've gtg but I'll talk to you later.'

Then I put the phone away and walked into the Therapist's office.

The office itself was remarkably more comfortable looking than the reception area, but I guess that was to be expected.

The same blue carpet covered the floor, the walls were a similarly relaxed shade of blue, and the walls were decorated rather nicely.

There was a file cabinet next to a desk, which had a window behind it. Said desk had an office chair similar to the one that my dad's study has, and there was also a secondary chair and one of those reclining therapy chairs you would always see in movies.

"Good to meet you, I'm Doctor Tanaka."

I shook his hand and went to go sit down as he gestured me too.

The doctor was a bit of an older man. His hair was graying and his face starting to show signs of wrinkling. Beyond that, he was a dark haired, dark eyed gentleman wearing a business-casual button-up shirt and slacks.

"So Alex, if the forms you filled out were anything to go off of, you've got quite the list of things to talk about huh? Nightmares, mild hallucinations, and, the big one, Amnesia. First thing I want to ask you is, what compelled you to make an appointment with me, first, instead of a medicine doctor?"

"Well, I don't feel sick or in pain, I have an appointment with a doctor in a few days on Saturday but I wanted to talk to you first to get all of this out in the open. If I didn't I felt like I'd be going crazy right now."

"Okay, okay." He says in an understanding tone, writing something down, "So what do you remember? Has anything you've forgotten come back to you over the past few days?"

"I remember… Bits and pieces of my life. Nothing solid before a few days ago, but… I remember a couple occasions involving my friend, Sayori. This one time when she nearly burned her house down, and another at my birthday party when I was ten, and she gave me a toy giraffe."

"Alright, okay." He writes some more things down, "Do you know what caused you to remember these things?"

"Well the first thing just sort of.. Came back to me when she mentioned it. The second was when I found the giraffe… I got a really bad headache and it just came rushing back to me."

"I see. I see." More writing, than he crosses his legs, "Lets talk about Sayori. Who is she?"

"From what I remember and what I've been able to find, she's my best friend and has been since we were five. We're both eighteen now. Her mom was always away on business, and mine died when I was fifteen. Based on the memory I have and the physical stuff I've seen, I guess we've always cared for each other." Letting off a small chuckle, I add, "I even mark down things in my cookbook that she likes to eat."

Doctor Tanaka smiled, jotting a few more things down, "So she's important to you. Do you know how important?"

"Well, very. I can't keep myself from caring about her even if I feel like I barely know her right now."

"I see, I see. Does she know you have Amnesia?"

"No, not at all. At first I was keeping it hidden because I was scared and didn't know what to do, later I kept it hidden because I knew she would be absolutely crushed by it, and she already has depression, I didn't want to make it worse by telling her that her best friend didn't even really remember her."

"I see, well you made the right choice then. If she's suffering depression, I don't think she could shoulder the burden of knowing you lost your memory as well. Do you have anyone else you remember from before your Amnesia?"

"Not at all, doc. I guess I was something of a shut in before, because Sayori seems to be the only one who's approached me as a friend until I joined a club when she asked me to and made some more friends."

"I see, that presents a problem. See, I think Sayori might be the key to helping you regain what was lost. Amnesia is a tricky problem but its not permanent, and judging by how you managed to retain basic living functions and linguistic skills, I'm going to go ahead and assume it wasn't a deep seated problem in your brain. Instead, your memories coming back seem to indicate that, given time, they may all return."

"So you're saying I have to spend more time with her because she might be the key to remembering everything?"

"That's right. Now, about these nightmares… Could you describe them to me?"

I took out the notepad and used the notes I wrote down to remind myself of what I wanted to say about them.

I went into as much detail as I could on each of them without mentioning any of Monika's theories. I wanted to get a professional's opinion on them as they were, not affected by a friend's crazy behavior.

I didn't even want to bring up Monika because it seemed like she had her own things to worry about, talking about her at length in a Therapy session like this seemed like bad form.

The Therapist wrote down plenty of notes as I went through each nightmare, allowing me to talk about all three of them before he came back to give his opinions on them.

"Well it certainly is very strange that you had these nightmares so close together, and about your friends in this Literature Club. The one about your friend Sayori doesn't surprise me, because she is your close friend and your subconscious may have been worried about her. Rightly so, it seems, if what you tell me about her depression is correct. I hate to bring up a sensitive topic but did she actually attempt suicide?"

"Yes, a couple days ago. Monika and I barged in just as she was kicking over the chair and cut her down. She's in her mother's hands right now."

"Well I'm happy your friend is alive, I can't speak for the timing of this nightmare, but I feel like a part of your mind knew something like that might happen. That's all speculative, however. Now, onto Yuri. You say she's a perfectly normal girl in reality, yes?"

"Maybe a bit closed off and mysterious, but yes. Nothing about her really strikes me as strange except for her hobby of knife collecting. She's not crazy or obsessed or anything like that."

"I see. My best guess might be that you hold Yuri to a certain… Esteem, due to her mysterious nature, and the nature of your own Amnesia. Your mind may have seen her as the perfect candidate to go crazy. Beyond that, it's strange. You said this nightmare was rather vivid, yes? You can remember a great deal about it?"

"I can. I remember having a panic attack after I woke up from it because I couldn't convince myself it wasn't real at first."

"I see…" He mutters, writing some more things down, "Onto the final one, Monika. You said you weren't in your own body?"

"I wasn't. My skin was darker, and she called me 'Saito.'"

"And you said she called you Alex once, right, but never again?"

"Yes."

"And she 'got rid' of the others?"

"Yes."

"Then she started to melt when you wished you weren't there?"

"That's correct."

"I see, I see." He writes some more things down, "You mentioned when talking about your nightmare that Monika is a bit… In love with you, yes? Despite you saying you aren't interested in her right now?"

"That's correct…" I was a little embarrassed talking about something that private, but it's not like I mentioned how she tried to get me alone in a closet.

"This one seems simple to explain as well. You feel trapped by Monika's unwanted affection and feel like you're being put into a corner. You don't even really feel like yourself because Monika wants you to be something that, as far as you're aware, you're not, which is her lover."

Monika wanted me to be this 'player' she talked so dearly about, but the doctor had the right idea of it. Just not the right wording.

Either way, I guess it made sense.

"You've got a good point there… Do you think I should talk to her?"

"I think you should make it clear where your boundaries are and try to get her to respect them. You can't change how she feels, but you can at least take steps to make sure she doesn't become a toxic influence in your life."

I nodded a few times.

"Now, Mr. Suzuki, onto these other dreams and… Hallucinations. You say you've never seen any of the people in these before in your life, right?"

"That's right."

"No… Physical proof of you knowing them? Photos, messages, anything?"

"Not at all."

"Strange… And you say you've seen this red-headed girl at least three or four times, yes?"

"Yes."

"The others?"

"Outside of a dream? Just once, for a second, last night when I was with my friends in the Literature Club."

"I see. I will admit, Alex, this is easily the strangest thing I've ever encountered. You can't dream about people you've never met, yet you have no evidence that you knew them before your mind blanked, and they don't go to school with you. They could, of course, have been old friends, but you say they appear to be around your age? It makes little sense that there wouldn't be something on them, somewhere."

I nod, I kind of expected the doctor to be a bit confounded by this as well. He did confirm to me that I couldn't dream about people I didn't know, which just made this whole thing feel even harder to grasp.

"Well Alex, I'm afraid I don't have an answer to these… People you're seeing, or even a theory I could present and call feasible. I'll have to call my colleagues to get their opinions on it, so we can begin to figure out where these dreams and visions of yours are coming from."

I expected as much, "So what do you recommend I do for now, doctor?"

He flipped to a fresh page and said, "Now, I can't give you medication or anything to help with any stress or other issues you may be having, that's not my field, but I can write down information you can give to your doctor when you see him that might help him give you what you could need."

As he writes, he continues, "I recommend you spend more time around your friend Sayori to try and recover more of your memories as well, and try to find more things that might help you along that path. Beyond getting ahold on your Amnesia, I recommend trying not to stay alone for too long if you can help it. Amnesia can be a very stressful thing, especially with these nightmares you're having. It can be easy to fall into depression if you're not able to stay on top of yourself."

I nod as he talks, taking in his words.

"I want you to do as much as you can to reduce your stress in the meantime. Talk with friends, go for walks, that sort of thing. I want us to meet again next week, same time same day. I'll be getting in touch with my colleagues in the meantime and hopefully I'll have something I can present you with, or at least I can reference you to someone who might be able to take a closer look."

"Well, thanks doctor. It's nice just being able to talk about this stuff, even if I didn't get all the answers I needed right away."

"Of course, Alex. Before you leave, here." He took off a sheet of paper from his journal and handed it to me, before also grabbing a slip from his desk and writing something down, "And this should make sure you're excused for missing today."

I got up and retrieved what he was giving me, then he said, "Right, let me see you out."

Walking to the door, he let me out and I proceeded out after bidding him and his receptionist goodbye.

Heading out the door, I sighed and checked the time on my phone.

10:15 AM

So that was an hour of my day and now I had basically the entire rest of the day to do whatever I wanted.

I had to admit, it was a nice feeling.

I used my phone to look up what I had wanted to look up earlier, a coffee shop.

Turned out there was one relatively close to where I lived, near where I walked to school.

I guess I could just catch the bus back to where I first got on, then walk there. Afterwards, maybe I'd go to the park.

Yeah, that seemed like a solid way to keep myself from dying of boredom today.

I made my way to the bus stop and boarded once again, beginning on the path back home.

Sitting towards the back as I usually do, I started to think about how a car might be a good investment.

...If I could learn how to drive, that is.

Did past me even know that?

Probably not.

I flipped to a new page in my notebook and wrote 'Learn to drive' on the page as a bit of a reminder.

I'd probably need to setup a time for me to take lessons or something. I'm not sure how big of a boone having a car would be when the bus takes me everywhere I need.

Still, for longer trips out of town, should I ever need them, a car would be a really good investment, even if I didn't use it that much.

Surprisingly, as I was thinking to myself, my phone buzzed. Checking it, I was getting a phone call from… Monika?

I answered and kept my voice down, since there were other people on the bus, "Yeah, Monika?"

"H-Heeyyyy, Alex, are you still at the Therapist?"

"No, I'm on my way to a coffee shop near my house. Why?"

"Oh, cool! Uuhm… Could I come?"

"Monika, aren't you at school for a few more hours?"

"A-About that. I kind of told them I was sick and got out early…"

"What?! That's not like you at all Monika! What about the new club member?"

"I told Yuri to take over while I was gone! Look- I have a good reason, can I just please come meet you?"

Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, there went my relaxation, "Fine. I'm going to the Corner Cafe. I'll text you the address."

"Thank you, Alex! I'll explain when I get there."

After saying our goodbyes, I hung up and sighed.

What could drive Monika, of all people, to leave school early?

Wasn't that supposed to be a sign of the end times?

My thoughts were occupied with theories about why Monika would leave school early all the way up until I got off the bus.

I had texted Monika the location beforehand, and I started making my way there at a relatively leisurely pace.

Just because she seemed in a hurry didn't mean I had to be.

Indeed, as I got closer to my destination, I could make out Monika's trademark white bow, sitting in one of the tables placed outside, her head was in her hand as she lightly tapped her cheek, looking off towards the road.

She looked kind of stressed out, I had to wonder what could have her this frazzled…

I approached and sat down, "Hey, Monika. What gives?"

She jumped a bit, seeming to have not been expecting me to come from where I did, "Oh, there you are Alex! What took you so long?"

"Well I kind of had to take a bus, then I walked here. I'm assuming you were closer, since the school is only a few minutes away?"

"Y-Yes, I'm sorry for sounding agitated. I just…" Monika groans, "I don't know how to explain it…"

A waitress came over and handed us a couple menus while Monika was thinking, telling us that she'd be back to take our orders soon.

This cafe served coffee, tea, and some desserts. It was by no means a place you'd go to eat a meal, but it was pretty nice from what I understood.

"Well let's figure out what we're going to get, first. Maybe some coffee will make you calm down a bit."

Coffee was a stimulant, I know, but sometimes it could help. I think.

Monika nodded and stared at her menu silently.

I had to admit I wasn't sure what to expect when Monika asked to meet with me. It'd been a good few minutes and she hadn't even flirted with me! I almost felt joy for this moment.

Almost.

Eventually we both ordered some coffee, since I hadn't eaten today, I ordered a slice of lemon cake.

It wasn't going to fill me up, but it would at least do until I could go home and make myself something to eat.

"So what's wrong, Monika?"

"Well… I know I already sound a bit crazy to you, with how I've been telling you the world wasn't real…"

She did, I wasn't going to say that though.

"Continue." I coax.

"In the game, we… We never made it past festival day. We never even _did_ the festival. That was when the main character was supposed to find… Well, Sayori. Then everything reset. Today… Today is the first day where I don't have any reference for. I guess it's just… Confirmation to me that this is real. It's not a dream, I'm not in a game anymore… My life is off the rails."

"Shouldn't you be happy about that?"

"I was at first, on festival day, being with all of you, I felt really happy. Then, today… I don't know. People I don't know talk to me like I'm an old friend, and I'm supposed to know all these things that I don't. It's like the extent of my knowledge of things just… Ended. Now I'm adrift."

Welcome to my reality, Monika.

She continued to talk, "I-I don't even know what to say to people anymore. They come up and say hi and I'm at a loss for words, I get asked a question and I forget how to speak and… I don't know how to handle people anymore. They're all so unpredictable now!"

Real people tended to be that way, yes.

"So you're telling me, you had a nervous breakdown or something?"

"I-In a way. I couldn't take it… And the knowledge that we were getting a new club member should have made me happy. In reality, it just made me more nervous. The club never grew past the five of us in the game, now it's… It's real, just like we are. Alex- This is going to sound strange, but… I don't really know how to _run_ a club."

"Beg your pardon?"

"All the stuff that I knew in my memories was just… Preprogrammed into me. The vague memories I have of leading and being apart of all the clubs I was in before the game had actually started might as well just be echos. Things I can't even really make out anymore."

Well that was… Inconvenient.

"So you're aware that these things happened… But you can't reach back and pull on any of the experiences? Not at all?"

She shook her head, "The only experience I have to go off of was how the festival prep went, and how starting the club activities were. Even just yesterday… I had some kind of reference point. I could guess things that were going to be said and done, but now? Nothing's the same anymore."

I could tell by looking at her that she wasn't joking, or playing things up. She looked, in this moment, incredibly different to the girl that had been chasing me these past few days.

Gone was the almost smug overconfidence and appearance of being totally in control of herself, gone was the coy smile and the twinkle in her eye.

This Monika was no more the untouchable Club President, or a relentlessly dedicated lover.

No, at this moment she was a scared teenage girl.

I had to wait to respond while the waitress brought us our orders, then walked off again after asking us to enjoy.

I took a small sip of my coffee, and asked, "What do you think I can do? You came to me pretty quickly…"

"You're the only person I can turn to, Alex… I haven't told anyone else about my memories, how this world used to be different… I'm not stupid, I know they'd just think I'm crazy."

Her voice breaks up a bit as she cradles her coffee in her hand, looking down, "I-I know you think I'm crazy to... Just by how things have been going, how you've been acted."

I hated that I felt guilty, because she was right. I had, and still do, in a way, consider her a bit crazy.

I didn't respond to her words, I simply cut a piece of the lemon cake off with my fork and ate it while she took a deep breath.

"B-But I know there's a part of you that hasn't dismissed what I've said entirely… I know that your memories, your _real_ memories are in there, somewhere, Alex… And I know that you won't judge me for coming to you, because what I'm going to say… Is very difficult for me."

"What is it, Monika?" I ask, my tone of annoyance from earlier gone. I could tell she was really struggling right now.

"I… I need your help."

My help? What could I do…?

Before I could respond, she elaborated, "I almost feel like I had a veil lifted from over my eyes. Like the rug's been pulled out from under me. I can't… I can't communicate with people like I used to. I can't… I can't _do_ anything that I used to do without feeling nervous and worrying I'm going to screw it up, because I know now for sure… I'm not in control of anything anymore."

Monika took a deep drink from her coffee, before sighing softly, "I can't even control… How you feel. As much as I want you to love me, and as much as I hope that someday soon you will… I realized that… What I was doing before was just making you hate me."

I couldn't refute that. She was right.

She gently ran her finger along the surface of her mug, "I was so… Scared. Even then, of what happened. The knowledge of who you are, of what this world was… It was so overwhelming to me, and even though I was really happy, it didn't take long for me to realize that my problems couldn't just be… Coded out, anymore."

"Problems? Like what?"

"I-In the game… I wasn't always Ms. Perfect. The smartest, most charismatic, most athletic girl in the school. I… I programmed myself that way. Once I realized what the world was, I altered it, so I could be more appealing than the other girls. In reality? I wasn't always that way…"

I don't know why the weight of what she said felt so heavy on my chest.

It shouldn't have, because her words should have been meaningless. I had been trying to dismiss her theory, that all of it meant nothing.

Something in the back of my head was telling me that it wasn't nothing, though.

It didn't help that the tone in her voice was one of genuine sadness and regret.

I blinked a few times, before gesturing for her to continue.

"I thought it would make me more appealing to the MC, and to players. I thought… I thought if I did that, maybe I'd get my own route. That I wouldn't have to do what I ended up doing… I guess some things couldn't be changed. Instead of the protagonist not going for me for the original reasons, they ignored me because I was too far out of their league… Too untouchable. The text I read… Whoever wrote him even had the gaul to tease that he had a crush on me. If that was the case, where was my route?! Why didn't I get to be happy?"

She seemed genuinely upset at this, gripping her mug tightly. She didn't shout, but she was clearly straining to keep her voice from getting too loud. A chained back feeling of disdain and resentment towards whatever, whoever did this to her.

"I knew why, though…" She continued, sadness and anger laced her words. A lonely girl raging against the gods. "Because that was always meant to happen. I was never meant to have a route… What I did was something I was destined to do, and to want to do. Even if… Me changing myself wasn't preprogrammed, all that happened was the programming adapted to what I became, instead of who I really was… Who I was meant to be."

I kept my tone soft, trying to ask her without pushing anything sensitive, "...Who were you meant to be? Who was… Monika?"

"I-In a lot of ways I was still me… I am still me. I could only do to myself kind of the inverse of what I had done to the other girls… I played up my positive traits like I played up their negative traits. Except… I wasn't ever really that athletic. I worked out, of course… But I wasn't a star athlete like I made myself out to be. I wrote in the debate club thing… In reality I'm not that good at speaking to people. That kind of showed with how much better Sayori is at handling things like arguments... "

She let out a soft, solemn laugh, "I-I guess I'm just a lot less on top of things in general. Even now, one day into our real reality, I can feel these boosts I gave myself starting to melt away… I feel lazier, less confident, I even tripped on my way to a class earlier. Thank god no one was around…"

"It's funny, Alex…Because I made the girls look worse and myself look better in the game… Now that I got my wish and entered a true reality… I'm becoming a lot less attractive in so many ways compared to them. Yuri is so much smarter than me, Natsuki is so mucher bolder, and Sayori is so much more selfless and kind. I'm… I'm really.."

I saw a few tears fall down her face, her brown hair shielding me from seeing her eyes.

The tears landed in her coffee, causing a light rippling, "I'm really a lot less of everything they are…"

I really felt like a broken record by realizing this wasn't the Monika I had grown used to for the second time today.

Even now, bearing her heart out to me about all of this… Telling me everything that happened. She felt more…

Human.

"I-I guess me being fake is part of why you'd started to hate having me around. I was, and am… Still so scared of you not loving me. I don't know what I'll do if I can't win you over… I feel like my whole life led to getting this chance, and if I fail… What do I have left?"

I couldn't answer that.

How could I answer that?

I couldn't imagine living your whole life in service of one goal, and then failing to achieve that goal so early into it. It seemed strange…

Especially considering Monika's goal was me.

"Well…" I began, "There's a whole world out there, you know? Boundless possibilities, infinite choices… Wouldn't it be a bit early in your life to be calling it quits just because you failed at… What your goal is?"

Monika sighed softly, shakily, as she looked up at me again.

Her eyes were still sparkling with tears, face stained with the remnants of ones that had already fallen.

"What's the point of all of that if you can't share it with the one you love?"

I didn't have a response to that, because I wasn't sure how I felt about her, or Sayori.

The way Sayori nearly died scared the living hell out of me, and made me realize I did care about her a lot.

...But was it love?

Was anything I felt towards anyone love right now?

I stared at her for a second, tossing around a few potential responses to that in my head. Chewing them in my mouth before realizing that they didn't really… Fit.

I eventually figured out how to word what I was going to say, as blunt as it was.

"...Are you really in love with me, Monika?"

"Well, of cou-"

"Are you really?" I interrupt. "Or are you in love with this… This image in your mind? The vision of this perfect lover you've been cultivating in your head?"

She seemed taken aback by my words, not… Offended, but surprised at the frankness.

I'd asked her this before, but I think now that she had, well, had time to process everything, it was no longer possible for her to just shrug it off.

"I…" She reached for an answer, before shutting her eyes and looking down.

"...I don't know. It's hard to seperate what I thought in the past compared to what I know now. In the past, what I saw was what I wanted to see, in a way, you know? Now… I guess it's harder than I thought, accepting that I might have been deluding myself. The player could have been anyone, even if you were just one of many…"

I took another bite of my lemon cake while she was talking, nodding to her words.

I guess it was progress, even if it was only a little bit. I didn't expect her to drop chasing me, and I could tell when she looked back at me that she wasn't going to drop that dream either.

"Monika… I'm no expert on relationships, or anything, but if there's one thing I feel I know it's that if you want to win someone, anyone, over, you can't just go at them and expect it to work out. You need to have a solid foundation before you can build a strong romance. Aimlessly flirting, telling me you love me… Pushing me into a closet. It's not telling me about you at all."

"So… You're saying… You want to know more about me?"

"Monika, when you aren't obsessing over me, you seem like a great person. If I wanted to commit to anyone, though… I couldn't just do it because they loved me. I'd need to feel the same. And love isn't instant."

As far as I knew, anyways.

"Monika… If you really want a chance at winning my love. You need to be something you haven't been these past several days."

"...What's that?"

"...Yourself."

Monika took a sharp inhale of air through her teeth as she stared at me, almost as if she'd been stung. Then, she steadily exhaled, "I-I wish I knew just who I really was. So you would love me…"

"I'll still help you get through these next few days. I know what you're going through, in some way. I wish I had someone who could have walked me through those first few days… But we'll do it as friends. Deal?"

I raise my mug, doing one half of a toast.

She looked at me for a second.

I could tell she wasn't happy with being relegated to 'friend' right now. I know she wanted more, but this was the best I could do for her right now.

The alternative was me making active attempts to avoid her heavy, brazen flirts.

"...Deal." Then, she raised her mug and we met in a toast.

We drank in unison, and I finished my lemon cake.

Monika finished her coffee at roughly the same time, then she said, "Well… With all of that out of the way. Could we at least spend the day together? I'll try not to flirt too much…"

Too much, yeah, thanks.

Then again I guess it was better than nothing.

"Sure, I guess I don't have anything better to do today."

I mean I had planned to go to the park, but there was nothing stopping me from doing that with Monika.

"Well, I guess I'm spending the day with you then!" That seemed to bring a smile back to the emerald eyed girl. "What should we do first?"

"First? Well, this little snack and coffee wasn't really enough to eat. I could make us something at my place, then maybe we could go for a walk?"

"Ahaha! First food, then a walk? My my, Alex~ You're really after my heart."

"Moonikaa…" A warning tone laced my calling her name.

"S-Sorry! I don't expect to be able to stop flirting entirely."

As long as she wasn't trying to pin me in a closet or something.

It wasn't even the most intense flirting she'd done at this point so I guess I could let it slide.

We paid the cost of our orders then got up, I started to lead Monika towards my house, hands in my jacket pockets.

"So what are you going to make, Alex?"

"Dunno. Something easy, I should probably start planning what I'm going to make for dinner beforehand soon. I always end up making something simple because I never preprepare."

"Ahaha! Well don't forget I can't eat meat, hmm?"

"I'll make a salad for you, then, no big deal. I might make one for myself, too. Easier than preparing two dishes."

"So thoughtful! But you don't have to eat like I do, just because you're cooking, you know."

I shrugged, "It's easier than figuring out something else to eat."

I didn't really consider it being thoughtful at all. It's not like I knew if I even liked salad or not, I might as well try it and see how it tastes.

We were silent for a minute, then Monika broke the silence with a question, "So what did the Therapist say? Do you feel like talking about it?"

I hummed, rolling my shoulders. I couldn't tell her that he told me to basically tell her to back off, because if my talking to her was worth anything, then she would probably do that anyways, so I'd talk about the rest of it.

"He seems to think the nightmares are related to some subconscious fear and stress. Couldn't make heads of tales of my hallucinations, said he'd need to contact some of his colleagues. As for my Amnesia… He theorized hanging out with Sayori would bring back my memories after I mentioned getting some scraps of it back."

Monika looked worried, "S-So it seems. You still wouldn't believe me if I reiterated my theory on those hallucinations being your old life?"

"Monika I really don't know what to believe right now. I'm just trying to make it to the weekend."

"Why the weekend?"

"Aside from not worrying about school? I'll… Explain after we eat."

I didn't know how Monika was going to take the news that Sayori would be living with me, even if it was only a temporary arrangement.

At the end of the day it wasn't her choice, but I knew she was the jealous type regardless of whether or not I was into her or not.

Monika accepted my delay, thankfully, and soon we were at my house.

I let out a large sigh as we entered and I went over to my kitchen to look through my cookbook.

"Grab a drink if you want, I'm gonna get to work on this."

Monika made her way over to the fridge, and I heard her rustling around while I was flipping through the pages.

"Still got some pizza here huh? I thought it'd be all gone honestly!"

"Well, Yuri ate a lot less of her side than I anticipated, which I guess I should have expected, and I didn't get to eat much at all, since, well, you know why."

"Mmmh, at least Natsuki and I ate ours at least."

"Well I wouldn't have eaten that one anyways! Pineapple on one side, vegetarian on the other. Not really my cup of tea."

"You just haven't given vegetarian a chance! I bet you'd like it if you tried it."

"I'd bet against that."

"Oh yeah? Alright, someday soon I'll bring you some vegetarian pizza! We'll see how you feel about that."

"Alright, sounds like a plan I guess."

I didn't really care, I just had a hunch that I wouldn't like vegetarian pizza. It sounded…

Cursed.

Monika grabbed herself some water and went to sit down while I reached a recipe I felt was easy enough to make and started to go about my work.

Salads were another thing that proved incredibly easy to make, considering their nature. Following the recipe, it was just a matter of getting everything I could for it.

I was lucky enough to have most of what I needed, but it wasn't going to be exactly what I wanted.

Oh well, can't win them all I guess.

I could feel Monika looking at me the whole time I was cooking while turned around, it made me feel a little uncomfortable honestly.

Sure it's not like there was much else to do in my house, but didn't she have a phone or something?

"Am I putting on a good show for you?"

"From my angle you are~"

"Urk-" I blushed, "Monika!"

I guess you couldn't completely remove the habits from this girl.

"You're making me feel self conscious you know!" I complain as I look back at her, kind of agitated.

She just batted her eyelashes at me, "Sorry~" Then, she took out her phone and began to scroll through it.

I tried to keep my mind off of Monika's flirty behavior as I finished making our food.

I guess being flirty was just part of who she was. Even if i wasn't _everything_ that she was.

I eventually finished making our salads and set them onto plates, before bringing it over. Then, I headed over to the fridge and went to grab a soda.

"Alex! You're really going to drink a soda with salad? Isn't that kind of defeating the purpose?"

Damn it.

What was with these girls and challenging my love of soda?

"Is it really that big a deal?" I ask, looking back at her, "What's one more gonna do to me?"

"You need to take better care of yourself! Sure, you say one more now, but how long until you decide you want another? Those things rot your teeth and make you feel bad!"

"I feel pretty good, Monika, I think I'll be fine."

Monika frowned, before abusing those damn eyes of hers, giving me another puppy dog stare, "Can't you please drink something else? Just for me~?"

I stared for a second before sighing, "Oh alright."

I reached in and grabbed some water, before coming back over and sitting down once I shut the fridge.

"Trust me! It might not taste the greatest but it's better in the long run."

I knew she was right, that didn't make it any less unpleasant.

Oh well, I suppose I should try to take care of my body a bit better anyways.

Monika started eating pretty quickly, she was probably as hungry as I was.

"This is good, Alex! How is it despite losing your memory you can still cook?"

"I don't know. My hands just know what to do, I listen to them and follow the recipe and I make it through alright. It probably helps that I haven't made anything big at all… I don't want to risk burning my house down."

"Fair enough! Didn't Sayori almost do that once?"

"Uhh… Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I… Had a lot of time throughout the game cycles to read into all the dialogue. I know about a lot of things like that."

It was always strange hearing Monika talk about this 'game' of hers.

She always sounded so certain, so matter-of-fact about it that I found it hard to ignore it.

I didn't subscribe to the theory she had right now, because as it stands there was no evidence of it.

I still stood firmly by the idea that unless I recalled something about it, or found physical proof about it, I might as well take it with a grain of salt.

"Well, alright I guess." My tone probably didn't sound very convincing, but I didn't focus on that as I speared another piece of lettuce with my fork and ate.

Honestly, it wasn't that bad.

Very, _very_ plain, even with some of the extra effort I put into it, but overall, not bad.

I couldn't see myself going vegetarian, though.

I understood why people would go that route, if Monika's explanation from the other day was to be believed, but it didn't seem like it was for me.

We ate in relative silence, which was fine with me.

I'm sure we both had things we wanted to talk about, but it probably wouldn't be worth bringing up at the table.

Once we'd eaten, I went to grab Monika's plate, but she raised her hand, "Please, Alex! You made the dinner, how about I wash the dishes?"

"Well, okay. Thanks!"

I felt weird letting a guest wash dishes in my house, but if she was offering I wasn't going to turn her down.

Monika went over to the sink and started to wash the dishes, while I went over to the living room and grabbed up my stuff again.

We were just going for a walk but you never knew if you'd end up needing money or ID.

And of course, I wasn't going to leave home without my phone or my keys, that was just a given.

I looked at Monika while she was in the kitchen.

She was washing the dishes with what seemed like focus to me, then again I couldn't see the look on her face.

I had to wonder the kind of girl Monika would be without these… Theories of hers. Without her 'memories.' Would she still be the girl she is now? Would she even have founded the Literature Club?

Would she even be into me?

That was the question of the hour, I supposed.

I must have been staring at her, because I noticed her turn her head lightly to look at me.

"Am I putting on a good show for you~?"

If I hadn't noticed before, the playfully coy tone to her voice would have alerted me that I had been staring.

"S-Sorry, I must have spaced out."

I had to stammer, didn't I?

Truthfully I was just reorienting myself, but Monika might take it differently.

"Spacing out huh? What're you thinking about? Little ol' me~?"

"...A little bit."

Well, I wasn't going to lie.

"Ohoho! Wondering what I would look like if I was wearing some pants instead of this skirt right now?"

As if to emphasise this question, she wiggled her hips a little bit, causing the skirt to sway lightly as if caught in a breeze.

Blushing, I looked away, "Of course not! Geeze, Monika. You're still laying it on pretty hard after you said you'd try to take it easy with the flirting."

She smiled as she shut off the water and walked over to me, "Sorry. I guess I can't help myself. I guess I should have more self control than this huh?"

"Maybe a little bit." I looked back to her when she finished walking up to me.

"Do you know why I flirt this much with you?"

"Why?"

The smile already on Monika's face subtly changed from one of simple happiness to one I would call shy.

Seeing Monika wearing a smile so reserved made me feel…

A little strange.

"Well… When I'm around you, I'm really happy." She states frankly, reaching up to lightly press her hand against my chest.

It wasn't forceful or meant to grab me, for once…

Her hand was against my heart.

 _Doki Doki._

"Why's that?"

"Well… Just seeing you makes my heart flutter. When I was alone today, knowing I wouldn't see you, I felt so… Alone. Almost like I was back in the game, except… Everyone around me was real. It somehow felt even worse. Now they aren't scripts, they're real, and they all expect things from me... But I'm guessing you already know that?"

I nodded slowly, my face still flushed red as she looked up at me.

Emerald to Hazel.

"Well… I feel like when you're around I can take on the world. When I'm alone, I have to fake my confidence, but with you… It's a little strange. Your presence just makes the day brighter, and I almost feel like my confidence isn't that fake at all. Especially with… These changes that are happening."

I was almost at a loss for words, but, I did have a few, "Monika… I haven't even really done anything. All I've done since my memory blanked out is… Cry, be sarcastic, and… Try to avoid you."

Her smile stayed, my words didn't phase her.

I had a feeling she knew about that, anyways…

"You've done more than you think, Alex… And even if you hadn't, you're still you. That's enough for me… So many people make an active effort to be someone else, or to follow in someone else's lead, but you, whether it's because of the amnesia or just who you are, you don't do that. You're you. When you smile, no matter how rare that is, you brighten up the room. When you laugh, gosh… I've only heard it a few times, but it always makes my heart flutter."

Monika took a second to let her words sink in, the look in her eyes was warm and loving, like she wanted to embrace every aspect of me.

I tried thinking of something to say, but she wasn't done yet.

Her voice was soft and wistful as she continued.

"You try to hide it, but you also really care about the girls… Yuri, Natsuki… Sayori… Spending time with them at the club, inviting them all over so we didn't fight over who got who as a partner, even getting us all pizza and helping us with our work, then… Saving Sayori's life like that. I could tell by how you comforted her you were so, so afraid of losing her…"

I was, and I did care deeply about the club members.

They were really all I had in terms of… Well, relationships. Like a little family.

"...I-I guess I've been rambling a bit, huh? Gosh… I'm sorry. You wanted to know why I flirt so much… Well, it's because I love you. I know, I know… You're worried I'm in love with my idea of the player, not you… But if that's the case, then I don't want to know what the difference is. I-I guess maybe I haven't been very good at showing that properly these past few days, but I'm going to try… Maybe then you'll give me a chance. You're… My sunshine."

Oh Monika…

She smiled brighter at me, before saying, "Now, how about the park?"

I could only nod.

I could deflect flirting, I could ignore suggestive looks and winks.

This… Genuine outpour of emotion was something I couldn't shrug off that easily.

As she moved her hand from my heart and started towards the door, I stood there for a moment, my gaze following her.

Why did life have to be so complicated?

My feet began to move before my brain caught up as I followed her out the door.

Once we were out of my house, the fresh air helped me completely reorient myself and walk next to her rather than simply trail behind her.

We were silent for the first little bit of the walk. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming…

Ah, spring.

When I glanced at Monika I saw a smile on her face. Not a faint one, either. A genuine, full-blown smile as she walked, keeping her hands behind her back as she did.

A light breeze was causing her extraordinarily long hair to flow gently behind her, kept dutifully up by the glimmering white bow that adorned her head.

The school uniform she wore was perfectly kept, unlike Sayori, who barely buttoned the very top, let alone fixed her bow. She seemed to take every effort to make herself look like a proper, model student.

Her gait was one of grace, even with the whirlwind of thoughts I was sure were brewing in her head, she managed to keep herself composed.

Her gaze seemed distant, like she wasn't really looking at what was in front of her. Combined with the smile on her face, I had to wonder if she was daydreaming, and if so, I wondered what she was daydreaming about.

Everything about her made me feel a bit lesser compared to her.

Like I was underdressed for a casual walk to the park.

Before I could continue my train of thoughts, something strange happened.

Monika lost balance, seeming to have tripped on a rock, "Woah!" She exclaimed as she began to fall.

Without really thinking, I grabbed her as quickly as I could, doing my best to keep her from falling.

It was almost too much, the momentum of her fall plus the weight from suddenly trying to catch her, I nearly fell.

I just barely managed to keep myself from tipping over, exclaiming, "Woah woah woah!"

I was genuinely panicked as I was worried I'd just fall on top of her and make it worse!

Thankfully, I steadied myself and pulled her up as she recovered and also went to get herself upright.

"You okay?" I asked once that miniature heart-attack was done.

Monika looked frazzled as she started straightening out her hair frantically, "Y-Yes, I think so! Oh gosh, I just zoned out and completely forgot to pay attention to where I was walking. That usually never happens, I'm sorry!"

Strangely she seemed genuinely panicked by this, I guess it was just the adrenaline? Either way, I helped her straight out her jacket a bit, "Hey, it's fine. We all make mistakes, right? I don't exactly have the best track record will falling down either, you know."

That got her to giggle, "Yes, I remember."

I smiled a little bit at her, before starting to walk.

Before I could get very far, her voice caused me to stop, "W-Wait, Alex…"

Stopping, I turned to look back at her.

Clearing her throat, she started to speak, her speech a bit slower than usual. Maybe she was afraid she'd screw something up? "I'm… A bit worried about falling. That kind of scared me… Could I…" Her face had a soft blush dust it, "Hold your hand?"

I had to wonder why this was something she was so nervous about compared to literally everything else she'd done, or tried to do, to me.

What was so different about asking this request that made it so difficult to word compared to how she leapt on me on Friday?

Still… I suppose she did ask, rather than just taking it, or doing something more embarrassing.

I held out my hand to her, "Alright. Just don't make it out like we're a couple or something alright? It's so you don't fall."

She just took my hand, smiled at me, and we continued to walk together.

It felt strange, having her hand in mine.

Not bad strange, but… Still strange.

Maybe it's because I was so used to this girl coming at me like a jumping spider, compared to how she behaved before, this is probably the most innocent thing she's done.

A nice change of pace, to be sure.

It did make me think of Sayori, though…

I was going to have to bring her up during this outing, which almost felt unfair after everything that had been said by her, but I had to do it.

If Monika didn't find out I was going to be housing her for however long now, she'd find out later, and I knew she'd get jealous.

Even if we weren't dating.

The rest of the walk was silent, Monika seemed a lot more content drifting off to whatever daydream she was having before now than she even did before.

Meanwhile i was left to stew in my thoughts.

Monika was a strange, strange creature to me.

Her words were able to knock me off balance, her eyes were able to leave me speechless, and I found the more light hearted flirting she did somewhat endearing…

Yet I felt like something was missing from these attempts she was making for me.

I couldn't really place what it was, or if it really meant anything, but the fact I was thinking about it at all was proof that it might be worth looking into.

Maybe I was just looking too much into things, maybe I was just being a bit too dramatic…

I did have to wonder, though, if these feelings that Monika stirred up in me were really my own.

Or if, somehow, her constant attempts to woo me were somehow conditioning my mind into just accepting her?

Like some kind of defense system?

…

These thoughts occupied my mind all the way to the park, as my mind argued with itself over what the strange feelings, and lack of other feelings, were.

Was this just usual teenage hormonal trouble, or something?

Could it be more?

Whatever it was, it was making my head hurt.

As we crossed from the sidewalk into the park proper and started walking down one of the paths the place offered, I reached my free hand up and massaged my forehead.

"Are you okay, Alex?" Monika wonders.

If she had been out of it enough to not notice any changes in my facial expressions, I guess she was just tuned in enough to notice me move my hand a bit more.

"Just… Getting a bit of a headache for some reason. It's weird… I usually never get these."

"Maybe it's the weather? Let's sit down and wait to see if it'll go down a bit."

Nodding to her sound logic, we move and sit down on the bench.

I let go of her hand so I could better rub my forehead, leaning back and shutting my eyes for a minute.

"Are you sure it's just a headache? If you're really getting sick you should go home."

"...I'll be fine, Monika, it's just… Annoying me."

I sat there for a minute while I tried to pull myself together, rubbing my forehead.

It felt like my brain was being pulled into two separate directions…

It reminded me of how I felt when I saw the giraffe toy, but instead of simply assaulting my brain with memories, it was tugging and pulling.

Leading me, perhaps?

...What am I saying, it's just a headache.

Monika was sitting there worried about me, I should try to be a bit stronger than this.

I'm supposed to be relaxing today and here I was worrying Monika about my health.

I just had to enjoy today as best I could and I'm sure everything would make sense in time. Besides…

It was only fair to her, right?

As I collected myself, my headache began to subside. It didn't go away, but it retreated into a dull, almost completely ignorable pain in the back of my head.

I opened my eyes again and smiled at Monika to make sure she knew I was okay, "Alright… That was weird, but I think I'm fine now."

I offered her my hand, she looked surprised for a second, before taking it.

Standing up, I started to walk with her down the path again, enjoying the cool breeze against my face and soft sounds of the park that came together to make this a very peaceful place.

...What was I saying earlier about feeling like something was missing?

This was a perfect day out.

The feeling of Monika's hand in mine was just as warm and comforting as it should be.

As we walked, I heard Monika humming softly to herself.

I wondered how often she thought about doing things like this…

It could be that she wasn't used to expressing her true feelings after everything she'd been through.

...And I was starting to wonder more about that, every moment I spent with her.

I should probably try to learn more about this 'game' she was talking about.

It might be painful for her, but who knows? She seemed genuine when talking about it…

And for some reason it was getting harder to ignore the possibility that she might be right about it.

I could ask her later, though.

A quiet walk through the park was no time for existential questions.

As I tuned back into her humming, I was hit by a sudden sense of nostalgia…

The tune was oddly familiar to me, like I'd heard it a hundred times before.

The dull pain in my head grew a bit, but I didn't notice as I began to add lyrics to her humming, singing softly under my breath.

"...Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you…"

Monika didn't notice my singing at first, and kept humming.

"In my hand, is a pen that will write a poem of me and you…"

The lyrics came to me like they'd always been buried somewhere in my mind, and all it took was hearing the song to bring them to the forefront of my mind.

"The ink flows down into a dark puddle…"

I think Monika began to catch on to my lyrics, as her eyes widened slightly and I couldn't really place the expression on her face. Yet she continued humming, putting more emotion into it.

We were drawing close to a lake, there weren't that many other people around us.

"Just move your hand - write your way into his heart!"

The song continued flowing through my head, and I could almost hear the sound of a piano despite one not being around for miles, as far as I'm aware.

"But in this world of infinite choices…"

Once we were in front of the lake, which was glittering under the sunlight, Monika stopped walking, but she kept humming.

"What will it take just to find… That special day?"

Monika turned to me, finally, her humming stopped, "A-Alex, how do you know that song?"

"I don't know… I heard you humming, and I guess it brought back an old memory. Like dusting off an old book…"

Monika had tears in her eyes, and I felt the sudden urge to ask her a question.

"What will be your special day, Monika?"

She smiled at me, like she was greeting someone she was close to that she hadn't seen in years, "...Everyday is a special day when you're here, Alex."

I don't know why that sentence seized my heart, but it did.

She took both my hands in hers, "I-I wrote that song myself… It was to you, and it was… Often my final goodbye to you."

Final goodbye? Did she mean…

"Alex… Your memories are really in there, aren't they? They're just… Hiding."

She said the last word in a whisper, like she finally realized what was going on.

Something clicked in her head.

"I-I knew it! There was no way… No way that they were gone. You might not remember everything, but you'll remember it all soon." She suddenly pulls me into a hug, which I returned.

I didn't really know what to think, to be honest…

The song brought up a lot of emotions, good and bad. Emotions that belonged to memories I couldn't match them to.

The tugging feeling returned to my head, and I winced, "C-Can we sit down? My head…"

Monika nods and we take a seat on the grass, facing the lake.

I rubbed my forehead as I tried assuage the pain that was coursing through it, ever stronger.

I hear faint voices in my head, ones that didn't belong to me. Like they were from an old memory…

' _...Shouldn't be here.'_

' _...Not your place to-'_

' _Just..Checking out this-'_

They were incomplete. One voice seemed unfamiliar and almost hostile, the other one sounded familiar, but I couldn't place if it was mine or someone else's.

It was almost like two separate conversations with how completely varied the tones were.

My head almost felt like it was going to split in half…

It reminded me of how I felt the first day, that is, the first day I could remember.

In the minutes before Sayori called my name, I almost tore my hair out when I realized I didn't remember my name.

...It seemed even now, with what I knew, I wasn't any closer to remembering who I actually was.

I had my name, but it felt like it held little meaning behind it without knowing who I really am.

A hollow name, hollow words and questions with hollow answers…

Why did I suddenly feel like I was somewhere I shouldn't be?

Like I was taking someone else's place in this life?

I guess we all felt out of place sometimes, but…

This felt different. Like I was in someone's seat in class or sitting in someone's reserved seat at a social function.

God, who was I?

"Alex?" Monika questions worriedly, as if to answer my question, "Are you okay? You've just been sitting there with your eyes closed… Is it really that bad?"

As if to emphasize how worried she was, she took one of my hands and squeezed it tightly.

The tugging grew stronger in one direction, like the other was losing a battle of tug of war.

The part of me that was winning felt like I deserved to be here.

Like the other side didn't know what it was talking about…

If someone else _should_ be here, they clearly didn't deserve it.

All the girls deserved better than that. I knew I was better than anyone else for this.

Call it arrogance, or pride, but I felt deep down that, if someone else was in my spot, things would be much worse.

Sayori would be dead.

Monika might have lost her mind.

Yuri, Natsuki… I don't even want to imagine.

The side arguing I shouldn't be here grew weaker and weaker.

I felt a bit more like myself again, and I opened my eyes.

"Y-Yes… It's just… A strange feeling in my brain is all. I think that song, digging up those lyrics, really took some energy."

Monika looked concerned, but nodded, "I-I guess that makes sense… Your brain has so much going on inside of it. If you have memories of this world and your old one, maybe you're having trouble separating what was real and what was fake… I bet it all seems real to you, huh?"

I nod slowly.

I didn't want to think that my life here was fake. That would mean Sayori's feelings for me were fake, and that I _really_ didn't belong here.

At the same time, I wanted answers to these questions that were swirling in my head. If I did have a life before this one… If this world did used to belong in a game, then Monika was right, and she was justified in loving me, because I really would be that person she'd been seeking for so long…

I was at a loss, and I knew it would take more than a walk to the park for me to be able to fully sort out every detail.

We fell silent for a few minutes as I sat there staring at the water, my head swirling with thoughts and feelings, none of which I was one-hundred-percent sure they were my own.

I didn't feel like sitting here anymore, so I spoke up, "...I'm feeling better now. Do you want to do anything or go anywhere?"

Monika looked at me again, as she had been looking at the lake, "Oh! Hmm… Do you know what time it is?"

I took out my phone and checked the time.

12:30 PM.

Had it really been two and a half hours already?

Time was flying.

I relayed the time to Monika and she started to run a hand through her hair in contemplation, "We could do any number of things! I know you're not really that big of an outdoorsy type… Maybe we could just go back to your place and watch a movie? O-Or we could go find something in town to do!"

Hmmm…

I had to admit the town would be nice, but the responsible part of me knew the town meant money, and I honestly wasn't all that keen on spending more money than I already had this week.

Sure, as I've established, I had a lot, but it didn't mean I liked spending it.

A movie might be fun but that's maybe two hours out of the day, I imagine Monika might want to go home around sundown.

Hmm…

"How about we go into town? We could spend a few hours just window shopping and maybe grab a snack if we get hungry, then we could head back to my place and watch a movie before you have to go home."

Monika seemed pleased with my answer, "That sounds great, Alex. How about we just walk further in? There's plenty of stores that I'm sure you've missed because all you do is take the bus…"

That was fair, and I guess Monika would know since she has walked and ran to my place before.

I went to stand up, "Fair enough. Although, there is something I should talk to you about, it might make you feel strange."

Concerned, Monika also stood up, "What's that?"

"Well, it's really something that probably shouldn't matter to anyone but me, but I feel you and the others will find out sooner or later anyways. If you found out without me telling you first, it might look bad on me, you know? It's about me and Sayori."

"O-Oh?" Monika suddenly looked apprehensive, "What about her?"

"It's just that… Well, her mom is going out of town again soon for business and she doesn't feel comfortable leaving Sayori all alone after what happened so… Sayori is going to be moving in with me for awhile. I don't know how long."

Monika's face went through several emotions. Jealousy, disappointment, a hint of anger, surprise…

Fear?

"W-Well… I'm glad you told me, Alex. It makes sense that her mom would trust you to look after her when she's in a state like this. Sayori, she… She means a lot to me, to, you know? So… I know you probably expected me to be mad, and I'm sure I would be, even if I don't really deserve to! But… Her well-being is very important to me. Just…"

"Just?"

"Just don't lose sight of yourself, okay? I'd hate to lose you, after getting so… So close."

"I don't think I'll lose sight of myself, Monika… I am who I am, you know?"

"I guess you're right, but… Well I get the feeling that your therapist is right, and Sayori might be part of how you can get your memories back. I just… I don't know if they'll be the _right_ memories."

She seemed afraid of losing me in more ways than one.

Like who I was would disappear forever or something if I didn't take care of myself.

"I don't know what to say about that, Monika… It's not exactly easy for me to comprehend what you're thinking when you say things like that, but I'll try. I just can't make any promises. I… I care about Sayori a lot, you know? The thought of seeing her hurt, in any way… It's something I'd rather avoid."

Monika smiles sadly, "I know… She's just as alive as I am, as you are, now… It's impossible to tell what will happen in the future. I just hope that whatever choice you make, it ends up being the right one."

Her tone was soft, but I couldn't help but feel like there was something ominous about her wording.

The _right one?_

The right choice for what?

"I…I'll keep that in mind, Monika. Now, how about we get going?"

She nodded, and we walked off towards the exit to the park and back onto the sidewalk.

It was slow going all the way into town, as neither of us seemed willing to talk after what had been said.

I wondered what was really going on inside Monika's head…

She seemed both so afraid and so frustrated with everything, I could only imagine what today must have been like for her before she found me.

Then again… I doubted I made anything better.

We proceeded through town, and eventually past the school.

School was still in session right now, and I knew it still would be for two or three more hours, not counting club meetings, which could last anywhere from an hour to three hours.

I doubted I'd actually get to see Yuri, Natsuki, or the new member Kana today.

I guess I expected as much, it's unlikely any of them would worry about me. Especially Kana, who probably just thinks I'm out sick or something.

Yuri and Natsuki just assume I'm at the doctor.

I had been, but now I was walking with Monika. It almost felt like a betrayal of trust.

I could have gone to school a bit later, but what was the point?

Besides, the Therapist told me to take it easy, and I have an excuse for the entire day. I might as well use it.

Yeah… There was nothing I needed to feel guilty about.

' _Except how you're leading them on, you bastard!'_

I stopped in my tracks like I'd hit the brakes on a truck.

I rubbed my forehead as I found myself thrown off guard.

That was…

Was that my voice?

It came from my head, so it must be mine, but… I didn't think those things.

Did I?

What the hell…

This day was getting more worrisome by the hour.

First my brain started pulling me into different directions, and my thoughts jumbled up, and now I was hearing voices?

Was I going crazy?

Is this what I was going to have to deal with, even on my days off?

The worst part is…

I almost agreed with the statement, as it rang so clearly in my head, like someone was banging a drum in my ear.

Like playing a vinyl on a record player.

Like playing a kn-

"Alex?"

Monika seems to have finally noticed something was wrong with me, as she had been a few feet in front of me looking into the window of a shop.

She hurries back, "Is it your head again? Do you maybe need to go home?"

Yes…

"No, I'll be fine…"

I won't be fine.

"Let's just keep going, yeah? You were looking at that store? What's inside?"

Monika showed me to the store reluctantly, like she was still concerned about me.

It was a pastry shop, I don't know how I didn't notice before.

The smell of freshly baked goods was almost overwhelming now that my brain was tuning back into reality.

"You want to grab something?" I wonder, "It might be a nice treat."

I was trying my best to pay attention, but I could tell when I spoke that my tone made it sound like I was a thousand miles away, despite being right in front of her.

The look of concern didn't wipe itself from her face, but she nodded slowly, "...Maybe that will help you feel better?"

God, stop looking at me!

"Th-That sounds fine."

I didn't want her looking at me with those eyes, like she was trying to dig into my skull.

I don't know what was coming over me, the voice, these feelings...

They were getting harder to ignore as time passed.

We headed inside, Monika looked around excitedly. It seemed the smell of baked things made her feel a bit more at ease.

She wasn't looking at me, that was enough.

My gaze swept over everything that was in the displays, designed to keep the goods heated, and the menus they had hanging up for special orders, but I couldn't seem to focus properly.

Why was I thinking this way…?

What did Monika do to deserve my agitation like this?

Maybe the therapist was right and I should be keeping my distance from her for a time…

It was too late for that at the moment, though.

I forced myself to focus back in and look around, trying my best to push down the negative thoughts and strange emotions clouding my mind.

The smell of pastries certainly helped to lighten my mood, at least.

Monika was all over the place, clearly lost on what she wanted to buy.

"Get whatever you want Monika!" I state to her with a smile when she comes up next to me, "If you don't have the money for something I'll help pay for it, okay?"

Monika seemed a bit taken aback, maybe by the sudden change in tone and behavior?

It probably was a little jarring, but it's not like I could just stay mopey and let her worry more about me.

She deserved better than that.

Even if admittedly it hurt inside to have to bottle all this stuff up.

Even if Monika had her theories about the game, I couldn't tell her about how I felt. What was going on inside my head.

What could she do for me there?

No… In that regard, I was completely alone.

It made my smile feel a little hollow, honestly.

"Gosh, Alex, if you say so. I don't want you spending too much though, so don't worry about it! I'll try to get something I can pay for myself."

Monika looked around some more, before she eventually turned back to me and said, "Well, I know you don't want to admit it, but you seem to be feeling sick, so how about we get something we can take and then go back to your place for the rest of our time together?"

I wanted to argue that I was fine, and that I could keep going around town, but I was honestly a bit worried what would happen if I did.

Besides, Monika looked worried about me, and I knew she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Alright, what do you think?"

Monika looked around, before eventually deciding on a baker's dozen of donuts. It wasn't that expensive, but I still helped pay for it.

We ended up leaving pretty quickly once we had our prize, although Monika insisted on holding the box, "Don't think just because we're eating some of these that means you can still be unhealthy! I'll be watching you."

"Geeze, Monika, I'm not an animal. I'll eat one or two of them and I can just keep the rest in the fridge."

"I know you're not an animal, but knowing Sayori, if she comes over before long, she'll smell them from a mile away. Just make sure she doesn't eat too much, right?"

I chuckled at that sentiment, with the way Sayori went after the cookies the other day, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that Monika felt like she was a danger to any and all sweets in my house.

Thinking about Sayori stirred up all kinds of thoughts, though, so I tried to push it back down and instead focus on the path.

"Alright, yeah, I'll try to make sure she doesn't hunt them down."

We walked in silence. Monika went back to humming, but thankfully it wasn't the same song as before, nor one I recognized.

It took a good few minutes before we made it back to my house.

Unlocking the door, we stepped inside and shut the door.

"Well, we've got the living room, I'll need to move around the furniture a bit but I think it'd be the best place to watc-"

"How about we just go up to your room?"

"Er- Monika… What'd I tell you before?"

"Promise I won't try anything! I just think it'd be easier than rearranging the whole living room for just a couple movies."

The worst part was she was right.

The living room was setup in such a way that the reclining chair was positioned towards the TV, while the two couches were positioned parallel to each other, with a coffee table in the middle.

Watching a movie on the couch would be possible, but you'd need to be on the very edge, or move the recliner, which looked like it'd take a bit of work.

I wasn't exactly onboard with Monika coming up to my room for that, it seemed too…

Intimate.

I was honestly too worn out from earlier to argue though, so I said, "Alright, but don't try anything funny okay?"

Monika seemed happy with me just accepting it, so I went upstairs with her following me.

She set the donut box on my desk, before sitting on my bed, "Well, go ahead and pick something out! I'll let you choose the first one."

I sifted through the immense collection that past-me had and searched for something that Monika wouldn't find boring.

A large majority of it was anime, and things I'm sure she wouldn't be into…

Most of it was stuff I wasn't even sure if _I_ was into.

How much time did I waste on all this stuff before my memory blanked?

So wasteful…

I eventually found something I figured Monika wouldn't mind.

It looked to be a mystery of some kind, which I guessed was better than nothing.

I had romance movies, but I wasn't about to put one of those on with a girl I wasn't even sure about right now.

I popped the movie in and went to sit in my computer chair.

Monika looked a little disappointed, but I could tell she wasn't going to argue with me on it.

I personally didn't feel very comfortable sitting on the bed with her, especially with how weird I've been feeling this past hour or two.

So the movie started, and both of us settled in to watch it, I made sure to take the first donut, Monika ended up grabbing one not long after.

The movie was a pretty standard deal, a father had to work out the mystery of who killed his family and took his possessions when the police labeled it an accident.

Throughout the two hour runtime the father eventually learned that a highly influential mob boss was behind it, apparently because of said father's past mistakes. Through thick and thin, the protagonist eventually managed to get his revenge and made off with a good deal of money to start a new life somewhere else.

I couldn't say it was the best movie in the world, but it proved to be a distraction for a couple hours.

When it was over, about four donuts were gone, Monika and I ate an equal amount.

Checking the time, I saw it was about 2:30 PM. Almost club period at the school.

"When do you have to go home?"

Monika thought about it, tapping her chin, "Honestly I probably should head home soon… My parents will need an explanation as to why I left early, and I'd rather tell them sooner than let them find out later…"

That was understandable. It was probably best not to incur their wrath, if they were that way.

"Think you should be getting home now then?"

She nods, standing up, "I think so. If I leave now I can make it back just in time."

"Well alright, let me see you out."

Getting up, I led her downstairs, taking the donut box so I could leave it on the table and decide if I should just put it in the fridge or not after she left.

Once she was at the door, I opened it for her, "Well Monika, it's been… A fun day. I'm glad you came over."

Monika smiles, brushing some hair behind her ear, "Well I'm thankful that you decided to stick with me today… I needed it, and I know I'm not usually the greatest person to hang out with, or the most fun…"

I shrugged, "You're Monika, you are what you are."

"Yeah… I'm Monika." Then, she hugs me quickly, before letting go, "I'm going to go ahead and get going now, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Try to keep yourself together till then, yeah?"

Monika nods slowly, "I'll try my best." She responds, before stepping off and onto the sidewalk, starting down the path.

I waited until she was fully out of my sight before I shut the door, and once she was I let out a loud sigh.

God, why did everything have to be so complicated?

Today was really a mind rattling day.

I genuinely wondered if I was going crazy…

I needed to relax.

I promptly plopped down into the recliner in the living room and turned the television on.

…

I ended up staring at the TV for a good two more hours before ended up getting bored out of my mind.

Grabbing my phone, I decided to text Sayori again.

I know I shouldn't be talking with anyone who would probably just make things more complicated in my head, but even just texting Sayori made me feel a little calmer.

A: "Hey, what're you up to?"

Then I set the phone down and went back to watching TV while I waited.

A good ten minutes passed before my phone buzzed, and I grabbed it to check.

S: "Bored at home! My mom is making dinner, though."

S: "You want to come over? She said she'd be fine making another plate."

I mulled it over before responding.

A: "I'll come over but tell her not to worry about making me any food, I've eaten already."

S: "Okay!"

Well I guess that's what I was going to do with the latter half of my day.

I got up and debated grabbing my Switch.

I knew Sayori had one of her own, and odds were we'd just end up playing Smash if we ended up using it.

That could be played with the two controllers, couldn't it?

It's not like it was a big deal if it couldn't, after all I was literally right next door.

So I grabbed my keys, already having my phone in my pocket, and I nearly went outside, before remembering the donuts.

I'd feel bad if I didn't bring any for Sayori, so I went over and grabbed the box.

Between her, her mom if she wanted any, and me, they wouldn't stand a chance.

Now armed with the donuts in their box, I went outside and locked the door behind me and went over next door.

I went up to the door and checked to see if it was locked, which it wasn't.

They probably unlocked it for me, figuring I'd just want to come inside.

Once I stepped inside I was almost immediately tackled by a coral colored blur, "Woah woah! Careful, I've got precious cargo!"

Luckily my assailant had aimed low, so they didn't smack their head on the box I was holding.

I stumbled and ended up with my back against the door I had just shut, moving the box in my grasp so I could see under it, I saw Sayori.

She was wearing the same outfit from a few nights ago. The loose-fitting button up shirt and red short shorts, that were partially covered by said shirt.

Admittedly, it was a very cute look.

She was hugging me rather tightly, and seems to have been waiting for me to come in.

"Alex! I'm so happy to see you!" She squeezed me, and I couldn't help but smile widely, a light blush dusting my cheeks.

"Geeze, Sayori! It's only been a day or so."

"Yeah, but I missed you!"

I laughed a little bit at how jovial she was today compared to Sunday, it made me really happy to see her like this.

I could smell food being made in the kitchen, and Ms. Yuma poked her head out from there, "Sayori! You need to let him come inside, you know!"

Sayori smiled and let go, "Sorry! So what do ya got there?"

"Donuts! I got some earlier and I figured you two might want to share what's left with me. There's like eight of them in here."

"Wow! You didn't have to bring those, you know!"

"Yeah, well you'd probably get upset if you found out I had donuts and I didn't bring you any, yeah?"

Sayori pouted, "I'm not that hungry all the time, you know."

I rolled my eyes lightly, "Yeah, right. Who ate eleven cookies the other day?"

She bridged her fingers, "N-Not me, I swear!"

"Yeah, it was you. I'm not judging, though! Come on."

I headed further in with Sayori, I set the box down on the kitchen table.

Sayori almost immediately went for it, until her mom spoke up.

"Sayori! You can have one right now, but save the rest for later! I know you, you'll eat them all and still eat dinner if I let you."

"Ehehe~ Okay, mom!" Then, she grabbed a single chocolate donut and almost literally swallowed it in one bite!

That was a large donut, to! I swear she has a black hole instead of a stomach.

"Sayori, I don't know how you manage to stay so skinny with how much I see you eat. I swear you have a black hole instead of a stomach."

The cinnamon bun giggles, "I just have a really good… What's the word for it… Metabolism! That's right."

I shook my head and patted her on the head, "I swear you're so lucky with that.

She giggled some more, "I'm not a kid you know! And what are you saying _I'm_ lucky for? You spent the better part of two years living like a NEET and you're somehow still skinny!"

I didn't have an answer for why that was, so i assumed one, "Well that's because I know it's important to exercise sometime, you know? Not because I'm lucky!"

Sayori gave me her usual silly grin, "Okay, fair enough!"

Sayori's mom called, "Alright you two! Come on and eat. I know you said you weren't hungry Alex, but I made you a small plate anyways. You should at least get to eat something instead of sitting here at the table while we eat instead."

That was fair enough I guess.

I made my way into their kitchen and went to sit down next to Sayori at the table.

I was reminded of the other day when I made Sayori food, Saturday.

Being reminded of the intimate discussion we had, how worried I was, how right I was to be worried… It made me feel strange.

Her house also had a strange sense of nostalgia to it that made my head hurt again.

The tugging in my brain was back, but I wasn't going to let it show in front of Sayori or her mom. Monika knew I was having trouble, but I couldn't let it show to Sayori.

The last thing she needed was to be worrying about me right now.

The meal that was prepared was pretty traditional affair, it looked to be a mixture of beef tips and some vegetables mixed in with rice.

Admittedly, it looked pretty good. I was grateful for being offered some, because it occurred to me that I was probably going to get hungry later anyways if I didn't eat now.

Sayori immediately attacked the food, while her mom seemed a bit slower to it, as she chose to ask me, "So, Alex, how was your day?"

"No real complaints, I guess. I had something of a headache earlier, but it's good now."

"Well that's good! You know Sayori talks about you all the time."

Sayori almost choked on a piece of food, before swallowing it, "I don't do that!"

Sayori was normally never one to get flustered easily, but her mom seemed to manage.

"Oh yes you do! No reason to lie. How many times today and yesterday did you mention Alex?"

"N-Not many!"

I'd spare Sayori some embarrassment and waved my hand, "Hey, I'm here now, yeah? So it's not that big of a deal anymore."

Yuma smiles at my response, before nodding and starting to eat. Sayori looked relieved, at the very least.

We ate in relative silence, except for Ms. Yuma's polite questions directed towards me.

Just the usual things she would ask, how was school, was I eating healthy, that kind of stuff.

Towards the end of dinner, she did say something that threw Sayori off balance.

"Sayori, I know things are rough, but you know you'll have to make up any homework you're missing! You don't want your grades to fall too much."

Sayori frowned, "I know, I know."

She seemed disappointed, or maybe just nervous about it.

I knew Sayori wasn't exactly the best at school work, not terrible but not amazing. Whether that be because of her depression, or her general lack of focus, I knew it'd probably be difficult to make up whatever she missed in the intervening days where she was absent.

"How many days is she missing?" I question, having just finished eating his food.

"I'm going back on Friday!" Sayori turns her head to me as she responds.

Well it was already Tuesday, so that meant she'd be back for the last day of school that week, admittedly that might be kind of a load of work in some classes…

"Well, I can try and help you play catch up, it'd be pretty hard to get it all done over the weekend alone. Besides, you're coming to stay with me that day anyways, aren't you? Just makes it easier."

"Well, okay! Just don't worry too much about it, I know I can do it!" Sayori played it off like she could handle it, but I could tell she was happy to have the support.

"You see! That's part of why you're staying with Alex for awhile. He looks out for you. I hope you know we appreciate you, Alex."

I smiled to Sayori's mom, "Well it's no big deal right? I'm not gonna leave her to take care of that herself."

While we were on the topic of living situations, I had to bring up some questions I had about the situation. "So, how long will Sayori be staying with me? I don't mind, but I'm curious."

Ms. Yuma shrugged, "However long it takes for her to improve enough." Her voice filled with motherly concern, which was understandable, "I wish I could be here more for her… But I have to work and it keeps me moving around most of the time. I don't want her living on her own until I know she's going to be okay. It could be awhile, or it could be a short time… I expect her psychiatrist to be able to give a proper evaluation on that."

Sayori was silent during all of this, just staring at her food.

I knew talking about this was a rough topic for her, and that she needed a lot of work before she could be considered healthy.

I guess if she had to stay with me through all of that, I would need to be there for her.

"Well, hey, if she needs to stay with me for awhile, that's fine. It gets boring in my house, you know? I'll be there for her." I reach over and pat Sayori on the shoulder.

That got a tiny smile on her face, thankfully.

"I know you will, Alex, that's part of why I trust her to go with you."

I guess if there's one thing past-me did right, it was establish himself as trustworthy. Even if I might consider myself better than whatever he was like now, in most cases, he did that right.

Sayori's mom grabs ahold of our dishes, saying, "i'll clean up, why don't you two find something to do? Just leave some donuts for me, Sayori!"

Sayori perked up a bit more as all of us got up from the table, making her way quickly to the living room.

Once we were there, Sayori opened the donut box and took another three donuts with her, before going to head for her room.

I snatched one of them from her and bit into it.

"Awh, come on Alex!"

"Hey, I did buy them you know."

Sayori wasn't actually upset, it seemed, as she smiled before continuing up the stairs to her room.

I followed her up to her room as I finished eating the donut, figuring that it wasn't that big of a deal.

Admittedly when she went into her room, a small part of me was almost expecting to still see the cut noose hanging from her ceiling, and the little piece of it cast to the side.

Of course that stuff was long gone, probably thrown in a dumpster somewhere.

Sayori's room was still rather messy, it's likely her mom afforded Sayori the privacy to clean it herself, and Sayori wasn't exactly keen on it herself.

"Sayori, you really need to clean your room." I allowed myself to rub my forehead to try and ease the steady tugging and light headache that was coming on for no discernable reason.

"Heey, it's not that mes-"

As if the universe interrupted her lie, she started to trip over an errant plushie laying on the ground, "Woah!"

I went to grab her, but I was too late!

Through sheer luck, Sayori managed to avoid crushing the donuts in her hands by spreading her arms out and landing on her face directly onto the bed.

"Mmm mmkkay!" Sayori muffles out, holding out the donuts victoriously.

I smiled, shaking my head and going over to her, taking them so she could roll over before going to hand one back to her, which she immediately took a bite out of, decimating about half of it.

Now holding half a donut and facing me, she looked around before grabbing her Switch off the nightstand. Her hair covered a bit of her eyes like this, regardless, she grinned and looked at me, "Wanna smash?" A playful and excited tone in her voice.

The way this looked couldn't have been more… Flustering than it was.

An incredibly cute girl, who also happened to be a really good and long time friend of mine, laying on her bed, looking at me with frazzled hair… A loose fitting shirt with one side of it just barely hanging on outside her shoulder, and a pair of short shorts… Holding a Switch and a half-eaten donut, asking me to smash.

God, this had to be some guys' fantasy come true, huh?

Even if you include the fact that 'Smash' was just a double-entendre.

"U-Uhm… S-Sayori… Y-You… I…" I tried to form a coherent phrase, but the situation was hard to push away. I sheepishly rubbed the back of my head, "Ah… I-Is that really something you should say when you're… Like that?"

Sayori stared at me, clearly confused for a hot minute, before her face heated up and she started giggling nervously. "A-Alex, you shouldn't be thinking that way, silly! It's… Not appropriate!"

"Y-Yeah, well, you're not helping!"

She did, at least, sit up, her face still red. "S-So… Wanna play?"

"You know it." I responded, trying to diffuse the sudden tension in the room.

And so we started to smash.

Sayori was a fierce competitor, and she was clearly much better at this game than I was. You wouldn't expect such a care free girl to get so into a game like this, but I guess we all had our moments.

We both sat on the edge of the bed while playing, I ended up trying out a lot of different characters, which probably didn't help my losing streak against the Cinnamon Bun.

She even played characters Natsuki called 'trash tier' and still managed to beat me!

I eventually found my stride by playing Link, and after about a ten time losing streak, I finally managed to beat her.

My excitement from this moment caused me to stand up off the bed, "Yes! Finally I-"

As I turned to exclaim my victory, Sayori took what was left of her donut and pushed it into my mouth.

My eyes widened more than they already were and my face flushed red at Sayori's sudden move.

She herself was giggling playfully, while looking away from me shyly, "You know gloating is something meanies do, right? You shouldn't be gloating because you won once."

I had no choice but to chew and swallow the donut, once I did, I sputtered, "S-Sayori! You just… You _fed me?_ "

"Weeeelll, a winner deserves a prize! Now you have to do that with the other donut if I win!"

As I stared at her, I felt my heart fluttering, a feeling I couldn't control that well anymore at this point.

Still, despite how flustered we both clearly were, I wasn't going to turn this down. Even if it was rather…

Intimate.

"N-Normally I would say no, but… I will get justice for this! So you're on."

I don't know what's coming over me!

Being around Sayori made it hard to think straight…

Even the dull pain in my head was easier to ignore around her.

We sat back down and went back to playing.

Sayori seemed to compete even more fiercely now that food was on the line, which I should have expected when I accepted this challenge.

The first time we started up again she beat me rather handily, at which point I broke off a piece of the donut and went to hold it out for her to take.

"Don't be silly, Alex." Her voice filled with the energy and playfulness I had come to expect from her. Then, she made a big show of closing her eyes and opening her mouth just enough for me to fit the donut piece in.

I felt I was going a little doki doki for this girl…

My heart was racing as I carefully placed the pastry piece between her lips.

God, why did this feel so intense when it really shouldn't?

Once it was in her mouth she closed down on it, eating and swallowing it with her usual quickness.

Her face was dusted with a light red, and the look in her eyes was one I'd only seen twice before. How she looked at me like I was the single more important thing in the world to her…

I stared back at her for a minute, "S-So, uhm... " I found my usual way with words to be strangely absent, "L-Lets… Keep playing, yeah?"

She grinned that lopsided grin at me before we went back to business.

We spent the rest of the afternoon like this, playing Smash and feeding each other pieces of the donut until it was all gone.

Sayori got most of it, and it never once wasn't awkward trying to give it to her, but occasionally she lost, and had to return the favor.

I wish I could say I was able to tease her like she teased me, but I couldn't really think that straight in these conditions.

When the donut was completely gone, we switched to playing different games. Not all of them were multiplayer, but I was content with letting Sayori play while we chatted about everything we could think about.

Thankfully, none of it drifted into particularly awkward territory and mostly pertained to the game we were playing.

Time melted away with her, and before I knew it, it was dark outside.

When I checked the time and saw it was almost 10:00 PM I blinked with a start.

Had it really been that long already? I felt like I just got here…

Sayori was in the middle of playing Breath of the Wild, when I said, "I think I should be heading home, I've gotta get up for school tomorrow."

"Awwh! Okay, I get it!"

Sayori paused as I stood up and went for the door, speaking, "Hey, Alex!"

I turned to her and was promptly met with another tackling hug that would have made a professional American Football player feel inadequate.

It actually made me stumble back, my back pressed against the door, "S-Sayori! You need to warn me before you do that!"

Despite my exasperated tone, I hugged her back.

After a moment she looked up at me and grinned again, "Thank you so much for spending time with me today… I know you probably had a million better things to do."

Instinctively, I reached my hand up from her back and began to run my fingers through her hair, "Nonsense. I had a lot of fun today, and I doubt I'd of had it anywhere else."

She rested her head against my chest as I did this, "You don't mean that…"

"Of course I do, Sayori. Besides… Spending time with you is always great, I like-"

She looked up at me again, with those damn sparkling blue eyes of hers, and I lost my train of thought almost instantly.

Eyes wide, face red, the coral haired girl began to lean up towards me…

I didn't know if I would be able, or willing, to stop her.

As she got closer, however, a sudden knocking at the door caused us both to jump and pull apart.

Sayori's mom was on the other side, "Alex, Sayori! You've been up here awhile! Everything okay?"

Sayori was now a good foot away from me, while I was still kind of against the door, as I was the first to regain my composure, I responded "Y-Yeah, Ms. Yuma! I'm actually about to head out, I'll see you downstairs!"

"Okay, Alex!" Then, I heard her walking off.

We looked at each other for a moment, before we simultaneously looked away, flustered.

I cleared my throat, "S-So… I'll see you later?"

Sayori nodded a few times, smiling at me, her hands were closed and pressed lightly against her chest, "Ehehe… Y-Yeah."

Something was keeping me from immediately leaving the room, I opened the door, but hesitated, looking back to Sayori.

She was still looking at me, I felt like something was missing from this situation.

I stepped back to her and ran my hand through her hair, starting at the top and working my way down to the side of her head.

I kept my hand there as she was looking at me, about as surprised as I was.

I could feel the heat on her face even as my hand was on the side of her head. Her eyes were wide as she looked up at me, like she was anticipating whatever I did next.

"I-Uhm…" I started softly, before smiling nervously, "Your hair was… A bit messy… On that side."

She smiled softly at me, "Y-You'll just have to fix it before we go to school once I start living with you…"

"M-Maybe. Well… Goodnight."

With that, I broke off, looking at her for a few more seconds before shutting the door behind me.

I rubbed my face with my hands, feeling how hot it was.

I took a quick stop in their upstairs bathroom to wash my face off, again it had little effect on how I was feeling right now, but at least it kind of made me more alert for a few minutes.

With that done, I stepped downstairs and bid Sayori's mom goodbye for the night, before heading out and into the warm night air.

Once I was out of the house entirely, I sighed heavily, letting out a breath I had been holding since that close encounter.

Feeling dazed and confused, I headed back home.

Once I was home, I went about my nightly routine of getting a shower and preparing to sleep. I skipped dinner because I felt I'd already eaten enough for one day.

I laid in bed staring at my ceiling for awhile as my mind processed the entire day.

First, the therapist telling me he didn't know what was wrong, then spending time with Monika and dealing with severe headaches… And a voice in my head. Then, spending time with Sayori, dealing with a minor headache and having her almost kiss me.

I didn't know what I was going to do…

Was I going crazy or something?

I didn't know, and as the weight of all the energy I spent today finally reached my brain, I realized I didn't care right now.

I shut my eyes after ten minutes of just looking at the ceiling, and fell asleep.


End file.
